


small to three, big to six

by antinyettetopaz



Series: it fits my love, it fits three whole lives [1]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Kids, Kinda fluff, Slow Burn, Smut, Toni Centered, choni, honestly both of them need a hug, photographer!toni, toni has a little sister
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:27:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 85,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25733575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antinyettetopaz/pseuds/antinyettetopaz
Summary: Toni wouldn’t let her sister’s diagnostic get the best of her, but it did lead her to do whatever the little one wanted – even if it meant having milkshake every day, including in winter. Not that Toni didn’t enjoy it herself, because the sight of Cheryl every day was really something she didn’t get tired of, even though it meant missing a heartbeat every time she walked into the milkshake shop. Diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Raven had associated the best part of the day with Cheryl and it warmed Toni’s heart to see.Losing Cheryl would be harder on both of them than Toni could ever imagine.aka the milkshake fic :)
Relationships: Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz, Toni Topaz/Cheryl Blossom
Series: it fits my love, it fits three whole lives [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998307
Comments: 142
Kudos: 294





	1. you won't say and i won't show

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, peeps! I am back, I guess!
> 
> My friend insisted quite a lot for me to repost this, and I got a couple of comments asking for it as well, so I thought "well, if people really like this one...", so here I am! haha  
> I had no idea where to go after a few chapters and thought it was useless to leave it here if it had no future. Buuuut, my bestest of friends andy (love you!) helped me with some brainstorming at 3:30 in the morning and now I have everything I need to keep this one going.  
> I also would like to point out once more that English isn't my first language and any misspelling or grammar erros are on me. Just keep up with those, will ya? haha 
> 
> So, enough rambling! I hope you enjoy it (again, if you're not new here - if you are, hello! welcome!) :)

Shopping bags on the counter, toque off. Raven put her very lightweight bag on the floor and sat down, legs crossed. One by one, she took out the items her sister had bought for her at the supermarket, starting by the smallest to the biggest one as she always did. Toni watched the little girl organizing her own shopping bag and kneeled down next to her.

“Don’t you want to do it with me, on the counter? I can help you hop on the stool if you want.” She noticed a snowflake on her hair, right at the bottom of a perfect curl.

Raven looked at her lined up favorite packs of heart-shape chocolate cookies, two Cheezits packs, star-shaped sprinkles and more cheesy puffs on the floor and it took her a minute before she looked up at Toni again and nodded. Before she stood up, she grabbed the packages from the floor and put inside the bag again before handing it to Toni.

“We’re going to finish here and then we can do whatever you want. Alright?” Toni asked and she nodded. With a glimpse, she caught sight of the clock hanging on the opposite wall. The pinkette heard Raven mumble something but she couldn’t figure out what it was until she repeated louder, while lining up the packs again.

“Small to three and big to six, milkshake time.” She said, still looking down. “Small to three and big to six, milkshake time.”

Toni looked up at the clock and it was showing 3h27.

“Rav, it’s snowing today. It’s cold. Remember how it was outside?” Toni asked and she nodded. “Do you still want to have milkshake or do you prefer to eat something warm? I can make you noodle soup.”

“Milkshake!” Raven said louder this time and Toni recognized the crisis coming by the tone of her voice. She noticed her hands were starting to turn into fists and before she had the chance to explode, Toni calmed her down.

“Alright, then we’re going to have milkshakes. It’s okay. I’m sure Cheryl misses you!”

“Cheryl! Like cherry.” She smiled with the thought and Toni couldn’t help but to smile, too. Seeing her making progress with word association was something that still made her feel like she was doing her parents proud.

Her sister was the best thing that had happened to Toni in a long, _long_ time. At first, when she was diagnosed with level one of ASD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, she was scared. She knew close to nothing about it and it scared her. It scared her because she knew she would not be able to be around her to protect her from whatever it was she needed protection from, and the idea of leaving her sister alone in the unknown was scary. Therefore, she did research. She spent days and nights reading academic articles about levels and symptoms and by the time Raven had to go back to her appointment, she was already familiarized with all the terminology and the future to come for Raven.

Going completely the opposite way of what the doctors told them to expect, Raven wasn’t actually struggling a lot with social engagements, mostly because Toni made sure to be around so she had a familiar face and felt comfortable enough. Sometimes Toni tried to let her alone for a couple of minutes to see how she would act and most of the times she did good, which was a nice start. Instead, her food selectivity was the thing Toni was struggling the most. Since her mother’s passing and she and her sister moved in with their aunt, Raven stopped eating vegetables because she only liked it the way her mother prepared it. Toni was constantly trying to make it, tried all types of seasoning and sometimes none at all, but still she wouldn’t eat it. But she wouldn’t let go of the damn milkshakes. With a cherry, of course.

“You do like your cherries, huh?” Toni booped her nose, which made her crinkle, and immediately went back to unpacking. “Now finish organizing your part before Cheryl’s shift ends.”

* * *

Toni watched as Raven walked on her side, kicking the little bumps of snow she encountered on her way until they got to the milkshake place. She had never really paid much attention to its name before and not that she really cared. She took two deep breaths before she walked into the store, but this time her heart didn’t skip a beat and Raven froze in place.

“Hello! How can I help you? The brunette welcome the girls as soon as she spotted them entering the place, but the confusion look on their faces threw her off. 

“Cheryl, like cherry.” Raven mumbled to herself as she tried to hide behind Toni’s legs. “Cheryl, like cherry. Small to three, big to six.”

“I’m afraid you don’t know me yet. I’m Veronica. Nice to meet you, girls.” She was definitely way too smiley but had the looks of a Russian mafia member. Her thick eyebrows and dark shot hair were oddly perfect together.

“Cheryl, like cherry.” Raven repeated one more time and Toni caressed her sister’s shoulder.

“Are you looking for Cheryl? I’m afraid she—“

A noice of plastic being crimpled or a plastic bag with wet shoes echoed inside the empty place and there it was: the heartbeat miss Toni hadn’t had a few seconds ago.

“Came back earlier than expected.” Veronica continued her sentence as she watched Cheryl walking into the place.

“Hi, Toni. Hey, Raven.” She said before she took any more steps. With a smile that wasn’t always on her face, the redhead kneeled down to be on the same eye level as Raven. Not too close because at this point she knew the girl didn’t like it, but close enough she could see that Raven was hiding a smile behind Toni’s leg.

“Cheryl, like cherry.” She whispered this time and Cheryl had to fight herself not to smile like an idiot because, for God’s sake, she had a reputation to maintain.

“You’re out here in the cold and yet you’re still drinking a milkshake? What?” Cheryl played faking surprise. She knew the girl would. Sun or not, three thirty in the afternoon Raven and Toni would walk into that shop and grab their vanilla and cherry milkshakes, stay for seven minutes and leave. _Well, seven minutes in heaven is what the game says, right?_

“I offered noodle soup but she said she wanted her milkshake.” Toni answered this time, holding her sister against her. She refused to tell her that her sister kept calling her name and even less so that she, herself, longed for 3:30 p.m. more than her sister did sometimes. Cheryl stood up and walked faster towards the counter and her sweet, jasmine-y perfume left a trail.

“I got it from here, V. You can go and have a break if you want.” Cheryl smiled politely and put her apron on before she grabbed the plastic cup. Toni and Raven walked to the stools and Toni seated her sister first before she hopped on one of them.

Cheryl seemed to do everything on automatic. She knew exactly which drawers to open and the amount of force she needed to open it just enough to grab something in the middle of it before she had to reach for the top shelf again. It was almost mesmerizing to see, if Toni was being completely honest. If her hair was down, she was sure it would be dancing on her back.

“Toni? Toni? Toni!” Her sister’s hand shaking her arm and her loud tone took her out of her trance. She wondered if Raven had noticed she was staring at Cheryl’s back for God knows how much time now.

“Uhm?”

“Nothing.” She smiled and stick her tongue out, just a bit, between her teeth and Toni rolled her eyes before she tickled the little girl. A loud laugh filled the empty shop and with the corner of her eye Toni caught Cheryl watching them with what seemed to be a half smile. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking.

Cheryl put a straw in and got not one but two cherries and put it on top of the whipped cream, doubled, just like Raven liked it. She caught the little girl staring at her and the biggest smiled appeared when she started walking closer.

“A vanilla milkshake, double cream and not one cherry but _two_ for Raven!” Cheryl yelled, as if there was more people there waiting for their drinks, because she knew it would make the girl laugh. It always did. And she always raised her hand and started saying _me, me, that’s me!_

“Me, me! I’m Raven. That’s me!” With her hand still raised, Cheryl pretended she didn’t see her by looking at the complete opposite side from where Toni and Raven were sitting. Toni watched the scene in complete awe because never, in her life, she saw someone being that careful and kind to her sister. Especially when they have witnessed one of her crisis before. It was like she knew exactly what to do and Raven didn’t get scared by her. With her head resting on her hand, Toni smiled watching Raven’s smile get bigger as she saw Cheryl putting the plastic cup in front of her.

“What do you say, Rav?” Toni said, using her index finger to get some of that extra cream on top.

“Thank you, Cheryl!” She answered, legs bouncing up and down in excitement.

“My pleasure, tiny human.”

Toni slipped a 10$ bill to Cheryl and they kept staring at Raven as she dig her fingertips on the cream to get to the cherry that had sank into it.

“Look! Cherry, like Cheryl!” She hold it up, showing it to both girls as if it was her biggest treasure. Cheryl chuckled and so did Raven, before she put it all in her mouth.

“She keeps repeating that. I think she relates both because this is her favorite ice cream place, that’s her favorite fruit and your name rhymes with it.” Toni tried to explain herself or explain her sister’s behavior, but Cheryl didn’t mind a single bit. She found it so adorable and the thought of her being reminded outside the milkshake shop did make her smile a bit.

“It’s completely fine, Toni.” She smiled. “I’m glad I can be helpful. Or at least my name.”

As she watched Raven eat, Cheryl had an idea that she thought it might work. It had worked before, so why not now?

“Raven, do you know my last name?” Cheryl dwelled on the counter and asked. Raven took another sip of her milkshake before she shook her head no.

“Last name?”

“Yeah, you have one, too. Your name is Raven Topaz, right?” Raven nodded. “Your last name is Topaz, just like mine.” Toni explained as she put her sister’s hair behind her ear.

“Oh, yes, I know what it is, then!” Raven seemed excited for a hot second, but quickly her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. “But I don’t know yours.”

“It’s Blossom. Like a flower, did you know that?”

“A flower?” Raven asked again, with confusion in her tone.

“Yes. Look, I am going to show you.” Cheryl said before she stood up and got a piece of paper from behind the counter. “This is a piece of paper, right?” Raven nodded.

Toni looked in genuine confused about where Cheryl wanted to get with this, but she wasn’t about to intrude. Maybe today could be the day where she gets to spend fifteen minutes in heaven. So, instead, she just watched whatever the redhead had planned.

“So, what do you have to do to get a flower?” Cheryl asked after she folded the piece of paper in half.

“You have to get a seed, right, Toni?” Raven asked, mouth full of cream.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Toni reprehended. “But, yes. You need a seed.”

“And then what do we do after we get the seed?” Cheryl asked, folding the paper in the most weird ways possible.

“We have to plant it!”

“Exactly! So, let’s pretend that behind this counter is where we planted it, okay?” Cheryl said, moving her hand behind the counter. Now no one could see what she was doing, not even when Raven tried to stand on the stool. It was noticeable that she was still moving her hands. “And after we plant it, what do we need to do for the flower to grow?”

“We need to give it vegetables!” Raven said very excitedly and made both Toni and Cheryl laugh.

“That only works for you, boo.” Toni answered. “We need to give it something to drink. Plants are very thirsty, so they need….”

“Water!”

“Yes, water!” Cheryl answered with the same excitement as Raven when she answered that plants needed vegetables. “And then, when we water them every day…”

Cheryl was slowly moving her hand up showing, bit by bit, what she had done while she asked Raven about a flower. She had made an entire origami flower.

“They blossom.”

Raven watched as if it was a movie, her favorite Disney movie. She stared at the little flower as if it was that scene in Moana where she hands Tefiti her heart back, in complete awe, with a smile on her face and glow in her eyes.

“See? My name is just like a flower.”

“Because your name is Blossom, and the flowers blossom when we feed it water.” Raven said back and Toni’s eyes widened. She had never had reasoning that fast before, especially with an uncommon word for her like that.

“Exactly!”

“Can I see? The flower?” Raven asked.

“Yeah, of course.” Cheryl smiled and handed the flower to Raven. “You can have it if you want.”

“Thank you, Cheryl!”

And, in the blink of an eye, Raven’s attention was fully back to her milkshake, almost at the end now.

“How did you do that? I’ve never seen her grasp something so fast.” Toni asked, mesmerized by Cheryl’s eyes and her gaze stuck on her own. She thought she felt her eyes and chin tremble a bit, but she quickly shook those thoughts off when Cheryl put on the most genuine smile.

“I just really like kids, that’s all.” She shrugged and Toni nodded.

A few more minutes was all it took for Raven to finish her milkshake and throw it out in the trash can by herself. Three more clients appeared in the meantime, so they didn’t quite have time to say their goodbyes to Cheryl, but Raven waved back to Cheryl when she was just about to leave, seeing the redhead had stopped taking an order to wave her goodbye.

Not that Cheryl wasn’t paying attention to her job, but she caught their last audible conversation and it did put a smile on her face the entire day.

“I can’t wait for us to come back tomorrow.” Raven said as she took Toni’s hand.

“Me neither, boo.” Toni answered back in an attempt whisper.

Or maybe it was just Cheryl’s wishful thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think on the comments or, if you prefer, you can hit me up on curiouscat (curiouscat.me/clarmilla). 
> 
> I'll probably update it every Friday or Sunday, so stay tuned and I'll see you later!


	2. you're gonna miss me when i'm gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of Toni's backstory and a bit of drama because why not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Here I am with the second chapter, for the second time :) 
> 
> This one is mostly some backstory and kind of gives you some understanding of everything that's going on in Toni and Raven's life, why they act the way they do and all. It's going to be important for future chapters, too. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

Saturday evenings were oddly pleasant when Toni’s aunt wasn’t around. She worked most weekends, but not this one. As usual, they got into a fight.

She was emotionally drained. Her mother’s absence was something that Toni never learned how to manage and her aunt didn’t exactly deserve a Best Aunt of the Year award. Very much the other way around, if she was being completely honest.

 _I’m only taking you in because of your sister,_ her voice echoed in Toni’s head and that sting in the back of her eyes was back. _You’re really a disgrace to this family and I hope Raven doesn’t grow up to be like you._

Her mother would’ve never said that to her. Toni’s last words to her were that she would take care of her sister no matter what happened and she intended to keep that promise, with or without her aunt in her way.

She walked for miles before she spotted the trees that brought her so much comfort. The entrance of that tiny park, the one that had been long abandoned by the city hall and was mostly frequented by drug dealers after six, popped up before Toni’s eyes. Somehow it look better under the moonlight. Two turns and three cut trees ahead and there it was, her favorite spot. An enormous rock that had a perfect city view, with all its lights and the beauty that only the nightfall was able to bring. Her leather jacket rustled as soon as she sat down on it. She brought her knees up to her chest for comfort, to help ease the ache growing inside her chest. The cold breeze hit her cheeks, a chill ran up her spine and she smiled. There it was that feeling of happiness and freedom she had missed and was very much needed.

Suddenly the breeze got colder and all the tiny light spots became blurry and almost turned into snowflakes, a perfect picture ruined by an overwhelm of feelings she didn’t want. She didn’t deserve that. Toni looked around and she was alone, as she thought she would. Then she let it out. She screamed until her sore yelled back at her. It was almost like a growl, like a mother who just lost her child. Toni could never imagine that amount of pain, but not having her mother’s shoulder to cry on anymore was a really close one.

“I really miss you, you know? Raven, too.” She looked up and felt stupid for a second. She laughed at herself and at the mess she had become. “I can’t deal with her anymore. It took me so long to feel okay with myself and with what I feel just for her to come and ruin that. She told me she hopes Raven doesn’t grow up to be like me, mom.” A heavier cry came this time and Toni thought she would choke on her own sadness, pooled around her throat. “Am I really a bad person for this?”

“You’re not,” a voice echoed right behind her and startled Toni enough so she could feel her heart in her throat. “You’re an incredible person, Toni.”

“You don’t know that, Jug.” Toni wiped her face with the back of her hand as Jughead sat on the edge of that rock.

“I do. You may not open up to me or anyone else, but I see through you, Toni. And she does, too.” He pointed up with his head and Toni swallowed another cry.

The day she met Jughead was one that stuck with Toni to this day, two years later. New school, new neighborhood, new house, new life. She had just moved in with her aunt and she hadn’t slept a single bit, so the bag under her eyes were probably scarier than usual. And to top it all off, she couldn’t figure out how to open those damn lockers.

Jughead was there to help her that those broken locks needed a little bit of violence sometimes and if she hit it against the door it would work, but if he were her he would bring in a new one. Jughead was there to share his notes when Toni spent the night at the hospital with her sister the night before her last exams. Jughead was there when Toni had to work two summer jobs to get enough money to buy her first good and functional camera so she could start working as a photographer. Jughead was there, in that same spot they were at that moment, hours later after Toni’s aunt found the letter. And the day after that, and the weeks after that he was there.

“What are you doing here in the middle of the night, by the way? Shouldn’t you and Barbie doll be making out until the sunrise?” Toni changed subjects hoping Jughead would follow along, but she was deeply wrong.

“I see what you’re trying to do and it’s not going to work. Come on, share.” 

Toni took a deep shaky breath before she finally gathered the strength to talk about it aloud with someone else.

“She will never leave me alone, Jug. I don’t know what I did that she hates me that much.” Toni avoided eye contact because she knew she wouldn’t be able to talk if she did. Maybe she needed to get that out of her chest and if Jughead were willing to listen to her, she wouldn’t miss out on that.

“What did she say?”

“Raven started recognizing some words and meanings a few days ago. We go to this milkshake shop every day at three thirty in the afternoon so she can get her vanilla and cherry milkshake. She keeps repeating ‘Cheryl, like cherry’ because it’s her favorite fruit and it’s the girl who makes her milkshake, it’s completely normal. But my aunt thinks I’m mirroring _my preferences_ on her.” Toni’s voice changed from sadness to a mix of hatred, sorrow and disappointment. “She’s five, Jug. Five. She knows she is autistic. This one is not on me and not even on Raven. I’m just so tired of being the reason every bad thing happens.”

At this point Toni wasn’t sure if her words made sense or if they were understandable at all because every sound that came out of her mouth was cut in half or choked in a cry. Jughead had his arm around her, pulling her into an embrace.

“Toni, if your aunt is messed up that’s on her. If she’s a fucking homophobe that’s on her. You have done nothing but the best you can do to help your sister and make sure she has the best future she can and the only thing you’re mirroring on your sister is the love you received and _receive_ from your mom. She taught you how to be a great girl and you turned out extraordinary. Wherever she is, she’s proud of you. Okay?”

Toni nodded, not being able to word anything. She had no mental strength for that, so she just let out one last cry and stand there for what seemed like hours until Jughead’s phone buzzed in his pocket. 

“It’s probably Barbie doll. You should get that one,” Toni said, voice trembling a little but they were still words, so that was a start. “And I should probably walk back home before it gets too late.”

Jughead raised his eyebrow as he took his phone out of his pocket.

“Too late? It’s almost two in the morning. It’s already too late.” He read whatever came up on the screen and put the phone back in his pocket. He stood up and stretched an arm towards the exit of the park. “Come on, I’ll walk with you.”

“I don’t need a babysitter, Jug.” Toni rolled her eyes but stood up anyways, shaking off the dust from her black jeans.

“Have you seen you? Considering your size a kindergartener could take you down if they wanted to.” Jughead mocked and dodged from an arm punch.

“Do not start!”

“Or what? You’re going to hit me in the knee?”

“I swear to God I will end you someday.”

And yet she couldn’t be more grateful for him.

* * *

A loud clank echoed very closely to Toni and she opened her eyes very much against her will. She spotted Raven on her knees, picking up whatever had fallen from…a tray?

“Rav, what are you doing?” Toni supported her body on her elbow to try to sit up straight. That’s when she spotted her sister picking up some Cheerios that had spilled all over the floor along with a spoon, which was probably the source of the clank she heard. Most of it was still inside the bowl and the tray, so Toni mentally thanked all the Gods that she wouldn’t need to pick all of them up from the floor.

“I thought I would make you breakfast since you didn’t wake up in time. I’m sorry I spilled. I will clean it up,” Raven answered back in one breath as she continued to pick up every single cereal from the floor.

“Hey, it’s okay. It happens. Here, I’ll help you.” Toni threw the covers to the side and kneeled down to help her sister. There wasn’t that many on the floor, most of it managed to stay inside the bowl. Luckily, the milk cartoons hadn’t ripped apart. As she got closer to the girl, she leaned closer, gave her a forehead kiss and smiled afterwards. “It was so sweet of you to make me breakfast. Thank you. I love you, you know that, right?”

Raven smiled back and nodded. With her index finger, she traced a heart in the air. It was her way of saying that she loved Toni and the pinkette didn’t bother if she didn’t heard the actual words.

“I didn’t want you to be hungry, but something was in the way.”

_My boots. Damn it._

“What if we eat our breakfast right here, sitting on the floor?” Toni proposed and thanked God she had cleaned their bedroom last night before she left. “We still have our milk and I see the apple is intact.”

Surprisingly, Raven smiled and nodded rapidly at the idea, quick getting into taking a bite of the red big apple in front of her. Raven didn’t like changes. She had to eat breakfast at the table, with her apple cut in four pieces and her blue _Moana_ spoon, so for her to accept eating anywhere else was a tiny victory Toni wasn’t about not to make a big deal out of.

“Where did you go last night?” Raven asked out of nowhere and Toni had to be extra careful to make sure that apple went down the right way. She looked at her sister and she seemed peaceful but intrigued. Toni could tell because between Raven’s eyebrows got a little knit together and her eyes started to squint. “I heard it when you took your jacket out of the closet.”

“Uh, I just went into the backyard. The moon was beautiful last night. I wanted to take a closer look.” Toni lied and for the first time she didn’t feel bad about doing it to her sister.

“Then why did it take you so long to come back?”

“Weren’t you sleeping?”

“I was. Not totally, I think. I kept waiting to hear the noise your bed makes when you sit on it and I didn’t hear it.” She explained and shrugged before she took another bite of the apple.

“I just needed a little bit of fresh air. That’s all, boo. I promise I won’t be gone tonight.” Toni held out her pinkie, which her sister immediately took with her own before she placed a kiss on them.

“Okay.” Raven smiled.

Suddenly, the total silence that was set in the room didn’t seem to bother them much, until Raven noticed Toni’s camera hanging on the coat rack.

“Toni, photos.” She pointed with her index finger to the camera and said nothing else.

“Yeah, I use that one to take photos. It’s a camera, remember?” Toni explained one more time and Raven nodded.

“Camera, for photos.” She affirmed and Toni smiled with a nod. Raven put down her apple on the floor, specifically _not_ on the tray, and stood up towards the coat rack. “I want to take photos, too.”

“We can go out and take some photos when we finish eating and cleaning up, okay?”

“Can I wear my sunflower skirt? The one that flies around?” Raven asked, ignoring completely what Toni had just told her, as she spun around to imitate the skirt’s movement when it was on her body.

“Of course, boo.” Toni smiled and stretched an arm out. “Now, come on, finish your apple.”

Raven did sit down again, but shook her head no to Toni’s request.

“Are you all done, then?” Toni asked one more time and Raven raised both her hands, rotating them in the air. _All done_ in baby sign language, just like Toni had taught her when she was little.

“Okay, then I’m just going to finish eating my cereal and you start getting ready, okay?” One more time, Raven shook her head no.

She had reached her speaking point at that moment, so gestures and sign language was all Toni was going to get. Toni was used to that, it happened quite often and it didn’t bother her at all since they had learned how to communicate with each other without using words. Even though Toni tried to stimulate her to speak more than just gesturing, she could only do too little.

“Do you want to wait for me so I can help you get changed?” Toni asked, as she ate the last spoon of milky cereal from her bowl, and watched Raven nod this time. “Okay, then. Can you help me take this back to the kitchen?”

Raven smiled and nodded, grabbing the tray from the floor and not even waiting for Toni before she ran off to the kitchen one more time.

Some bowls properly washed and some uneaten pieces of fruit in the trash later, Toni helped Raven get ready. Sunflower skirt and a white pantyhose, a white t-shirt with a black leather jacket and her yellow Converse was the outfit chosen by the little girl, while Toni went all leather-y black. Typical Toni, not so typical Raven.

Before Toni could even think of grabbing her camera, Raven had already the strap around her neck and the fingertips placed exactly where it needed to be to press the capture button. Toni didn’t teach her that before, so seeing she had learned it from observation made Toni proud.

As they walked out of their bedroom, Toni huffed at the sight of her aunt in the kitchen. She just needed to get out of there as quick as possible and she was free.

“Where are you taking Raven? It’s cold.” Her tone was harsh and cold and the fact that she didn’t even bother to look back at them before she commented on anything really got on Toni’s nerves.

“She has a jacket on.” Toni answered back as she got closer. She stopped midway and turned to Raven this time. “Rav, you didn’t brush your teeth, did you?” Raven shook her head no one more time. “Okay, so you go to the bathroom and you brush those teeth white for me, okay? I just need to get some things before we leave.”

Raven nodded and ran off to the bathroom. Toni let out a relieved sigh because whatever her aunt was going to throw at her at that moment, Raven wouldn’t listen.

“I see you’re dressing her like you.” She finally turned around, one eyebrow raised and sarcasm and hatred exhaling from her pores. Toni got her phone and some money from her purse and put it in her back pocket.

“She picked that one out herself.” Toni snapped back, not even bothering looking up at her aunt.

“I wonder why she has developed such horrible taste. She has beautiful dresses in her wardrobe. Dresses all the girls her age are so in love for.”

“Yeah, she doesn’t like those.” Toni got back, trying not to roll her eyes at her because she knew what would come if she did. “She says they’re too itchy on her ribs.”

“Did she really tell you that or did you make that up?” She rested against the counter, a mug of her dark black coffee steaming on her hands.

“I don’t need to make anything up when it comes to Raven. I know her that well.”

She heard footsteps and within seconds her sister was back into the kitchen, with a smile out to show Toni she had done a good job.

“Oh, yeah, nice and clean. Great job, boo. High five.” Toni held a hand up and Raven jumped to reach it and hit it with her palm. “Alright, let’s go.”

Before they left the house, Raven looked up at the clock on the wall and started repeating the sentences she knew very well.

“Small to three, big to six, milkshake time. Cheryl, like cherry!”

Raven repeated that sentence with the same emphasis and word order three times before Toni’s aunt interrupted.

“Cheryl?” She raised an eyebrow and made sure she had her disgust face on. “Stop influencing her to grow up to be like you.”

Toni took two steps closer to her aunt, distant enough so she couldn’t reach her but close enough to make her see that she wasn’t scared of her. Even though Toni wasn’t completely sure about that.

“She is a child. She’s relating words. You should be at least proud. Stop inflicting your disgusting prejudice on her.”

With a loud bang, Toni shut the door behind her and it took all of her strength not to have a breakdown in front of Raven.

* * *

What seemed to be eighty pictures later, Toni and Raven were finally walking back home from the parks and the squares they had been to. Raven ran around and played with butterflies and with flower bushes while Toni took pictures. It was her favorite thing to photograph, her sister. Raven took some pictures, too. Not that they made sense or looked like anything because it was mostly from her feet and from very blurry, up-close flowers.

Toni caught sight of the milkshake shop a few meters in front of them and then she had firmly decided that they would take another route as soon as it was possible for them to change. All she could do to escape from Cheryl Blossom’s hypnotizing body and smile.

Of course, she would take a chance to see Cheryl every time she could. Liking her in secret all this time has really made her act like a fool every time she was in that damn milkshake shop, so she avoided it most of the times to avoid embarrassment.

“Small to three, big to six! Milkshake time! Cheryl, like cherry.” Raven said looking at Toni as soon as she recognized the shop. “Small to three, big to six!”

“Rav, it’s not milkshake time yet.”

“Small to three, big to six! Milkshake time! Cheryl, like cherry!” Raven said louder this time, fists closing on each side of her body and the glossy eyes with a tiny barrier or unshed tears.

“Okay, alright. We can get your milkshake now, but when the clock goes small to three and big to six we won’t come back again. Deal?” Toni explained and Raven nodded. It could be a problem later, but that was something to near-future Toni to solve.

The pinkette took a deep breath before she entered the shop. She knew it was still Cheryl’s shift and she wouldn’t have her break in at least two hours. She prepared herself mentally before she actually looked inside and spotted Veronica at the counter.

“Hi! Toni, right?” Veronica greeted them and Raven hid, once again, behind Toni’s leg.

“Hi, yeah! It is. Nice to see you again.” Veronica smiled and looked down at Raven. Or, at least, tried to. “A vanilla and cherry milkshake, with extra whipped cream?”

Before Toni could answer, she heard her sister mumbling.

“Cheryl, like cherry. Cheryl, like cherry.”

“Rav, what’s wrong?” Toni looked at Raven, still holding on to her leg but this time she was tracing patterns on her thigh with her finger. Sign of incoming crisis.

“Cheryl, like cherry.”

She wanted Cheryl to make it. Toni knew she had related the milkshake to Cheryl. She was used to Cheryl making it and now that she wasn’t there Toni wasn’t sure if she was going to deal well with that. Raven was still whispering that same sentence and Veronica looked a little bit confused.

“I’m sorry, Veronica, is Cheryl around? She has autism and she also has food selectivity, so there are some foods she will only eat if prepared a certain way, or in this case, by a certain person. She’s used to Cheryl always making her the milkshake. I promise it’s nothing personal.”

Toni explained to Veronica why her sister was still repeating and as she did, she watched Veronica’s face change from confusion to comprehension.

“Oh, it’s totally fine. My little cousin is also autistic and I know it very well.” Veronica smiled genuinely, but her face muscles quickly contracted, sadness starting to show up. “But Cheryl is not here anymore.”

“What do you mean? Has she taken the day off?” Toni asked hoping for the best.

“No, she came in this morning, but our boss called her and next thing we know she was taking her apron off and leaving it here, along with her name tag. She either got fired or quit.”

Suddenly it was like the floor had been ripped out from underneath Toni’s feet.

“I’m sorry, Toni, but Cheryl is gone.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know if you liked it or not :)  
> thank you and see you next week<3


	3. there wouldn't even be a reason why we would even have to say goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The anguish of not knowing what happened to Cheryl is only adding up to Toni's and Raven's nerves, and nothing like friends to have your back when no one else seems to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooo, how are you guys?  
> i'm sorry it took me this long. i was supposed to post this on friday, but i thought "well they have already read this twice probably, so i'm going to speed things up a bit" hahah  
> well, not much to say about this one, just to enjoy!

**DAY 1**

The day before they had waited for Cheryl until it was almost time to close the shop. Veronica observed how the little girl, sat so still on the high stool, kept looking behind her, over her shoulder to the door only to find that Cheryl wasn’t walking through it. Toni was still waiting to smell Cheryl’s perfume lingering in the air as she walked by them, but all she could smell was sugar and ice cream. It was oddly weird, to wait so eagerly for someone that she wasn’t even friends with, but she was doing it for Raven, who kept drawing little cherries on the counter with the tip of her finger. Veronica attempted twice to make her milkshakes, cherry and strawberry, even before she saw the girl laying her head down on her arm on the counter, but she just shook her head and refused to have it while continuously repeating _‘Cheryl, like cherry’_. It was, to say the least, heartbreaking.

Toni passed by the shop earlier that day, when she had to go get some fresh bread and fruit for Raven’s breakfast, and looked inside the shop in hopes to see Cheryl there somehow. Instead, she saw Veronica shrugging at her.

“If she comes here I will let _you_ know and also her, too. I’ll tell her you’re looking for her.” Veronica said from behind the counter, loud enough for Toni to hear even from the sidewalk.

“Not me—“ Toni started, fear that she may have been too transparent about whatever it was that she felt when she was with Cheryl, but she was immediately cut off.

“Not you, alright. Raven, then.” Veronica rolled her eyes with a half-smile while Toni shook her head and mouthed a thank you before she walked away.

Two more blocks and she spotted the bakery with open doors, people walking in and out, bags hanging on their arms filled with freshly baked bread and bagels. She was decided she would only get Raven’s favorite bread and some apples and strawberries and that was it, but she couldn’t distract herself from Raven’s look the day before about not having her daily milkshake.

As a kid with food selectivity it was already hard to make her eat well and enough. She had dinner later just fine, but she kept asking Toni if they could go back there tomorrow, ask Cheryl to make her a vanilla and cherry milkshake. Toni said yes, even though she had no idea if she would even see Cheryl that day. She knew the outcome could be the same as the day before if she wasn’t there, when Raven kept crying throughout the rest of the night and repeating that same sentence that stuck to Toni’s head, but she needed to try.

A glance to the fridge and an idea came up. Toni wasn’t sure if it was going to work but she had to give it a shot. A few minutes later, she checked out some cherries, vanilla ice cream and whipped cream along with the bread and the fruits. _I hope it works because otherwise I will lose my mind,_ Toni thought to herself. Now she only needed to wait until small hit three and big hit six and Raven to ask for her treat. 

But of course, she didn’t want it.

Of course, she would start crying as soon as the clock hit 3:30 p.m and would throw a tantrum when Toni tried to tell her they would make the milkshake themselves and that Cheryl wasn’t at the milkshake shop anymore.

Raven was usually very nice. She never complained about anything, she always listened to Toni and she wasn’t one to scream, but today Toni saw a side of Raven that she had never seen before.

“No! Not this one,” Raven screamed, throwing herself on the floor and tears running down excessively. It wasn’t just a tantrum this time. “Cheryl, like cherry!”

“Cheryl isn’t there today, baby girl. You don’t want this, then? Not even the cherries?” Toni asked soft as she knelt down next to her sister. Raven just shook her head repeated times and Toni knew that it was a lost cause that day.

**DAY 3**

Not receiving texts from Veronica and going to that park every single day just to watch Veronica playing with the dead flowers on the floor was frustrating. The snow wasn’t falling down as much, only a thin layer on the floor, covering some yellow leaves and covered with new red ones.

“You said you wanted to make a snowman, Rav.” Toni said still holding her sister’s hand as they walked into the park. Gently, Toni adjusted Raven’s glove on her hand when she noticed it had rolled up on her hand, leaving a part of her hand exposed. “I think we have enough snow here to make one.”

“Let’s try!” Raven said and the excitement in her voice made Toni sigh in relief.

She had been so upset the last couple of days that seeing her that happy about something was really giving her some hope that she would start feeling better and actually accepting other foods or even Toni’s milkshake. Raven was never that attached to anyone but her mother and Toni. Because of her condition, she didn’t even like being around people because socializing isn’t something she is fond or feels joy to do. The fact that Raven was so emotionally attached to a complete stranger that only made her milkshake every day at three thirty in the afternoon was really odd for Toni, but she wasn’t going to question science and its twisted ways to work.

Toni let go of her sister’s hand and allowed the little one to run to a certain spot where the snow had piled up, where she started to form little balls of snow.

“Do you want to make _one_ big snowman,” Toni held her index finger up. “or _two_ small snowmen?” Now she added her middle finger and showed up two fingers. Raven stopped to think for a while, until she reached for Toni’s middle finger and put that one down.

“ _One_ big snowman.” She repeated, holding her index finger up as well. “Just one. One big snowman, not two big snowmen.”

“And how many parts do we need to make a snowman? One part or two parts?” Toni held two fingers up again. She watched as Raven stared at her own hand, one finger up, as she pulled her middle finger up with her other hand.

“Two parts.”

“Exactly. We need a body and a head. And what else do we need?”

“Eyes!”

“And arms, don’t you think?” Toni asked as she walked towards two branches that were on the ground. “Just like Olaf!”

“I like warm hugs!” Raven gave herself a hug, repeating what she knew and had related to Olaf from watching Frozen too many times.

“Toni?” Raven called, a half smile on her face while she made a tiny snowball in her hand.

“What?”

“ _Do you wanna build a snowman?_ ” She started in a singsong voice, oddly in key for a five-year-old. Toni just rolled her eyes and chuckled.

“ _Come on, let’s go and play_ ” She finished the lyrics and right after heard Raven’s laugh and that moment was enough for her to forget about the Cheryl situation and just enjoy a moment where Raven wasn’t upset over a drink. Or the lack of it. Or even the absence of the person who made it. 

When the snowman, that Raven named Snowman, had a body and a head in its places and they ran out of _Frozen_ songs to sing, Toni checked her wrist to see what time it was. They had spent almost an hour building a snowman that had no eyes or nose, but at least it was in the correct shape.

Raven, when she noticed Toni staring at her wrist for that split second, walked to her and grabbed her wrist.

“Small to…” She started, counting with the tip of her fingers and naming the numbers and she followed. “Four.” Another second of silence before she counted the numbers again. “Big to nine.”

“Very good, Rav.” Toni smiled, but the girl didn’t even look up.

“Can we go now?” She raised her head just a little bit, enough to look at Toni’s eyes, now showing a mix of desperation and sadness.

“Go where?” She played dumb in hopes Raven would say anything else.

“Milkshake! Cherry milkshake! Is Cheryl there now?”

It broke Toni’s heart in a million pieces to break Raven’s again when she told her Cheryl wasn’t there.

**DAY 05**

Toni’s heart skipped a beat when she caught a glimpse of her phone screen as soon as it lit up and Veronica’s name popped up on it.

**_Veronica (2:32 p.m):_ ** _are you still coming here before your photoshoot?_

She wasn’t going to lie and say she wasn’t disappointed because deep down she was. She hoped to see the image of Cheryl’s name written down there, but it wasn’t even close to that.

Raven had been dealing better with not having ice cream every day. She would still get upset but now she didn’t throw tantrums anymore. She had stopped checking the clock every five minutes, but Toni just had to be lucky enough not to be three thirty when she did, otherwise she would cry and get very nervous. Now Toni knew how to handle that a little better. She’d offer her sister some red fruits with maybe whipped cream or even try to make her a strawberry smoothie, just in order to bring the image of having milk and red fruit mixed together in a glass. It didn’t work, but at least she was trying.

**_Toni (2:33 p.m)_ ** _yes! be there in 15._

She typed quickly before she put her phone back in her pocket and went back to search for one specific camera lenses. She had looked everywhere possible and it wasn’t where she remember putting it last. Toni walked towards some toys that were piled up in a corner and took a closer look.

“Of course she would use it as a pool,” Toni said as soon as she spotted the lenses under a tiny doll with a purple bikini. She had warned Raven before about going through her work stuff and even more so about using parts of it as a toy. At least it wasn’t broken, so no need to give her a hard time about it right now, but a chat was definitely coming in later.

Leaving Raven with her aunt wasn’t something Toni was comfortable in doing. She knew the girl didn’t mind and she wasn’t that bad to her, but something still didn’t sit right. Unfortunately, there was nothing she could so. She had to work. Being eighteen and freshly out of school was more than enough reason for her aunt to kick her out any time and for that she needed to be prepared. Her income with her gig as a photographer was okay for a girl her age who didn’t like to party at all and barely had any expenses, but it was still far from enough to get a good place for her and her sister. All she could do was hope her aunt still had it in her heart to have her for just a little bit more time. Until that, she needed to go out in the snow to make a photoshoot because the woman especially required it to be during a snowfall.

As she walked into the living room, she saw Raven laying down on the couch and Moana on TV for the hundredth time now. It was her comfort movie and it had become almost habit by now. She could almost quote every scene and probably dance along to every move in all the dance scenes. This time, Raven wasn’t paying attention. Sleep had been hard on Raven the past few days and she had been waking up too early, which was not her usual, so she was exhausted. Toni walked to her, covered her up to her neck with her sheep blanket, and placed a kiss on her forehead, gently enough not to wake her up.

Before she left the house, she grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and left her aunt a note on the counter.

_I’m off to work. I will be back in time to help with dinner._

* * *

“What took you so long?!” Toni asked, impatience clear in her tone, when she saw Jughead walking into the shop. Veronica had made her a second cappuccino milkshake that was almost at the end by now.

“I don’t know if you noticed but the snow is falling pretty heavily outside.” Jughead shook the snow off his jacket and put his bag on the counter.

“Even though you can’t do things on time, you’re still a lifesaver. With my laptop still getting fixed I have no idea how I was going to edit this photoshoot.”

Toni remembered when she dropped an entire mug of hot coffee on her laptop a few weeks ago, and the image of that still haunted her worst dreams. She had spent all of her savings for a new computer on that one. A good one, so she could work in peace and not live in fear that the laptop would turn off by itself. She had taken it to a specialist, but they said they needed to repair some pieces and put some new ones in, so it should still take a week or so, but Toni didn’t have a week.

“How did it go, by the way?” Veronica asked, taking off her apron. She watched Toni sigh and run both her hands through her hair.

“Exhausting. It was so cold and she, of course, was covered in layers of fur clothes. What is people’s obsession with snow photoshoots?” Toni smiled and mouthed a thank you to Jughead as soon as he handed her his laptop. “She said it was because of the contrast. She was blonde! There is no contrast! If she had black hair like you it would work, and now I have to turn this Photoshop upside down to make these pictures look the way she wants them to. I swear I’m not paid enough.”

Veronica and Jughead chuckled at the sight of angry Toni, but mostly because it was lovely. The girl could pull off the looks of a gang member anytime, but everyone who knew her was aware that she could not pull an angry look without sounding adorable.

Toni plugged her camera in the computer and waited until the pictures uploaded to it. She made sure to make two copies because _who knows?_ and also made sure to keep her now very liquid-y milkshake away from it. 

“How is Raven, by the way?” Jughead sat down on the stool next to her and rested his elbows on the counter. Toni deeply sighed at the thought.

“She’s feeling better now, but still won’t take any ice cream or cherry or milkshake. Veronica even tried to make her a new one, but she will only accept Cheryl’s vanilla and cherry one.”

“She won’t take anything,” Veronica added. “Last time she was here I tried giving her two different flavors but all she did was keep saying ‘ _Cheryl, like cherry’._ ”

“And at home she kept looking at the clock because she knew by the position of the hands what time we used to come here, because it wasn’t Cheryl’s break.”

“It’s so weird to see how attached she is to Cheryl, even though she is not family or isn’t constantly with you.” Jughead’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “I’m over quite often and most of the times she only waves me hello and goodbye.”

“It’s because of the damn milkshake.” Toni answered. “It’s her favorite drink and cherry is her favorite fruit. It was routine. She doesn’t deal well when it breaks, and with her food selectivity… It’s been a rough couple of days, but she will get better. I just have to find another food to replace it with, or even try to make her have Veronica’s.”

Photos uploaded and Toni didn’t waste a second. She quickly opened the editing program and thank god for Jughead’s laptop processor. She opened the folder with the pictures to select the ones that looked good and the ones she definitely needed to delete. Most of them were perfect, just some adjustments on the background and some hairs out of place that needed fixing, except for coloring, and nothing else.

“It’s a possibility,” Jughead nodded in agreement.

“Maybe,” Toni agreed with a gentle head nod.

She would be lying if she said she was paying attention to anything they were saying. Veronica and Jughead were talking colored foods or something like that. Some loose words here and there was the only conversation she was able to grasp.

“Why do people insist on walking behind my pictures?,” Toni whispered to herself, zooming into the person in the background to see how she would edit that one out.

Cars were definitely something she would need to edit out of the background. Some dirty walls and ugly traffic signs as well. If Toni could only notice what’s actually happening behind the person it would be awesome, but when she was working she was too focused on making the person look good enough so they didn’t have to re-do the entire photoshoot.

Toni’s breath caught in her throat when she zoomed in. It couldn’t be possible, could it?

She spent two minutes staring at the picture, trying to understand if her brain was messing with her or if she could actually believe her eyes. Pictures didn’t lie. Especially the ones she had _just_ taken.

“Alright, Veronica, Jughead, I need you to tell me I am not imagining things.” Toni said loud this time, not looking up from the screen, calling their attentions to it. Jughead and Veronica looked at each other in confusion and waited until Toni continued. When both of them looked at the screen, Toni pointed with her index finger to the figure behind the woman, not very far.

“You’re not imagining things. I could recognize those locks everywhere.” Veronica answered, resting her head on her hand and frustration in her tone.

“So could I.” Toni added.

Yet she missed when Cheryl she passed right before her eyes, not even an hour ago.

“Is that Cheryl?” Jughead asked and both the girls just nodded. “And you didn’t see her passing behind the woman?”

Toni shook her head.

“I was too focused. I never notice background until I’m editing. I don’t think she saw me either, based that she was looking down here.” Toni sighed in frustration. “And even if I had noticed her, I don’t think I would’ve stopped the photos just to talk to her.”

“You would have.” Jughead affirmed. “You’re doing this for your sister, you definitely would.”

“I can’t believe I missed it. I just want Raven to stop crying about a damn milkshake.”

“I tried her phone but it’s going straight to voicemail every time and I don’t have any of her socials.” Veronica complained to herself. Toni reached for her arm and rubbed her thumb on it gently with a half-smile.

“It’s okay, we didn’t know things would happen the way they did.” Toni assuIfred and Veronica just smiled back. “Alright, there’s no use in whining over this now. I’m just going to go back to editing this so I can go home to Raven and Jug can go back to Barbie doll.”

To say that Toni was actually distracted editing those photos was a lie. Now she just needed to wait for some divine intervention that would actually bring them both together again. Not only to ease Raven’s discomfort, but also for Toni to stop that feeling of missing someone she had no right to.

Until then, Toni would just avoid the clock and those pointers pointing anywhere towards three and six.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted so bad to leave this chapter on a cliffhanger but my creativity said bye bye before i could reach my personal word minimum for this chapter HAHAH  
> let me know your thoughts and i will see you next friday<3


	4. how could i just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Worry starts to take over, and Raven seems to be dealing a little bit better with the situation. Toni's mom makes sure to let Toni know she's still there somehow.

Toni had to balance her weight with twice the attention she would if she wasn’t in high heels when she stepped on the chair to be able to reach the clock on the kitchen’s wall. She looked behind, over her shoulder, to see if Raven was by any chance walking in to the room. When she saw there was no sign of the girl, she quickly took off the battery from it, making the hands stop at two and eleven.

Toni couldn’t stand seeing Raven looking at that clock, every day, waiting until the small hand hit three and the big one hit six, only to be let down because Cheryl still hadn’t come back to the milkshake shop. If she looked at the clock and didn’t realize the time wasn’t passing on it, maybe she would stop asking.

But that failed horribly.

It had worked fine the first two hours. Raven had looked at it three or four times, but the hands weren’t pointing to the numbers she knew, so the little girl shrugged and walked away.

Toni wasn’t expecting her aunt to put the batteries back on.

“Antoinette!” She yelled from the kitchen, making sure it was loud enough for Toni to hear from her very distant bedroom. “Can you come in the kitchen, please?”

Toni huffed and closed the book she had _just_ started reading, throwing it aside on the bed before she heavily walked to the kitchen door.

“What?” Toni answered harshly, arms immediately crossing in an automatic defensive movement.

“Why did you take these off?” She saw her aunt holding the two thin small batteries in her hand and the clock on the other. “They’re brand new.”

“Because of Raven. She gets anxious looking at that, waiting for time to pass.” Toni didn’t try to explain further because she knew it would only cause discord and fights, but her aunt’s eyebrows immediately knit together in confusion.

“Anxious? For what?”

Toni hesitated for a second, but she knew there was no nice way out of this conversation. She took a deep breath before she answered, “For milkshake time.”

Toni’s aunt wasn’t having it. She kept staring at her waiting for a proper answer.

“I’ve been taking her to get a milkshake every day. She asks me to. And, somehow, she thinks three-thirty in the afternoon is milkshake time. We haven’t been to the shop in a while and she gets anxious. I’m trying to lower that sugar intake,” Toni lied about the last part because she knew her aunt would probably throw her out of the house if she mentioned Cheryl’s name.

“And you just give it to her, like it’s not bad for her health?”

“What am I supposed to do?” Toni raised her voice, completely fed up with her aunt and her careless act. “Let her have constant crisis? When she goes there she talks to people, they treat her nicely. That’s important for her social skills. You’d know that if you had bothered to read about her condition.”

Toni knew better. Her aunt never liked her and that was fine with her, but she wasn’t about to go and rant about what was better for her sister when she didn’t even bother to read about it. The only reason they were there was because they had nowhere else to go. Their father left them without leaving a trace or a phone number even before Raven was born, they had no grandparents and Amelia, her aunt, was the only person in the family able to have them until Toni didn’t save enough money to move out.

“The batteries stay in,” was all her aunt said as she popped the batteries back into the clock.

Toni watched the scene and wondered how her aunt could be so arrogant sometimes. Toni watched as her aunt looked at her cellphone to check the time, turning the buttons behind it to adjust the time. Once it was back up on the wall, Amelia passed by Toni and disappeared at the end of the hall into her bedroom.

From the kitchen, Toni looked inside the living room and spotted Raven playing on the floor with her duck toys and smiled. She hopefully hadn’t heard anything and luckily Toni would be able to dodge her from checking the clock. She pulled up one of the stools and sat there, watching Raven playing while some Disney movie was on.

With one hand reached for her pocket and unlocked her phone, tapping on the screen until the window she wanted popped open. Her other hand quickly met her phone and her thumbs danced on the screen as she typed down a message.

**_Toni:_ ** _any news?_

She knew Veronica probably wouldn’t answer her that fast, but for her surprise the gray balloon with the three dots appeared on the left bottom corner almost instantly.

**_Veronica:_ ** _not yet. if she passes by I’ll let you know._

**_Veronica_ ** _: are you and raven coming by today? i had an idea_

**_Toni_ ** _: i wasn’t planning on it, no, but I’m taking anything that can help her with this anguish_

**_Veronica_ ** _: cheryl left her apron here, right? not to sound creepy but I noticed her name tag is still on it.  
I can try to make her the milkshake and make up a scene, tell her Cheryl passed by and made it for her._

Toni’s eyebrows raised in surprise and excitement because that might actually work. She looked at her sister one more time and she looked too distracted to go there and bother her, so she decided she would wait until Raven actually asked about going to the shop to put that in action. Toni glanced at the top of the screen and it showed 3:18 p.m, so she still had some time.

**_Toni:_ ** _I think that might actually work.  
I will wait until she comes asking me about it, she’s genuinely distracted for the first time today_

**_Toni:_ ** _thank you, veronica. for real. i really appreciate the effort and how caring you are with rav._

A new message notification appeared on the top of the screen, but this time from Jughead.

**_Jug:_ ** _did you found her?_

**_Toni:_ ** _find*  
and no, not yet. it’s not like I’m out on the streets looking for her, Jughead.  
but veronica said she hasn’t seen her yet. _

**_Jughead:_ ** _can you stop correcting my grammar it is exhausting  
if you have any news let me know alright? how is rav?_

**_Jughead:_ ** _also if you need my laptop again just let me know.  
it’s $10 an hour_

**_Toni:_ ** _not even you believe that crap  
and rav is fine, I think. she hasn’t asked about her today, but 3:30 is just around the corner.  
we’ll see  
I’ll let you know_

With a swipe, Toni opened her bank account and sighed in relief when she saw a deposit for the last photoshoot she did. The woman had hired and paid her almost fifty percent more than Toni had initially charged, but only because she trusted Toni had the greatest eye to capture what she wanted through the lenses. In all modesty, the pictures looked amazing. It truly made Toni happy to be able to do something she really loved and be good at it, for once, and not feel like a disappointment.

With her peripheral vision, she saw Raven walking towards her, pulling her sweater down that had previously rolled up when she sat down. The girl’s eyes moved up towards the clock on the wall, behind Toni, and the older one sighed knowing what was coming her way.

“Small to three and big to six,” she repeated in a mumble to herself, her index finger counting the numbers in the air as she tried to check the timestamp. “Toni, milkshake. Small to three, big to six. There.”

“I don’t think Cheryl is there, baby girl.” Toni responded, eyebrows slightly rising upwards in pity. She knew how bad her sister felt whenever she told her those words, but there wasn’t much she could do. Raven wouldn’t take the milkshake if she knew it was Veronica who made it for her.

“Cheryl? Cheryl, like cherry? Milkshake Cheryl?” Toni noticed Raven fidgeting her fingers when she phrased her question, her right foot tapping gently the floor. Anxiety. Toni nodded. “I want to go. Milkshake, Toni.”

Toni had to, at least, try Veronica’s plan. For all she knew it could work. If in the worst-case scenario it didn’t, they could always go to the park and play in the snow there.

“Alright, we can go, then. Where are your snow boots?”

“My snow boots…” Raven dozed off for a second, trying to think where Toni had taught her the shoes would be. “Snow boots go inside the closet.”

“Yes! Now go get them so we can put them on and get going.”

Toni watched the girl bouncily walked towards their bedroom, not wanting to think about the next heartbreak Raven would have to deal with when she didn’t see the redhead there. Toni’s own heartbreak was there, too, but it didn’t really matter at that moment.

* * *

“Hi, Toni! Hey, little girl!”

Veronica happily greeted Toni and her sister as they walked into the shop, Raven’s eyes wandering the place looking for the one person who was nowhere to be found. Toni felt Raven’s hand squeeze hers a bit harder, nothing out of the usual when they were out. Crowds made Raven nervous, and even people she knew still had the pull-back effect on her. But this time Raven smiled at Veronica and didn’t hide behind her leg. She just stood her, next to her, giving the brunette a small, genuine smile. Veronica would be lying if she said it didn’t also have an effect on her, because it did. The past few days she watched closely as Raven went through trying to understand that her new routine involved not having her favorite drink because Cheryl wasn’t around, and how hard it had hit her. Seeing her not be scared or her eyes not water when she didn’t spot the redhead around was truly heartwarming.

“Hi, Veronica.” Toni smiled and hopped on the stool, helping Raven to do the same. “Can you say hi to Veronica, Rav?”

“Hi,” she whispered as she lowered her head down to rest on her arms that were resting on the counter, and Veronica wholeheartedly smiled at her.

“Oh, Toni, do you know who passed by?” Veronica’s tone had slightly changed and if it wasn’t for that the pink haired girl would have definitely skipped a heartbeat. “Cheryl was here!”

Raven raised her head almost immediately at Veronica’s words, starting to pay attention to what she was saying and looking at her for the first time in days. Toni turned her head to the side slowly to not startle the girl, and a small smile appeared on her lips.

“Oh, really? And how is she?” Toni asked, playing along.

“She said she misses Rav so much! She came here and left this,” Veronica said as she walked to the opposite side of the counter, getting Cheryl’s apron and nametag from a small shelf. When the brunette placed the pieces on the counter, Toni felt butterflies. It still smelled like her.

Veronica popped the nametag off the apron and handed it to Raven, her eyes fixed on the metal rectangle. With the tip of her fingers, she traced the letters embossed on it.

“C... H…E…R...Y” She started to repeat the letters as she went through each one of the letters. “Toni, what is this one?”

“That’s an L. L as in love, L as in...Lilac.” Toni explained, looking for something touchable in that color to show her. Veronica’s nail polish. Toni touched Veronica’s nail, her fingers resting on the counter as she watched Raven and Toni interact. Toni pointed one more time to Veronica’s nails before she looked at her sister again. “Like Veronica’s nail polish. See? L, as in lilac. This is lilac.”

“L? As in lilac?” Raven repeated and Toni nodded. “Lilac?,” her own fingertips now reaching for Veronica’s nails, and both Toni and Veronica nodded.

With another half-smile, Raven got her attention back to the small plaque in her hands. “Cheryl, like cherry.”

“Yes, that’s Cheryl’s,” Veronica added. “And you know what else she left here?”

Raven shook her head no after the question. “What?”

Veronica walked behind the wall that led to the back of the store and came out with a milkshake, extra whipped cream and two cherries on top. Just like Cheryl used to make it.

“She made this for you! And asked me to give it to you.”

The shine in Raven eye’s that Toni expected to see wasn’t there. She was happy, indeed, but she didn’t feel the exact same way she did when it was Cheryl in Veronica’s place. The brunette put the plastic cup in front of her with a straw already popped in, but Raven didn’t touch it.

“My name, Toni.” Raven said once, her eyebrows knitting together just the slightest in confusion. “My name.”

“Your name? It doesn’t need to have your name, baby girl. Cheryl made it for you!” Toni lied to try and make her sister actually drink from the cup, but she didn’t.

And then it hit her.

Cheryl always called her name, like they do with the other clients. Cheryl would finish making the milkshake, pop the two cherries on top and yell that they had a milkshake for Raven. That’s what was missing.

“Cheryl called out her name, too.” Toni said to Veronica as it came to her. “Even when just the two of us were here, she always said _oh, we have a vanilla and cherry milkshake with extra whipped cream for Raven_ and all that stuff.”

“Oh…” Veronica whispered, the defeat stamped on her face. “I’m sorry. I thought it would work.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know. I really appreciate you trying, though.” Toni smiled sincerely and Veronica nodded in response.

She looked at Raven, watching the girl play with Cheryl’s nametag at the same time she raised her head up. “Can we play at the park?”

“Are you sure you don’t want the milkshake? Cheryl made it for you,” Toni asked one more time and saw the girl look at the milkshake and at the nametag. They had come so far for her to leave without having it.

She hesitated for a second, but took the cup and sipped on it. Veronica and Toni both looked at each other and smiled in relief.

“Is it good?” Veronica asked and Raven nodded. “Cheryl will be so happy!”

“How do we say to Veronica?”

“Thank you,” she said quietly and Veronica winked and smiled in response. “Can we go, Toni?”

“Sure,” she smiled. She took a bill from her pocket to pay for the milkshake, but Veronica raised her hand in an attempt to try to stop Toni’s from handing her the bill.

“Nope. On me.” 

Before Toni hopped off the stool she mouthed a _‘thank you’_ to Veronica and helped Raven hop off of it as well, careful to not spill the milkshake or drop the cherries on the floor because God forbid if that happened, and waved goodbye to Veronica as they walked out of the shop towards the park.

They had been there for at least twenty minutes. Toni was sitting on one of the benches, holding the cup with half of its content still in there, while Raven played with some leave on the floor. There was a slide and a swing, but they were too wet from the snow. Not that Raven cared much, most of the times she preferred to play alone with rocks, aligning them on the floor.

Toni’s mind was a mess of thoughts. She watched her sister playing and wondered if she would ever be at that peace again and wondered if things would be different if her mother was still here. Would she know how to deal with this situation better than just letting her sister cry because she ran out of things to do? Would she reinvent herself and make Raven completely forget about Cheryl? Would her sister’s social skills be better by now because she would know how to handle things since she had had experience with another child before? Would she teach Toni how to take care of her sister and not fail? _Would she have done to Toni what her aunt did when she found that letter under her pillow?_ There were so many questions. So many unanswered questions that her mother didn’t have time to tell her the answer.

It was all so mentally exhausting. Toni was so, _so_ grateful for her sister and she couldn’t even picture a life without her in it, but tagging along in that journey without her mother, who was her source of strength was hard. She had no idea how her mother did it. She was always so strong and she seemed undefeatable. It destroyed Toni to think about how happy her mother would be if she was there right now. How excited she would get to see Raven grow and how smart she was. It would probably make her laugh to hear Raven repeat Cheryl’s name so many times whenever she heard or saw a cherry, or a milkshake, for that matter. How comforting her mother’s embrace would be if Toni were to tell her about her feelings, about who she is, and how much fun she would made of Toni about anything regarding Cheryl because she was _that_ good of a person. She was that caring, that supportive, and Toni can never forgive that drunk driver for that.

 _Please, mom,_ Toni thought, swallowing down a cry that attempted to surface, _just give me a sign about what to do. Anything. Please._

Raven, who was with her back to Toni a few seconds ago, turned around and smiled to her sister, followed by a wave, when she saw her there watching her from the bench. The lack of leaves on the trees behind Toni startled Raven a little bit, so she avoided staring into that direction, and Toni knew that. The pinkette waved back and blew her a kiss.

Toni didn’t notice the exact time her sister stood up abruptly like that, but she did notice a smile on her face of sheer excitement that Toni hadn’t seen in ages. Raven raised her hand up and waved, which got Toni confused, but she waved back anyway.

Toni didn’t notice it wasn’t at her that her sister was waving until she heard the words and she felt her heart stop, and if it wasn’t for her blood running too fast for her system in pure adrenaline, she would think she was dead for a second.

“Cheryl, like cherry!”

Toni looked behind her and saw the redhead walking slowly towards them. Toni’s hand suddenly were colder than ice but her heart exploded warmth when she saw Raven walk pass her and meet Cheryl midway, opening her arms and holding Cheryl’s legs.

She was sure her heart had stopped as soon as she laid eyes on the redhead. _She’s too gorgeous to be true,_ she thought. She stood up and walked towards them, and Toni wasn’t sure if she would ever be able to recover from the smile and the crinkles on Cheryl’s eyes when she saw Toni walking towards them. 

“Hi, Cheryl!” Raven’s tone had changed and it was explicit the excitement and happiness in it.

It was the first time Toni had seen Cheryl with her hair completely down and she was amazed by how the ends curled just a tiny bit. She had one hand holding her phone and the other was pressing her sister against her in a tight hug, or at least an attempt of one. She did look tired, the bags under her eyes were more visible than usual and Toni wondered if it was because she didn’t have any makeup on or just because she hadn’t been sleeping or crying. The thought gave Toni chills and she quickly shook her head to try to erase it.

“Hey, Rav. It’s been quite some time, hasn’t it, buddy?” Cheryl said back and _God,_ Toni missed it.

“Yeah,” Raven pouted. “No more milkshake.”

Cheryl’s eyebrows knit together in confusion for a second. “Why not?”

“She wouldn’t take Veronica’s. She only wanted _‘Cheryl like cherry milkshake’_ ,” Toni gesture hand quotes in the air as she spoke the last part and smiled. Relief and fondness stamped all over her face. “It’s good to see you, Cheryl.”

It had been a while since Toni last looked into Cheryl’s eyes, and this time they were different. The dark brown was always peaceful and calming, but this time there was something about them that Toni couldn’t really point out. She would be lying if she said she didn’t notice they were a bit lighter under the sun.

“It’s really good to see you, too, Toni.” Cheryl smiled one more time before Cheryl pulled her into an embrace as well, and Toni could smell her perfume and the smell of strawberry shampoo. It felt like their bodies knew exactly each other's shape, because they fit perfectly together. Toni quickly looked down again at Raven, who had been bouncing her legs up and down, clearly very excited to see the redhead again.

“What happened?” Toni asked, finally, and saw the smile on Cheryl’s face die in a blink of an eye. She felt her stomach churn and she wished she had never asked. “We were really worried about you. Especially that one,” she pointed out to her sister with a head tilt, and watched Cheryl’s smile muscles slightly contract.

“Do you have time?” She asked, still holding onto Raven. For a second Toni wished it was her.

“I can make some,” Toni smiled playfully and winked. “Milkshake?”

Toni watched Cheryl’s body tense up at the question. She took a deep breath as she looked down before she nodded.

 _Thank you, mom,_ Toni whispered to herself, a quick glance up to the sky, as she watched Raven walking hand in hand with Cheryl towards the milkshake shop.


	5. do you know what you're doing to me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheryl explains why she went MIA at the milkshake shop, but at the end of the day what matters is that she's back. The relationship between Raven and Cheryl keeps dragging Toni further into the no-exit tunnel of feelings she has for the redhead and she's not sure if she should keep going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, once again! how are you all doing?  
> i don't have much to say because i basically summarized the entire chapter on, you know, the summary, but i do hope you enjoy it!

The walk to the milkshake shop had never taken that long. Raven insisted on walking between Cheryl and Toni and for that, the pinkette had to thank her sister. She was way too nervous to maintain a straight face if she were to be that close to the redhead, and she was no actress. Toni dodged herself from smiling at Cheryl because she was sure if she noticed it would ruin everything and then Raven would be heartbroken again.

Cheryl pretended she didn’t catch Toni looking at her and smiling three or four times and also tried to ignore the fact that she had to swallow back all those butterflies inside her stomach.

As they stepped into the milkshake shop, Veronica had to contain a gasp when she saw Cheryl in person.

“Oh, my God,” she said quietly as she untied her apron and put it on the counter. Toni looked around and there were three people sitting in one single booth, so there wasn’t much work around to be done. Toni held Raven’s hand to keep her in place when she saw Veronica getting closer and their bodies colliding in a hug. “Hi! I missed you.”

“Same here, Vee.” Cheryl answered back still in Veronica’s embrace, eyes closed and a genuine smile.

“I tried to reach you so many times, but your phone went straight to voicemail.” Veronica said as they let each other go.

“I’m sorry.”

“I almost went nuts, and so did them.” Veronica pointed with her head towards the two girls standing up a little further behind Cheryl, her voice turning into a quiet whisper so Raven couldn’t understand what she said and take it the wrong way. Toni’s eyes widened like saucers and the reprehensive look was back on her face, making Veronica bite her lip to prevent a laugh from escaping her lips.

At that point Veronica was pretty much acquainted on Toni’s life and what she felt – or at least denied to death – for Cheryl. Veronica knew there was something in there, even though Toni scoffed and always said the same _‘me? Nah, I’m fine, dude’_ every time the brunette asked her about her feelings, but both of them knew better that Toni was an awful liar and her eyes couldn’t really lie.

“Why have you gone radio silence? We were worried,” Veronica’s voice softened as her hand reached for Cheryl’s arm in an attempt to bring comfort. Cheryl smiled at the touch and just shook her head gently.

“It’s a long story,” she sighed. Cheryl’s eyes wandered around, trying to peek behind the wall that separated the visible part of the shop from the hidden one. “He’s not here, is he?” 

Veronica shook her head. “Hasn’t been in four days. He said he was going to be out of town or something until Friday.”

Toni watched Cheryl and intrigue took over her. Sure, she wanted to know what happened that she disappeared for, but she had watched enough corporal language videos to know that the redhead had fear written all over her, every single muscle in her face tensed up. Anyone could tell by the bags under her eyes, by how puffy her eyes seemed to have gotten. It was nerve wrecking.

“Alright,” Cheryl said and it seemed like she was holding her breath for minutes now. “We need to sit down for this one.”

Veronica nodded and so did Toni as Cheryl walked towards her favorite booth. Veronica looked around to see if someone else was coming into the shop, but it was just them. Cheryl slid on the booth getting a window seat. Raven followed right behind her, sitting in the middle. Toni was about to walk towards the seat across from the table, but Raven held her hand.

“Hey, I’m just going to sit over here. See? I’m not going to leave you alone.” Toni pointed with her index to the empty seat in front of her, but Raven remained bothered.

She shook her head no several times, no words coming out of her mouth. The girl stuck out both her hands, her right one holding two fingers in horizontal, as her other hand crossed those with also two fingers, making a clawed X with her hands. It took Toni two seconds to notice the gestures for sign language she was doing, asking Toni to sit by her and how Raven had reached her limit of social speaking for the day.

Cheryl watched the scene in awe. Toni was the most caring person she had ever met and the love she had for her sister was something she never thought she would be able to witness so closely. Or any kind of love, for that matter. She missed seeing them like this. She missed watching Raven and Toni interact because, for her, it was the purest form of love she known. Deep down, she was a bit jealous. She wanted that. She wanted to feel love, that connection with someone. Her cheeks started to get tired and she only then realized she had been smiling at Raven signaling to Toni, and how smart she was for remembering all of those.

“Oh, Vee, before you sit down, can you get her some papers and the pens from under the counter? I used to leave a pink, a green and a red pen there in case I lost mine.” Cheryl asked Veronica, who nodded in agreement. “She needs a distraction.”

In a matter of seconds, Veronica was back holding three pens in hand and what seemed like an entire package of white paper. She put it on the table and watched Raven’s hand twitch to try to reach for it.

“Veronica got these for you,” Toni lowered herself a little bit to talk to Raven more quietly now. “Do you want to draw?”

Raven nodded, raising her right hand up in a fist, her pinkie held out. Her other hand came to meet her finger, the fingertips of her left hand turning around on it.

“Okay, you can draw it if you want.” Toni smiled reaching for the red and the green pen right in front of her and giving it to Raven, knowing she would only touch it if allowed. In no time, she grabbed the red pen and took the cap off it, her fingertips holding onto it tightly as she traced unknown patterns on the blank page.

Both Veronica and Cheryl watched the scene with smiles on their faces. Cheryl had her head resting on her hand and Veronica just had her head tilted to the side. Toni would be lying if she said it didn’t bother her a little bit to be the center of attention like that, but at that moment she was more concerned with her sister and to know Cheryl’s motives to be gone like that.

“Alright, she’s all set.” Toni announced with eyes still on her sister. She reached for the hem of Raven’s sweater and pulled it down before her eyes met Veronica’s and Cheryl’s again.

Veronica watched Cheryl’s face, her eyes quickly going down to her hands, fingers fidgeting in anxiety. Cheryl had her head and eyes down, trying to gather up the courage to say it all out loud. “This is going to be a long one. I can’t explain to you guys why I left without giving you a full backstory.”

“I have nowhere else better to go,” Toni answered.

“I’m closing today,” Veronica said with a shrug, letting her know she would have to be there until seven at night.

Cheryl sighed deeply before she could muster to voice out any words.

“It all started two years ago,” she started, eyes now up and shifting from Cheryl to Toni. “Her name is Heather. We were inseparable. We had sleepovers every weekend and sometimes I would say we had some project to work on together so she could stay in on weekdays, too. My mother never suspected anything. That house was too big for anything not to go unnoticed anyways.”

The memory of those days was something that Cheryl tried to let go, every day of her life, but she couldn’t. For some reason she didn’t want to. She wasn’t sure if she wasn’t ready for it, or if she only held onto those because they were the only time she remembered being genuinely happy. Either way, it was bittersweet. They hurt in a way that made her feel like maybe not all is lost. Maybe she can find that again in someone else.

Cheryl felt worried eyes on her, Toni’s head was resting on her hand this time and so was Veronica’s, both watching her as she spoke like it was their favorite movie.

“She made me happy in a way that I never thought I could be, or that I deserved to.” Cheryl smiled at the thought, tears creeping up in her eyes. “But she left. She lived with her father here and her mom got sick, so she left to go live with her and help her out. We ended in bad terms. She said things to me that I would never, _ever_ wish anyone to hear.”

“But, Cher, what does she have to do with anything? Is she back?” Veronica asked, eyes quickly glancing at Raven out of pure habit.

“No, not even close. And yet she still got her way into turn my life into a mess again.” She scoffed before she continued.

“Her father loved me, you know? I used to sleep over sometimes and he would always bake us brownies, his specialty, but we had to live in constant fear. Fear that he would catch us in the same bed, or even touching each other’s hand.” Cheryl swallowed hard as the tears rolled down her face leaving wet trails on her cheeks. In an instant and sudden change, she smiled. “I used to write her poems. I didn’t sign my name or anything, but I always wrote it in a piece of paper and left one at her place. It was very Emily Dickinson of me, but it was the only way I could tell her that I loved her.”

“Cheryl…” Toni whispered, her eyebrows slightly apart as she felt everything sinking in. She wished she could reach Cheryl and comfort her, give her a hug and tell her everything would be fine.

“That’s the happy part,” Cheryl stood up straight and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. Raven looked up with the sudden move and her own brows knit together.

“Cheryl, are you sad?” Her voice came out calm and clean, and it impressed Toni how much genuine worry could be felt in it. Cheryl looked down at the girl and smiled, her hand meeting a lose curl from her ponytail.

“I’m okay, I promise.” Raven nodded in response, looking at the blank pages in front of her. She had drawn some unshaped figures, if one could call them that, and nothing really made sense. She looked up at Cheryl one more time and grabbed another blank paper, this time with the green pen in hands.

Cheryl sighed deeply again before she continued. “One day she came up to me and asked me why I always left her those poems. I told her what I felt, but she told me she could never feel that for me, that we were just friends and she had no idea I was thinking about us like that. She told me I was loveless, deviant.”

Veronica’s eyes had turned into pools of pity, and she watched Cheryl’s expression turn into anger, fear and sadness, all at once. “Oh, no,” she whispered to herself.

“We used to sleep holding each other. She looked at me as if she loved me as well. It wasn’t wishful thinking. Everyone around us told us we looked like a couple, and when they did, she used to smile and hold me.”

Toni could see that Cheryl was genuinely smiling for the memories, but the pain attached to it was so visible in each word that came out of her mouth, every time she looked outside to swallow down a cry, too.

“I got this job here because of her, way before we got into that fight. I needed the money to get away from my mother or I would have lost it back then. I have my own little rented place because I saved enough money working here, but apparently he got into a fight with her and she mentioned how I destroyed her life, and of course, he doesn’t want to see me, not even painted in gold.”

Toni’s heart clenched inside her chest. The thought of going through that was heart wrenching. Maybe that was why Toni always noticed how caring she was with Raven and even to her. How she paid attention to details, she listened. She had all this love to give, but to whom? She had never quite gotten it back. She didn’t know what it was like to love without pain attached to it. Or at least what she thought was love, anyway.

“This is ridiculous,” Veronica added, incredulous, eyebrows knit together in confusion and anger. “You didn’t do anything wrong to her.”

“Apparently, when her father found out she’s dating a girl, he lost it. That same homophobic b—“ Cheryl cut herself before she could swear out loud next to a five-year-old. “Problem.”

“Cher, I’m so sorry.” Veronica reached for Cheryl’s hand. She squeezed it gently and gave her a comforting smile. “There is nothing, _nothing_ wrong with you. You’re amazing just the way you are, and she’s the worst person ever.”

“It’s guilt. She felt bad for doing you wrong and now she needs to let out her anger on you because she thinks she’s hurting, or because her father is fighting with her, because of you.” Toni said in response.

“I agree,” Veronica added.

Toni reached for Cheryl’s hand and didn’t even care that her arm was hovering over Raven’s drawing. When their skins touched, Toni felt goosebumps all over her body and her thumb involuntarily rubbed the corner of her hand.

“But, Cheryl, you have to understand she’s wrong,” Toni started, eyes looking directly into Cheryl’s as she spoke. She could see pain in them, but also hope and desperation. “You’re _not_ loveless, you’re _not_ deviant. You’re sensational.”

Toni watched as the corners of Cheryl’s lips slightly tugged up in a smile, how the muscles on her shoulders seemed to relax and her eyebrows moved back into place. She was staring into Toni’s eyes and for a second the pinkette got lost in hers, too.

“And for all I know she can choke on a di—“ Veronica started, leaning back onto the booth, arms crossing in front of her chest. Both Cheryl and Toni looked at her, at the same time, with reprehensive eyes and a head tilt towards Raven, both of them oddly perfectly synchronized. “Dinosaur.”

Both Cheryl and Toni giggled at Veronica’s bad save and Toni was quite relieved she had broken the tension. Cheryl’s laugh was music to Toni’s ears and her heart seemed to grow two sizes when she saw the redhead genuinely smiling. The bell placed at the door rang and Veronica looked back at it, seeing four more people walking into the place. She huffed and rolled her eyes as she stood up.

“Alright, duty calls. Do you guys need anything?”

“I’m good,” Toni smiled and turned her head to Cheryl, who just shook her head as well.

As they watched Veronica leave, the awkward silence that settled between them was somehow comforting as well. Toni knew Cheryl needed some time to clear her head after going back to memory lane like that, and especially that one, so she just let her stare at the window for a couple seconds before she could say anything.

Raven touched her sister’s arm gently with her fingertips right after she placed the pen back on the table. Toni looked down on her hand and saw the drawing she had made. It looked adorable, to say the least.

“Rav, it looks amazing!” Toni gave her sister a reassuring smile as she gently touched the paper to hold it in her own hands. “Do you want to show it to her?”

Raven nodded in response, but the chattering made Cheryl shift her attention from the window to the murmur she was hearing from the people sitting next to her. She looked down at the same time Raven turned to her, holding out the paper with the cutest smile Cheryl had ever seen a kid give her.

“It’s for you,” Raven said as Cheryl took the piece of paper in her own hands.

Raven had drawn a big pair of cherries in the middle of the paper and many smaller ones around the big one. She had made sure to color every each one of the small ones in bright red, the leaves in green. Everything perfectly inside the outer line.

“Cheryl,” Raven said, the fingertip of her index finger touching the redhead’s forearm gently. “Like cherry.” This time, her fingertip hovered on the drawing, pointing to the big cherry in the middle.

“Oh, my God,” Cheryl whispered to herself and smiled to Raven this time. “This is so adorable. Thank you so much. Can I give you a hug?”

The little girl nodded as she leaned into Cheryl’s embrace, her right arm going behind Raven’s head to pull her further into her own body, placing a kiss on top of Raven’s head.

“So, when she did this,” Cheryl tried to mimic the gesture Raven had done before, and she could only get points for the effort. Raven repeated it, sticking out her pinkie and touching around it with her fingertips, turning her hand around it. “That one. What does that mean?”

“Cherry in baby sign language. _Cheryl, like cherry…_ ” Toni answered and giggled at the silent gasp that came out of her mouth, Cheryl’s hand going towards her chest as in a touched gesture.

“She’s adorable,” she mouthed and Toni just nodded. Raven was really something else.

“She really missed you. All those days she refused to take Veronica’s milkshake.” Toni started, not even bothering to try to disguise the stupid smile on her face.

“I’m sorry.” Cheryl mumbled and Toni just nodded. “I wish I could have contacted you earlier, but I couldn’t risk coming here and find him.”

“It’s fine,” Toni smiled. She noticed that for the first time in ages Cheryl wasn’t wearing red lipstick. Instead, she had a light pink one, apparently a bit of lip gloss, too. Toni couldn’t take her eyes off her, and she suspected Cheryl had already noticed, but her eyes were also stuck on Toni’s face and she felt her cheeks slightly blush. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“I’m glad to see you again.”

“Me, too!” Raven looked up at Cheryl and the redhead thought her heart was going to jump out of her chest any second now.

Toni chuckled next to her, her hand going to meet a loose lock of hair falling from Raven’s ponytail, and Cheryl wondered how she was able to spend a week without staring into those chocolatey eyes. She definitely missed feeling the butterflies dancing in her stomach to the sound of Toni’s laugh.

* * *

10PM was definitely _way_ past Raven’s bedtime. Usually she would be long gone by 8:00PM, 8:30PM, but not that day. The snowflakes falling on the ground, gently hitting the glass of their bedroom window was soothing and it brought Toni some kind of peace. Usually she would glance up to her left and catch a glimpse of Raven’s long hair falling from the edge of the bed, spread out all over her pillow and her body completely covered by her favorite penguin blanket. It was calming and somehow reassuring that whatever Toni had been doing to keep her sister safe and well taken care of, just like her mother asked her to, was working. She couldn’t deny she did have some help from her aunt, but it was close to minimum.

Sitting on Toni’s crossed legs, Raven rested her back and her head on Toni’s chest as the pink-haired girl read _Heather Has Two Mommies_ for the hundredth time that week. She had bought it for a couple of dollars at a second-hand bookstore a few months ago, along with the entirety of a Disney’s princess collection. The little girl snuggled up closer to Toni now, her eyelids starting to get heavier.

“Each family is special,” Toni read aloud. “The most important thing about a family is that all the people in it—“

“Love each other,” Raven spoke up and quoted the book in unison with her sister.

Toni loved to see how much Raven loved that book. It came to her simple as a day, and she never asked where their father is, or if they have one. She loved to listen to how Heather kissed both her mommies and how each of them took each one of her hands and they went back home playing together.

At the end of the book, Raven seemed to be tired, but she still wanted to hold onto Toni for a couple more minutes. As Toni put the book back under her mattress, she felt her phone buzzing on the blanket somewhere. Double tap on the screen and her heart sped up inside her chest and a smile grew on her lips. She tried to avoid it, her lips trembling at the attempt of stopping her muscles responsible for making her smile from contracting.

**_Cheryl:_ ** _i just wanted to thank you today for listening to me and for understanding. it meant a lot.  
**Cheryl:** little do you know that *you* are the sensational one here.  
**Cheryl:** hope you sleep well!_

Toni’s thumb quickly hovered over the keyboard, not knowing how to answer to that. She felt her heart in her throat and she was so nervous that she was very close to start shaking.

**_Toni:_ ** _no need to thank me. it was really good seeing you again and i hope you don’t go radio silence on us again  
**Toni:** raven would miss you too much _

She threw her phone on the bed one more time, screen down because she was too nervous to be able to see the screen lit up when Cheryl answered.

“Alright boo, time to go to bed.” Toni gently tapped twice on Raven’s legs, making the girl whine.

“No, I don’t want to go to my bed.”

“Why not? Look, there you have your penguin blanket,” Toni pointed to Raven’s bed, the blanket perfectly set on the bed. “Here we just have this ugly white blanket. It’s not fun.”

“I want to stay with you.” Raven whined once more and Toni sighed in frustration. She was clearly tired, but her refusal to fall asleep was something that didn’t occur often.

“Alright, five more minutes, okay?” Toni asked and Raven nodded.

As Toni run her fingers through Raven’s hair, a gesture Toni knew would make her fall asleep faster than usual, she felt her phone buzzing one more time next to her leg. With her free hand, she reached for it and she was sure Raven could feel her heart punching against her back. 

**_Cheryl:_ ** _just raven? :(_

Toni stared at the screen for two whole minutes before she actually started typing.

**_Toni:_ ** _okay i think i would miss you a little bit too  
**Toni:** but don’t brag _

“Cheryl? Is it Cheryl?” Raven said quietly, her eyes wandering on Toni’s screen.

“Yeah, boo.” Toni responded, confusion starting to creep up on her. “How do you know?”

“I see her name. C-H-E-R… Cheryl, like cherry.” She pointed with her finger to Cheryl’s name on the top of the screen. “And L as in lilac. Here.”

“That’s amazing, Rav.” Toni smiled, genuine happiness stamped all over her face.

“I want to say goodnight.” Raven said, pulling the phone down so she could face the screen better, on her eye level.

“To Cheryl?” Toni asked and Raven just nodded. “Do you want me to type or do you want to talk to her?”

Raven shook her head no and brought up both her hands up to her face, the position of her fingers looking like a rectangle. Her index finger gestured as if she had pressed a camera shutter button, which made Toni laugh.

“Do you want to send her a picture?” Toni asked and she nodded this time. “Alright, get ready, then.”

Toni opened up the camera, raising her arm high up enough to get only Raven in frame, but she pushed her sister’s hand up higher, trying to get Toni in the picture as well. She counted to three, but right before she could press the button Raven got camera shy and her hands went up to her face. Toni took a second look at the picture and it seemed like she was holding her face with her own hands as she smiled. It looked _adorable_ and she definitely would be using that picture as her wallpaper. She tapped back to Cheryl’s chat and, after some hesitation, sent the picture. _I can blame this one on Raven,_ she thought right before she pressed the send button.

“What do you want me to say?” Toni asked, holding her phone with both hands now and thumbs ready to start typing.

“Goodnight, Cheryl like cherry!”

Toni chuckled and typed quickly.

**_Toni:_ ** _rav wanted to send this to you as a goodnight  
**Toni** : she also says: goodnight, cheryl like cherry.  
**Toni:** those were her exact words btw_

“Are you going to call her Cheryl like cherry forever?” Toni asked, tickling her ribs. The girl squirmed and a laugh came out of her mouth.

“Yes! She has red hair and cherries are red. Cheryl sounds like cherry.”

_Well, she’s got a point._

“Alright, Raven like haven, now you go to bed. It’s incredibly late.”

“Alright,” Raven answered back, hoping off Toni’s bed to walk towards her own. “What is haven?”

“I can explain to you tomorrow,” Toni said in response. It was way too late for her to try to explain to her that she couldn’t find a better word to rhyme with her name on the spot other than a shelter synonym.

As Toni watched Raven get under the blanket, she did the same, phone placed right next to her pillow. She reached for the switch and turned off the lamp, the only light coming into the bedroom now being the moonlight.

“Goodnight, Toni.” Raven whispered before her index finger drew a heart in the air.

“Goodnight, muchkin. I love you, too.”

Right before she even thought of closing her eyes, her phone lit up and Cheryl’s named popped up on the screen four times.

**_Cheryl:_ ** _oh my god this is the most adorable thing I have seen today  
**Cheryl:** raven is the cutest girl ever  
**Cheryl:** tell her i said: night night, rav! sleep tight_ _♡  
_ **_Cheryl_ ** _: with those exact words and puppy voice_

Toni smiled at the image that came to her mind as she read the last one. Without a second thought, she started to type.

**_Toni:_ ** _i think she is long gone by now but i’ll make sure to tell her tomorrow/_  
**Toni:** but i completely refuse to do the puppy voice  
**Toni:** goodnight, cheryl! sleep well _♡_

Toni erased that heart about seven times before she decided to leave it. It would sound nicer if she left it. It was just an emoji anyway, right? She quickly shoved her phone under her pillow, trying to make her heartbeat go back to normal. She closed her eyes and tried not to smile too much as she dozed off.


	6. when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheryl and Toni get closer; Toni freaks out in sheer gay panic while helping Cheryl out as she looks for a new job. And a very, very cute moment between the redhead and Raven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, people!  
> here i am with another update and i just wanted to clarify some things that may have you confused about last chapter: heather's dad does own Pop's (that's why he fired cheryl), but i didn't want to use this exact words for a specific scene i'm writing in a couple of chapters. i know it may be still a bit confusing, but trust me you'll understand it all better on chapter 08 or 09 :)
> 
> with that said, i hope you enjoy this one :)

The swish sound followed by the knife as Toni sliced a piece of watermelon for Raven came right before a groan of pain. There was a reason she absolutely hated to slice fruits with hard skins, which translated to no motor coordination whatsoever _not_ to lose a piece of her body in the process. She quickly took her finger to her mouth, an automatic, completely psychological with probably a placebo effect movement in order to ease the pain. The cut itself it wasn’t that bad, but Toni had a very low tolerance for pain. You could see a small line on the side of her finger, blood slowly coming out of it, and all she really needed was a bandage. With a loud clank, Toni dropped the knife on the counter and turned on her heels to open the medicine cabinet, a few steps away.

“It’s the third time this week you cut yourself doing something, Topaz. I think I might need to hire a babysitter for you.” Jughead laughed quietly, watching the smaller girl trying to reach the high cabinet with one hand. He stood up and helped her get the bandages from the box, and put it right back as soon as Toni’s finger was properly covered.

“Cut the crap,” Toni elbowed him on the ribs, followed by a chuckle as she walked back to the counter. “How is your novel going?”

“Halfway through it. I had to stop writing it last night during the best part of the entire story because apparently I am an eighty-year-old man with severe tendinitis.”

Toni chuckled, a little smile attempting to show up on her shy lips. Jughead had arrived at her place, by surprise, almost an hour ago. He brought Raven some Reese’s cups, as he always used to whenever she stopped by at Toni’s. At that point, Raven was more vocal with him and she didn’t get weirded out and tried to hide in whatever spot in that house whenever he was there. Surprisingly, this time she walked out of her bedroom, a tiny purple dinosaur in hands. She looked at him, shy eyes desperately searching for the comfort of Toni’s, before she hugged her sister’s thigh tight.

“Hey, boo. What do we say to Jughead when we see him?” Toni answered as she looked down at Raven for a minute, before her attention was completely back on the watermelon in front of her. A swish came again as the knife cut through the watermelon skin, startling the pink-haired girl. She checked her fingers, just to be sure, but they were all intact.

“Hi, Jughead.” Raven looked up at Jughead, the hand that was previously holding her body against her sister’s, leaving Toni’s thigh to wave to the boy in front of her. A smile appeared on his face right before he waved back.

“What do you have there?” Jughead asked Raven, who was still just staring at him, trying to understand what he had meant. He reached for the toy and gently tapped its head with the tip of his index finger. “Here. What is that? That’s so cool!”

“It’s my dinosaur,” she said, eyes going slowly down to meet the toy. “His name is Barney.”

“Oh, that’s so cool! And what is the sound that the dinosaur makes?” Jughead asked, leaving Raven to think one more time. He spread out his fingers, his hands out and Raven imitated it with her free hand. “ _Rawr!_ ”

“Rawr!” She growled, repeating the same sound and, impressively, in the same octave as Jughead. Toni watched the scene with a smile as she cleaned out the counter.

“Rav, do you want a slice of watermelon? I just cut it for you. But if you don’t want it, that’s okay, too. I can put it back in the fridge and you can have a slice whenever you want to.” Toni asked as she reached for the plastic container lid, just waiting for her sister’s answer, to know if she could put it inside the fridge or separate some pieces for her.

“Yes, please.” Raven looked away from Jughead when she heard her sister’s voice calling her, walking towards the free stool. Some clanking of plates and cupboards doors slammed shut could be heard as Toni organized it for Raven.

“Jug, can you help her up on the stool?” Toni asked, both hands occupied with her sister’s snack as she walked closer to Raven.

“Sure thing,” he answered. “Put your foot here and you can hold my hand so you won’t fall.”

Raven did as she was told to and was able to sit down without any injuries or falls. Toni sat down across from them as well after she handed Raven the plate, and took her phone out of her pocket. She couldn’t help the smile slowly growing on her face as she read the notifications on the screen. Her fingers quickly danced around on the screen, stopping just for a minute to erase a wrong letter or to press send.

“How rude,” Jughead said faking hurt. “Can you stop flirting with her for five seconds and give us some attention?”

It took Toni five seconds until she realized Jughead was talking to her. She looked up quickly, eyebrows raised up to her hairline.

“Huh?”

“Your sister is long gone, buddy. It’s all downhill from now on,” Jughead lowered his body to be on the same level as Raven, shaking his head no playfully.

“Stop saying words she doesn’t understand!” Toni’s voice rose up an octave in resentment, putting her phone down with the screen lit on the table. “What did you say?”

“Stop flirting, we’re here. It’s gross.”

“I’m _not_ flirting! I don’t even know how to do that.”

“Yeah, sure. You only smile that much when you’re flirting or talking to Cheryl.”

Raven lifted up her head and looked at Jughead at the sound of the redhead’s name. “Cheryl? Cheryl, like cherry?”

“Yeah, buddy. Your sister really likes Cheryl, did you know that?”

“Jughead!” Toni yelled in panic and she had never wished more not to be born. She could feel her entire face burning and her cheeks were beet red in seconds. “Rav, don’t listen to him. He’s being loop loop today.”

“I like Cheryl, too. She is nice. I like her milkshake.” Raven answered back, a small smile on her lips, and then proceeded to finish her snack as if she had never opened her mouth.

Jughead looked up at Toni with a winner’s look, receiving a deathly look from the pink-haired girl across from him. He held in a laugh and just shrugged.

“How are things with her?” He asked and watched Toni’s eyes widen and her eyebrows knit together in confusion. “It’s been a month, and from what you told me I don’t think she’s making her the milkshake anymore.”

“Yeah, she’s not. She did leave a note with Veronica so she puts it on the cup and says Cheryl made it for her. We did that once and she took it, but they have been talking to each other a lot. Sometimes Cheryl comes to meet us at the park and plays with her a little bit there.”

“It sounds like she’s building a good relationship with you two.”

“I would say so. It really makes Raven happy, and I’m glad she welcomed Raven in and is so caring and thoughtful with her autism.” Toni smiled as moments came in a flashback.

Like when Cheryl, patiently, helped Toni when Raven had a crisis in the middle of the park because someone decided to pop out balloons in a car parade for some gender reveal, the noise being extremely loud. Toni had never seen Raven so scared in her life. The strength she pressed her hand against her ears with her head down and the tears appearing on her eyes were agonizing to watch. Cheryl made sure to hold Raven in her own arms, pressing her hands against Raven’s to comfort her and help her sooth her crisis down as Toni searched for the ear plugs she kept inside her tiny backpack in case something like that happened.

During those walks and the hour that they would spend with Raven at the park, Toni and Cheryl had been having heartfelt conversations about what they wanted to do, and Toni could listen to her talking for hours. Her voice was calming and it really made that part of Toni’s stomach seem to freeze every time she said hers or Raven’s name, and three million butterflies seemed to awake every time she saw her smile. Most of the times when Cheryl got too close, her fingertips would tingle in need of touching her skin again, and sometimes the red-haired girl did it and she felt the goosebumps all over her body. She caught herself thinking about how soft Cheryl’s lips must be, and felt pinches all over her entire body with the thought of never being able to feel them on her own. It was scary feeling like that, but it felt oddly good to hurt. Cheryl was worth it all.

Toni would never admit in her life, but she had never felt her stomach churn so many times as she did when she watched Cheryl teaching Raven about a spider. She had found one on her jeans after playing with some leaves to make beds for tiny rocks she had found on their way to Raven’s favorite bench. It scared her at first, and it was hard for Toni to tell her it was okay when she herself wasn’t very fond of them.

“No need to be scared, Rav.” Cheryl reached for the spider on the girl’s leg, Raven’s hands turning into fits as she watched the red-haired girl taking the spider in her hand gently. “See? They won’t hurt you, unless you want to hurt them back.”

“No,” Raven answered shaking her head no repeated times. “No hurting.”

“We don’t hurt animals, right?” Toni added, leaning forwards to look at Raven. The little girl nodded, watching the spider crawl all over Cheryl’s hand.

“Do you want to hold it?” Cheryl asked, nervousness written all over Raven’s face. She shook her head no and Cheryl wasn’t going to force her to. “It’s okay, then. We will just let it go home then, alright?”

“Put it on the bed,” Raven said before she walked behind the bench and got a leaf from the floor. “Here.”

Cheryl did as Raven asked, holding the leaf with her other hand because Raven couldn’t work herself up to do it. When the spider was properly placed and the leaf was on the floor, Cheryl dusted her hands off as in a mannered gesture to have finished her job, making the girl giggle.

“There, it’s gone.” Cheryl smiled and Raven smiled shyly back, whispering a _‘thank you’_ right after. “Did you know that spiders have a song?”

“They do?” She asked, and Toni and Cheryl nodded their heads in perfect sync, as a smile grew on their lips at the same time.

“Yeah! First, we have to learn how to make a spider with our hands.” Cheryl said as the girl paid attention to every word coming out of her mouth.

Raven quickly positioned her hands, one on top of the other, wrists crossed, fingers spread out. She moved her hands forward as she wiggled her fingers, as if it was a spider. Cheryl watched it with a frown, while Toni just smiled at the scene and at the confusion written on Cheryl’s face.

“That’s baby sign language. I taught her that one, but never the one from the song.” Toni whispered a bit closer to the redhead. The strawberry and jasmine scent from her hair filled her nostrils and Toni wished she could stay a little bit closer for five more seconds.

“Oh,” Cheryl turned her head to face Toni, making her move backwards way faster than she thought she could. “So, that’s a spider, too! That’s so nice. I know another one, but I think yours is so much cooler! Can you teach me how to make that one?”

Raven nodded and repeated the gesture. Cheryl tried twice until Raven nodded again. “You got it.”

“Okay, so it goes like this,” Cheryl started, looking now at Raven, maneuvering her hands up in a way that wouldn’t look awkward as she sang. “ _The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout,_ ”

“Come on, Rav. Do it like Cheryl.” Toni asked, and she repeated the movement.

 _“Down came the rain and washed the spider out!_ ” Cheryl’s mouth hang open in an O, faking surprise as if she didn’t know that would happen. Raven did the same, but it was questionable if out of a spontaneous reaction or if she was just mirroring Cheryl’s.

“Oh, no!” Raven gasped out.

“But, look!” Cheryl said, in a whisper. “ _Out came the sun, and dried up all the rain_ ”

Cheryl watched as Raven’s face muscles slowly started to contract to form a giggle, watching the little girl’s hand follow her movements as she told a story with them.

“ _And the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again!_ ”

As Cheryl finished singing the nursery rhyme, Raven was giggling and bouncing in excitement. She kept humming the melody, repeating in perfect order all the gestures Cheryl had done a few seconds ago as she walked away to search for more spiders on the floor.

Toni really, really hated spiders, but she never thought she would fall in love with them after seeing Cheryl sing a children’s song about it.

The pink-haired girl hadn’t noticed she had zoned out to memory lane until she felt Jughead’s fingers snapping in front of her face, _too_ close to her eyes, startling her for a second.

“Earth to Toni.”

“Sorry, just zoned out for a second.” Toni apologized with a half-smile before she glanced over her sister’s plate. Empty. Her sister was playing with her hands, faking a camera and taking pictures of Toni and the ceiling and the fridge.

“Look, Toni, I’m you!” She said as she put her hands up to her eye and pressed an imaginary shutter button.

“You’re even better than me.” Toni smiled and her phone buzzed on the table one more time.

“If that’s Cheryl I swear to God…” Jughead mentioned and Toni rolled her eyes.

“Jealous much, Jug?”

Toni unlocked the phone as quick as possible, noticing the cherry emoji on the screen.

**_Cheryl:_ ** _looking for jobs is exhausting  
**Cheryl:** i have been staring at this computer screen for two hours sending résumés but i doubt they will call me for an interview  
**Cheryl:** working at a milkshake shop isn’t exactly the skills they are looking for _

**_Toni:_ ** _I could help you look if you want  
**Toni:** I do go to a lot of locations for my shoots, so it could be helpful_

An idea creeped up in Toni’s head faster than she thought she could. She stared at Jughead, thumbs in place as if they were ready to send another text, making the boy frown in confusion.

“What?”

“Does Betty still work at the same place?” Toni asked, that crinkle up on her nose indicating she had had something planned. Or _was_ planning something, at least.

“Yes, why?” He answered quickly and shortly. “You’re scaring me. Stop.”

“I need her help.” Toni said, her voice firm.

“Just say the word,” Jughead nodded in agreement.

**_Toni:_ ** _actually, i have a better idea  
**Toni:** are you free to meet me (and probably raven) tomorrow, same time?  
**Cheryl:** yeah, why?  
**Cheryl:** omg this is scary what is it  
**Toni:** how comfortable are you with a camera?  
**Cheryl:** very much so, if I may add.  
**Toni:** perfect! see you tomorrow :)  
**Cheryl:** small to three, big to six it is :) see you!_

“Toni…” Jughead called her out as she put her phone down on the table. “What are you doing?”

“Killing two birds with one stone.”

* * *

Raven let go of Toni’s hand when she spotted the red locks in the middle of the white snow covered park. It was safe, so Toni just watched as Raven run towards Cheryl. Toni’s heart beat three times faster, it was actually making the blood run away from her extremities, and her hands were suddenly a shaky mess holding the empty milkshake glass that Raven had had from Veronica five minutes earlier. Seeing Cheryl smiling that widely when she saw Raven just did something to her, and she couldn’t help the smile that also grew on her lips whenever she saw them interact, but Cheryl alone would do it in a heartbeat.

As Toni approached them, Cheryl already had Raven up in a tight hug, the girl’s feet leaving the ground just barely.

“…and I ate all of my celery!” Raven’s words were less muffled as she got closer and she could make out actual words out of the sound coming from her sister’s mouth.

“That’s incredible, Rav! High five,” Cheryl held out her hand up on her shoulder’s level, her palm being slapped a few seconds after by Raven’s, as she jumped to reach the redhead’s hand. “You can ask your sister to make you celery juice, too! It’s delicious.”

“Are you insane? Why would I put her through so much pain and hatred?” Toni raised a single eyebrow, arms crossed over her chest. Cheryl rolled her eyes up and hit her arm playfully.

“Shut up,” she said. “Actually, don’t. You still need to tell me what we’re doing because I am clueless.”

“Toni, can I play over there? With my tools?” Raven asked, reaching for Toni’s backpack, where the pink-haired girl had put a little plastic shovel and some plastic holders in animal shape.

“Of course, Rav.” Toni smiled and she took the tools out and handed to the girl, inside a fabric bag. “Just don’t go out of my sight, okay?”

“Okay,” she answered back and took three or four steps to the spot she wanted.

“Alright,” Toni said to Cheryl now. “You said you need a job, right?”

“Yes, that statement is correct.”

“And you also said that you’re okay with cameras.”

“That I did, yes,” Cheryl answered the questions hat were more of affirmative sentences in a question tone. “What you _didn’t_ tell me is what the hell we are doing here.”

“So, Betty, my best friend’s girlfriend works at a model agency. I thought that maybe we could try to get you a job there. As a model.” Toni’s fingers fidgeted. She would be completely lying if she said she wasn’t nervous, and Cheryl would be lying if she said she didn’t have the looks for it.

“Uh, I don’t know,” Cheryl said, fear all over her face. “Do you think? That I have, like, the X factor for it?”

“Wrong reality show, sweetie,” Toni mocked, but made sure to give her a reassuring, comforting smile right after. Cheryl rolled her eyes and a chuckle came out quietly from her mouth. “But yeah, I really do.”

_Because you are so fucking beautiful, your body is to die for and you have hairs to make L’Oréal models die in envy._

Cheryl hesitated for a second before she answer. “I guess it doesn’t hurt to try, right?”

“Not even a bit,” Toni affirmed and reached for her camera on her backpack.

Toni had noticed she didn’t even ask Cheryl to dress up or do her makeup, but the redhead had a natural beauty that was incomparable. Her plump lips were lightly painted in a smooth red, a layer of lip balm over it. Toni firmly believed she didn’t have any foundation or eye shadow, but her eyelashes definitely had a layer of mascara on. Her hair curled lightly on the ends, separated in the middle, the light waves starting to form on her eye level. It was breathtaking, if someone were to ask Toni.

The only thing Toni had asked her that morning was to wear a black piece. The redhead was already too pale for the white background and she needed something to work on with the contrast and the vibrancy later. 

Cheryl choose a leather coat with fur on the inside, said fur all over the hoodie, but the shiny leather giving it a nice glow and contrast. She had a bright red turtleneck under it, and those leather pants were definitely going to be stuck in Toni’s mind for a while. Her black boots looked a lot like Toni’s, but they somehow looked _stunning_ on Cheryl, and it was only adding up to her outfit.

“You’ll have to walk me through poses because I can’t do that.” Cheryl added, as she adjusted her coat, zipping it down just to show a little bit more of the red underneath.

“You’re going to be fine, just follow my lead, alright?” Toni positioned the viewfinder on her eye, placing Cheryl perfectly in the frame. “Put your hoodie on.”

“But isn’t it going to look like it’s too much?”

“No, just trust me.” Toni answered, already having the perfect shot in her head. Close-up on Cheryl’s face, the white thick layer of snow in the background contrasting perfectly with the red on her shirt, her red locks and the black of her coat. “Look at me like I’m your high school enemy.”

“What?” Cheryl whispered to herself laughing. Toni hit the shutter button three times, getting each micro transition of that laugh. “Alright. Focus, Blossom.”

Cheryl went from smiley to serious in a matter of milliseconds, giving Toni her perfect shot. Toni’s heart skipped a beat and she felt like Cheryl’s eyes were staring right into hers and could read every single thought and feeling she had at that moment, and it made Toni shiver.

It took 45 minutes until they had ran out of poses and Toni’s camera roll was already filled with perfect shots. Raven made sure to appear in the background of some of them, and even asked if she could take a picture with Cheryl. That one picture, where Cheryl lowered her body to hug Raven, the little girl’s body bend to match the curvature of Cheryl’s body, and both with giant smiles as Cheryl tickled Raven’s ribs was definitely Toni’s favorite and she could stare at it for hours. Toni never knew she could get such perfect shots in a gooey November evening. Toni knew that the model was the whole reason.

They had been sitting down on the bench, the one that they nicely called theirs now, for five minutes and Cheryl couldn’t believe her eyes. Looking at her with Toni’s eyes hit her in a way that she never thought a picture could. It was somehow sweet. It wasn’t difficult, it had no flaws. It was like she was this person that was… lovable. Cared for. She had no idea how a picture could say much, but she felt all of those when Toni was swiping the pictures.

“This one is my favorite,” said Toni, stopping in that fourth picture she took. Focused eyes, almost linear lips and that perfect close-up. “I think we got you a thirty-photo album here, Cheryl.”

“Toni, you are really good. Like, really, _really_ good.” Cheryl said, her hand reaching for Toni’s arm and there it was the current of energy running up Toni’s spine. Cheryl’s thumb caressed her arm gently as a smile grew on her face, her eyes admiring each inch of Toni’s features. “You are incredibly amazing.”

“The sight was already pretty, all I did was press a button.” Toni felt her heart beating in her throat when she noticed the space – or lack thereof – between them.

Too close. Toni could almost feel Cheryl’s breath turning into fog as she let it out through her plump lips. Her cheeks were burning and she was sure Cheryl could see how her pupils had dilated, and how fast her heart was beating. Cheryl was speechless for a second, and there was no way she could make up a proper answer after that. She felt her hands go numb for a second and she forgot she had placed them on Toni’s arms two minutes ago. They were still there. Her thumb was no longer rubbing against her arm. She couldn’t take her eyes off her.

“Toni?” Raven’s voice echoed in a distance and Toni shook her head, startle taking over. She heard Cheryl clearing her through, and the loss of contact with her hand made her feel weirdly empty. She turned to her sister to find that she had already packed back her toys, holding the bag by the thread that closed it. “I’m hungry.”

“We are going to get something to eat, okay?” Toni said softly as she reached for Raven’s hair to get a leaf stuck in one of her curls. “What do you want to eat? Maybe Cheryl could go with us? If she wants, of course.”

“Please?” Raven turned to Cheryl now, hands clasped together in a begging manner.

“Do you want me to go?” Cheryl asked and Raven nodded frantically. “Only if your sister is okay if I go, too.”

Toni didn’t have to say anything. She gave Cheryl a heartfelt smile, her head a little tilted to the side. “Of course I am, Cheryl.”

“Can we have sandwiches?” Raven asked as she watched both of them standing up, dusting off some snowflakes and dust that had stuck to their pants.

“Sure thing.” Toni answered, holding for Raven’s hand.

“And cherry cola!” Cheryl answered as she looked down at the girl, meeting the little brown eyes. Cheryl noticed she had the same mole on her top lip, same place as Toni’s and her heart melted for a second.

“Cheryl really likes cherry, huh?” Toni said with her eyebrows raised up again. She saw Cheryl looking at her with the corner of her eyes, a smug appearing on her lips. Toni wasn’t sure if she had said that on purpose, but it was adorable the way Raven got excited with Toni’s question.

“So do I!” Raven said, bouncing up and down, walking a little bit faster than Cheryl and Toni.

“A match made in heaven,” Toni whispered to herself and, deep down, she wished that wasn’t just about Raven and the redhead next to her.


	7. 'cause you thrill me, thrill me, thrill me like no one else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni goes on a Christmas present hunt and Cheryl asks for her help (which leaves Toni gay panicking the entire time, but how could she not? Is she even wrong?). Also some flashbacks to when they first met (because one can never get enough).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello guys :) 
> 
> i just wanna say that i loved writing this one so i hope you enjoy reading it just as much. thank you so much for all of you who've been reading and leaving nice comments and feedback, i really appreciate you all<3  
> (ps: jughead is 100% based off my best friend so i love writing those scenes between him and toni so bear with me ok? jaslk)

Toni groaned in anger for the third time when she heard  _ Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas _ playing again at the fourth store she had been to. Her feet hurt, it was too cold and she didn't have time to get a proper cup of coffee without waking up Raven, so she was more ill-humored than usual. The stores were open an hour earlier and all she had to do was go inside, buy Raven all three gifts she requested and hide it at Jughead’s place. There was no way she could find a spot at her aunt’s where Raven wouldn't find them, so Toni would have to go the extra mile — literally — and take it to her friend’s place for a week and manage to snuck out at midnight on Christmas day to put it on the tree in time for Raven to wake up to.

If there was anything Toni hated more than crowds it was something still to be invented. Being unable to move freely without people elbowing you and, most of the times, not apologizing wasn't Toni’s idea of a perfect saturday morning, but she had to do it for her sister anyway. With the letter Raven had drawn to Santa in hands, Toni huffed before going any further into the store.

As she looked on the shelves for a baby Moana doll, luck clearly not in Toni’s favor, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket and decided to ignore it this time. It wouldn't take much for someone to bump on her arm and drop it on the floor, and she definitely didn’t have the money to pay to get another electronic device fixed. It was probably a notification from an app she didn't really care and she cursed herself mentally for not deleting them before. 

A short brunette walked towards her, with a forced smile on her face of someone who was clearly not getting paid enough to work overtime on the holidays. “May I help you?” 

“Yes, hi. You don’t have a baby Moana doll hiding here somewhere by any chance, do you?” Toni asked and the desperation in her voice was clearer than she first wanted it to. 

“We do, actually, but I have to get it from the stockroom. Can you give me two minutes? I can go and bring you the ones we have there. Sounds good?” 

“Perfect,” Toni politely smiled as she watched the girl nod and disappear in the middle of the crowd. 

_ Alright, one out of three is done. Now I just need to find an Ariel doll and a stuffed Flounder toy.  _

Raven’s obsession with The Little Mermaid had started a couple of weeks prior, and it was driving Toni insane to see that much water on TV all the time. First it was Moana and now she couldn't go a day without watching Ariel combing her hair with a fork at least twice a day. Toni liked to blame herself, for buying her that Disney princesses book collection. Raven liked them all, but something stuck with her from The Little Mermaid since she heard Toni telling her the story for the first time, and she needed more than what her imagination could create. 

Of course, Cheryl was obsessed with it, too. She had told Toni a story about how she was the only princess with very pale skin and red hair that looked like her, so she was Ariel for Halloween until she was twelve. Toni’s heart burst with the picture in her head, and even more so when Raven asked for Toni’s phone to talk to Cheryl about it. The redhead lost no time quoting the entire movie with the little girl, because  _ what eighteen-year-old doesn't know their favorite Disney princess movie by heart?  _

Toni couldn't explain the connection those two had and she honestly didn't think anyone could. Sometimes the only text she would receive from Cheryl on the day was something The Little Mermaid related, but it seemed to make Raven’s day, so she was fine with it. 

Toni felt her phone buzz once again and decided not to ignore it this time. She stayed in the same spot because she figured it would be easier for the girl to find her, managing to dodge from all the bumps. 

**_Cheryl (9:37 am):_ ** _ hi! good morning :) are you up? _

**_Cheryl (9:45 am):_ ** _ yeah, probably not. hmu when you see this!  _

**_Toni (9:46 am):_ ** _ hey, you! i am, unfortunately, up and running around to buy rav’s christmas presents on very little fuel (read as coffee), but you know, things we do.  _

**_Toni:_ ** _ what’s up? did something happen?  _

Toni looked up real quick from her phone to see if she could spot the girl anywhere in the middle of the crowd, but to no success. She heard a ding of a new message coming from her phone and she couldn't help the smile growing on her lips.

**_Cheryl:_ ** _ it did, actually  _

**_Cheryl:_ ** _ i just got a call from the agency we sent the pictures you took, and they want to book me for a mini shoot tomorrow!  _

**_Cheryl:_ ** _ i just wanted to thank you for helping me out. you truly are sensational.  _

**_Toni:_ ** _ don’t use my quotes against me! i will start to charge for copyrights  _

**_Toni:_ ** _ but no need to thank me. it was all you and you deserve it! let me know how it goes tomorrow?  _

**_Cheryl:_ ** _ yeah, sure!  _

Right as Toni was putting her phone back, the girl came back with three boxes piled up on her arms. 

“I found these three there, do you want to come here and take a look?” Toni nodded as they walked back to the counter, and Toni knew it would take longer than she expected. 

Forty minutes later she walked out of the store with only one box in the bag. She couldn’t find an Ariel doll if her life depended on it and she was already starting to get frustrated. Maybe she could look it up on the internet later, but right now she needed another cup of coffee before she could walk into any other store.

* * *

“Jughead!”

It was the third time Toni yelled his name out on the porch to no answer. Jughead had told her he would be waiting for her to hide Raven’s presents, but he seemed to have forgotten about it. When she was about to call him, Toni heard the sound of the key turning inside the lock. 

“About time! I’ve been here for God knows how much time.” Toni whined as she aggressively walked inside the living room, dodging from the center table. “Where can I put this?” 

“Hello, Jug! Good morning. How are you in this delightful December morning? You’re doing amazing? That’s awesome,” Jughead rose up his voice two octaves and pretended to be Toni, his hand dancing in the air as he gestured how he pictured Toni would do. Toni watched the scene and rolled her eyes, shaking her head in disbelief. 

“You are the most insufferable person to ever exist.” 

“I love you too, Topaz.” He mocked as he walked past her towards the table Toni had sat at. “How was the present hunt?”

“Not so bad. I found one of the three things she asked me, so it’s fine. If you come across an Ariel doll from the Little Mermaid let me know, though.” 

“Isn't that movie from, like, the sixties?” Jughead’s brows furrowed in confusion. 

“As if Disney princesses got any older,” Toni responded and Jughead nodded in understanding. She reached for the coffee pot and served herself a cup of hot, steamy coffee. “By the way, Cheryl texted me to--”

Toni watched Jughead’s eyebrows raise to his hairline and a giant smirk growing. She slapped his arm before she could continue.

“Can you not?! I’m trying to ask you something here.”

“Yes, Toni, she’s into you. You’re just too oblivious to notice.” Jughead said calmly, word by word, and watched Toni’s cheeks turning pink. 

“That’s not--” She cut herself to take a deep breath. His words made her nervous and she knew she would stutter, and if she did, Jughead would never let her live it down. She wasn't about to let his jokes get to her, especially the ones that weren't true or possible at all. 

“It is,” he continued.

Toni sighed before she continued, “Why am I still friends with you? No,  _ asshole,  _ I was going to ask if Betty said something about her portfolio.” 

“Not to me, no. Why?” 

“She texted me this morning to tell me the agency wants her tomorrow for a shoot. I know she has the potential, but I was wondering if it has any of Betty’s fingers in it. Or maybe a whole hand.” Toni asked as she took another quite huge sip of her coffee, watching Jughead’s expressions. He wanted to laugh, or probably come up with a bad, sexual joke. Toni’s expression changed to a scolding one. “Don't even  _ think  _ about it.” 

“You are no fun,” he whined. “But, no. I don't think so. The pictures were really good and Betty had no reason to try to interfere.” 

“All modesty, that's true.”

“I was talking about Cheryl.” Jughead seemed to be incessant on the bad jokes that day and if it were any other person, Toni would lose it.

She took her phone out of her pocket to check the time, but a new text from Cheryl came through at the exact same time. 

“Speaking of her…” Toni said without taking her eyes off the screen. 

**_Cheryl:_ ** _ hey, do you have plans tomorrow? _

“What is it?” Jughead asked, but no response from Toni whatsoever. 

**_Toni:_ ** _ i just have two shoots to do tomorrow, but it should be fine.  _

**_Toni_ ** _ : do you need anything? _

**_Cheryl:_ ** _ actually, i wanted to ask you if you would be up to make me company tomorrow _

**_Cheryl:_ ** _ i’m just very nervous and i feel i would be less nervous if i had a familiar face there with me _

**_Toni:_ ** _ sure! i can be your emotional support through that difficult time _

**_Cheryl:_ ** _ do not mock me! this is serious! it's my first job that doesn't require that i mix syrup with ice cream  _

**_Toni:_ ** _ i’m sorry, you’re just cute when you get defensive :)  _

“I feel like I’m going to throw up,” Toni said aloud at last, eyes fixed on the last text she sent while her stomach played roller coaster inside her. 

“If maybe I knew what’s going on there I could help,” Jughead said, stretching his arm at Toni’s hand. She handed him the phone and watched as his eyes wandered on the screen. “Oh, my God, you suck at flirting.” 

Toni rolled her eyes with a foot stump. “Jughead! I am in  _ crisis. _ ” 

“You just need to take a deep breath and relax,” said Jughead with a calmer voice, no joking this time. “I know you’re feeling this is going places and it’s okay to feel a little bit overwhelmed, but she likes you, Topaz. You’re the only one who doesn’t see it. Even Veronica does and that one is more oblivious than you are sometimes.” 

“What if she doesn’t like me like  _ that _ ?” Toni asked and she didn’t expect her voice to come out shaky. She didn't want to accept whatever it was she was feeling was real, and it scared her. She couldn't bear to feel like she isn't worthy. She didn't want her aunt’s words to be real.

“Toni, think about it. I’ve seen the way you talk to each other, the way she  _ looks  _ at you.” Jughead watched as Toni rested her head on her hand again, feeling that knot in her stomach forming. “I know you think it’s hard to believe, but your aunt’s words are  _ not  _ true. You’re an amazing woman and, maybe if you let someone in, you could understand that, too.”

Jughead seemed to read her mind every time, but she was thankful to have such an amazing friend by her side, but she hated how raw he could cut her open sometimes. 

Toni hated showing weakness, especially if it meant having to be that vulnerable over something she had no control over. She didn’t want to have feelings for Cheryl, she wasn’t supposed to, but she did. Maybe she didn’t realize it was happening from day one, but it sure was there since then.

_ That day, the heat was insufferable, which was making Toni extra exhausted. She hadn’t slept well in days and her sister wasn’t dealing well with the heat wave. The bags under her eyes were scarier than usual and her level of patience was draining faster than she expected it to, which was adding to the frustration because she didn’t want to take it out on her sister, even if she would never mean to do it on purpose. Everything was exhausting and she was mentally drained. _

_ Toni had walked all around the city with a heavy backpack, stuffed with all the things she had to buy for her sister since her aunt refused to take twenty minutes of her time on her way back home and get it. Raven was already complaining about how her feet hurt from walking too much, that she was tired and hot. Toni couldn’t blame her, it was really outwearing both of them, but they were close to home. Just two more blocks…. _

_ “Toni, I’m tired,” said the girl, the crying coming out of her mouth. _

_ “We’re almost there, Rav. Can you walk for five more minutes?” Toni kneeled down in front of her sister, not only to be on her eye level, but also to rest her legs somehow. Her sister shook her head no and signed with her fingers that she really needed to sit down. At that moment, Toni wished she could carry her sister on her back as she did when she was younger, but there was no free spot on her body to do so. _

_ “Tired.” _

_ “Okay, then. We need to find a bench first, but for that we need to walk a little bit more. We can walk very slowly, like a snail. What do you say?” Toni proposed and didn’t get the immediate positive reaction she was expecting. She watched her sister’s features change as if she was going to start complaining again, but Toni cut her off. “It’s really close. I think there is one there, in that park. See?” _

_ As Raven nodded, Toni sighed in relief and stood up again, stretching her arm towards her sister and took her hand. _

_ Before they could get to the park, right in front of a milkshake shop, Raven just started throwing a tantrum. She didn’t want to be under the sun anymore, it was making her extra tired and everything seemed to be bothering her that day. Toni’s exhaustion wasn’t adding much to the positive behavior she liked to treat Raven with and she felt the urge to cry. Sometimes it was too much. The ground beneath her feet seemed to disappear, inch by inch, and her sister’s cry wasn’t helping her state of mind. _

_ “Hey, Rav, it’s okay. I know you’re tired, and I’m sorry I pushed you to keep walking.” Toni kneeled down one more time, her thumb carefully rubbing against her cheek, but it wasn’t working. “I promise when we get home I will make you whatever you want. Do you want some strawberries? We can make strawberry waffles!” _

_ Raven was still with that barrier of unshed tears in her eyes. Toni’s head fell down, face towards the ground and her eyes closed as she thought of something to say that would help. _

_ And then an angel in disguise.  _

_ The milkshake shop was just around the corner and Toni never paid much attention to it or to its name. She knew it was something related to chocolate, like a pun or a gibberish almost, but not that she cared. Toni didn’t notice a red-haired girl sitting on the entrance until she tried to talk to Raven. Judging by her clothes and by the untied apron around her waist, she was probably one of the girls who made the milkshakes in there. _

_ “We don’t have strawberry waffles here, but we do have strawberry milkshake.” Toni looked up to face the girl, who was now standing up, knotting her apron on her back and the most beautiful smile Toni had ever seen. _

_ Her hair were up in a ponytail, except for two red locks hanging on each side of her face, glowing through the sunrays and her pale skin contrasting with it perfectly. _

_ Raven didn’t answer, but she was startled and intimidated enough to stop throwing a fist. Toni knew she would try to hide, probably behind her as she always did, so she quickly stood up, her balance shaken. “I can show you how we make it. What do you say?” _

_ “You said you were hot. We can have a milkshake if you want,” Toni reached for her sister, her arm going around her body enough to pull her closer. Raven didn’t say a word, but nodded. _

_ The redhead smiled before she walked into the place and Toni’s eyes met with a very aesthetic pleasing color scheme inside. Shades of dark red, dark blue and purple painted the place, along the silver counter. _

_ “Ok, so tell me…” Cheryl turned around on her heels to face Raven again, but stopped when she realized she hadn’t asked what her name was. _

_ “Raven,” said Toni as she sat down next to her sister, her feet immediately feeling the relief. _

_ “Raven, such a beautiful name!” She seemed excited and Toni could see in her eyes how they were shining. It was adorable, to say the least. “So, Raven, what is your favorite ice cream flavor?” _

_ “You can tell her, it’s okay.” Toni reached for Raven’s shoulder when she noticed her eyes were fixed on the redhead, but she didn’t intend on speaking. “What is your favorite ice cream flavor?” _

_ “Vanilla,” Raven whispered to herself, eyes shifting from Toni to the redhead again. _

_ “Oh, vanilla? It’s my favorite, too! I love vanilla and Oreos! But I think you prefer vanilla and strawberry, right?” _

_ “Cherry,” she whispered again, this time a stubborn but yet shy smile attempting to grow. _

_ “Is cherry your favorite fruit?” Cheryl asked and, after the girl nodded three times, she walked towards the toppings session and got the cherries jar. “What do you say we make you a vanilla and cherry milkshake?” _

_ Toni watched as a complete stranger got her sister fixated on what she was doing, and even communicating, which was a tough spot for her. Sometimes, her autism made her struggle to interact with other people or even people she knew, so seeing Raven laughing at something this girl had said was not only interesting but also heartwarming. It took less than three minutes until her special order was ready, and the redhead made sure to add extra whipped cream and two cherries on top, which she knew was only to win the little girl. _

_ “What do we say?” Toni said as she watched the huge glass in front of her sister. _

_ “Thank you.” Raven smiled and quickly reached for the straw. _

_ She was standing too close and only then was Toni able to notice her eyes. The way light reflected on them, but the brightness didn’t change them. Her plump lips were perfectly painted in a bright shade of red and it was hypnotizing to say the least. Her beauty was truly breathtaking and the view made Toni gulp.  _

_ “Thank you. It was really nice of you,” said Toni. _

_ “My pleasure,” she said as she smiled once again. Toni reached for her backpack, taking her wallet out of it with some struggle due to the amount of things stuffed in it. She watched the redhead shake her head no gently. “And it’s on the house. Don’t worry.” _

_ “Thank you,” gently said Toni in a whisper, her eyes shifting from going up to the redhead’s eyes to her lips, but now back to her sister.  _

_ “How is it? Is it good?” The barista attempted to ask Raven, but to no response one more time. _

_ “She has autism, so she’s not really verbal with people she doesn’t know.” Toni tried to explain, and watching the girl’s expressions, she was okay with her questions leading to no answers from Raven, only to nods or whispers. _

_ Raven nodded again, the straw never leaving her lips. _

_ “That’s enough for me.” _

_ Toni shut her eyes for a second as she shook her head lightly. How rude of her. “I didn’t even ask your name… So, thank you…?” _

_ “Cheryl. Enchantée.” _

_ Every time that woman smiled at her, Toni couldn’t look away. Not that she wanted to, and the fact that she spoke French wasn’t helping. There was something about her that was so intriguing and yet made Toni’s heart twirl as if it was in a circus. _

_ “Toni. Enchantée.” She tried to mimic the sound, but she failed French twice in high school for a reason. _

_ “Cheryl? Like cherry?” Raven spoke in an audible sound and not directed at Toni for the first time.  _

_ “Yeah, like that.” _

“Toni, are you even listening to what I’m saying?”

Jughead’s voice echoed somewhere as Toni came back to reality when she felt her phone buzzing on the table. She read the notification on the screen and spinned her phone on the table so Jughead could read what the text said from across the table.

**_Cheryl:_ ** _ i guess you won this one because you’re  _ **_always_ ** _ cute :) _

“What more proof do you need?”

“All of them,” Toni whispered to herself and luckily Jughead didn’t listen. She stood up and picked up the bag with the things she had bought. “Alright, where can I put this? I need to go home, Raven is probably waiting for me to have breakfast.”

* * *

“Oh, my God. What are you doing here and why do you keep stalking me?” 

Toni stepped into the agency entrance room, spotting the redhead sitting at the end of the couch. Her arms were crossed over her body and a fake eye roll came along with the joke, but Cheryl didn't break into laughter once, not even a playful smile. The pink-haired girl raised her eyebrows as her arms came to cross loosely over her own body. 

“I’m not here for you, Cheryl Bombshell, or whatever your name is,” Toni fakely snapped, watching a smug smile on Cheryl’s face. “I came here to talk to Betty.” 

“Ouch,” Cheryl said, not offended at all. “But I’m digging that Bombshell thing.”

“As you should.” Toni said in response and Cheryl chuckled, her face muscles contracting into a smile. 

Cheryl stood up and opened her arms to welcome Toni into a quick embrace. Toni’s arms wrapped easily around Cheryl’s tiny waist, but the feeling she got from it, as if her body had been molded out to fit perfectly into Toni’s arms, made her heart flutter. 

“Hi,” Cheryl whispered as she held Toni in for two more seconds before she loosened her grip.

“Hi,” Toni said back, as shyly as Cheryl. “How are you feeling?” 

“Nervous, but a little less now that you’re here.” Cheryl said in response, her head tilting a little to the side and eyes shining. Toni allowed her head to drop down as she felt her cheeks starting to burn. 

_ Damn it, woman.  _

“You’re going to be great. I’m not just saying. It's a natural talent.” Toni reached for her arm to give her some comfort. Toni felt and watched the tension disappear from Cheryl’s shoulders under her touch and she felt a current run through her entire body. “And even if this one doesn't work you will have plenty of others. I’m here for you, okay?” 

Before Cheryl could answer anything, Betty called out her name from the door that led from the entrance hall to the photography room. She took a deep breath and looked at Toni one more time, her eyes getting lost in the sea of peace that were Toni’s. Toni looked down at Cheryl’s fingers, both her hands with shaky fingers intertwined, and gave her a reassuring smile. She reached for her hands, holding them into hers with a light squeeze and a gentle thumb rub as she looked into Cheryl’s eyes. 

“You got this.”

“Cheryl?” Betty called her one more time. Cheryl just nodded to Betty in response. 

Toni saw Cheryl holding out her hand to her and she hesitated for a second before she took it in her own hand. Cheryl needed to feel safe, she needed to feel she wasn't alone. She  _ craved _ for human contact. Every time Toni’s skin was against hers she felt fireworks all over her body, and in that moment she needed that boost — one that only Toni could give her. 

“Will you go in with me?” 

“I’m right behind you.” 

Cheryl walked towards Betty, who welcomed her with her sweetest smile and the kindest of words, as she always did. Betty waited until Toni passed by her to give her a smirk. 

“Don't even,” said Toni with a scold look as she walked a little bit faster, completely ignoring Betty’s giggle behind her. 

Cheryl’s ease with the camera was something that Toni was still surprised about. Sure she had the physical looks to master the art of modeling, but it required more than a beautiful face. Cheryl had  _ talent _ and Toni felt proud for helping her find this hidden talent. 

The pink-haired girl watched her from the corner, eyes darting from Cheryl in front of that pink background to the screen of the photographer’s camera. Betty kept walking around, getting jewelry and scarves to dress the redhead up with and helping the photographer decide which photo had turned out better. Sometimes, between a photo and the photographer’s indecisiveness, Cheryl would look at her as if she was asking Toni how she was doing, and Toni always mouthed the same answer. 

“Amazing.”

Almost two hours later, Cheryl and Toni waved Betty goodbye and walked out of the place, the cold breeze hitting their skin hard. Cheryl arms wrapped around her own shivering body. Toni had her phone to her ear, the line muted as she waited for her sister to come back from her hunt for the misplaced dvd of The Little Mermaid.

_ “I found it! It was under the Cinderella dvd!” _

“You’re going to watch The Little Mermaid again, Rav? You still haven’t watched Pocahontas, why don’t you try that one?” Toni proposed gently, knowing that it was to no avail. 

_ “But I want to see Ariel! And Flounder! And Sebastian! And Ursula!” _

“Let her watch the movie, Toni. It  _ is  _ the best one, you can’t fight her on that.” 

_ “Who is that? Is that Cheryl?”  _ Raven asked, her listening skills beyond compare. 

“Yes, Rav, it’s her.” 

“ _ Hi, Cheryl!”  _

“She can’t hear you, kid.” Toni answered as she glanced up at Cheryl. Toni handed Cheryl the phone, who took it in her hands and tried to hide the happiness. Tried. 

“Hi, Rav!” Cheryl said as soon as she placed the phone in her ear, her voice going up an octave. “Yes, your sister needs to learn that Ariel is the best princess. I love Sebastian, too! Wait, I have an idea.” Cheryl moved the phone away from her ear and blocked the microphone with her hand. “You don’t have anything to do now, do you?”

Toni’s brows furrowed. “I’m scared to say that I don’t.” 

“Perfect,” Cheryl said in response before she put the phone on her ear one more time. “Rav, get your DVD and get ready, okay? Toni and I are going to pick you up. Yeah! Oh, it’s a surprise, just put some comfortable clothes on, okay? I will see you in a tidbit!” 

“What did you do to my sister?” 

“We’re having a movie night to watch The Little Mermaid.”

Toni’s face scrunched up as she whined. “No! I can’t stand listening to Under the Sea anymore. Or Raven trying to brush her hair with a fork.” 

“Hey! I used to do that, too!” 

“She has curly hair, Cheryl! It destroys her curls and gets stuck!” Cheryl rolled her eyes but smiled gently with the image created in her head. 

“Stop being such a fun breaker. Let her live.” 

“Alright,” Toni said as they took a left turn. “But if she does that  _ you  _ are going to undo the knots on her hair.” 

“Happily.”

* * *

Cheryl turned the key to unlock the front door in a hurry, Raven and Toni waiting behind her on the front porch. Cheryl’s place wasn’t fancy or spacious, it was enough for a person or maybe two. As they walked into the living room, Toni noticed how tidy the redhead was and she wasn’t surprised to see that she had a lot of red decorations around the house and the preference for white furniture was explicit. Toni watched as Cheryl took off her jacket and hung it on the hooks behind her door, turning on her heels to get hers and Raven’s, too. 

“You have a nice place,” Toni said as she slid her leather jacket off her shoulders. 

“I clean excessively to deal with anxiety, that’s why,” she chuckled as she looked at Toni to get her jacket. She held out her hand to Raven, but the little girl held her body. “It’s okay, you can keep it on. If you want to take it off you can just put it on the couch, okay?” 

After Cheryl showed them around, they threw some pillows on the thick mug on the floor and two buckets of popcorn and some juice were made. Cheryl handed the remote control to Raven so she could do the honors. Toni watched how happy Raven was and Cheryl wasn’t falling behind. Raven was sitting between them on the floor, Cheryl’s blanket thrown over their crossed legs. 

Toni couldn’t stand listening to those same songs anymore, but watching Raven and Cheryl singing along to all of them and even saying the quotes in between lyrics in perfect sync was making her happier than she thought it could make her. Watching Raven’s interacting so nice and easily with Cheryl was incredible, and knowing that the redhead had so much affection with her sister was really relieving. 

At some point, Toni got genuinely distracted with the movie, but her hand still moved to the popcorn bucket on Raven’s lap.. 

She felt Cheryl’s hand brush against hers, Toni’s hand almost on top of hers. They looked at each other and pretended the butterflies weren’t there again. Toni could feel Cheryl’s gaze burning on her and she was sure she had seen something in them. Something that told Toni that whatever it was she was feeling towards Cheryl was reciprocal. 

Raven’s hand quickly met theirs inside the bucket and a loud giggle came from the kid. Toni and Cheryl couldn’t keep their own laughter inside and Toni shook her head watching the genuineness of her sister. 

“I have an idea,” Cheryl spoke up, catching both Raven’s and Toni’s attention. 

“Oh, no,” said Toni. 

“I have some cherries in the fridge and I think I have enough vanilla ice cream…” Cheryl said as she lowered her body a little bit to speak closer to Raven. She watched her eyes widen and an excited smile appear on her face. 

“Milkshake!” 

“We can make it! Do you want to?” Cheryl asked and when Raven nodded frantically, she stood up and held out her arm. Raven took her hand and they both walked away. 

Toni shook her head, still sitting on the floor. 

She didn’t want her heart to be doing pirouettes when she looked at Cheryl, even less so to have to hide a smile whenever Raven and Cheryl played together. She didn’t want to keep imagining how it would feel to have Cheryl laying her head on her chest as they watched a movie under a blanket, or to imagine how her lips would feel pressed against hers. It was  _ torture,  _ but she kept being dragged to her like a magnet. Toni didn’t want to, but the feeling was like a drug, and Cheryl’s smile made her feel like she had just gotten a hit. She didn't want to but she craved for more. More in all literal ways.

Cheryl made her feel in a way she had never before, and if  _ that  _ was love, she was really doomed. 

She heard a chatter coming from the kitchen, separated from the living room only by a counter. Some cabinet doors being shut and the clinking coming from glasses hitting each other. 

With her phone in hand, she took a deep breath before she started typing. 

**_Toni:_ ** _ jug i’m screwed _

**_Toni:_ ** _ i am so so so screwed _

**_Toni:_ ** _ i like her. i like her a lot. good luck putting up with me  _

“Hey, Toni, aren’t you coming?” Cheryl yelled from the kitchen counter, her heart skipping a beat from both saying it to another person and hearing her name being said by Cheryl. “We’re just waiting for you to start our Part of Your World sing-a-long.” 

Toni rolled her eyes, but there wasn’t a single cell in her body that meant that, if the smile she had prevented from appearing was saying anything. 

“No need to wait for me,” Toni said in response as she stood up and put her phone back in her pocket. 

“But you’re part of our world! We will always wait for you.” Cheryl said, clearly proud of her pun. This time, Toni didn’t push her smile down. 

“If I hear one more pun with anything Little Mermaid related I will flip.” Toni snapped, taking a cherry from the plate.

Cheryl giggled and Toni wished she could listen to that sound for the rest of her life. “Good luck, then. You’re in for a long ride.”

_ You’re so doomed, Topaz.  _


	8. it's the best i've ever felt, you make the snow around me melt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very fluffy Christmas chapter (in September, yes) with everything that all of you have been waiting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! as i said it on the summary: fluff, fluff and more fluff. this one was a struggle because my specialty is definitely angst and i can't find my way around fluff, but i kinda liked this one so why not?
> 
> also it's 3am and I'm updating from my phone so pls bear with me if you find any formatting mistakes, alrighty? 
> 
> hope you enjoy it! :)

Raven reached for the pack of red ornaments, but her grip was too light and a loud thud startled Toni on the other side of the room. She shook her head lightly and tried to focus on maintaining her positive behaviour attitude and just forced a half smile. 

It was late afternoon of the 24th. The sun was almost completely gone, but the house didn't feel like Christmas at all. Her aunt never celebrated Christmas as one thought it would, with food for days, lights all around the house and an abundance of presents under the tree. She would simply pray and pretend it was a day like any other. Toni wouldn't let that spirit die and she was only doing it for her sister. 

The year before Toni didn't gather up enough courage to fight her aunt on her decision of not getting a tree. She had taken Raven out in the neighborhood to see the lights and the decorations, and seeing her eyes shining in happiness, hope and amazement broke Toni’s heart, for not being strong enough to let her aunt’s hate towards her affect her that much. 

She wasn’t going to let that happen that year.

They had been setting the Christmas tree for thirty minutes now, even though their aunt had explicitly told them not to. 

“I’m not going to ruin another Christmas for Raven, without mom, because you don't want dirt on your floor,” Toni snapped at her aunt’s words a few minutes ago when she had walked on them bringing the tree inside, watching her eyebrows raise in a disdainful gesture. “I will clean it up later.” 

Toni had made an agreement with her sister that she would be the one maneuvering the scissors and the sharp objects, cutting off the bad branches and making sure there were no poking pieces of wood, while Raven helped hang the ornaments. 

“Toni, be careful with the scissors. They give you booboos, like the knife when you tried to cut the watermelon.” 

Toni looked down to her finger, a little white scar almost perfectly healed and her lips tugged up in a shy smile. 

“And you, be careful with those ornaments. We only have those to hang in the tree, okay?” Toni said in response, getting a nod from her sister. 

More carefully now, Raven took the ornaments from the floor and carried all the way through the living room, handing it to her sister.

After fifteen minutes of laughter coming from Raven, Toni took the golden angel from the box and gave it to her sister by the thread, picking her up so she could reach the top of the tree. Toni looked at the finished product and her heart clenched harder inside her chest. Christmas was her mother’s favorite holiday and it was going to be their third without her. She thought she would be okay with the pain by now, but every year it seemed to get harder. Her sister seemed to be doing just fine, she didn’t remember a lot from their mom and even though Toni tried to keep her memory alive, she could only do so little. 

“Picture!,” said Raven, reaching for Toni’s cellphone in her back pocket. 

She had learned how to unlock it and of course Toni had changed her password to Raven’s birthday to make it easier. She looked for the camera icon, and with a little help from her sister, Raven held out her arm and got herself, the tree and half of Toni’s face into the picture she took herself. 

“That looks good, Rav!” Toni took a look before she saw her thumb reaching for the home button, swiping through the screens. “What are you doing?” 

Raven seemed to ignore Toni’s question to keep looking for whatever she was looking for. Her finger stopped and hovered over the messages icon, pausing for a brief second before she hit it. 

“No, no. Who are you trying to text?” Toni tried to reach for her phone, but Raven dodged and walked away. “Raven, no.” 

“Raven, yes.” Toni got closer to her sister just when she heard that  _ message sent  _ ringtone and managed to get the phone from her hands. “Now you type it.”

She had texted Cheryl the picture. 

Toni had no idea how she learned to do that because she hadn’t watched Toni hitting those buttons to send a picture through text enough to memorize it. She had memorized the letters in Cheryl’s name so there was no surprise how she found her so easily.

“What do you want me to type?,” asked Toni, head shaking slightly knowing there was no way out of that. 

“ _ Merry Christmas! _ And a cherry and a red heart!” Toni quickly did as Raven asked, her fingers tapping fast against the screen. 

“Okay, sent. Now you sit down here while I clean that mess over there, okay?” Raven nodded as Toni handed her phone to her sister. She saw her swiping through the screens one more time, looking for her favorite game, before she walked out of the living room towards the laundry room to get a broom.

As Toni sweeped the floor around the tree, the pink-haired girl heard the sounds from the game stop to shift places with the incoming message ringtone. She looked behind her shoulder and saw Raven tapping the screen to open the notification, but soon her eyes looked away from the screen to look up at Toni.

“Toni, Cheryl!” Raven jumped off the couch and gave the phone back to Toni. “Read, please?”

Toni’s automatic smile grew on her lips as she read the texts.

**_Toni:_ ** _ raven says merry christmas!  _ _  
_ **_Toni:_ ** _ she sent that one herself i wasn’t even aware _ _  
_ **_Cheryl:_ ** _ merry christmas, rav!  _ _  
_ **_Cheryl:_ ** _ I miss you and your sister so much!  _

“She said  _ merry christmas _ and that she misses us!” Toni answered and watched her sister’s face lit up. She mentioned to put her phone back in her pocket, but her sister whined in denial. 

“Talk to Cheryl!,” said Raven, arms crossed over her chest and her hands turning into fists. 

“You can send her an audio message, what do you want to say?” Toni proposed but watched her sister shake her head negatively. 

“Talk to Cheryl!”

“You want to call her, then?” Toni asked and this time Raven nodded. 

“I will call her but it has to be really quick, okay?” 

As Raven nodded, Toni’s anxiety grew bigger in her stomach. She was used to calling Cheryl, sure, but not at home or in broad daylight. Not when her aunt could walk into the room any time. They both sat down on the couch while Toni pressed the call button.

The phone rang three times before Cheryl’s voice echoed through the speakers. 

“ _ Hello?”  _

“Cheryl!” Raven was the first to respond, that excited smile Toni was familiar with and that only appeared when Cheryl was around growing on her lips. She stared at the screen as if she was looking at Cheryl herself. “Hi!”

_ “Hi, Rav! How are you today?”  _ Toni found it adorable how Cheryl’s voice register changed when she was talking to her sister. Her voice was usually chest centered, but whenever she was talking to the kid it went completely higher as if she was smiling the entire time. 

“I’m good! Toni put up the Christmas tree and I helped her to hang the balls!” 

“The bulbs, Rav. The bulbs.” Toni held in a laugh as she corrected the girl into rephrasing it. She heard Cheryl laughing on the other side of the phone. 

_ “ _ The bulbs.” Raven corrected herself. 

_ “That is so nice! And at night Santa can come and leave your presents under the tree. What did you ask for this year?”  _

“A baby Moana doll, a Flounder stuffed toy and an Ariel doll.”

_ “I’m sure he will bring all of those for you! But you have to be in bed early.” _

“Toni told me,” said Raven as she rolled her eyes. “I don’t like it.”

_ “Maybe you can leave some cookies and a glass of milk for him! Last year he ate all of mine!”  _

“Can we, Toni?” Raven looked up at Toni now, who just nodded. “Bye, Cheryl!” 

Toni’s brows furrowed in confusion with how quick she lost interest, but deep down she was glad to be able to talk to Cheryl.

_ “Bye, Raven!” _ Cheryl said back, but the girl was far away already. Toni turned off the speakers and took the phone up to her ear.

“It's just me now.”

“ _ Meh, you will do,” _ Cheryl answered playfully, which made Toni roll her eyes up.  _ “Have you gotten all of her presents yet?” _

“I can’t find the Ariel doll she wants anywhere. I’ve looked online but they’re all out of stock.” 

“ _ Which one is it again? The one that the tail changes color?”  _

“Yeah, that one. Or any Ariel doll, at this point.” 

_ “Well, I hope she doesn't get too sad if you can’t find it. I’m sure she will love the fish and baby Moana.”  _

“Oh, never call Flounder ‘the fish’. She will cut you.” 

_ “I will sleep with an eye open.” _

“But I’m sure you can bribe her with some milkshake. She will never refuse one from  _ ‘Cheryl like cherry’ _ .” 

_ “I love being recognized by my talent of mixing ice cream and fruits. It's really rewarding.”  _

Toni laughed to herself and felt her cheeks hurt from smiling. She hadn't even noticed she was until she felt her face muscles tired.  _ Cheryl’s effect, I guess.  _

“Antoinette, who is that on the phone?” 

Toni’s head turned to the side as fast as lightning to see her aunt standing by the doorframe. She had her arms crossed over her chest and the anger on her face was stomach-churning. 

“ _ Who is that? _ ” Cheryl’s voice echoed, but the adrenaline rushing through Toni’s body made it sound muffled. 

“Uh, Cheryl, I have to go. I will talk to you later.” 

Toni didn't wait for Cheryl’s answer before she hung up. She quickly shoved her phone under her leg on the couch as she stared back at her aunt.

“Why is that relevant?” 

“You seem to be pretty close with this Cheryl girl. Maybe too close. I think I remember telling you about this and what you’re implying on Raven.” Her words came out harsh and Toni had to gulp in order to keep herself from breaking down. 

“What if I am close to her?” Toni snapped, trying to keep her voice from breaking. “Who I talk to is none of your business. If Raven likes her, it's because she is nice to her. She barely can make friends on her own and when she does you try to control it because you don't approve of who  _ I _ am?” 

Toni had stood up now, the anger consuming her. She knew she was speaking too loud and that Raven could possibly hear her from their bedroom, but if she lowered her voice she would cry. 

Her aunt hadn't moved. She was still there, staring at Toni as if she was a monster or something. 

“I don’t want her talking to this girl. She’s clearly not good company if she’s getting you this worked up. She’s probably like you, anyway.” She spat the words, and Toni could feel her face warm. It took all she had not to yell at her and walk away slamming doors shut. Hearing her aunt talk about Cheryl like that made Toni angry in ways she hadn't felt towards no one but the driver that took her mother’s life. 

“You don’t get to choose who Raven interacts with.” Toni said between teeth. “Not as long as I’m here. Cheryl is an amazing woman and all she does is make Raven happy. She  _ cares  _ for her, which is a lacking trait in this house.” 

Toni walked past her aunt, her arm bumping slightly against her elbow. 

“Your mother would be ashamed of this.” 

Toni opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. They were stuck in her throat, forming a knot that almost blocked the air passage. She couldn't believe she had gone there. Of all the things she could say to hurt her, Toni never thought she would speak her mother’s name out like that. 

Toni shook her head, eyes burning at her aunt’s. There was nothing there. They were dark and cold and Toni wondered how she could live with so much hatred. “Unbelievable.” 

Toni walked into her bedroom and caught Raven sitting on her bed, legs crossed and her camera on her lap. She wasn't pressing any buttons, just holding onto it, observing all the details she probably hadn't noticed before. 

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to see.” Raven looked startled and Toni cursed mentally at herself, for reprimanding Raven all those times. 

Toni forced a smile as she laid down on her bed. “It’s okay, boo.” 

Raven didn't say another word, so Toni quickly reached for her phone.

**_Toni:_ ** _ i’m sorry. it was my aunt. i didn’t mean to hang up on you. i’m sorry. _

**_Toni_ ** _ : we ended up getting into a fight, as usual, but everything is fine now _

**_Toni:_ ** _ sorry again :( _

“Toni?,” called Raven. She looked up from her phone and stared into her sister’s eyes. “Is aunt Amelia mad at me for liking Cheryl, too?” 

Toni’s heart fell right down to her stomach. 

“What?” She asked back, trying to get some time to process what she would even answer. She stood up to sit next to her. “Of course not. Why do you think she is?”

“I heard you yelling in the living room. I heard Cheryl’s name and my name, too.”

“Aunt Amelia isn't mad at you because Cheryl is your friend, okay? I promise you. How are you feeling?” 

“A little sad. I don't like it when you fight.” 

“I’m sorry.” Toni genuinely apologized to her. “It won’t happen again, okay?” 

Raven nodded and Toni placed a kiss on her forehead right before she pulled her in for an embrace. Her phone rang on her bed and she stood up quickly to get it, but soon joined her sister again. 

**_Cheryl:_ ** _ it’s okay, don't worry about it. i’m sorry about your aunt _

**_Cheryl:_ ** _ are you okay?  _

**_Toni:_ ** _ as okay as i can _

**_Toni:_ ** _ i hope you’re having a nicer christmas day than i am _

**_Cheryl:_ ** _ well i just got back from my mother’s house. i spent literally four minutes there and it was a nightmare  _

**_Cheryl:_ ** _ aaand i’m spending christmas alone with three trays of cookies i baked earlier, so i don’t think it's going that much better _

**_Toni:_ ** _ i’m sorry :( at least make sure you have a good old glass of milk to go with those cookies _

Something inside Toni clicked and she had no idea where all that courage came from, but she didn't even wait for an answer before she spoke up.

“Raven?” Toni called. “Get your shoes. We’re going for a walk.” 

Toni and Raven watched the sundown as they walked down the street, taking that left corner from the milkshake shop. Toni wasn't used to walk around that side of the city and she was so glad that the city was safe enough that she could walk without worrying about hers and her sister’s safety. 

Some people were going home with bags hanging on their arms, others would just be rushing to get there on time. 

Toni spotted the front porch and took a deep breath before she walked up the steps. Three knocks and suddenly five seconds turned into an hour, Toni’s heart beating hard against her sternum. 

“Toni? What are you doing here?” 

Cheryl opened the door wider, and the surprised look quickly changed to an excited and happy one. Toni watched her smile get bigger when Raven opened her arms and took two steps closer and hugged Cheryl’s legs.

“I thought all three of us could use some company today.” Toni shrugged lightly, a smile appearing on her lips. Cheryl noticed that Toni was a little sad because her eyes weren’t as they used to be, with little to no shine to them. “But if you’re busy we can go.” 

“Are you kidding me?” Cheryl said, walking backwards just enough to make room for Toni to walk into her house. “There’s no one I’d rather spend today with. And I need some help to eat all of those cookies.” 

“Cookies?” Raven looked up at Cheryl, still holding on tight to her legs. 

“Yep! Do you want one?” Cheryl offered and immediately got a nod in response. The redhead now looked at Toni. “Is it okay?” 

Toni nodded in response and seconds later watched Cheryl walking side to side with Raven towards the counter, where it laid three giant trays with gingerbread cookies and regular chocolate chip ones. 

The coziness of Cheryl’s house was always soothing, and the fake Christmas tree on the corner was even more calming. The white fake leaves with red ornaments definitely had a Cheryl touch to it, and the lights she had hung up on one single wall, behind the tv, were adorable. 

Being there again did something to Toni. Flashbacks from their movie night came to her mind as she spotted that empty space between the couch and the center table. Watching Raven and Cheryl playing never got old and the feeling that it brought her was oddly good. 

“My neighbors usually have the nicest Christmas decoration, and I think they will turn the lights on soon. We could go out for a walk and order something to eat. How does that sound?” 

Cheryl knew that Toni needed a distraction and that being bombed with questions about what happened with her aunt would be of no help at all. 

“Sounds good,” Toni smiled weakly. 

“So you finish that cookie while I go inside to lock the windows and then we can go.” Cheryl said this time to Raven, who took another bite of her cookie and nodded. Toni approached Raven, her hand meeting her hair gently as she watched the girl dive into the biscuit in her hand and for a second she wondered how she had gotten so lucky to have found Cheryl.

* * *

The Christmas lights were beautiful. Raven had never been that amazed before. 

Cheryl’s neighborhood was calm and the houses were perfectly decorated. The snow was falling lightly, not heavily enough to bother the eyes, but enough to leave that thin white layer on the ground. Many times Toni caught herself staring at Raven as she walked towards a Santa Claus giant doll in someone else’s front yard, and also at Cheryl, who looked at Raven as if she was her own sister. 

At that moment, Toni’s aunt never existed and all she could feel was peace and genuine happiness. Being outside, feeling the breeze hitting her face, with her sister and with Cheryl by her side was fulfilling in so many ways that no one could ever explain. It was hard to explain what she felt watching her sister picking up little hats that had fallen from all the snowmen she found on their way, or touching gently every decoration with her fingertips just to feel the different textures. It was beautiful to watch her getting to know the world, and even more so if Cheryl Blossom was smiling at that same image, too. 

When they were walking back to Cheryl’s house, the moon was already shining bright up in the sky. Raven was still walking in front of them, eyes wandering around to observe everything that she could. 

“Thank you for today,” said Cheryl looking down, hands shoved inside her coat pockets. When she finally looked at Toni, the pink-haired girl made sure to give Cheryl her best smile. “I really didn’t want to be alone, I just didn’t want to sound needy.” 

“Thank  _ you  _ for today. And for all we know, I am the needy one. After all, I did show up on your front porch unnoticed, didn’t I?” Toni said in response and Cheryl chuckled lightly. “I just needed to get out of that house, and take Raven out of there, too.” 

Cheryl didn't say anything, or asked what happened, because she knew Toni wanted to forget about it. Instead, she just smiled in response and the lights reflecting on her face caused Toni’s heart to speed in her chest.  _ She is so beautiful,  _ Toni thought to herself with her eyes fixed on Cheryl’s, that seemed to be smiling right back at her. Toni felt the urge to reach out for her hand, but Raven’s laughter as she bounced up and down in happiness brought her back to reality.

A few steps and they were onto Cheryl’s front porch one more time. Seeing that Raven was still distracted with the lights and all that Christmas magic, Toni decided to stay outside for just five more minutes before they had to go. 

“Rav, five more minutes and then we will go home, okay? Don’t go too far. Only where I can see you.” Toni warned and Raven nodded one more time, turning her back and walking a few steps away, enough that Toni didn’t lose her from sight. 

Cheryl sat down next to Toni and the pink-haired girl swore she felt goosebumps when their arms brushed against each other’s. “No, don’t go now. It’s still early. We can order food, or we can give Raven a full Christmas experience and make her dinner. I don’t exactly have turkey, but I do have chicken tenders and potatoes.” 

“Toni can’t use knives. She always ends up with a booboo.” Raven looked back at them in all her seriousness. Cheryl giggled next to her and Toni gently elbowed her arm. 

“Thank you so much, Rav. That was so nice,” said Toni in pure sarcasm, making her sister giggle as well. “She’s not that wrong.” 

“Please?” Cheryl pleaded, her eyes practically begging along. Toni felt she didn’t want to be alone that night, and if she was being completely honest, she didn’t feel like coming back home either. 

“Okay,” Toni said almost in a whisper and watched Cheryl’s lips trembling as they tugged up.

“Also…” Cheryl started. “Can you wait out here for a little bit?” 

Cheryl stood up before Toni could even answer, and she could immediately feel the lack of warmth when their bodies separated. Toni nodded and heard Cheryl walking into the house, but her attention was full on her sister sitting on the curb playing with whatever imaginary friends she had created. 

“We’re doing just fine, mom.” Toni whispered, eyes locked on her sister. “We’ll be alright.” 

It didn’t take long until Toni heard the lock again and Cheryl to sit back down where she previously was. Only this time she had a wrapped present in her hands. 

“I got this for her. I hope you don’t mind.” 

“How could I?” Toni said back and smiled before she called out her sister’s name. “Raven! Come here!”

The girl looked behind her shoulder and quickly stood up, running towards Toni and Cheryl. Cheryl had her arms behind her back, hiding the present from Raven. 

“Earlier today I was thinking about you and how fun it was when we were watching Little Mermaid last time you came here, wasn’t it?”

“It was! And then you made us a milkshake.”

“I certainly did,” Cheryl answered. “And I was going to go call your sister to give you this tomorrow, but since you came here today…”

With one movement, Cheryl showed her the present she had in hands and watched Raven gasp in excitement. Cheryl pointed to the little white card attached to the satin ribbon that was closing the package, with Raven’s name written in the most beautiful cursive handwriting Toni had ever seen. “See? It has your name on it!”

“That’s for me?” 

“Yeah!” Cheryl handed it out to the girl. “Open it. Let’s see what it is.”

Raven sat on Toni’s lap and, with some struggle, was able to untie the knot on the ribbon and rip the bag open. Raven’s mouth hung open in an O when she took the box out and saw that Ariel doll she wanted. 

“It’s Ariel!”

“And look, if you put her in the water, her tail gets shiny!” Cheryl pointed to a specific part of the box where they had a picture showing the before and after once you submerged the doll in cold water. 

Toni couldn’t believe her eyes. She had searched for that doll for days and she didn’t find it anywhere, but Cheryl somehow managed to find it in hours. She hadn’t told her about it before except from earlier that day. It was so sensible and caring of her that Toni felt she could almost cry. 

“What do we say to Cheryl?” Toni spoke, her voice coming softly in a whisper.

Raven abruptly stood up and threw her arms around Cheryl’s neck. “Thank you, Cheryl!” 

“Merry Christmas, Rav,” said Cheryl in response. 

“Can I play with it?” 

“Sure,” Toni said. With her head, Toni pointed to a spot on the porch, right behind them. “Why don’t you sit over there and unbox it first?” 

“There.” Raven said, pointing to the curb one more time. Toni nodded and watched the girl jump back to the same spot she was before. 

“Thank you.” Toni looked at Cheryl now, who had her head resting on her hand, elbow on her knee giving it support. “You didn't have to do that.”

“I wanted to. When I was a kid I could have killed to have one of those, so when I got that one I took care of it as if it was my only child.” 

Toni’s eyes widened for a second. “That was yours? That’s why you went back to your mother’s house earlier today?”

Cheryl nodded. “I asked for it when I was 12, my mom gave it to me. It’s one of the only Christmas days that I remember being genuinely happy.” 

“What happened?,” asked Toni in curiosity, but immediately regretted it because Cheryl’s eyes seemed to have gotten glossier as if she was about to cry. “You know what? We don’t have to talk about it today. Let’s just forget about all the bad stuff that happened to us and enjoy the only magical night of the year. How does that sound?”

“Perfect.” 

Eyes locked on each other and the urge to touch Cheryl was a battle Toni was almost losing. She forced herself to look away for a second and heard Raven’s voice calling her name from where she was sitting. 

“Toni, what is this?”

Toni looked at Raven and saw the girl bent down to pick something up from the ground. A little mistletoe that must have fallen or flew with the wind. She walked back up on the steps to show it to her sister.

“It’s a mistletoe. We usually hang it by the fireplace or even on the door.” Toni explained, but Raven’s face maintained blank. 

“And if two people get under it, they have to give each other a kiss! To show that they care for each other,” added Cheryl, still tripping on some words as she noticed how that came out.

“Oh,” she said in response, eyes widened in surprise. 

With a giggle, she quickly held it over her sister’s head and her own, just a little above their heads, where her arm could reach. Toni chuckled in response and held Raven’s face with both hands and placed a kiss on her cheek. 

Cheryl watched the scene and her heart could not be warmer. Raven, with one arm, held tightly onto the Ariel doll, the one Cheryl had kept on her shelf all those years inside the box because she was afraid something would happen to it, and the happiness on both their faces from forgetting whatever it was they had faced earlier, and just enjoying the moment and the magic of a nice Christmas evening. For a second, she wished the day never came to an end. 

Raven carefully walked closer to Cheryl, doing the same to her. Cheryl opened her arms and held Raven in a hug, placing a big kiss on her cheek as well. The redhead smiled at her and rubbed her thumb against the spot where her lips had left a red stain before she let her go.

Toni and Cheryl watched as Raven went up the steps of the stairs and stopped in the middle of them, one step higher and not physically getting between their bodies. Toni looked up and her stomach churned three times as she watched her sister’s hand rise up, almost in slow motion, holding the mistletoe above hers and Cheryl’s head. 

“Your turn!” 

Toni didn’t notice when it happened, but Cheryl’s fingertips were cold against her warm cheeks. Her hand brushed gently against her face and she could smell the scent of strawberries and jasmine as Cheryl leaned in and took Toni’s bottom lip between hers. Cheryl’s lips felt soft against hers, and she felt that rush of adrenaline run back up and down her spine. Toni had her eyes closed but she could feel Cheryl smiling against her lips, making her legs go numb and her hands get cold. Her heart leaped into her throat and she could hear her heart in her ears. Toni never wanted her to move away. 

When she did, Toni had to control herself not to show how desperate she was to kiss her again and the mess that kiss had left inside her. Maybe what she felt was reciprocal. Maybe when she noticed how Cheryl’s eyes seemed to turn into puddles of happiness whenever they were together wasn’t Toni’s wishful thinking. Judging by the constant smiling,  _ maybe  _ Cheryl liked her like  _ that  _ too. 

Maybe that kiss was the only thing she needed to be certain of that.

Raven’s giggle echoed somewhere in the background, but Toni was too lost in Cheryl’s eyes, still trying to get her breathing back to normal. 

“Hey, Rav, why don’t you go inside and get my phone so I can take a picture of us and the Christmas decoration? I think I left it on the couch.” Toni almost didn’t get the words out, but once she did, she tried to make sure she sounded not affected at all.

Raven nodded and handed out the mistletoe to Toni. “Okay. Hold this?” 

Once the girl was already inside, Toni looked down at the mistletoe in her hands one more time before Cheryl called out her name. 

“Toni?”

“Hm?”

“Your phone is in your pocket.”

Toni smiled shyly and nodded. “I know.” 

Toni rose her arm up, mistletoe in hands, placing it between them one more time. It took Cheryl three seconds to understand what Toni had done before she felt Toni’s lips on hers again. Toni quickly dropped the ornament on the floor so her hand could pull Cheryl closer, Toni’s lips catching Cheryl’s top lip between her own. The smiles between kisses were constant and Toni wondered if that was what true happiness felt like. 

Perfectly timed, their lips parted one more time as Raven walked out of the door. 

“Toni, I didn’t find it,” she said. Toni could sense that she felt a little disappointed and the pink-haired girl herself felt bad for tricking her sister like that. 

“It’s okay, boo.” Toni answered, purposely shoving her hand back in her pocket to reach for her phone. “Oh! Look! It was here all the time. Silly me! I think my head has gone crazy crazy because I’m  _ so  _ hungry. Are you hungry, too?” 

Raven slightly shrugged, with a perky smile on her face. “Yes, a little bit.”

“What do you say about chicken fingers and mashed potatoes?” Cheryl proposed to Raven, standing up and dusting her jeans off. She looked at Toni as if she was asking if that was okay for her too and got a nod in response. 

“Yes! Can we have ketchup, too?” Raven asked Cheryl as she got closer to the door.

“Of course!” Cheryl waited until Toni was up as well to walk into the house with Raven one more time, trying to breath in and out to get her heartbeat to go back to normal. “But first I think we need to hide the knives from your sister, huh?”

Toni gasped behind them as she shut the door, Raven and Cheryl’s laughter blending in together. “It was just a snip!” 

Cheryl never knew that seeing a child smile so much because of a doll or because of something she had said would bring her so much happiness. She never thought it would be possible for her to enjoy Christmas again, but Toni seemed to know the exact way to her heart. And now that she had found it, Toni wished she could lock her in there and never allow her to leave. 

Raven was sitting at the counter with a bowl filled with water, putting the Ariel doll in and out of it waiting for her tail to transform. Toni watched as Cheryl sometimes would look at her sister playing in front of her and return her attention to the food on the counter and try to hide a smile.

“Cheryl?” Toni called. 

“Huh?” 

“Merry Christmas.” 

Cheryl smiled in amusement at her one more time, her eyes locked in Toni’s and a light nod. “Merry Christmas, Toni.”


	9. i can't help that i'm falling on for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni is confused about whatever it was she and Cheryl had going on, a very hormoney Cheryl makes an appearance and also a very vulnerable and anguished one that only Toni could be of help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! how are you all today? 
> 
> not much to say about this one, just enjoy it while you can! :) i'd like to thank all of you who take a bit of your time to leave a feedback and let it be known that i appreciate it and it means a lot, for real. so thank you<3

They had reached a limbo and it was driving Toni insane. 

The feelings were there. The touches whenever they saw each other were constant. Three of Toni’s jackets had disappeared and appeared back in Cheryl’s closet because the redhead insisted on going out wearing less than the weather required. Toni had noticed her name on Cheryl’s phone was now saved with a tiny black heart — and Cheryl’s had a red one, but Toni was careful enough not to let her see that. 

Cheryl had insisted on inviting Raven every Sunday for a playdate and a milkshake evening, and it would be the loveliest thing ever if it wasn't absurdly impressive how alike they were. They made the same bunched up face whenever Toni said no to either one of them. Their obsession with Disney movies was beyond Toni’s knowledge, and she never told Toni that, but Cheryl seemed to have the biggest child fever ever. Cheryl made sure to set a mattress down on the floor for Raven every time they got tired of playing together, and Cheryl would sit on the couch behind her with Toni, stealing kisses from the pink-haired girl every thirty seconds. 

And yet they were stuck in that freaking limbo and Toni wasn't sure how to get out of that. 

They didn't talk about it.  _ It is too soon. A month is too soon. Two months is still too soon,  _ was Toni’s constant thought every time she tried to gather up the courage to come up with that topic in conversation.

Or when Cheryl would cut her off with a kiss every time she tried to say the words. 

“Cheryl, I think we need to—” 

A kiss. Cheryl’s hand reached for Toni’s cheek and by that light grip on her face Toni knew what was coming, and damn, those fucking butterflies again. 

Cheryl’s lips were on hers. They were on the couch, and Cheryl’s free hand reached for Toni’s leg and made her shiver. She wasn't sure if it was her perfectly manicured nails scratching against her thigh or just what Cheryl’s touch did to her. Maybe a mix of both. 

And whenever Toni felt Cheryl’s lips touched hers, she would give up.  _ If I do end up ruining it, then it can wait. _

Listening to Veronica ramble about how it was about time wasn’t helping much. 

“ _ Toni, listen, it’s been two months. It’s not too early to talk about it. Also, it’s clear as a bottle of sparkling San Junipero water that you both feel the same way. _ ” 

Toni had her phone on her ear as she walked down the streets, gloves covering her hand and a black beanie on her head. Cheryl had called Toni the night before asking if she was free for lunch, and as the good head-over-heels that she was for Cheryl Blossom, she said yes. Not that she had stuff to do, because her photoshoots for the day were only going to be at dawn, but how fast she answered that phone call and the minimal amount of seconds it took Toni to answer after Cheryl dropped the question was the thing. 

“But what if it’s just fun and games for her? What if I bring it up and she wants no strings attached? Then I ruin everything.” 

“ _ You’re not going to ruin anything, Toni. Believe me when I tell you that Cheryl is cuckoo bananas for you. She smiles with her eyes and her pupils turn into saucers when she hears your name _ .”

Toni chuckled at her words in sheer panic. She didn’t know if she could really trust Veronica or if she was only adding fuel to the fire, but it did bring her some weird sort of relief. “Sometimes I don’t understand a word that comes out of your mouth.” 

“ _ Rude,”  _ Toni could almost hear Veronica’s eyes rolling up. _ “But the point here is: talk to her. You don't have to go straight to the point, but try to get her to tell you if whatever this is that you’re doing is what you think it is _ .” 

“I will try. I’m on my way there right now, so I think I can use your work up speech in my favour.” 

Toni was just around the corner when Veronica had to hang up. She saw Cheryl’s place from a distance, trying to slow down her pace to a failed attempt. 

Several knocks on the door and rings on the doorbell later, Toni was greeted by a very sleepy,  _ robe-on-because-I-had-no-idea-you-were-coming-here-this-early  _ Cheryl Blossom at the door. 

“Hey,” said Cheryl as her face changed immediately from confused to happy. She stepped aside to let Toni in, stealing a quick kiss as she did. “I’m not complaining here, but what are you doing here so early? Didn’t we agree on 11?” 

“It’s 11:15.” Toni raised her eyebrows as she watched the confusion come back to Cheryl’s face. It was  _ adorable. _ “Did you sleep in again?” 

“I think I forgot to set an alarm,” answered Cheryl as she walked towards the counter to check the time on her phone. “Yeah, definitely hit snooze more than I should.” 

“You’re lucky I’m not that hungry.” 

A smirk grew on Cheryl’s lips as she mentioned to let go of the robe covering her body. “Are you sure?”

Toni gasp was clearly audible, and the words stuck in her throat and the way Toni’s eyes widened were amusing to Cheryl. Toni was sure her blood pressure had considerably dropped and words were no longer a part of her non-functional-now brain.

“You are such a  _ perv _ !” Toni managed to let out, an octave higher than her actual voice, making sure to emphasize the last word. 

That did her no good. 

As she watched Cheryl laugh out loud as she walked to her bedroom, her mind started going places and all that conversation with Veronica and the little courage she had gathered up was long gone. 

_ Now she knows that I’m not here for casual, because I am stupid and I can't even pretend that I don’t like her the way I do because my fucking face is an open book and I probably ruined everything because look at her! Why would she have actual feelings for me when she looks like tha- _

Toni’s overthinking was cut off by Cheryl’s muffled voice. “How long are you going to be alone in that living room for? You know, I could use some company in here. You know, for distraction and to speed up the process.” 

“We’re not in a hurry, Cher. Take your time.” 

“Please?” 

Toni tried to control her emotions and not let that stupid smile grow even more, but she couldn't. She stood up and followed through the hall that led to Cheryl’s bedroom. She hated that Cheryl had that power over her. Or any power, for that matter. But, she hated even more when her heart grew sizes whenever Cheryl spoke with  _ that  _ baby voice. 

“Alright, I’m here.” 

Cheryl turned on her heels from facing the inside of her wardrobe, reaching for Toni’s face and pressing their lips together. “ _ Beaucoup mieux.”  _

“Stop taking advantage of my lack of knowledge in French to insult me.” Toni fake pouted, her arms immediately loosening as Cheryl’s body leaned in closer to hers. Cheryl’s arms wrapped around her neck careful enough not to pull on the pink locks. 

They both smiled into another slower kiss. After they parted, Cheryl looked right into her eyes, one hand reaching up for a loose strand of hair falling onto Toni’s eyes, putting it behind her ear.

_ “Je t’adore,  _ you silly.” 

Toni’s head fell to the side as she felt her cheeks starting to burn. Again. She could have failed French in high school, but she was sure that ‘adore’ had a similar meaning in English, too. The thought made her heart race harder in her chest, which made her slowly pull back from the embrace, desperately not wanting Cheryl to know what she did to her if there was the slightest possibility of Cheryl being able to feel her heart against her own chest.

“Now that’s you being mean, that you keep speaking it, but I will take whatever that means,” she smiled. “Now get dressed. We don’t have all day.” 

Toni sat on the bed and watched Cheryl staring at an abundance of clothes, all of them in different shades of red, some dark gray ones and three black jackets that Toni knew didn’t belong there because they were hers. 

It took Cheryl a couple of minutes to grab a pair of black leather pants and a dark red velvety sweater. As she walked into her bathroom to get changed, her voice echoed from inside. “How is Rav, by the way?”

“She’s okay. Doesn't know I’m here, though. She hates when I get to see you and she doesn't.” Toni explained, an almost inaudible ‘aw’ coming from inside the bathroom. It didn't take much until Toni heard some make up being maneuvered on the sink. “Veronica, on the other hand…” 

“Veronica?” Cheryl asked, clearly curious and a bit confused. “What did she want to talk about this early in the morning?” 

“Mmhm. She called to ask about, uh, you know, uh Jughead. And Betty.”  _ She did not think that one through.  _ “It wasn’t that early. I was on my way here.”

“You’re a terrible liar, you know that, right?” Cheryl walked out of the bathroom and Toni almost had to physically hold her jaw. 

“You look  _ amazing  _ in leather, you know that, right?” Toni repeated the question, which made Cheryl roll her eyes, but Toni saw the light shade of pink appearing on her cheeks. 

“If you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to.” 

“I’ll tell you later,” Toni said, trying to find a way out of it, but deep down she meant it.  _ If I have the courage.  _

A few minutes later they were walking out the door, Cheryl locked it and soon her hand searched for Toni’s, their fingers interlocking as their palms met. Goosebumps ran up Toni’s body and she wondered if she would ever get used to it.

* * *

**_Cheryl (10:47 p.m):_ ** _ hey, are you in bed already? _

**_Cheryl (10:47 pm.):_ ** _ i know i just saw you not even six hours ago  _

**_Cheryl (10:48 p.m):_** _but_ _i really don’t feel like being alone right now_

The chilly night had started making its presence known and the pink-haired girl was properly tucked into bed under her coziest blanket. 

Toni had just finished packing her camera back in its bag after editing some photos for the last two hours when she heard her phone buzzing on her nightstand. As she read the content of the messages she had received, she pressed three — her speed dial number — and the phone didn't ring two times before Cheryl answered.

“Hey, I got your texts. Are you okay?” 

“ _ Do you want the truth or the standard answer? _ ” Cheryl answered and Toni felt something was off about her. Her voice sounded almost like she was quavering and it was lower than usual. 

“The truth. What happened?” 

“ _ I don’t know, I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed. Hearing your voice helps, though. _ ” Toni smiled coyly, that feeling in her stomach surfacing again. 

She so desperately tried to think of what could make Cheryl feel better, but her mind could only think of one thing. 

“Even though I’m happy to know I’m helpful, I know something else that can help.” 

“ _ Huh _ ?” 

“Get ready. I will be there in fifteen.” 

Toni looked over at Raven and saw the girl sleeping heavily on the other side of the bedroom. She would have to be careful not to wake her up or she would  _ not  _ go to bed again. 

“ _ Toni, it’s almost midnight _ .  _ I’m perfectly fine in my pajamas if you’re staying over _ .”

“What do you mean midnight? It’s barely eleven!” Toni said, baffled. “Just trust me. Do you trust me?” 

“ _ Of course. _ ” 

“So get ready. And bring a jacket. I know a place.” 

Not ten seconds after she hung up the phone, it was back again on her ear, but this time ringing a different number. She balanced the phone between her ear and her shoulders as she tried to put jeans back on without making too much noise.

“ _ It’s almost midnight. You better have a very good reason to be calling me this late. _ ” 

“I’m borrowing your motorcycle.” Toni announced, not even giving Jughead enough time to process an answer. “Also, what is up with you people rounding the time up today?” 

“ _ Where are you taking Cheryl at midnight? _ ” Toni noticed how confused he sounded and she didn’t blame him, but she could explain later. 

“How do you know I’m taking Cheryl anywhere!?”

“ _Like I said, it’s almost midnight._ _You wouldn’t be leaving your lazy ass out of your bed this late if it wasn't because of her._ ” 

Toni rolled her eyes up because she knew if she kept that up they would be up all night, hearing Jughead discuss about how time is the same after 10:30 p.m until one in the morning, just like temperatures all feel the same when it’s below 0 degrees and she didn't have time for that. 

“Look, just wait for me outside with the keys, please? Cheryl called me saying she wasn't okay and—”

“ _ Oh _ ,” Jughead said as if he had just come to a realization. “ _ You’re taking her there.” _

“It was the only thing I could think of.” 

“ _ Okay, alright. Let me know when you’re around the corner.”  _

“Just be out front in 10.” 

“ _ Damn, that’s fast. You’re really head over heels for the redhead. _ ” 

“Shut up.” Toni said in response and hung up before she could hear an answer. 

As said, ten minutes later she was meeting Jughead outside of his place. She would be lying if she said it wasn’t a struggle to leave the house without making any noises, especially after picking up those noisy boots, but she really didn't have time to change her mind. 

“Sometimes I regret teaching you how to ride a motorcycle last year, you know?” Jughead said, hanging the keys up on one finger. Toni rolled her eyes and took the keys from his hands. 

“You know I only ask you when it's an emergency.” 

“I didn't quite hear a question on the phone. It was more of a demand, if I may say.” 

“Sorry,” Toni apologized, but she knew he wasn't expecting or even wanted one. “Helmets?” 

“In the compartment, under the seat. Mine and Betty’s are there.” 

“Aw, you bought her one. That’s adorable and very soft of you.” Toni provoked him with that baby voice she knew he hated, only to watch him cross his arms over his chest. 

“You’re one to tell. You’re stealing my motorcycle at midnight to take a girl out to  _ your  _ secret place.” 

Toni’s eyebrows raised to her hairline and her index finger quickly came up in reprimand. 

“Hey! It’s not midnight yet.” 

Toni walked to the motorcycle, that Jughead had already parked out front, getting one of the helmets from the compartment. 

“It will be if you stay here trying to keep fighting me on this. Enjoy your date.” 

“It’s not a date!” 

“Sure,” Jughead said in sarcasm. “Let me know how it goes.” 

“Now I won’t,” said Toni as she buckled up her helmet, hopping on the seat. 

“You will.” He said back and Toni knew he was right. “Careful out there.” 

With a nod, Toni turned on the engine and drove away on the street, feeling the chilly breeze hitting her face as she took the route to Cheryl’s house. She had memorized it from her house and from the milkshake shop, too, but from Jughead's place was a first. 

When she noticed she had taken the correct left turn this time and recognized the neighborhood next to Cheryl’s, the nervousness started to grow on her again. There she was, out at midn— eleven at night, on a borrowed slash stolen motorcycle to take Cheryl to  _ her  _ comfort place. Toni wasn't nervous about taking her there or anything like that, but the feeling that she was pressuring things into something that perhaps only existed in her head sometimes got the best of her. But if doing that was what it took to make Cheryl feel better, she would do it ten times if necessary. 

She pulled up at Cheryl’s at exactly 11:02 p.m. Toni looked around, just in case, and when she saw that there wasn't anyone, she pulled up her phone and called Cheryl to let her know she was outside. It didn't take her two minutes to see Cheryl walking out with her arms wrapped around her own body to keep herself warm. For a second Toni felt bad for making her leave the warmth of her place, but she knew it would make Cheryl feel better. 

“You have a bike?” 

Toni couldn’t ignore the weird shade of pink in Cheryl’s eyes when she got closer. She had taken her helmet off and made sure to get the other one before Cheryl walked out of the house, and for a second she had forgotten Cheryl had asked her a question. 

Toni reached for Cheryl’s face and pulled her in gently for a quick kiss. 

“Are you okay?,” asked Toni, even though she already knew the answer. 

“I will be.” Cheryl forced a smile and Toni nodded, handing her a helmet. “If I don’t die on that thing. Again, you have a  _ motorcycle!? _ ”

“It’s Jug’s, but I do know how to ride it, so no one is dying today. Are you scared?” Toni asked genuinely, but when she saw that tiny fear expression creeping up on her face, she chuckled lightly. 

“A bit, I guess? I’ve never ridden one. Nor as the passenger, let alone the driver.” 

“You’re going to be okay, I promise.” Toni answered as she saw Cheryl putting on the helmet. “Here, hold my hand and hop on. This one is a bit high— Oh, you got it. Alright, I guess the problem is me, then.”

“Not my fault that you’re tiny, Topaz.” Cheryl sat down and adjusted her body comfortably behind Toni. Toni rolled her eyes and couldn't control the smile growing.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, otherwise I would be going 60 on a 45.” Toni teased. “You can hold onto me if you’re scared to hold the handles.” 

Toni immediately felt Cheryl’s arms wrapping around her waist, her body gently leaning onto her. It didn't matter how many times Toni smelled her perfume, her heart would insanely flip inside her.

“Ready?,” Toni asked and felt Cheryl nod. “Careful with your leg on the exhaust.”

She didn't even need to tell Cheryl to hold on tight.

* * *

Toni led Cheryl by the hand through the park. The pink-haired girl knew it wouldn't be empty because there were always those teenagers who wanted to sneak out but had nowhere else to go or college students drinking their lives away. 

She saw her favorite spot empty, as it always was, through the bushes and smiled relieved. She glanced at Cheryl and saw that she was still very confused since Toni refused to tell her where they were going. 

“I come here, this exact spot, whenever I don’t feel like myself.” Toni said, pointing to that spot where you could see the entire city and its lights perfectly, the moonlight hitting their skins just enough. 

She let go of Cheryl’s hand and sat down on the rock tapping gently on the free spot, an invitation for Cheryl to do the same. “You can see the whole city from up here, and the lights.. I don’t know, it makes it feel like anything that I might be feeling is just a drop of water into the ocean.” 

“It’s beautiful, indeed. Kinda makes you grateful for being here.” Cheryl said and Toni nodded in response. “How did you find this place?” 

“Losing people make you do some reckless things once or twice.” Toni shrugged, her gaze lost on Cheryl’s profile, watching the redhead stare at the horizon. 

Cheryl turned her head to the side and Toni could see her eyebrows furrow just like they did when she was about to drop a question. “Long story, but I do have two options for you, though.”

“And what would those be?” Cheryl said as snuggled up closer to Toni and the pink-haired girl rested her hand on her thigh out of reflex.

“We can talk about whatever made you that upset earlier or we can completely ignore it and just sit here in silence until you feel better.” 

Even though Cheryl had a shy smile on her lips, Toni did see them slightly trembling before she took a deep breath. She rubbed her thumb against Cheryl’s covered thigh, still waiting for an answer. 

It still took her a few seconds before she spoke. “You know when you start thinking about how happy you are, but then you start thinking about your past and suddenly you’re not that happy anymore?” 

“I think so, but care to elaborate?” 

“I can't believe I’m going to say this out loud,” she whispered to herself. “But earlier today I found that drawing that Raven made me.”

“The one from when you came back?”

“When you put it like that it sounds like I went to war,” she chuckled. “But, yes, that one. And it made me realize a lot of things, especially how  _ her  _ father almost ruined the most important thing I have in my life right now.” 

By the emphasis, Toni knew she was talking about Heather. For a second she questioned if she was right about pushing things further into something they weren't, but at the end of Cheryl’s sentence, Toni was left confused, even though she could almost feel the redhead’s heartache. 

“My relationship with my mom is bad, Toni. Really bad. God knows the hell I went through living with that woman after she found out I’m a lesbian. For a long time I didn’t have anyone, but then I met her and I was so happy to have someone, but…” Cheryl’s voice quavered the whole time, the stubborn unshed tears refusing to come down. She shook her head at the last sentence, feeling the disappointment and the betrayal all over again.

Toni watched as Cheryl gestured and all the pain that girl had been shoving down for so long. It was agonizing to see that and only be able to hold her closer.

“When she put me into whatever mess she’s in and got her father to fire me, I was so mad. Mad that even far away from me, she still finds a way to make me miserable. And, back then, when it hit me that Pop’s was the only place I could see you, and because of her I probably wasn't going to anymore…” Cheryl trailed off, but Toni saw how her jaw clenched sometimes and the stiffness of her neck. It was distilled anger. 

“But it all worked out in the end, didn't it?” Toni said in response, her hand reaching for Cheryl’s hair to put away the strands falling on the side of her face. 

“But what if I hadn't seen you in that park that day?” Cheryl asked, leaving Toni waiting for her to finish her thought. “That’s what got me in that weird ass mood. Would I really have let her ruin everything once again?” 

“But you didn't. Let’s forget the what ifs just for a second because none of those happened. You got another job that you are really,  _ really _ good at and I’m here. She doesn't have control over anything in your life anymore. Isn't that something good?” 

“It is,” she squeezed out a smile. 

“None of those things matter anymore. I know it's hard leaving the past where it should be, as in  _ the past _ , but it's easier if you have someone by your side to show you that you have it all better now.” Cheryl was now facing Toni as she spoke, her head tilted just a bit to the side, as Toni lost herself in Cheryl’s watery eyes. 

“I’m just so happy when I’m with you it feels like I don’t deserve it. That things will go down the drain any second, because that’s me, chaos Cheryl. That  _ you  _ don’t deserve to be dealing with all this.”

Toni noticed Cheryl had allowed herself to let that place do, whatever it was, its job and it seemed to be working. The tears were now rolling down, but her face didn’t show any anger, or pain. She was allowing herself to feel and that was what Toni was aiming for when she decided to take her there. The pink-haired girl let out a deep sigh and reached for Cheryl’s hand. 

“Cheryl, I’m here for you. Willingly. I’m here for you because I care so deeply about you.” Toni said, almost in a whisper, and watched Cheryl’s chin tremble. “I like you  _ so much,  _ Cher, and I’m not going anywhere. Life is so much more wonderful now that you’re in mine and I’m going to make sure you feel happy and loved like you deserve. Mark my words.”

Cheryl’s gaze was fixed on Toni now, that wide smile taking over again, the trail left by the tears were dried out. Toni wanted Cheryl to know that whatever it was she was feeling was valid, and that when things were too much, she was there for her. Deep down Toni knew that Cheryl knew that, but a little reassurance wouldn’t kill anyone.

“I really,  _ really  _ like you, Toni Topaz.” Cheryl answered back after a few seconds in a whisper, making Toni’s heart race inside her. “Like,  _ like  _ you. A lot. I hope you know that.” 

Toni shrugged lightly, lips tugging up in a shy smile and head tilting to the side. She felt her cheeks burning and all the insecurity that had been making her sleepless at night disappeared. “I guess I do now.” 

“Promise me you’re not going anywhere?” 

“I’m here and I’m going to stay for as long as you want me to.” 

“Pinky promise?” Cheryl held out her pinkie with a playful on her face. Toni shook her head quickly before she took her finger in hers, hooking them together, but used it as an anchor to pull her body in to kiss her. 

“Pinky promise.” 

“I do like your version of it better.” 

“It’s my thing. It was a success in high school.” Toni bragged, making Cheryl chuckle and roll her eyes. “Don’t be fooled.”

“Wow, I’m not as special as I thought I was. You must really not like me at all, then.”

“Nah,” Toni said. “Actually, I like you quite a lot.” 

Cheryl looked away to the opposite side, feeling her cheeks burn. She was sure Toni could feel that her hands had become colder and that her breath had hitched at some point.

“Stop trying to make me blush!”

“I’m not,” Toni protested. “You just blush really easily. It’s adorable.”

Cheryl threw an arm over Toni’s shoulder, pulling her into an embrace as they stared at the city down there, feeling the breeze hitting their skin gently and the warmth of Cheryl’s body against Toni’s was even more calming than the place itself. Toni wrapped her arms around Cheryl’s body and they stood there, in each other’s silence for what seemed like hours, but it wasn’t awkward. Cheryl needed time to clear her head and Toni needed to process that Cheryl had just told her that she liked her. Toni wasn’t sure if she really did know, deep down, that the feeling was mutual or if it was just her lucky day. 

“How are you feeling?” Toni whispered, still not looking away from that certain spot in the horizon. 

“Extremely peaceful.” Cheryl answered back. She tightened her grip around Toni’s body, her hand caressing her arm as she did. “Thank you for bringing me here today. Even though I thought I was going to die on that motorcycle.”

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad. I barely sped.” 

Cheryl’s eyes widened in reprimand and Toni laughed. “I have to admit you do look really hot on it.”

Toni rolled her eyes again and looked up at her. “Your hormones are on a whole other level today, aren’t they?”

“You want to blame them when you look like  _ that? _ I don’t see how that’s fair.”

“Shut up,” Toni chuckled, feeling Cheryl’s body move away from hers. 

“Gladly,” said Cheryl before she leaned in again and pressed their lips together. 

Toni could never get enough of it. 


	10. you say i'm yours and i believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni has a full day - in every meaning possible - and Cheryl is there, not only for her, as she always is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, guys! hope you're all doing okay!
> 
> i know it took me forever to update, but here i am with a long chapter to make up for that. if 7k chapters aren't your thing, i apologize. i think i got too caught up trying to run away from my own life atm lmaoo 
> 
> anyways, here it is! i hope you guys like it :)

It broke Toni’s heart to see Raven whine in pain, her body bent forward while her hands pressed against her stomach. She hadn’t fed her anything out of the ordinary, her aunt was never home for meal time so it couldn’t possibly be something _she_ fed her. 

It was fifteen past ten and Raven had had her usual fruits and strawberry yogurt for breakfast. After that, she brushed her teeth and went to her room to _read_ – to flip through the pages and stare at the images, reciting the story she already knew by heart while looking for the letters she knew in the words. It had barely been thirty minutes when Toni heard the girl whining quietly. Every noise that she heard made her jump out of her skin. Maybe having to be a second mom to her sister made her maternal instincts surface, and fear and concern came with the package. 

Toni held her sister as they both sat on the couch, the little girl cuddling against Toni’s small silhouette. Toni rocked their bodies like she did when Raven was a baby and had scraped her knee. At the same time it seemed to help, it made it worse. 

The pink haired girl placed a kiss on her temple while her hand met Raven’s hair. “It’s going to be better, I promise.” 

“It’s not,” Raven cried out. “My tummy hurts. It hurts so much, Toni.” 

By instinct, Toni reached for Raven’s stomach, gently rubbing it. She saw her mother doing it several times whenever she had colics or when she was crying too much and nothing else would work. With her free hand she grabbed her phone and was about to look up for any painkillers that she could give her, but her phone rang with an incoming video call right before her finger could hit the search button.

Usually, Raven’s face would lit up and Toni had to dodge Raven's hand from trying to get the phone from her hands, but this time, when Cheryl’s face appeared on the screen, Raven didn’t even flinch to look up. 

_“There she is! My favorite little girl in the.... What’s happening? Is it a bad time?”_

“Hey, Cher,” Toni smiled weakly watching Cheryl’s face shift from joy to concern. “She ate something that didn’t really sit well today. She says her tummy hurts, but I told her it will get better.” 

“ _Are you alone? Do you need any help?”_

“What I need is for her pain to go away,” Toni sighed in frustration. She noticed how her voice came out a bit harsh and immediately gulped. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I just have a full day booked and I need to take her with me because I have no one to take care of her today.” 

“ _What about.. You know? That dear relative you have?_ ”

“Extra hours.” Toni simply said and Cheryl hummed. “Do you happen to know any painkillers that I can give to a child? She has been feeling a bit of discomfort these days, but they usually go away. Today is worse.” 

_“She said it’s her tummy, right? Maybe stomach?_ ” Cheryl asked, her eyes darting down to Raven’s face and pain written all over it. “ _Hey, Rav, tell me. Where does it hurt? Can you point?”_

“Here,” Raven placed her hand on top of her stomach, not really sorting out a specific area. 

_“I think it could be gas pain? I don’t want to sound like an old lady, but have you tried giving her chamomile tea? It usually helps._ ”

“I’m down to anything at this point.” Toni gave Raven’s stomach one last rub before she motioned to move away. “I’m going to make you this tea that Cheryl told us, okay? It will help with the pain. Can you wait five minutes here? I’ll put on the Little Mermaid if you want.” 

Raven curled up in a ball on the corner of the couch, back resting against the pillows and both arms tossed on top of her stomach. After the girl nodded in agreement, Toni quickly made her way to the kitchen, slamming cupboards shut trying to find the tea packs. 

Ariel’s voice echoed in the living room while Toni poured the water into the kettle, taking a look at the couch, just to be sure her sister was as okay as possible and her phone on the counter with a very distracted Cheryl doing whatever it was in the background. 

FaceTime calls in the morning had definitely become their thing. Cheryl would call Toni first thing after she woke up and Toni’s heart would always grow three sizes inside her chest seeing how tiny Cheryl’s eyes were in the morning and how her lazy smile always managed to turn the worst of days into the brightest ones. They would just be in each other’s presence, and most of the times, it would be filled with clanks and thuds from Cheryl’s clumsiness, but Toni wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

_“Hey, Toni?”_

“Hm?”

Cheryl hesitated for a second before she said, “ _I can take care of Raven today, if that’s okay.”_

“Cher, I don’t want to bother you. I can take her with me, I just can’t go with her knowing I won’t be able to focus if she’s in pain.” 

“ _Another reason for me to take her today. Also, are you kidding me? You’re not a bother and Raven is most definitely not a bother_ .” If Toni didn’t know better, she would say Cheryl sounded even _hurt._ “ _But if you don’t feel comfortable that’s okay_.” 

“Hey, of course I do.” Toni’s voice softened drastically now that she was staring directly into the camera. “You know I trust you with my eyes closed. Are you sure you don’t mind?” 

“ _I offered, Toni. You know I love to spend time with her_.” 

“Wow, I’m hurt.” 

“ _But nothing compares to the feeling of being in your arms._ ” Cheryl smiled and Toni wasn’t sure if she was really blushing a little or if it was some weird reflection from something in her bedroom. Very unlikely, but still a possibility. 

Toni tried to hide the stupid smile on her face by looking down at the hot water she was pouring into Raven’s favorite mug, watching the liquid slowly turning yellow. “Nice catch.” 

“ _It wasn’t one_.” 

Toni walked to the living room once again and sat down next to her sister, giving her the mug. The tears had dried out and the pain seemed to be less strong now because she wasn’t curving her body, so that must have been a good sign. 

“Is it getting better?” Toni asked and watched Raven nod weakly. 

“A little, little, tidbit.” 

Toni handed Raven the mug by the handle. “This will help. Careful, it’s hot. Blow on it four times before you take a sip, okay? Also, Cher wants to talk to you.” 

“ _Cheryl,_ Toni. Like cherry, remember?” Raven pointed, making Toni widen her eyes in surprise and roll them up right after. 

“Whatever you say, kiddo.” Toni rested her back against the backrest of the couch, placing the phone in front of both of them. 

“Hi, Cheryl!” Raven nodded with her free hand, blowing on the liquid four times, just like Toni told her to, before she tried to take a sip. When it didn’t burn her lips, she took another bigger one. 

“ _Hey, Rav! How is your tummy now?”_

“Meh,” she crinkled up her nose. “But Toni said it will get better.”

“ _It will! And you know what I was thinking?_ ” Cheryl asked and waited for Raven’s answer. When she shook her head negatively, she proceeded. “ _I’m all alone in this house and your sister has to go to work this afternoon. I was wondering if you want to come over and make me company? Just you and me.”_

“Like a pajama party?” Raven asked, sitting up straight. Toni noticed that she didn’t flinch or showed any expression of pain, so it probably meant that it wasn’t that sharp anymore. She sighed relieved. 

“ _We can stay in our pajamas, sure. Why not?_ ” 

“Can I, Toni? Go to Cheryl’s?” Raven turned to her sister now, who was looking down on her with the most tender of looks. The little girl watched her sister give her a small half-smile and nod before she smiled excitedly to Toni’s phone. “Toni said I can go!” 

“ _But you have to finish up your tea first._ ” Cheryl asked and Raven nodded in agreement, blowing on it faster this time. 

“I will go pack your backpack, alright? Careful with that tea on the couch.” 

As Toni walked out of the room and into her own bedroom, she started looking for Raven’s backpack to put the requested pajamas, one of her favorite sweaters in there, in case it got cold and her favorite book, in case she-

 _“Even though you look adorable with that bunched up face, I have to ask: what are you doing?”_ Cheryl’s voice echoed on her phone and she had forgotten for a second it was still on. 

“Packing her backpack?”

Cheryl chuckled and shook her head. “ _She’s not three anymore, Toni. She will be fine. It’s just an afternoon.”_

“Okay, fine. I’m just packing her the pajamas because, you know, you promised a pajama party at one in the afternoon.” 

“ _And we’re going to have so much fun. You’re just jealous you’re not going to be there.”_ Cheryl mocked. 

“That’s not wrong.”

* * *

“Remember what we talked about, okay?” 

Toni was kneeling down to be on the same eye level as Raven on Cheryl’s front porch, the redhead resting against the doorframe. Toni adjusted Raven’s coat on her body as if she wasn’t about to take it off. 

“Be nice to Cheryl and help her clean up,” they said in unison, making Cheryl shake her head behind them. 

“I’m sure that won’t be a problem.”

“Yes, it won’t.” Raven assured. “I’m always nice.” 

“And Cheryl is a very, very tidy person, so I want you to promise me that you will keep your word for that cleaning part as well, young lady.” 

“Come on, Toni. Give her a break. She will be fine.” 

“I’m trying to teach her some manners!” Toni protested as she stood up, trying to find her balance on her feet again.

“And I’m trying to get a kiss before you have to rush out of this door. Or front porch.” 

Toni stepped closer to Cheryl and allowed her arms to instantly wrap around Cheryl’s waist when the redhead pulled her in and took Toni’s lips in hers. Two, three, four times. 

“I missed you, you know?” Toni murmured under her breath, right after their lips parted completely. “I know it’s been three days, call me clingy or whatever.” 

“I missed you too, babe.” Cheryl answered back with a pertinent smile, that slowly faded when she felt Toni’s body tensing up under her touch. She couldn’t read Toni’s expression, but whatever that was, it was scary. “What? What did I do?”

“What did you just call me?” 

“Toni.” Cheryl answered quickly, feeling her heart going a thousand miles an hour and regret immediately hitting her like a train. She wasn’t thinking about it, it had just slipped, and now she wished she hadn’t even opened her mouth to speak. 

“No,” Toni’s voice came out softer than usual and Cheryl breathed out in relief. At least she wasn’t mad. “You called me babe.”

Cheryl put on her best fake pout, trying to hold in a nervous chuckle. “I didn’t.”

“You did, I heard you.” Raven interrupted, making her presence known. Both of them had clearly forgotten a five-year-old had witnessed an almost full make out session. Toni looked down and thanked God when she saw that Raven didn’t seem to mind, because she didn’t want to let go of Cheryl. Not yet. 

Toni watched as Cheryl swallowed hard and her head immediately tilted to the side watching how adorable Cheryl was when she was nervous before the redhead dropped a question that almost hurt her physically. “Are you… mad?”

“Of course not, _babe._ ” Toni repeated the nickname, and _God_ it felt good. “If I’m being honest, I have been holding that one in for quite some time.” 

“We’re two idiots, aren’t we?” 

“Yeah,” Toni agreed. “But you’re _my_ idiot.” 

Cheryl opened her mouth to say something, but she stopped and instead just kissed Toni one last time, her hand meeting Toni’s cheek this time. 

“And _my_ idiot is going to be late for her photoshoot if she doesn’t walk out of this door in ten seconds.” 

Toni rolled her eyes up and huffed, like a little kid starting to throw a tantrum.

“Fine. But just because I absolutely _have_ to. Rav, are you feeling okay?”

“I am. My tummy is okay now.” 

“If she starts feeling sick you call me the same minute, okay?” Toni told Cheryl, who nodded. 

“Ay ay, captain. Now shoosh, I have a pajama party to attend.” 

“I’m still hurt that I wasn’t even invited.” 

Cheryl’s smirk was discreet, but still there when she approached Toni and whispered in her ear, “Ours has to be private.” 

The redhead pretended she didn’t see the goosebumps on Toni’s skin before she cleared her throat and bent down to press a kiss on Raven’s cheek. She watched as Raven waved Toni goodbye until the pink haired girl was completely out of sight. A cold ran through her stomach as Raven turned to look up at her now, waiting for a command or anything on what they were supposed to do. 

“Well, that pajama party isn’t going to start itself, is it?” Cheryl said, holding the door open with one hand and gesturing to the living room. 

Raven walked past her, bouncing on her legs as she dropped her backpack on the floor. She was constantly coming over with Toni, so she was used to the environment and she felt comfortable enough with Cheryl to let her guard down. 

As soon as the thud from her backpack hitting the floor reached her ears, Toni’s words echoed inside Raven’s head.

_Be nice to Cheryl and help her clean up. Cheryl is a very, very tidy person._

“Sorry, Cheryl. I’ll pick it up.” 

“Hey, hey!” Cheryl called out. “It’s okay. I know your sister told you to behave and be nice, but we’re here to have fun! Don’t worry about a backpack out of place.” 

“Am I still nice?” Raven asked, with the same small half-smile Toni gives her when she needs reassurance. Cheryl had never noticed it before, but Raven had that same mole on her top lip, in the same place as Toni’s. 

Cheryl swore she felt her heart clenching inside her chest three times harder at the little girl’s words. The redhead kneeled down on the floor, reaching gently for Raven’s arm. When she didn’t move it away, she tightened her grip just a bit. “Of course you are! You’re my Raven Haven! Come here.”

Raven’s smile was somehow reassuring, and Cheryl wished she had a little sister like Toni did. _Or any family member that didn’t hate her to death, for that matter._

When Cheryl opened her arms, Raven quickly threw herself into her embrace and almost dropped both of them on the floor, but Cheryl managed to keep her balance. 

“And you’re my Cheryl Cherry!” Raven wrapped her arms around Cheryl’s neck and the redhead felt her grip tightening as she spoke. 

“What about your sister? You’re Raven Haven, I’m Cheryl Cherry… And Toni is Toni…?”

Chery knew she had taken the girl by surprise and she wasn’t even sure if she would be able to come up with a word on the spot. Cheryl knew she had only memorized her name and came up with that ‘Cheryl, like cherry’ thing because cherries are her favorite fruit, but when it came to Raven she wasn’t surprised at all. The girl was super smart for kids her age. 

Raven had her index finger on her cheek, as serious as if she was thinking about a way to end global warming, but it didn’t even take a minute until a lightbulb seemed to appear on top of her head.

“Toni Macaroni!” 

Cheryl chuckled at her response. It was _great._ “She does love pasta a lot, so I guess you’re perfectly right, little one.” 

As she stood up again, the redhead picked Raven’s backpack on her way up. “Alright, who’s ready to get back into their pajamas?” 

Raven jumped up and down as if she was about to go on her favorite Disney ride, and deep down, Cheryl felt that spark of joy inside her chest for being able to make that little girl laugh (and the fact that her laugh sounded exactly like Toni’s was only adding up to it).

* * *

**_Cheryl:_ ** _please don’t kill me_

They had done absolutely _everything._

Raven had dressed up in her pajamas by herself in Cheryl’s bathroom while the redhead got some pillows and an extra blanket to throw on top of the mattress she always set on the living room floor when Raven came over. Sure, Cheryl had to help her because she had put on her pajama t-shirt inside out, but after that they watched all the movies available on TV that were appropriated for Raven’s age. She disliked most of them, so Cheryl turned off the TV and they played hide-and-seek until there were no more spots in that house that they hadn’t hid before. Cheryl made a mental note to thank Toni later for packing Raven’s favorite books because that was also a good distraction — for fifteen minutes. 

The redhead checked twice with the girl if she was feeling okay and googled at least four different MD websites to see if a person can eat popcorn when feeling sick to their stomach. After reading positive answers, she went and made them some popcorn and Cheryl could only pray Raven didn’t get sick after. 

Cheryl had read _Heather Has Two Mommies_ four times and she could probably quote some parts of the book herself now. They were going to their second round of _The Cat in the Hat_ when Cheryl glanced at the clock and it was barely four. She was running out of ideas and it was too nice outside for them to be stuck inside that house for two more hours.

So when Cheryl texted Toni, they were already on the corner of Cheryl’s house heading to the mall. It wasn’t a long walk, but it was definitely enough for her and Raven to get some vitamin D — and God knew Cheryl needed some. 

Toni’s reply came fifteen minutes later, and by Cheryl’s math, it was right after she finished one of her photoshoots. 

**_Toni:_ ** _what did you do to my sister cheryl blossom_

 **_Toni:_ ** _do I need to call 911_

 **_Toni:_ ** _or the police_

 **_Toni:_ ** _i am going to need pictures to check on my sister’s wellbeing_

“Rav, come here. Your sister wants to see that you’re okay.” 

“Why?” She asked, genuinely confused. “I’m with you. Of course I am okay.” 

“She’s just worried. Come on, make a goofy face.” 

Cheryl hit the button just as she stuck her tongue out and Raven pulled the sides of her mouth. She sent the picture to Toni right before they walked into the fancy doors of the mall, phone in one hand and Raven’s hand tightly in hers. 

“Where do you want to go first?” Cheryl asked as she watched the girl’s eyes wandering around the place. “We can play arcade games in the play center, if you want.” 

With a nod of agreement, Cheryl walked through the crowd throughout the long halls until they got to the other side of the place. Cheryl felt her phone buzzing in her pocket right before they walked into the play center. 

**_Toni:_ ** _this is not your house where are you_

 **_Toni:_ ** _is it too much if i say that my heart jumped out of my body when i saw that picture because it definitely did_

 **_Cheryl:_ ** _we’re at the mall. I ran out of things to do with her and it’s nice out, so i thought why not_

 **_Cheryl:_ ** _also you’re cute :)_

 **_Toni:_ ** _is she feeling okay?_

 **_Cheryl:_ ** _we ate popcorn and she hasn’t complained, said her tummy is fine. I’ll keep you updated_

 **_Toni:_ ** _you truly are the best. thank you for doing this for her_

 **_Cheryl:_ ** _i love both of you so it’s my pleas_

Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete.

 **_Cheryl:_ ** _it’s my pleasure babe <3 _

Cheryl walked to the counter and bought a 40-minutes pass. The play center wasn’t that big and she didn’t think Raven would want to go on all of those, so it should be enough. She could always buy more if she wanted to.

“Cheryl, can I go on the trampoline?” Raven asked with the biggest puppy eyes as they got closer to the trampoline. Even though she was worried about her stomach, how could she say no? 

“How is your tummy?” 

“It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“Do you feel like you’re going to throw up?” Cheryl asked, just to be sure. Raven shook her head no and Cheryl sighed in relief. “Okay, then.” 

Of course Cheryl had to buy another 20-minutes pass because Raven couldn’t get enough of the arcade games. Not that Cheryl wasn’t enjoying it herself, because she truly was a sucker for Slotcar Racing, and Raven seemed to be enjoying herself trying to whack those beavers down. 

But when her own stomach growled in hunger, she figured Raven was probably hungry, too. 

“Rav, what do you say we go grab a bite?” Cheryl asked as she helped Raven put her sneakers back on. “I don’t know about you, but I’m _so_ hungry.”

“I am a bit hungry,” she said, gesturing a pinch with her index and thumb, moving her hand up to her eye to use the space between the untouched fingers as glasses. 

“But we have to get something that won’t hurt your stomach again, okay?” 

“Okay. Can I have some orange juice?”

“Yes, you can. But we have to make sure it’s not too acid.” Cheryl held out her hand to Raven as they walked out of the play center. The redhead looked around to see which way to go to the nearest cafeteria. 

“What is acid?” 

“It’s something that hurts your stomach.” 

“Ouch.” Raven crinkled up her nose. “I don’t want acid.” 

Cheryl chuckled as they made their way to that cafeteria she knew served the best waffles in the city. She wasn’t sure what else to feed her, and they could share one. Toni had told her that she didn’t eat many fruits and there was no way she could find a fruit salad with apples, cherries, watermelon and strawberries. 

When they sat down, Cheryl ordered orange juice and waffles with strawberry and whipped cream. As they waited, the redhead checked her phone and, surprisingly or not, a notification from Toni popped up.

 **_Toni:_ ** _i just finished a photoshoot and if i have to look into this tiny square one more time i’m going to be cross-eyed for the rest of my life_

 **_Toni:_ ** _considering that i still have one more to do, will you still like me if i’m cross eyed?_

 **_Cheryl:_ ** _i will always like every tiny piece of you, toni. cross eyed or not_

 **_Toni:_ ** _softie_

 **_Cheryl:_ ** _shut up_

 **_Cheryl:_ ** _but don’t worry, rav is okay! we’re just grabbing a bite and then i’ll take her home_

 **_Toni:_ ** _alright! see you guys in an hour and a half <3 _

* * *

Cheryl didn’t plan on ending the day in the ER. 

She wasn't supposed to _need_ to call an Uber to take Toni’s sister to the fucking hospital and it was all her fault. She knew she shouldn’t have let her jump up and down on that trampoline so many times after feeling that sick in the morning. She should’ve stayed home, where Raven would be safe and not throwing up every content barely digested in her stomach. Her stomach wouldn't be as hard as a rock and Toni definitely wouldn't be mad at her. 

_“Cheryl, calm down. What happened?” Toni says over the phone and Cheryl is sure the pink haired girl won’t ever trust her again. Not with Raven, not with anything._

_“She was fine,” she swallows up a cry and the knot in her throat makes it painful. “We were drinking orange juice, I even added more water because I was afraid it was too acidic.”_

_“Babe, where are you? What happened to Raven? You’re freaking me out.” She doesn't sound mad. It’s concern. Pure concern._

_Cheryl can almost feel Toni’s anguish and if she had any more hands available she would definitely hit herself in the face, but she has Raven snuggled against her body, with tears rolling down her cheeks and Cheryl’s hand that isn’t holding the phone against her ear is pressing against Raven’s stomach, on top of the girl’s own hand.._

_“She started feeling sick again. We’re on our way to the hospital, to St. Bynes. I’m so sorry, Toni. I’m so sorry.” Cheryl’s voice cracks and this time she can’t keep the tears from falling. At this point, she is too scared and feeling too guilty to worry about that._

_“I will meet you there,” is all Toni says before she hangs up, not even allowing Cheryl to answer._

Cheryl watched as Raven received fluids through an IV and the sight of a plastic tube connected to her veins made Cheryl’s eyes water. 

The redhead told the doctor what had happened that day. She was feeling sick in the morning, her sister gave her some tea, she was feeling better. Cheryl told her what she had eaten (that she knew of) and how she didn't feel sick after the popcorn but how it started a few minutes after they finished their waffles. 

Dr. Sawyer, Cheryl had learned it was her name after catching sight of her name tag, laid Raven down. On one side of the bed, Cheryl held Raven’s hand and whispered it would be okay; on the other, the doctor pressed her hands against her stomach, watching Raven whine in pain under her touch.

Dr. Sawyer drew some blood to do some tests. Cheryl made sure to hold Raven’s hand the entire time. Right after they found her a bed in a separate room, the nurse asked Cheryl to fill out some information about her. She knew her full name and her full birthday, which was good news, but when it came to blood and disease history, she didn’t hesitate for a second before trying to call Toni again. 

Still, her brain couldn’t stop bringing back the conversation she had had with the nurse right before she started filling out a form.

_“And what is your relationship with the child?” The nurse had asked Cheryl when the doctor approached her, right after taking the sick girl to a bed, saying the redhead would be needing a form to fill out. “Are you related?”_

_“No, actually. I’m… Her sister… I’m just taking care of her for her sister.”_

_Why is that fucking relevant? I’m not trying to kidnap her, for God’s sake._

_“And what is your relationship with her sister? Cousins? Relative-in-law?”_

_Cheryl swallowed hard before she answered, “I’m just her friend.”_

_Ouch._

_“Alright,” said the nurse before she handed Cheryl a form to fill out. “Please fill out as much as you know. You can sit there with her if you want.”_

**_Cheryl:_ ** _do you have any relatives who are diabetic or have heart conditions?_

Waiting for an answer was torture. 

**_Toni:_ ** _not that we know of. on our mom’s side no, we have no clue about our dad’s_

 **_Cheryl:_ ** _any allergies? to medication?_

 **_Toni:_ ** _no, she’s good_

 **_Toni:_ ** _how is she? i’m five minutes away_

 **_Cheryl:_ ** _taking fluids, the doctor drew some blood and now she's resting_

 **_Toni:_ ** _is she in pain?_

Cheryl wanted to cry. 

**_Cheryl:_ ** _seems so. but they’re going to medicate her as soon as i finish filling this out. she’s going to be okay_

Her phone didn't ring for the next eight minutes. She handed out the form and after the nurse checked the information, she went after the nice doctor who firstly admitted Raven. They kept reading the form over and over and Cheryl made sure to add that she was autistic, she couldn't forget that. After what seemed ages, they finally came up to an agreement and Cheryl watched the nurse ministrating a dose of whatever medicine it was into Raven’s IV bag. 

“Her blood test results will come in a bit.” The doctor walked towards Cheryl, who stood up too fast and almost felt her blood pressure drop. “I already gave her some pain relievers and she will start to feel sleepy. That’s perfectly fine. That’s how we know the medication is working. Have you called any of her family members yet?”

“Yes, her sister is on the way. Do you have any idea of what it might be?” 

“Actually, I do. But I have to wait until the blood test comes back. It shouldn't take longer than twenty minutes.” 

So Cheryl waited. She waited for two minutes that seemed like three hours until she caught sight of a puff of pink hair bursting through the door. The concern in her eyes could be seen from afar. Cheryl called out her name when she saw her stopping by the counter to ask for information. 

“Toni, over here.” Cheryl said a little louder. Toni turned her head like a radar and immediately ran to where Cheryl was, holding Raven’s hand. 

Cheryl swallowed hard when she saw Toni’s eyes as they landed on her sister. Her hand immediately met with Raven’s hair and her thumb brushed gently against her forehead. Raven’s eyes were starting to get heavy and Cheryl sighed in relief. The whines were gone, so the pain was probably getting better. 

“You’re going to be okay, Rav.” Toni whispered to her sister before she placed a kiss to her forehead. “Is she supposed to be this sleepy?” 

“The doctor said so. That's how we know the medicine is working.” 

Toni couldn't help but notice Cheryl’s voice quavering. She was so worried about her sister that she didn't notice how bad Cheryl was feeling and blaming herself for something that wasn't even her fault. She walked toward the redhead and reached for her arms, crossed over her chest as if she was trying to keep her heart from clenching inside her.

“Hey, it's okay. She’s going to be fine.” Toni said softly, but Cheryl’s gaze didn't leave Raven. 

“I shouldn't have taken her there.” Cheryl said, now looking at Toni with watery eyes. “I let her jump on the trampoline for, what, twenty minutes? It probably made her stomach worse, but she said she was fine. And then I took her to eat and I should have known better and gotten her a fruit salad.” 

“Babe, it could’ve happened while she was with me or with my aunt or even with both of us. It wasn't your fault. She’s a kid, kids get sick, no matter how good of a caretaker we are.” Toni reached for Cheryl’s hair, putting a loose strand behind her ear. “It’s okay, don't worry about it.” 

“You’re not mad at me?” 

Toni frowned. “Why would I be?” 

“I promised I would take care of her and I failed. Bad.” 

“You didn't fail. She's here and all in one piece, so you did take care of her. Those pictures you sent me… I’ve never seen her having so much fun, Cher. She _adores_ you. It's fine, I promise.” 

“I just felt so bad when she started to press down her stomach,” Cheryl let out and Toni hugged her this time and Cheryl allowed her arms to fall and wrap around Toni’s tiny body. “Then she said she needed to go to the bathroom and thank God it was close because she just threw up everything we ate as soon as we walked into the stall.” 

“I know it was probably scary, but you did the right thing to bring her here. She’s going to be fine. Relax, okay?” Toni comforted her and she nodded as she felt Toni’s thumb brushing against her cheek. “I’m not mad at you. I know it sounded like it on the phone, but I was just worried because you were almost crying and I thought something bad had happened to both of you.” 

As soon as their bodies moved away from each other, just enough for them to look at each other’s eyes, Cheryl saw a tenderness in Toni’s gaze that soothed every ache inside her. Toni stood on her tip toes and placed a soft kiss on Cheryl’s lips, smiling right after. With that, Cheryl knew things were okay. Hearing from her that, despite what w, despite what was happening to her sister she still managed to find a spot to worry about her, made Cheryl wonder if she even deserved to call Antoinette Topaz _hers –_ even if she wasn’t officially hers (yet). 

Cheryl looked at Raven one more time, and having Toni here just made her emotions even messier. The girl looked so much like the woman she loved that the redhead couldn't help but to picture Toni in her place, how she would’ve felt.

“She just looks so tiny now,” Cheryl’s voice cracked one more time before she felt Toni’s arms wrapping around her waist once again to give her the comfort she needed and wouldn't be able to give with only words.

* * *

“And it can develop like that? Out of nowhere?” Toni asked as she glanced towards her sister, who had just woken up. Cheryl was sitting next to her and Toni could see they were giggling about something that she couldn’t really understand.

“Unfortunately, yes. It’s not that common in kids her age, but it can happen during late childhood.” 

Toni held Raven’s blood test results in hands and as Dr. Sawyer explained what had been causing so much pain on her sister, things becoming clearer as she spoke. 

“There’s nothing we can do to cure it, but it’s an easy treatment. Lactose intolerance is easier to manage than dairy allergy, if that’s of any comfort. I recommend that you start changing every dairy food from her meals to lactose free ones, and give her almond or soy milk instead.”

“Oh, her milkshakes…” Toni whispered quietly and unconsciously, mostly to herself. 

“Yeah, those are a no-no. Besides the amount of sugar, it’s milk on top of milk with extra milk. There’s a pill that helps with the enzymes, but it isn’t a hundred percent accurate.” 

Toni didn’t spend more than ten minutes talking to the doctor about Raven’s health until Dr. Sawyer excused herself to go get her files updated and her discharge papers. Toni walked back into the room to find Cheryl trying to make her sister laugh. 

“Toni Macaroni!” Raven said in excitement as Toni got closer to her, making the pink haired girl raise a single brow in surprise. When Toni glanced at the redhead, Cheryl was holding back a laugh. 

“That’s new,” she said. “You guys are keeping secrets from me now?” 

“I asked her to come up with a nickname for you, since she’s Raven Haven and I’m Cheryl Cherry.” 

“Well, I’ll take it. Pasta _is_ the best food out there.” Ton answered, rubbing her palm against Raven’s leg over the blanket. “She said it’s lactose intolerance. It makes sense, you know? She felt sick in the morning after she had yogurt and then when she had waffles and whipped cream.”

“They all have milk.” Cheryl said, Toni nodding in response. 

“I can just change her milk for other types and buy her lactose-free cheese and stuff, that’s okay. Even with her food selectivity I think it will be okay,” said Toni. “I’m worried about what I’m going to do when she asks for the milkshake.” 

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Cheryl comforted her, her hands rubbing gently against her forearm. “I don’t know if after what happened today you still trust me with her, but I’m very good at reading labels and coming up with weird recipes that taste good.” 

“You mean that strawberry brownie that ended up in the trash?” Toni mocked and Cheryl fake gasped. 

“I forgot to lower the heat!” 

“Sure, keep telling yourself that.” Toni watched Cheryl rolling her eyes up in defeat and chuckled lightly. “Also, what happened today doesn’t change a single thing. I told you, it’s not your fault.”

“Promise?” 

Toni pecked Cheryl’s lips and smiled right after. That was enough for Cheryl. “I promise. And look at her! She’s laughing!” 

Toni and Cheryl looked at Raven and the girl was giggling, holding Cheryl’s phone in her hand while she watched whatever cartoon it was on it. Her IV bag was almost at the end, so the tube was still attached to her arm with a bandage holding it in place. 

“Only because she’s watching Paw Patrol. Also, I found out this afternoon that she likes it, but only the episode where the dogs save an Antarctic martian from something.” 

Toni frowned in confusion and it took her five whole seconds to process. “Babe, I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I’ll take it.” 

“I think we’re ready to let this beautiful little girl go home.” 

Toni and Cheryl turned their heads to see Dr. Sawyer walking into the room, with some papers and a prescription in hand. “I just need one of you to sign these papers.”

“That’s me,” Toni spoke up and sat down to support the papers on something steady. 

“She came in with you, didn’t she?” The doctor turned to Cheryl now and the redhead just nodded with a weak smile. 

“Toni is her sister,” Cheryl explained pointing to Toni with her head. “I’m Cheryl.” 

The doctor nodded and smiled before she checked Raven’s stomach one more time and the IV bag. “Auntie Cheryl took really good care of you today, didn’t she?” 

Without looking up from the screen in front of her, Raven blurted out, “Cheryl can’t be my aunt, she kisses my sister on the mouth.” 

Toni and Cheryl’s gasps were embarrassingly loud and the pink haired girl swore she saw Cheryl going even paler, with the clear exception of her burning red cheeks. She held in a laugh and glanced at the doctor, who just shook her head as she chuckled. 

“Well, if your sister likes her and she takes care of you when you’re sick, she is also your family, don’t you think? We can also choose who we want to be our family and they always take care of us.” 

“Once I tripped on a rock and I hurt my hand. Cheryl gave it a kiss to make it better. And she always makes me milkshakes!”

“And today you weren’t feeling okay and she brought you here.”

“Yeah, she did.” Raven smiled and Cheryl was very, very close to start crying. Again. Her cheeks were hurting from all the smiling but she couldn’t stop herself. “And we have to go back to Cheryl’s house to get my backpack and my pajamas because we had a pajama party. Toni, I didn’t make a mess, just like you told me!” 

Toni enjoyed the five minutes that Raven didn't restrain herself from talking to people that she wasn't completely familiar with, watching her gesture as she spoke and steadying her arm when the doctor mentioned to take the needle out of her arm. Cheryl was helping button Raven’s jeans back up, staring at her with nothing but fondness. By the look on her face, Raven was now free of pain and sitting down as the doctor gave her a pink bandage. 

“I’m happy to know that, munchkin.” Toni answered, handing the papers back to the nurse who was waiting to sign her release. 

“Your sister and your… Cheryl are going to make sure your tummy doesn't hurt anymore, okay? And now you’re free to go.” 

“What do we say, Rav?” 

Raven glanced at her sister when she heard her name and looked back to the doctor. “Thank you.” 

With a smile, Dr. Sawyer signed Raven’s discharge papers and excused herself, leaving the three of them ready to go home. 

Cheryl reached for her phone before she said, “I’m going to call an Uber.”

“No need. We can walk to your place, I’ll get her clothes and then we’ll walk home from there. It's not dark out yet.” Toni reassured, helping Raven hop off the high bed. The pink haired girl turned to her sister and asked, “Are you okay to walk? Are you feeling dizzy or weak on your legs?” 

“No, I’m okay.” 

The three of them walked out of the hospital doors not too long after that. The sunset was very pleasant to the eyes and the light cool breeze was comforting on the skin. Raven walked in front of them, kicking some rocks she had found on her way. Cheryl had her fingers intertwined in Toni’s, their hands fitting together perfectly like two pieces of a puzzle. The walk was silent as they both kept their eyes on Raven, but it wasn't uncomfortable. 

Raven suddenly stopped and turned to face them. “Toni, milkshake.” 

“Rav, I’m not sure if you can have it today. We can have something else, if you want.” 

“But milkshake…” The pout and the sad tone made Cheryl’s heart drop to her stomach.

“I can try to make you a different milkshake. It's my secret recipe,” Cheryl said. “It’s going to be our secret milkshake. What do you think?” 

“Just us, no Toni Macaroni?” Raven seemed excited with the idea, which made Toni roll her eyes up. 

“You leave me out of your pajama party and now I can't have the secret milkshake? That's unfair.” 

“Okay, just for today.” Raven agreed with a nod. 

The little girl held both her hands up, one for Toni and the other for Cheryl to grab as she stood between them. The smile on Raven’s face when Cheryl grabbed her hand at the same time as Toni was the sweetest thing Cheryl had witnessed that day. 

“Secret milkshake?” Toni whispered with a frown. Cheryl just nodded. 

“Strawberry smoothie with almond milk, but she doesn't need to know that.” 

_We can choose who we want to be our chosen family._

The doctor's words echoed one more time in Toni’s head and she couldn't be happier that Cheryl happened to be their chosen one. 


	11. i will not let go of what is mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though Toni loves her sister to death, she desperately needs a moment alone — and Cheryl agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there :) 
> 
> 2 updates in less than a week? i must have lost my mind! (i'm this close tho) 
> 
> i'm updating from my phone and i had no patience to proofread so if you notice any mistakes no you didn't heheh

“How much longer do we have to wait? By the time she comes out I will have popped out two babies and I’m not even pregnant.” 

Veronica’s foot tapped aggressively on the concrete floor, her arms crossed over her chest and boredom explicit on her face while Toni checked her phone one more time. 

They had been waiting outside Cheryl’s photoshoot location for twenty minutes. Veronica had called the night before complaining about how they had never seen each other anymore and to let them know they were going to hang out that late afternoon, right after the end of her early shift. Yes, not an invitation, but a reminder (more like a demand, if the pink haired girl was being completely honest). Toni couldn’t say no, mostly because no one says no to Veronica Lodge, but also because she did miss their hangouts. 

When vivid red locks appeared through the door, Veronica huffed next to Toni and threw her hands in the air. 

“Fucking  _ finally, _ ” she said watching the redhead roll her eyes at her.

“It wasn’t my fault that they wanted me to model to an extra collection of clothes.” Cheryl complained, running her hands through her hair. Her smile widened as soon as her eyes landed on Toni, pulling her closer by the hand to give her a gentle kiss. “Hey, babe.” 

“Hey,” she said right after a soft smile. “So, where are we headed, Veronica?”

“There’s a really nice cafeteria that just opened near here, less than a ten minute walk. I’ve heard they have good food there and some tropical fruit juices.” 

“Alright, lead the way.” Toni gestured towards the street with one hand while the other searched for Cheryl’s, their fingers quickly intertwining. 

Silence lingered between them for two minutes as Veronica mentally organized their route. Once she was all set, she spoke up out of nowhere.

“New collection of clothes?” Veronica asked with a frown. “You’ve done all of theirs. What was it now, baby clothes?” 

“As much as I’d love to fit back into those, no. It was activewear. The pieces were nice, though. There was a red set that I wanted to steal so bad.”

“With all due respect, Toni,” said Veronica to Toni right before she turned to Cheryl. “But you do look good in yoga pants, and red is  _ so  _ your color.” 

“Hey!” Toni called out with furrowed brows, trying to step up her mad face game, but failed immediately. Veronica chuckled with a shrug, followed by Cheryl’s giggle. “Yeah, I have to agree.” 

“You two are impossible,” Cheryl responded, her cheeks slightly blushing. 

“She started it!” Toni protested, seeing Veronica mocking her like a fifteen year old. 

“And you added fuel to the fire!” 

Toni’s mouth fell open as she painted a fake offended face. “You should be on  _ my  _ side, not Veronica’s!” 

“Sisters before girlfriends, Topaz.” Veronica winked playfully at Toni, who just rolled her eyes at her insufferable brag. 

“That doesn’t quite rhyme,” said the smaller girl.

Veronica turned to face her now, a single eyebrow raised to her hairline and arms crossed over her chest. It was clear that she was trying to hold in a laugh, and even though she was doing a good job with that, Toni still couldn’t hold hers.  __ “Do I look like a poet to you?”

“Oh, my God,” Cheryl huffed. “It’s like taking care of two teenagers who hate each other but want to make out.” 

Both of the girls made sure to let their disgust about what was implied be known as they groaned in displeasure. Toni tugged on Cheryl’s arm, pulling her body closer to hers. Her free hand reached for her chin, her thumb and index finger gently pulling Cheryl’s face closer to Toni’s until their lips met.

“Full disclosure, you’re the only girl I want to kiss,” she whispered and right after the redhead saw a hint of a smirk. Cheryl had to take three deep breaths in order to control herself or Veronica wouldn’t let her live to see the end of it. 

“Eh, get a room,” Veronica complained, walking two times faster in front of them. 

The cafeteria Veronica told them about felt very homey to all three of them. Right before they walked in, when Cheryl caught a glimpse of the place before they turned around the corner, the smell of freshly baked goods and warm coffee hit their nostrils. The cold breeze from the AC hit Cheryl’s skin and she sighed in pleasure, the pale derm turning pink from the heat outside. 

It was true that Veronica had an eye for fancy places and expensive clothes, and she could afford that just fine due to still being on her parents’ financial support, but that place was oddly cheap judging by its exterior appearances. 

As they sat down, a waiter came to their table and handed them their menu, leaving short after to let them decide what they were going to order. 

“I just know I want a glass of this strawberry and passion fruit juice. It sounds deliciously refreshing.” Cheryl said, eyes staring from one side to the other of the open menu in her hands. 

Toni hummed in agreement. “I think I’ll have the same, plus some waffles. Do you want some, too, babe?”

“Hell no,” Cheryl answered. “Those traumatized me for life.” 

As Toni chuckled and shook her head, the frown on the girl sitting in front of them was obvious. “What did waffles ever do to you? You liked them just fine last time we talked.” 

“Cheryl was with Raven one afternoon because she was feeling sick so I could go to work, and she fed her waffles with whipped cream,” Toni started, but Cheryl cut her in right before she could say something else.

“And we had no idea why she was feeling sick in the first place. Turns out she developed lactose intolerance, so it ended up with both of us in the ER. I thought I was going to die seeing that girl feel so sick.” 

“Oh, no,” Veronica laughed lightly. “How is she now? Is she okay?’

“She’s great. She’s doing better than I thought with the food change.” Toni explained. 

The waiter came to take their orders and Veronica’s large cappuccino order on a disturbingly hot afternoon was weird to say the least, but it was Veronica after all. He took the menus from the table and said their food would be ready in fifteen before he excused himself, leaving the three of them with much free time to talk. 

Cheryl’s hand reached for Toni’s under the table and pulled their intertwined hands to rest on her thigh.

“What about her daily milkshake? How is that holding up?” 

“Cheryl made some witchcraft and now she traded it for strawberry smoothies with almond milk. Still, Raven won’t take it if I make it, it has to be her.” Toni explained, feeling Cheryl’s gaze on her the entire time, alongside with a gentle smile. 

“It’s adorable how much she likes you, Cheryl,” Veronica pointed out, making Toni nod and Cheryl coyly smile. “I’m actually surprised you both managed to come here without her.” 

“Yeah, my aunt has her today,” Toni explained. “And it helped that I had to tell her I was going to Jughead’s, so Rav has no idea I’m here.”

“What if she calls him to talk to you and you’re not there?” Veronica asked, genuinely curious.

“She doesn’t care enough about me for that,” Toni answered with a shrug. It should be something that made her feel upset, but under such circumstances, she was actually glad she had crappy relatives. “She would only be if I said I was going to meet Cheryl.” 

“Really?” Veronica asked in a bit of a surprise. She knew Toni and her aunt didn’t get along, but she had no idea it was to that extent. 

“Yep. She did  _ not  _ have it when Raven and I came home from Cheryl’s place on Christmas night. I still don’t know how my ear didn’t fall off that day.” 

“Does she hate her that much?” Veronica asked, her look shifting from Cheryl to Toni. They didn’t seem hurt or uncomfortable with the question, but she apologized anyway. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be harsh.”

“It’s fine,” Cheryl answered. “You’re not wrong.”

“She doesn’t hate Cheryl, she hates the fact that I might kiss her.” 

Veronica tried to keep a smug from appearing on her face, but to no success. “And  _ do  _ each other.” 

“Veronica!,” they said in unison.

“What!? I’m not lying and you’re not toddlers anymore.” 

“Actually…” Cheryl started, looking at Toni for some sort of allowance to jump into the topic. 

“We haven’t, uh, had the chance.” Toni finished her sentence. 

“ _ What?! _ ” Veronica said, rather loudly, as soon as the waiter came back with their orders. 

She tried to disguise it and take a sip of the water bottle in front of her, but the waiter pretended nothing had happened there and placed their respective foods in front of them. Veronica thanked him before he left once again, but this time a bit faster. 

“So you’re telling me that Red here lives  _ alone  _ in a house with perfect functional locks and you haven’t had  _ the chance _ ?!” Veronica said in an incredible high pitch that made Toni laugh. 

“Why are you so stressed out about this?” Toni asked, seeing Cheryl practically drowning her face in tropical juice. 

“We can control ourselves just fine, Lodge. It’s not our fault that you can’t keep it in your pants.” Cheryl playfully snapped. 

“Actually, babe…” 

“Do  _ not! _ ” Cheryl reprimanded, her cheeks going slightly pink once more, Veronica’s eyebrow raised, but Toni couldn’t quite figure out if it was annoyance or interest. 

“The thing is,” Toni started when she caught sight of a now clearly annoyed Veronica watching them talk in private language. “Everytime I come over to her place, I have a little monkey attached to my leg.”

“We have tried, but we were interrupted.” Cheryl finished. Veronica was still shaking her head in disbelief at their words.

_ The first time they tried was an almost successful one.  _

_ It was Friday night and they had been there during the entirety of the afternoon. It was still breezy outside and the evening called for a movie night, but Raven decided she had other plans that included falling asleep in the middle of the living room.  _

_ If they were to tell, Cheryl and Toni had moved to the couch at some point while Raven watched some cartoon that got her full attention. Cheryl had constant goosebumps as Toni’s hand played with her thigh, tracing patterns on the inside of it and her fingers trailing way too close to her center. The redhead was incredibly worked up and she really couldn’t waste the opportunity.  _

_ She looked over at Toni and saw that incredibly hot smirk on her face. By the raise of her eyebrow, Toni knew what she was implying. _

_ “She’s sleeping,” she whispered to Toni, watching her eyes turn slightly darker with lust and all different kinds of ideas popping up in her head.  _

_ “She’s a very light sleeper. What if she wakes up?” _

_ The way Cheryl whispered an answer to her ear sent shivers down her spine that reflected directly in her center. “What if she doesn’t?” _

_ That was more than enough for Toni to agree. Like a mind reader, she stood up at the same time Cheryl did. Careful enough not to step on the mattress and wake her sister up somehow, they managed to get to Cheryl’s bedroom.  _

_ Cheryl pressed Toni against the door as soon as it closed behind them, her lips eagerly connecting with Toni’s in a desperate and very heated kiss. Her hand passed Toni’s body and reached for the lock behind her.  _

_ There were more to Toni’s shaky hands than just her hormones being all over the place. That was a big deal for her for the simplest two reasons: a) she wanted it to be a nice moment for Cheryl as well and b) she had never done it before. Of course she knew how it worked in theory, but when it came to put whatever idea she had in mind to practice, her brain betrayed her and all her insecurities came surfacing with all its strength. She wasn’t that self conscious about her body, she trusted Cheryl enough for that, the thing was all the rest.  _

_ But she barely had time to think about that. When Cheryl’s hand started creeping up Toni’s shirt, the pink haired girl pushed Cheryl gently on her bed, crawling on top of her. She rested one leg between the redhead’s and the other besides her body, both her hands supporting her weight as she kissed down Cheryl’s neck. Toni felt Cheryl’s hand reaching for the hem of her shirt again, but this time she felt her trembling cold fingers against her skin. Maybe she’s nervous, too, and the thought helped to calm Toni’s nerves down a little bit.  _

_ A knock on the door right before Cheryl could take Toni’s shirt off almost drove them to an early heart attack, even though Toni did catch the redhead rolling her eyes just a tidbit.  _

_ “And cue the toxic sister,” Toni complained, getting softly elbowed by Cheryl.  _

_ “Hey! We did leave her alone in there and you said yourself she’s a light sleeper.” _

_ Toni unlocked the door when Cheryl was already on her feet and her hair was put properly in place. “Hey, munchkin. We’re here.” _

_ “I woke up and I didn’t find you.” _

_ “I’m sorry, buddy. Cheryl just wanted me to help her choose an outfit for tomorrow.”  _

_ “Okay,” she simply responded as she walked back to the living room, followed by the two sexually frustrated girls.  _

“I’m going to help you get that done, mark my words.” Veronica said before she took a bite of her sandwich.

“V, we’re good.” Cheryl protested, embarrassment written all over her tone and her face, which Toni found adorable. 

“I’m not asking for your permission!” 

“You are  _ so  _ incredibly rude!” Cheryl said. “Why am I still friends with you?” 

“Because I’m also incredibly nice.” 

“Babe, she’s got a point.” Toni said as she took a sip of her juice. 

Cheryl just rolled her eyes and went back to her meal, fully knowing they were both right.

* * *

“I’m never going to the movies with you  _ ever _ again.”

As they walked into Cheryl’s living room, Toni’s laugh filled the previous empty room. Even though Cheryl was trying to keep up her mad face, she couldn’t pretend that Toni’s laugh didn't make her heart flutter inside her. 

The redhead put her keys on the hanger right after she twisted it in the lock two times, and checked it two times more, just in case. 

“Come on, babe, it was fun.” 

“For  _ whom _ ?! You know I’m scared of horror movies! I trusted you with the tickets and then you go and buy The Nun? The freaking Nun!?” 

Toni's obvious laugh made Cheryl roll her eyes in frustration. The redhead took off her jacket as she watched Toni doing the same. “In my defense, that was the  _ worst  _ Conjuring movie. It wasn't even that scary. Raven could’ve done a better makeup job. ” 

“Well, now you have to stay over because there is no way in hell or Hogwarts that I’m sleeping in this house alone.” 

“I will have to think about it,” Toni teased, stepping closer to Cheryl as she spoke. “I don’t know if you deserve the effort.” 

Cheryl gasped as her mouth fell open in an O. “Antoinette Topaz! You take that back right this instant.” 

“Hmm, nope.” Toni shook her head, a playful smile growing up on her lips. Toni’s arms wrapped around Cheryl’s waist, feeling the redhead’s arms doing the same around her neck almost instantly.

“Fine. Next time I’m in charge of the tickets.” 

“Fine, but only because you’re cute.” Toni answered, getting a victorious smile from Cheryl. She got on her tiptoes and placed a kiss against the smiley lips.  _ She really has to stop wearing these high heel boots when we’re together, it makes my job so much harder,  _ Toni thought. 

As soon as they parted, Cheryl lost herself in Toni’s features for a second. Flashbacks from their last moments at the movies creeped up in her head and she couldn't help but blush at them. 

“What?” Toni asked, seeing the girl’s cheek getting pinkier. “I didn't even squeeze your butt this time.” 

Cheryl rolled her eyes for an instant, trying not to smile at the comment. “Not that, perv. I just remembered something Thomas said to me.” 

Toni widened her eyes, pushing her body away just enough to catch a better view of Cheryl’s face. “And who exactly is Thomas?”

“Is this jealousy that I sense?” Cheryl mocked, watching Toni’s impatient eyes on her.  _ She doesn’t even try to hide it, it’s delightful,  _ Cheryl thought before she answered, “ It's the guy who works at the movies. The one who sold you the tickets?” 

“Oh! Jimmy Neutron! Okay, proceed.” 

“What?” Cheryl whispered as she laughed.

“What!? His hair looks just like Jimmy’s. When he’s not wearing the cap.”

“Okay, I’m not going to judge your nickname choice because it's really not that relevant.”

“You better. What did Jimmy Neutron do?” 

“When I came back from the candy store and I couldn't find you anywhere, I asked him if he had seen a tiny girl with pink hair,” Cheryl started but was quickly cut off by the smaller girl.

“Now you just made it sound like I’m seven.” 

“Babe. Let me finish.” Cheryl reprimanded. 

“Bossy.” 

“You like it.” Cheryl teased with a smug. “ _ So _ , I think he must have seen us walking holding hands because he said to me, ‘your girlfriend just bought your tickets and went over there’ and I didn't know how to react.” 

Hearing those words coming out of Cheryl’s mouth made something inside Toni click and suddenly she felt a spark of joy and excitement run through her veins. She saw her cheeks blushing as she spoke. At some point she reached for a strand of Toni’s pink hair to play with it simply to take her eyes anywhere else that wasn't staring at Toni’s. She could feel her own heart starting to race, but she had to maintain a straight face. 

_ That was not how Toni wanted that conversation to take place.  _

“And is it a good thing or a bad thing?” 

Cheryl bit down her bottom lip trying to contain a smile. “Good. I think.” 

“Why ‘ _ think’ _ ?” 

“Because.” Cheryl said after a loud sigh. 

“That’s not an answer.” Toni responded as she tucked some strands of hair that were falling on Cheryl’s face behind her ear. She could see how nervous she was, and she wasn't that much calmer. “Cher, I would absolutely  _ love  _ to call you my girlfriend. Scream at the top of my lungs, even. I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page before saying anything.” 

“Toni, I  _ love  _ you. I would have to be completely insane not to be on the same page.” Cheryl’s words came knocking down every little brick of Toni’s walls, and those three words made the rest of her entire sentence sound muffled. Her heart twirled inside her chest and she could actually feel her cheeks getting tired of smiling. 

“I love you, too, Cher.” She pressed her lips against Cheryl’s once again, both of theirs tugging up in a smile. “And I would  _ love _ to call you my girlfriend. If you want.” 

“Only if you let me call you my girlfriend, too. If you want.” 

“I guess we’re on the same page, then.” 

Cheryl nodded before she answered, “We really are.” 

Toni could spend the rest of her life getting lost in Cheryl’s perfume or in her embrace. She forgot every little bad thing that had ever happened to her when she felt her arms wrapping around her neck or reaching down to her waist whenever Toni decided to be bold and pull Cheryl for a kiss by wrapping her arms around the redhead’s neck. 

So it was official. She had asked Cheryl to be her girlfriend in the most unusual, least romantic way and had Cheryl saying yes. Cheryl had told her she loved her. 

She  _ loved  _ her. 

If Toni from the future had come up to Toni from seven months ago and told her that she would end up dating the redhead who won her and her sister’s heart at first sight, she would’ve laughed straight to her face. It was literally nonsense. Toni was the one doing the drooling over her every time she went to the milkshake shop — that now she knew it was called Pop’s. Not that she cared, because she really didn't. The only thing that mattered in there was the redhead making her sister laugh and her heart dance. 

She had everything possible. What else could she want in life? 

Her phone rang in her pocket and took her away from her own thoughts. She moved an arm, clumsy reaching for her phone. When she was able to pick it up, she started to read what was written on the screen. 

“I don’t understand a single thing.” Toni whispered, a frown taking over her face as she tried to decipher whatever message her sister had sent her through her aunt’s phone. “Can you read emoji language?” 

Cheryl took a look at the screen and saw a lot of random emojis put together. After some time, Cheryl spoke. “She had dinner, ate her spaghetti, brushed her teeth and I’m not sure if she’s reading a story about bears or if she’s going to sleep with a teddy bear. That book really threw me off.” 

Toni looked at her and back at the screen. When you really stopped to pay attention to it, it made sense. “How?”

“Let’s say that I taught her that.” Cheryl crinkled up her nose, shoulders up as if she was apologizing. “When she was with me that day she wanted to text you, so I told her to look for ‘t’, as in Toni, and press it. I told her to look for the picture on the emoji keyboard after I stopped her from sending a text calling you ‘tt’. I guess I shouldn’t have told her to press ‘T’.” 

“That’s adorable.” Toni answered, her fingers quickly searching for the heart emoji and the kissy face one. “I guess I should get going.” 

“To change your clothes, I suppose?” Cheryl asked, seeing the confusion clearly on her girlfriend’s face.  _ God, it felt nice to refer to her like that.  _ “I wasn't joking about you having to stay over tonight. Do you really think I will be able to sleep without seeing that nun’s face? You’re staying, missy.” 

“Babe, I didn't even bring pajamas.” 

“I have four jackets of yours in my closet. It's not like my pajamas wouldn't fit you.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, TT. My bed is big enough.” 

“You’re not going to drop the TT one, are you?” 

“Never. It's too cute and it matches perfectly. Tiny Toni.” 

Toni rolled her eyes as she replied with a quick answer, letting her aunt know she would be staying over at Jughead's and a text to Jughead to cover for her, just in case. 

“You’re annoying.”

“And you love me.” Cheryl tried to joke, but Toni’s answer made every fiber in her body spark with joy.

“I really do.”

* * *

“It feels good being here with you,” Cheryl whispered as Toni snuggled closer to Cheryl’s body. Their legs were one on top of the other, Toni’s head on the redhead’s chest. 

“Same, babe. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister, but this privacy was just what we needed.” Toni answered, Cheryl nodding in agreement.

The heat coming from Cheryl’s skin being too close to hers was really making her fingertips tingle, desperate to touch it. The scent of her perfume was only adding up to it. She felt like an addict, not being physically able to move away. Toni reached for Cheryl’s torso under her t-shirt. As soon as her fingertips touched a certain spot right under her belly button (which was completely unplanned), Cheryl’s breath caught in her throat, her abdomen muscles spasming gently under the pink haired girl’s touch. 

Cheryl felt like her body was on fire from Toni’s touch, her skin feeling extremely warm,  _ every inch of it _ . She could almost hear the blood rushing through her veins as lust pooled down on her pelvis. Seeing Toni dressed only in a t-shirt that Cheryl had lent her was definitely working her up.

That was until she felt Toni’s lips brushing against her neck. Then she lost it. 

“Toni,” she whispered under her breath, shutting her eyes closed. 

When they opened, a second later, the pink haired girl saw pools of lust in them. Toni withdrew her hand from Cheryl’s skin as she supported her weight on her elbow, staring into Cheryl’s eyes. 

“Too much?” She asked genuinely. Even though Toni could see all the signs that Cheryl wanted her as much as she wanted Cheryl, she still wanted to be sure that she was comfortable. 

“Too little,” Cheryl responded with a raspiness that Toni had never seen before. “Please, Toni. I- I want you.” 

Toni crawled over Cheryl’s body, one of her legs placed between the redhead’s and arms on each side of her body. She lowered her body down just enough to take Cheryl’s lips on her own. The amount of control she was having in that moment and the lack of experience she had was making her extra nervous. She knew it wouldn’t take long until Cheryl noticed and her insecurities were starting to make her second guess it.

“Just so you know,” she said, trusting her voice enough not to crack. “I, uh, haven’t done this before, so I’m not sure what I’m doing here.” 

Toni watched Cheryl’s eyes as she spoke. She trusted her with everything, but  _ that  _ was something else. The level of exposure she was about to get was almost embarrassing, but the ache between her legs were clouding her rational thoughts. 

Cheryl smiled and her hands reached for her arms, rubbing it gently with her palms. “Neither have I. I trust you, babe. I  _ want  _ you.” 

As Cheryl’s hands reached for Toni’s back, her nails scratching just the slightest on her bare skin, Toni felt shivers running up and down her entire body. Cheryl sat up in a single movement, her hands reaching for Toni’s hair as she pressed their mouths together. Trembling fingers reached for the hem of Cheryl’s t-shirt, pulling their lips apart only to take the piece of clothing off. The heat from Toni’s center was probably embarrassingly obvious on Cheryl’s thigh, but that was the least of her worries.

Toni’s eyes darted down to Cheryl’s chest, the urge to bite down her lips to contain whatever thoughts she was having. Toni quickly caved for Cheryl’s neck, feeling her chest rising up and down as her breath hitched with every touch. The redhead rested her body on her elbows as Toni worshipped her body with her mouth. She made sure to kiss every inch on the exposed skin of Cheryl’s breasts as she trailed down her kisses. 

“This has to go,” she went back up and whispered in Cheryl's ear as her hand trailed down to Cheryl's sternum, unclasping her bra with a single movement.

Cheryl, very clumsily, managed to take her bra off her arms. Toni was mesmerized with the image in front of her and she had to swallow twice before she could even move. 

Toni placed kisses down her chest and in between her breasts as she crawled down her body, but it wasn’t until Toni’s tongue lapped against Cheryl’s hardened nipple that she let out the moan she had tried to swallow down. And she thought there was no way she could get even wetter. 

The trail of wet kisses Toni had left on her torso was visible and Toni knew what she was doing to her. She saw the pink haired girl’s smug as she looked up at Cheryl, placing her head between her legs. Cheryl automatically folded her legs, pressing her thighs together to get some friction on her clit or else she would  _ explode _ . 

“Babe,” she heard Toni’s sultry voice as her hands slid up Cheryl’s thighs until her fingertips hovered over the waistband of her underwear. “Spread your legs for me.”

Toni could see Cheryl’s arousal on her underwear, leaving a moist trail on the length of her slit. Toni licked her lips, feeling her own clit throbbing, desperate to touch her, to feel Cheryl’s fingers inside her. Toni’s smirk grew bigger when she brushed the side of her thumb against Cheryl’s still clothed clit and watched the girl squirm under her touch. She hooked her index fingers on each side and started to slide Cheryl’s panties down her thighs, tossing it somewhere in the room.

Toni gently moved her hands to Cheryl’s knees, pulling them apart the slowest she could. Cheryl’s soaked center was making Toni’s mouth water, but the nervousness of doing something wrong was starting to creep up on her again. She knew how it worked in theory, so that’s what she was going to try.

“Babe,  _ come on, _ ” Cheryl mumbled under her breath, her back slightly arching up, her head falling back on the mattress. 

“Slide down a bit,” she asked and Cheryl didn’t need to be asked twice. All it took was one shift of her body until Toni’s face was perfectly placed between her legs and Cheryl could feel her wetness dripping down. It was embarrassing to say the least. 

Toni lowered herself down, her mouth placed millimeters from her dripping folds. Cheryl could feel her hot breath against her clit and it was driving her insane enough to roll her eyes up in pleasure, gripping her own breast to roll her nipples between her fingers. Toni looked up one last time and Cheryl with lustful eyes before she firmly lapped her tongue on Cheryl’s entrance, feeling the thickness of her arousal on her tongue.  _ Fuck, she tastes good,  _ she thought. 

The pink haired girl threw a hand over Cheryl’s thigh, her hand reaching her clit perfectly. Instead of pressing against it, she pulled the hood up to give her a bit of friction as she worked her way towards it, her tongue spreading Cheryl’s wetness all over her slit. 

“Stop teasing,” Cheryl managed to let out in a whimper.

Cheryl thought she was going to cum when the hum that came out of Toni’s lips reverberated through her body when her lips closed around her swollen clit. She was so aroused that barely any touch could send her to the edge.

“ _ Fuck, _ ” Toni heard Cheryl whimpering under her breath, her legs starting to shake from being that spread as pleasure rushed through her entire body. Cheryl was rocking her hips up and down to get more friction, her walls visibly starting to clench around nothing. 

So Toni decided to keep going. She kept going until Cheryl’s hand tugged her hair. She then inserted her middle finger just before she lapped on her clit one more time, pumping in and out gently enough not to hurt her but enough to make her cum. 

Cheryl’s entire body started to shake and her back arched incredibly high as a moan ripped through her throat. Toni felt her juices coating her palm as she slowly eased her finger out, waiting for Cheryl to ride out her orgasm and her muscles to relax before she completely removed it. 

Cheryl’s body collapsed on the mattress, her heavy breathing could be seen from afar. Her bare chest was rising up and down as Toni crawled back up on top of her, not even bothering to wipe out her mouth before she kissed Cheryl. The redhead moaned when she tasted herself on her girlfriend’s tongue and that itself was enough to shoot a current of pleasure to her sensitive clit again.

“And you have the audacity to tell me you don’t know what you’re doing?” Cheryl said the minute their lips parted. Toni chuckled and shrugged. 

Until she felt Cheryl’s hand reaching for the space between her thighs, both her index and middle finger sliding through her clothed drenched center. Toni watched as a smirk grew on Cheryl’s lips and she was  _ sure  _ Cheryl felt her getting wetter at the sight. “Your turn.”

* * *

To say that Cheryl was acting off the entirety of last week was an understatement. 

Toni couldn't help but wonder if it had something to do with the night that they made it official. Maybe she rushed Cheryl into things. Maybe she wasn't ready — for neither the label or to have had sex that night. They had talked before, Toni checked if she was comfortable with it and she said she was. She said she loved her before Toni could even mention anything about calling Cheryl her girlfriend. They slept in each other’s arms the entire night. 

In Toni’s mind, everything was and had worked out perfectly. 

They hadn't seen each other since then. Cheryl had been working her butt off that week, and so was Toni. Between work and looking for a good school for Raven, Toni had had a full week. Of course their video calls were religiously happening, but they seemed to last less. Probably because both their days were starting earlier than usual, but still. The texts were constant, and Raven would ask to talk to Cheryl once or twice, so they weren't completely radio silence on each other. 

But it still bothered Toni to see Cheryl so dispersed. It seemed like someone had erased the Cheryl she knew and left the broken shell. She wasn't smiling that much anymore and God knew how much Toni missed it. 

At 4 in the afternoon on Friday, Toni decided she would meet Cheryl after she was done with work. She hadn't warned, it was supposed to be a surprise. Toni texted Betty and got the location and the time she was supposed to finish — no longer than 30 minutes. 

Toni arrived at the hotel Cheryl was at in twenty seven minutes. She could see that the van that would take the models and the photographers was still parked outside. Cheryl was still in there and it didn't take longer than five minutes until Toni saw her walking out of the door. 

As Toni walked toward her, she watched the smile she so missed growing on Cheryl’s lips and wondered why she hadn't had that idea earlier. 

“I have to agree with Veronica,” Toni said, looking at Cheryl from head to toe. “You do look  _ amazing  _ in these red yoga pants.” 

“Shut up,” Cheryl said before she pulled Toni in for a quick kiss. “What are you doing here, TT?”

“I just came to see you. I missed you this week.” Toni fake pouted and Cheryl wondered if she could love that woman more than she already did. 

“I missed you too, babe,” she responded as she placed her index and thumb on Toni’s chin, pulling her face closer to peck her lips one more time. 

Even with all the pet names and the kisses, Toni knew something was still off. The pink haired girl knew her eyes, and those sad, confused ones weren't what she was used to. 

“Something wrong?” 

As the words came out of Toni’s mouth, she could see the hesitation in Cheryl’s eyes and the tremble on her lips.

“Everything is fine. Don't worry about it.” She forced a smile that she knew Toni wouldn't buy, but it was worth the shot. 

“You know that I know when you’re lying, right?” Toni’s voice was filled with compassion and tenderness. “What’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird the whole week.” 

Cheryl knew there was no way out. She took a deep breath as she played with Toni’s fingers holding onto hers. “It’s Heather. She's back in town and she wants to see me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely RESENT writing smut for unknown reasons but feel free to let me know if it sucked too bad lmaoo  
> thank you for reading<3


	12. the best part is falling, calling anything but love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather is back in town, but it would be easier if it were affecting only Cheryl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! it's been a while, huh? 
> 
> i have to admit that i'm feeling very disconnected to this story, but here i am trying my best under blackmail and death threats to finish writing this one. 
> 
> this one is long, guys. like, LONG. but it has a bit of toni's backstory and it's important to understand some of her actions towards the heather situation.
> 
> i hope you enjoy this one! :)

Toni never wished bad things for anyone, but that day she couldn’t put evil enough on her words towards the drunk driver that took her mother’s life. She wished she could scream, but that wasn’t the smartest move at two in the morning. She thought about how her mother would know the exact words to say to make her feel better, or wouldn’t even say anything, just tap on her thigh and make room for Toni’s head and torso as she worked her magic to make every ache inside her disappear. Maybe she would have the answer to why Toni felt so fucking insecure all the time and how she got rid of that because it was overwhelming.

She was done feeling like that, whatever it was. She didn’t understand why those words had shaken her up so much when it wasn’t even about her. It was about Cheryl and her life and _her_ feelings, not Toni’s, so the reason why she was so worked up and feeling so lost was unknown to her and even to Freud, she dared to say. 

**FOUR DAYS AGO**

“What is she doing here?” 

Toni frowned and a strange urge to curl her body, or press anything against her chest to make that sensation go away, surfaced. She watched Cheryl’s face, the redhead’s uneasy eyes as if they were scanning Toni’s face searching for any indicators, but Toni was a good hider. 

Cheryl sighed before her shaky voice came out, almost in a whisper, “I have no idea. She texted me last week. I didn’t even know she still has my number.” 

“And what did you say?”

“I just said okay and she told me she would text me date and place.”

It was clear as a day how she still had an effect on Cheryl. Good or bad, it was there. Her fingers were still playing with Toni’s in a weird pattern of going back and forth on her knuckles with the tip of her index finger. 

“You could’ve told me before, you know? If it’s making you feel weird,” Toni answered in an attempt of being supportive, but even she could hear the fear in her own tone. She knew Cheryl had noticed it too because her finger suddenly stopped hovering over hers and her eyes quickly locked on hers. 

“I know,” she smiled weakly. “I just didn’t want to bother. You have enough on your plate.” 

“Cheryl, nothing that’s on my imaginary plate is too much that I can’t make room for you. I’m here for you and I want to help you with whatever you’re feeling. If you could just let me in…” 

“I do let you in, you know I trust you with my life,” she smiled sincerely. “But this is too much even for me. I don’t want to drag you into the Heather mess. It’s not pretty and definitely not the baggage I want to make you carry right now.” 

“You’re not _making_ me carry anything, Cher. I’m here, willingly, asking to help you do it. I promise.” Toni reassured once again when she noticed that whatever Cheryl was feeling wouldn’t go away so easily. “I love you.”

Cheryl’s lips tugged up just the slightest, “I love you too, babe.”

Usually Cheryl would kiss her and smile at the same time, but this time, when Cheryl leaned in to capture Toni’s lips on hers, the pink haired girl didn’t feel it. 

Toni noticed that she somehow sounded tired, exhausted even. As if the subject drained so much of her energy that she couldn’t even talk about it without having a physical reaction to it. Somehow, Toni’s brain took her back to when Cheryl appeared after being fired from Pop’s, how hurt she looked as she told the story to her and Veronica.

_Maybe it’s easier for her to share with someone that isn’t me or just the two of us,_ Toni thought to herself for a second, getting lost in her own mind before she came back to reality and found Cheryl’s worried eyes staring into hers. 

Betty yelled at them, warning that the van was just waiting for Cheryl and if she wanted they could give Toni a ride back to the studio as well, completely breaking the tension or whatever it was that had settled between them. Toni felt Cheryl’s hand shift, her fingers eagerly looking for that space between Toni’s to rest. Her grip on her hand was tight, as if she was physically asking for reassurance or just showing the pink-haired girl that she made her feel safe and trusted her with it. 

They walked to the van and, for the rest of the day, they didn’t talk about it. Or barely talked at all. 

*** * ***

_It’s just your stupid brain. Get your shit together, for God’s sake._

_But maybe you have a point._

_You don’t! Can’t you see this is insane? She adores you and she definitely has a soft spot for Raven. Why are you so worried?_

_She also adored Heather, she was her first. These things don’t go away._

Toni found herself drowning in work in order to try to make her brain stop overthinking the situation. She spent the night editing photos, erasing weird walls in the background and adding it back on just to have something more to do. She knew Raven had felt she was absent because whenever Toni wasn’t herself, she would draw her any scenario that would come up to her head. Last time, the little girl had drawn them both on a lake, playing with unicorns and dinosaurs eating ice cream. This time, they were having a picnic with Moana and Jessie, from Toy Story. 

She knew she was absent. Toni was completely aware that she couldn’t pretend that nothing was happening with Cheryl and that it didn’t affect her as well. 

“Do you think this is crazy?” 

Toni kept staring at the ceiling of Jughead’s living room. The sound of his video game controller filled the room and some weird fight noises were coming from the TV while the pink-haired girl just laid there, on the couch, hands resting on her stomach and fingers fidgeting. 

If she hadn’t talked to someone about what she was going on she would have, for sure, lost it by then. It was too overwhelming for her and she hated herself for overthinking everything, but this time it felt like she had reasons to. It wasn’t just any person, it was Heather. _The_ Heather. 

“Do you want my honest answer or the one you want to hear?” 

“I was hoping they were the same,” Toni sighed before she stood up again in one movement. “Am I really this off about this?” 

“Sort of, yes,” he said as he pressed pause and left the controller on the center table to pay attention to the desperate girl sitting next to him. “She’s back in town, so what? They need to talk it out and solve their issues. Cheryl needs closure.”

“But what if instead of closure they, I don’t know, open old doors?” Toni asked and Jughead could almost see desperation in her eyes, but somehow fear and insecurity took over them. “You didn’t see her when she told me about it, Jug. She was so off it was painful to see.” 

“That’s exactly the reason why you shouldn’t be worried about her. Are you really concerned that Cheryl is going to leave you for the girl that broke her heart?” 

“I don’t know, Jug. Before she was her first broken heart, she was her first love. These feelings don’t go away that easily.” 

“You’re right, they don’t, but from what you told me I can assure you that she won’t make Cheryl as happy as you do. She said some really bad stuff, Toni.” 

Deep down, Toni knew that. 

“You’re afraid of losing people and I get it.” 

She was and it was infuriating how Jughead could read her like an open book. Deep down she was aware of everything he was telling her and was about to, but she didn’t want to take the reality pill just yet. 

“You also feel the need to do whatever is in your power and more to make people you love feel better, to take care of them and I also get that, but there are some things that we can’t control. You can’t keep pushing Cheryl away just because you’re afraid you’re going to lose her, the same way you can’t keep taking Cheryl’s pain as your own. It’s a battle you can _help_ her fight, but not fight with her, if it makes sense.” 

“But if I’m not doing it _with_ her, what am I doing? Just sitting in the benches saying ‘Go, Cheryl’ and not doing anything actually helpful?” 

“Exactly. She needs someone she can come home to. Maybe not literally, but she needs to know that if whatever she can handle ends up being a little too much at the end of the day, she will have someone there for her. She just needs you to be that someone.” 

“What if that’s not enough?” Toni asked, feeling like she was about to lose her mind.

“It is, and I’m sure that your mom would tell you the same thing.” Jughead answered and watched Toni’s semblant change in a blink of an eye. 

**2 YEARS AND 8 MONTHS AGO**

The car ride was silent. It was the first time Toni didn’t have her earphones on playing some sad playlist she had made. Her sister was in the backseat, and from the rearview mirror the pink-haired girl noticed how Raven’s eyelids were starting to get too heavy for the little girl to keep fighting her exhaustion. Her mother’s eyes were locked on the road and the radio was off. Light grey clouds were covering the sky and it was somehow comforting for Toni, but her mother’s silence was what was giving Toni enough reason to be worried. 

“What now, mom?” Toni asked, turning her head lightly to the side. Her mother’s features were relaxed, but something about her clenched jaw made Toni regret asking. “The doctors said she’s going to be okay, right?” 

“Yes, Toni, of course.” She looked away from the road for a split second and Toni sighed in relief when she noticed her mother’s jaw unclench and a half smile appeared. “It just caught me off guard, that’s all. I was expecting that diagnosis when I noticed she could barely say five words and she’s almost two. Don’t worry, T. It’s going to be okay.” 

“I’m going to help you, mom,” Toni said after what felt like an hour of silence. “I know there’s only much I can do, but I will do everything I can and can’t to help you with her. You know that, right?” 

For a second Toni could swear she saw some tears in her mother’s eyes, but if they were ever there, her mother did a great job getting rid of them. “I know, baby. You’re the best daughter someone could ever ask for, did you know that?” 

“I try, mom,” she smiled right before she took another glance at her sister in the car seat, head hanging to the side as she slept her way back home. 

Hearing her mother say those words was just what she needed. It _was_ going to be okay, her mother had just told her that and she never lied. Not even when she needed to. 

And she was right. Everything turned out to be okay. Kind of.

Being honest with each other was one of the things Toni valued the most in their relationship, and her mother being a Psychologist was probably the best thing to ever happen to Toni because her mother knew her way around words and feelings. Her mother could take all of her insecurities away with the pinch of a finger or with a tap on the couch next to her, making room for Toni to talk it out while her mother held her. 

“Promise me that you will never keep anything from me?” 

Toni frowned at her mother’s request. She looked up and saw her smiling down at her. Raven was playing with some colored blocks on the floor and Toni noticed how her coordination had improved after her diagnosis. They were still working on adding more words to her vocabulary, but they were getting there. While that didn’t happen, sign language was working just fine. 

“I promise, mom,” Toni answered, but her mother noticed the insecurity and the fear of what her response might bring. 

“I mean, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have boundaries. You have your own life and your own things, I don’t want to be nosey and I’m not asking you to share with me things you don’t want or feel ready to, but if there’s something bothering you, or making you upset, will you come to me and let me help you?” 

Toni felt the urge to cry because she knew what her mother was talking about. 

She knew dating wasn’t going to be a problem with her mom. She could talk about how adorable Toni would be with her partner and how cute her kids were going to be if they had her eyes for hours, but what frightened Toni the most was if her mother was to find out that she didn’t really think about babies or even ending up with a man. Not that she wasn’t attracted to them, because Toni was okay having relationships with boys so far, but what made her lose some nights of sleep was her mother’s reaction to her preference towards girls. 

Toni knew her mother wouldn’t mind, her mom was _that_ amazing, but she didn’t feel ready. She felt like her mother knew somehow that she was into girls too because she never gendered anything when it came to her relationships. _Is the person you’re interested in nice? Are they from school? Do your friends know them?._ She wouldn’t care and Toni knew that, but she couldn’t take the feeling of saying those words out loud and the fact that she wasn’t one to date much helped. 

“Mom, of course. You know I come to you about everything.” She made sure to smile to try to convince herself and her mom that she knew there would be one thing Toni couldn’t tell her mom about. 

“There’s nothing I want more in life than to be there for you and your sister. I just want to help you girls get through each step of life in a way that is less scary.” Her hand reached for her hair, taking a loose strand of pink lock from her eyes. “Make you feel safe.”

“I am, mom. I’m always safe with you and you know that.”

Her mother indeed knew and she made sure to show Toni that her insecurities were all in her head.

Like the day when she needed to stay at work for two more hours and Toni was in charge of taking care of her sister until she got home. 

Toni was used to having dinner with her mother every day. Toni would help her cut some carrots for Raven and prepare the salad while her mother baked them some potatoes with chicken or sausage. It was Toni’s and Raven’s favorite and their mom made sure to make it whenever it was possible. 

But not that day. 

While Toni held her phone against her ear, she watched Raven crawling up the couch in clumsy movements, her left foot an inch from slipping and leading the little girl, in Toni’s perspective, to a fall and a concussion. 

“Two hours, mom?” Toni asked as she quickly ran towards Raven and held her from the back, keeping her from falling onto it. “I don’t know how to make dinner and you always tell me not to give Rav yogurt or anything before dinner.” 

_“There are some leftovers from lunch and you can just chop her some carrots. You know how to do that, you always do it with me at dinner time.”_

But Raven wasn’t having a good day. She felt really uncomfortable and apparently, she was hungry too, because as soon as Toni put her down on the floor again she started crying. With real tears, not just a tantrum. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” she said quietly, trying to calm the child but to no avail. Her mother was saying something on the phone but she couldn’t pay attention to it somehow.

_“...just feed her the carrots and I will be there as soon as I can, okay? Ask her to try to help you. Of course she won’t be able to, but if she feels like she’s part of the process it will help to keep her distracted.”_

Toni nodded as if her mom could see her, still staring at her sister and her hand rubbing her back. “Okay, I will see what I can do. I’m going to hang up because she’s crying and I need to think of what to do.”

_“If you need anything you call me, okay? You got this. Love you, T.”_

“Love you, mom.”

Toni felt like she was lost. She sat down next to her sister, who was now laying on the floor with her stomach down and screaming her lungs off. Toni checked the clock and it was everything at once. It was almost her bedtime, she was probably hungry and the fact that her mom wasn’t home yet. 

_Think, Toni. You can’t keep calling your mother at work. Think._

She knew she needed to let Raven feel that Toni was there for her, but keeping in mind not to be too close to her unless she shows she wants to. She had read that in one of her mom’s books about the psychology of Autistic children, but that was about it.

“Hey, I know you’re tired and you’re hungry, it’s okay,” she said once again, reaching for her sister’s back. “I know you miss mommy, too. But I’m here with you. Toni’s here.” 

It felt like it was working. Her sobs weren’t as hard anymore, but her crying was still audible. Toni looked around to see if she could give her anything to entertain her, but none of her toys were around. She’s probably hungry, I need to feed her dinner.

_Just chop her some carrots._

And then it hit her.

“Rav, look! A bunny!” Toni said and her crying ceased considerably as she stood her head up, looking around. Toni had moved both her hands to the top of her head, cupping them as if they were bunny ears. “And do you know what bunnies do? They hop, hop, hop.”

Toni felt weirdly stupid as she stood up and hopped three times, one in one foot. Her sister looked at her very confused, the silent hiccups coming from the crying, but no more tears. 

“You can be a bunny, too. Look, put your hands like this.” Toni showed Raven her cupped hands and brought them up to her head again. Raven didn’t quite achieve the format her palms were supposed to be, but straight palms to her head was good enough. 

“Ears?” Raven managed to let out in her broken way of speak, but Toni still smiled and nodded.

“Yes! And do you know what the little bunny does when he is sad? He does like this.”

Toni breathed in three times and let out slowly. She repeated it until she saw Raven miming. They repeated that at least ten times, until Raven was laughing at her own hiccups and Toni’s panic had been under control and so was her sister’s tantrum. 

“And what do bunnies eat when they’re hungry?” Toni held out her hand to her sister and took her to the kitchen. Opened the fridge and searched for the container with the carrots. “They eat carrots! Do you want some carrots, little bunnie?” 

Toni sighed in relief when her sister very excitedly nodded her head and walked towards her high chair and raised her arms up, her way of asking Toni to take her up and put her in the chair.

And it went like that when Toni had to deal with her sister’s first fever, her third birthday when she broke her Tiana tiara and when Raven had her first scraped knee from running away from Toni when they were out in the park playing tag. Toni cried more than her sister when she saw the blood dripping from her knee and her sister’s sobs coming with full force. During all of those moments Toni knew she had her mom there to tell her what to do, even when it wasn’t about Raven. Her mother was there to give her advice when she had her first fight with a friend from school, just like she was there when she didn’t know how to deal with the coming of new friends into her life. She was there to give her some guidance and to tell her if what she was doing was right or okay and it probably had something to do with her being a psychologist, but mostly because it was her mom. 

She was her rock and, all of a sudden, she was in a hospital room, holding her mom’s hand and feeling the floor underneath her disappear because she had no idea what to do. 

“T, I need you to promise me you’re going to take care of your sister.” Toni’s eyes watered one more time as her mother’s raspy voice came out. Toni watched her swallow hard and eyes slowly close and reopen, too weak to talk. 

“Mom, I can’t do this without you.” She cried out, holding on tighter to her mom’s hand. 

“You can, baby. You have always done it by yourself, I was just a tiny dot in the background. The voice inside your head telling you what was already there.” She smiled now and turned her head to Toni. “If anything happens to me, please promise me you will take care of your sister. You know her better than anyone could. Please, Toni.”

“I promise, mom. I promise that I will try my best.” 

“I love you, T. I love you and your sister more than anything in my life.”

Those beeps coming from the machine attached to her mother’s heart were still present in every nightmare Toni’s had in the last years and she couldn’t wait for those to fade away.

* * *

“I understand where this insecurity comes from. She was your safe haven and now that she’s not here you feel like everything in the world is uncertain, but trust me on this.” 

Jughead’s voice sounded quite far and Toni noticed she had zoned out again down memory lane. She shook her head trying to get rid of those sounds again because she knew that in her state of mind, she would start crying and everything would turn into a snowball. She looked up at him now and wondered how in the world he had so much patience with her. However that happened, she was grateful that he did. 

At this point she was just listening to the words, trying to let them sink in. Sometimes reality was a hard pill to swallow, but she needed that pill.

“Toni, you’ve been insecure about everything because your mom was the voice behind your sanity. That may sound harsh, but it’s true. You always needed her to remind you that you can do whatever it is you’re struggling with, but listen: it’s a _reminder._ Because you already know it, you just need a little push.” 

Toni took a deep breath, a shaky one even, and nodded in agreement. Looking back at her life since her mother’s passing, everything had been relying on that. She was insecure and afraid she didn’t know what to do with Raven the first couple of weeks when they moved in with their aunt. It happened when they first met Cheryl, when Toni was completely worn out, worrying all the time if she was taking care of her sister like she used to. It happened when her aunt made it clear she would never be able to accept her for who she is, the night she went to her spot and tried to talk to her mother about it. It was happening now, because insecurity was all she ever knew, but just like her mother promised: back then, she was making it easier. 

“I know,” she whispered looking down at her own hands, her thoughts coming back into place.

“I know I’m not your mom, but I’m here for you. Either to tell you when you’re messing up, like right now, or to tell you that you’re doing a good job and you are, trust me. I don’t know if I could handle the things you have handled at the age of eighteen, but you’re doing the best you can, just like you promised to your mom.” 

“I really am,” she cried out, allowing all of her emotions to surface. 

Worry. Insecurity. Jealousy. Fear. 

All of that mixed into one that Toni couldn’t figure out or separate like her mother, but she was trying. 

“I know,” he answered back. “Now you have to let Cheryl know this. I’m pretty sure she knows, but both of you are on a giant roller coaster of emotions these days and things might be a little foggy. Call her, go to her place, I don’t know, but let her know. It will be good for both of you.” 

“I don’t even know if she wants to talk to me. I have been avoiding her FaceTime calls for days because I am a complete imbecile.” She scoffed at her own stupid actions, drying that space under her eyes with her thumb. 

“Not a complete imbecile, just a partial one.” Jughead mocked and got hit right on the ribs. “Ouch!” 

“You deserved it.” Toni stood up and walked towards the hanger to get her jacket.

“Leaving already?” 

“Yeah,” she put the jacket on, shaking her shoulders up to adjust it on her body. Sometimes leather could be really a pain. She reached for the doorknob before she answered, “I have to go and fix things with my girlfriend.”

* * *

Toni couldn’t.

The thought of just showing up at her front porch and saying _Hi, I messed up. Can I come in?_ was too crazy for Toni. 

Instead, she walked home. 

As she laid down on the couch, watching her sister sitting on the floor fake read Snow White and the Seven Dwarves for the third time, she stared at her phone for long, _long_ minutes. She kept reading her latest texts with Cheryl over and over. Cheryl knew something was off with Toni and it was clear as a day by the way she was answering her. Plus, not picking up when she called her in the morning was also an indicator. 

She knew she had lost it and that she probably had no reason to, but she still needed to hear it from Cheryl. 

As if she were a mindreader, Raven stopped talking to herself and silence settled in the room for a split second before she stood up and walked over to Toni, resting her body and elbows against the couch and her head popped up on her hands. “Toni.”

“Yes?”

“Toni Macaroni.” 

Toni chuckled and made room for her sister to hop on the couch and lay next to her. Instead, her sister sat on top of Toni’s belly. “That’s not exactly the best place but okay, whatever you prefer, Raven Haven.” 

“No!” She said and Toni was pretty sure that frown was to try to put on a fake mad face. Her arms crossed over her chest before she said, “Only Cheryl can call me Raven Haven.” 

“Why can’t we share? She calls me Toni Macaroni too and you let her too, don’t you?” Toni asked and Raven nodded. 

She stopped to (pretend) to think for a second and smiled again. “Okay. Can we go there? I want to see Cheryl.” 

“Well, you have to call her and ask, then. Do you want to call her?”

Raven, very excitedly, started to bounce up and down and Toni felt the sharp pain on her ribs. “Ouch! No jumping!”

“Sorry,” the little girl took her hand to her mouth before she apologized. 

Toni reached for her phone and gave it to Raven, that cold sensation in her stomach showing up again. It’s been a while since she talked to Cheryl on the phone, or even saw her, and she was afraid to see her reaction. 

“Do you remember how to do it?” Toni asked and Raven nodded. “Let me see. What do you do first?”

“Finger on the circle, green camera, Cheryl like cherry” she said and pressed her thumbpad against the touch ID reader. Once the phone unlocked, she swiped the screens looking for the green icon. Finding Cheryl’s name wasn’t that hard because it was on top of the list and it also had a cherry emoji. “Found it!”

Toni made sure the camera was front-facing before Cheryl had time to pick up. She was afraid she wouldn’t answer the call since Toni had been avoiding all of hers, but it didn’t even get to three beeps before Cheryl’s face popped up on the screen.

_“Hey, bab… Oh, you’re not Toni Macaroni!”_

Raven’s giggle was music to Toni’s ears, but so was Cheryl’s voice, especifically that silly one she did whenever she was talking to her sister. Even though Toni couldn’t see her face, just the thought of it brought a smile to her face. 

“I’m not. I’m Raven!”

_“Raven? Hmm, I don’t know any Raven…”_

“Raven Haven!”

_“Oh, what? That’s not my Raven Haven!”_ Cheryl faked being surprised and Toni could hear in her voice that she was liking that game just as much as Raven was. _“You are so big and my Raven Haven is a little baby!”_

“I’m not a baby!” Raven frowned this time and Toni could notice she wasn’t faking the mad face.

“Rav, it’s okay, she’s just playing with you.” Toni reached for her leg and watched her features change back. 

_“Yes, I’m just playing with you! Of course you’re not a baby. You already know a lot of letters! Babies don’t know letters.”_

“I know A as in apple, B as in ball, C as in Cheryl!” 

_“What about T? What does T stand for?”_

“Toni Macaroni!”

_“See? You’re a big, big girl!”_

“I am!” She responded and silence settled for, literally, five seconds. 

“Tell her what you wanted to tell her, that you asked me,” said Toni.

“Cheryl, I want to see you! I miss you! I don’t see you again.” She pouted and both Cheryl and Toni could feel like their hearts would explode. 

_“You don’t see me anymore?”_ Cheryl asked, adding emphasis to the last word in an attempt to correct her. _“Why don’t you and your sister come over?”_

“Can we eat chicken nuggets?”

_“Of course! And what about we drink…”_

“Orange juice!,” Both Raven and Cheryl said in unison and Toni shook her head, in awe with the connection those two had. “Can we go now?”

_“I have to run to the supermarket to get chicken nuggets for you, but you can come in twenty minutes. What do you say?”_

“Okay! I will get my Ariel dress!” She answered before she, very clumsily, went down to the floor and gave the phone to her sister. “Here, talk to Toni.”

Toni took a deep breath before she faced the screen and her heart ached inside her chest. She didn’t even realize how much she missed her until she saw her face again. 

“Hey, babe.” 

_“Hey, my love. Are you okay? You seem a bit tired.”_ Cheryl’s smile died as soon as she squinted to take a better look at the screen. _Great, now besides being an imbecile, I’m also an asshole._

“We can talk when Rav and I get there.” She faked a smile hoping Cheryl would buy, even though she knew the redhead knew better. “Is it okay if we come over? I can tell her that you forgot you had to do something if you’re busy.” 

“Of course it is. I didn’t just say it. I really miss you. It’s been forever.” 

Toni hated how sad she sounded. She was supposed to know better. She should be the one taking care of Cheryl instead of making her even more upset about things that were going on in her life. 

“I miss you too, babe. I know and I’m sorry, it’s my fault. But we’ll talk about _this_ better when we get there, okay?” Toni asked and watched Cheryl whisper an ‘okay’ and nod. “And I can go to the grocery store and buy the chicken nuggets. There’s one on the way.” 

_“Are you sure? I could go to that one two streets up my house, it wouldn’t take me ten minutes.”_

“One hundred percent. Do you need anything?” 

_“Not really, I have everything Rav usually eats when she’s here.”_ Toni could see behind Cheryl that she was in the kitchen, opening cupboards and the refrigerator doors.

“Babe, I meant _you._ Do you need anything? I don’t know, like toilet paper?” 

_“Oh,”_ she answered in surprise. _“But I’m all set. Thank you, love.”_

“Alright, then. I’ll be there in usual time.” 

_“Fourteen minutes, yep.”_

“I love you, Cher.”

_“I love you, babe,”_ she answered and blew Toni a kiss before they both hit the red button. 

As Toni stood up, she shook her head while she was walking towards her bedroom to find Raven and whispered to herself, “You really are the most stupid person in the world.”

* * *

“What do we say to Cheryl?” 

“Thank you, Cherry Cheryl!” Raven’s little body collided against Cheryl’s long legs and soon her hands came to meet her hair, bending down her body just enough so she could reach her head and place a kiss on top of it. “Can I draw now?”

“Sure thing. It’s all yours. You can sit on the floor and use the center table.” Cheryl proposed as she sat back down on the couch with her back on the backrest and her body curled up against Toni’s body and her leg immediately falling onto Toni’s own folded legs. 

Automatically, Cheryl looked up just enough so Toni could peck her lips quickly before she snuggled up better onto her. Toni’s arm went over her shoulder and met the redhead’s arm. 

“You didn’t have to, babe.” 

“I did. I know she loves to color and everytime she comes here all she does is watch TV. And look at her, how happy she is color-coordinating those pencils from her favorite to her least favorite.” 

Cheryl watched as Raven took all 24 pencils from the box and placed it on the center table, along with the huge notepad with blank pages and the other one with to-color Disney characters. She had gotten that for the girl a few days ago when she had to run to the store and spotted it on a stand while she waited in the longest line she had ever stood in. 

“Something tells me she’s been spending too much time with you,” Toni said when she spotted the red pencil being the first one on the row. 

“Red _is_ the best color, you can’t even fight me or her on that.”

“I can and I will. Purple is literally right there.” She responded and she could almost feel Cheryl’s eyeroll, but she caught Raven’s greasy hand meeting her brand-new salmon t-shirt seconds after she put half of a chicken nugget inside her mouth. “Rav, wipe your hands with the paper towel, remember? Cheryl gave you two pieces.” 

“Sorry,” she looked back and licked her fingers instead of wiping them as Toni had instructed. 

“No, don’t l-- You know what, nevermind. Just don’t clean your fingers on your clothes. And don’t put it on the center table.” 

Toni’s gaze was stuck on the girl in front of her, her fingers were now playing with Cheryl’s hair. Silence had never felt that comfortable but she knew she had to break it somehow, she just couldn’t find the right words to do so. 

Luckily, she had Cheryl to do the hard part for her. 

“So,” she started. “Are you going to tell me what happened or can I take a wild guess?” 

“Be my guest.” 

“You’re upset because of Heather.” Cheryl’s words hit Toni like a knife. She hated it when she was right like that. Toni felt the loss of warmth as Cheryl sat up straight, her eyes looking directly into hers as her hand reached for Toni’s on her lap. “And I get it if you are, I truly do.” 

“I don’t know why it has upset me this much,” she said, eyes shifting from their fingers to Cheryl’s eyes. She couldn’t just tell her the truth right out of nowhere like that. “But I saw how upset you were by it and it was killing me inside that I couldn’t do anything else to help.”

“But babe, you _do._ You just don’t notice it, but having you is the only thing keeping me sane while I know she’s here.” Cheryl reassured, squeezing Toni’s hand a bit harder. With her free hand, she gently pushed Toni’s face up by the chin with her index and thumb finger and her eyes met Toni’s sad ones. “I know that’s not all. What’s bothering you?”

Toni bit her bottom lip, her eyes looking anywhere but Cheryl’s. But she couldn’t escape when Cheryl leaned in closer, lowering her head a bit to be able to see her eyes. There was no way out. 

_Just rip the fucking bandage._

“Just the feeling that I could lose you. Again.” Toni let out and with it came a shaky deep breathe. It was hard to admit that she couldn’t bear the idea of not having Cheryl or the one of letting her go, and even more so to lose her to that girl. “Especially to her.” 

“So to try to keep yourself from hurting in case that happened, you closed yourself.” Toni noticed that there was a certain sadness to her tone, but mostly it was comprehensive. It felt like Cheryl understood her better than Toni herself. 

“I didn’t mean to,” it came out almost like an apology, but Toni knew she deserved a better answer than that. “I was just scared. I know she was your first love and I was scared that you still had some feelings. I’m not questioning yours about me, please don’t get this wrong, but feelings are weird. What if all of those came back the moment you saw her face?” 

“Toni, I truly get where you’re coming from, but you have no reason to be afraid of losing me to her. You have my word. The things she said, the things she did… There is no way I can forgive her for that.” Cheryl’s hand reached for Toni’s cheek, her thumb gently caressing it as she noticed some tears were trying to roll down the pink-haired girl’s face. “She was my first love, yes, but can she really compete with a soulmate? I don’t think so.” 

Cheryl’s immediate response to Toni’s chuckle was an automatic smile. Meanwhile, Toni’s heart felt heavy inside her chest, but at the same time she felt like it could easily fly away if she opened her mouth. 

Guilt hit her like a truck. She had caused all that trouble and for what? Because she was jealous? Because she was afraid and lacked the communication skill? 

“But what--”

“Babe, there are no buts. There are no what ifs. The only reason I’m going to meet up with her is because I need some closure. I need to understand why she said the things she did and why she got me fired in the first place.” 

“You seemed in so much pain when you told me she was back, I just felt really out of place when I wasn’t able to help you.” Toni admitted and watched Cheryl’s face lighten up at her words. Her brows were furrowed together, but slowly drifted apart as she heard Toni’s words. “And then I got lost in my own thoughts and insecurities that I forgot that you come first.”

“I don’t know if that’s a promise you made to fifteen-year-old Toni or even to your mom, you know, to take care of everyone,” Cheryl made sure to sound as light as possible, knowing that was a sensitive subject for the smaller girl. “But I promise you that I got it covered. I wasn’t okay at first, I admit it, but mostly because she brought so much chaos to my life that when she came back I was afraid she was going to ruin things again. Ruin things with you.” 

“How?” Toni’s eyebrows knitted together in genuine curiosity.

“I don’t know. She hurt me too much in the past. I was just afraid that she would somehow ruin this, too.” Cheryl gestured towards Toni and Raven and all Toni could respond with was a smile. 

“Babe, she could never. I’m sorry I’m crazy.” 

“You’re not crazy, you just need someone to give you a little push every now and then. We all do.” Cheryl leaned in closer, inches from Toni’s face, as her eyes took in every inch of Toni’s features. “I love you, and nothing and no one could ever change that.” 

“I love you. More.” Toni smiled right before Cheryl leaned in again and closed the space between them, capturing Toni’s lips on hers. “I’m here for you, you know that, right?”

“And I’m here for you. Always. And for that little precious thing over there.”

A thud echoed in the room and Toni was the first on her feet to clean the orange juice that Raven had spilled over the center table. It wasn’t much, but enough to leave a stain on Raven’s shirt and a small puddle on the wood. 

“Oh, no. I spilled.” Raven said as she tried to clean her t-shirt with her fingers while Toni used the paper towels to clean the juice on the table. “Sorry, Cheryl.”

“It’s fine! Look, the table is all clean again. Come on, let’s go take this stain out.” 

They headed to the sink and Cheryl dipped a drop of detergent on her t-shirt, but it wasn’t working and it was getting her shirt even wetter than it was. 

“Okay, come here,” Cheryl held out her hand to Raven and they walked through the house until they got to Cheryl’s bedroom. “Your shirt is very wet and it can make you sick if you keep it in your body, so I will give you one of my shirts and I will wash this one for you. Next time you come over, I give it back to you. Okay?” 

“But you’re big, I’m small.” 

“It’s okay, you can wear it like a big dress! What do you say?” 

“Okay,” she smiled and Cheryl opened her closet door and then a specific drawer where she kept her t-shirts and pajamas. “Kitty!”

“You want the kitty one?” Cheryl asked, pointing to her white pajama t-shirt with a black kitten on it. “Alright, so I will turn around and you change, okay?” 

Cheryl did as she said right after she gave Raven the shirt, turning around to face the door as the girl changed behind her. Less than a minute later, she saw Raven walking until she was in front of Cheryl with her dirty t-shirt in hands. 

“Oh, it doesn’t look that big. It looks like a nightgown.” Cheryl said as she adjusted the piece of clothing on Raven’s body. “Give me this one, I’ll put it in the washer.” 

Cheryl heard Raven’s footsteps running back to the living room as she walked to the laundry room and set the piece on the clothes basket. When she walked back, she met Toni sitting down and Raven with her arms open and twirling around.

“Cheryl let me use the kitty one!” 

“It’s beautiful! But now we have to be careful and not get orange juice on this one too, okay?”

“Okay,” she answered back. “I need to finish my drawing!” 

As Raven sat down on the floor again, Cheryl placed herself behind Toni’s body, making sure her legs were comfortably making room for Toni’s body to rest against hers. 

“You lent her a white one? Are you insane?” Toni said, gesturing with her head towards the t-shirt her sister was wearing. 

“It’s okay, I can always wash it.” 

“Toni, Cheryl, don’t peak! It’s a surprise!” Raven covered her drawing with her arm, her dominant hand never leaving the colored pencil she had in hands.

They sat there for what seemed like an hour, just enjoying each other’s company. Cheryl’s arms wrapped around Toni’s waist at some point and the pink-haired girl had laid back on her girlfriend’s embrace, just watching Raven talking to herself as she finished her drawing. Cheryl’s lips met Toni’s cheek a couple of times, and it always made Toni shiver under her touch and there were no words to explain how she missed it and how good and safe it made her feel. 

“I’m done!” Raven announced, holding the notepad up. 

Toni was a hundred percent sure she heard Cheryl whisper _‘oh my God’_ when she saw the drawing. It was a very good attempt to draw all of them. Raven had Cheryl’s t-shirt on, and she even tried to draw the kitten, while Cheryl and Toni were holding hands on a square that was supposed to be the couch. There was a pink square in Raven’s hand and Cheryl was confused for a second.

“Are you drinking strawberry juice?,” she asked, but the answer she received was the one that pulled on her heartstrings. 

“It’s milkshake! The one you make for me!”

Toni looked at Cheryl and saw her eyes shining.

“Now...,” Raven said as she grabbed the black pencil and started drawing the letters on top of each person in her drawing. “T for Toni Macaroni, R for Raven Haven and C for Cheryl like cherry! See? I know all of our letters!”

While Raven very proudly pointed to the letters she had written, Toni placed a kiss on her cheek and said how good it was and how proud she was of her. 

“And a big heart because I love you Toni, and I love you Cheryl, so, _soo_ much,” Raven said as she drew a big heart around the drawing with the red pencil.

Cheryl looked at Toni now, seeing how she couldn’t stop smiling at her sister. She didn’t want to ruin the moment, but she still managed to whisper, “Heather can try as much as she wants, but she won’t take you and Raven away from me. It’s a promise.” 

The easiest promise Cheryl had ever made her entire life. 


	13. you like her better, i (didn't) wish i were heather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather makes an appearance, bringing back all of those ghosts from Cheryl's past. Things don't go very well for Toni, but at the end of the day she has Cheryl and Raven on her side, and that's all she needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, hello! how are you?
> 
> late update, i am aware. but as i told you all before, i have been s t r u g g l i n g to write these chapters for some reason, and especially this one and that's not because 99% of cheryl's past with heather was something that happened to me haha *laughs nervously in pain*
> 
> heather makes an appearance and there will be a lot of heather in this chapter, so im sorry in advance, but it's truly necessary to close that chapter of cheryl's life because girl needs a rest. 
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoy this rather long chapter because i really did try my best so i am so sorry if it sucks  
> ps: italics are for cheryl's flashback :)
> 
> (also i didnt do a proofread so any mistakes, spelling errors just pretend they're not there<3)

Sneaking out in the middle of the night had become routine for Toni, and she wasn’t going to deny that sleeping in Cheryl’s arms was doing wonders for her. 

But when Toni woke up that morning she found Cheryl with her eyes wide open staring at the blankness of the ceiling, but with her arms still wrapped tightly around Toni’s body while her head still rested against the redhead’s chest, Toni’s entire body snuggled up against her girlfriend’s. Cheryl’s eyes fell on the pink-haired girl’s face when she shifted her body a bit to move her arm, and when she faced the redhead, she met the most beautiful smile she had ever seen in her life because life in all its fairness made messy hair, small-eyed, morning Cheryl Blossom even prettier.

“Good morning, babe,” she smiled back, her voice barely coming out as her vocal chords were still catching up with her still not-so-awaken brain.

Toni still managed to notice that something about Cheryl’s eyes was off. She usually looks so peaceful and happy in the morning, but that straight line that formed in the middle of her forehead when she was worried about something was back and so was the exhaustion and the confusion in her eyes. 

“Something’s wrong? You seem a bit off, babe. And you’re never up before me.” 

Toni moved her body away two inches so she could face Cheryl better, but their hands never lost contact, as well as their intertwined legs under the sheets. 

“I’m okay, love,” she lied and tried to cover with a smile that Toni knew very well.

“Babe…”

“I’m serious!”

Toni arched an eyebrow, propping herself up on her elbow. “Do you really want to lie to me like that? I’m not going to overstep boundaries or anything, but you don’t have to lie to me, Cher.” 

Cheryl took a deep quivery breath, her eyes immediately looking down at her fingers playing with Toni’s palm on the bed. “I’m okay. I just think I’m not ready to see her again today, even though I know I need to.”

“I know it’s hard and it’s like reopening old wounds and all, but you need some closure.” Toni reached for Cheryl’s cheek with the top part of her index and middle fingers, rubbing it gently against the warm skin. “After that you don’t need to see her ever again if you don’t want to.”

“I know.”

“And if you need me I will be one phone call away. And probably a few blocks since I have two meet ups at two different schools today. You’re going to be fine, okay?” Now Toni’s entire palm was holding Cheryl’s cheek, gently holding her head in place as she stared into the redhead’s eyes. Toni watched Cheryl nod and gave her a half smile before she pushed herself up and reached for Cheryl’s lips, a small yet gentle peck on her lips coming right after. 

“Thank you, TT.” She gave her a weak but genuine smile this time, and Toni could simply smile back. 

“I’m here for you. Always and forever, babe.”

All Cheryl could do was smile, feeling the wave of gratitude for having Toni by her side hitting her like lightning, the bolts of joy sparking inside her just at the feeling of Toni’s hand squeezing hers tighter. 

“And Veronica is going to be there, right? She’s completely insane but I trust she will keep an eye on her in case she tries to do something reckless.” 

Cheryl chuckled, with an arched brow, and Toni’s chuckle soon came to merge into hers. “Like kiss me?”

“Oh, if she even dares she will have to deal with me. I’m petite but I can throw a punch.” 

“Rav punches harder than you.” Cheryl mocked and Toni’s jaw fell open in a fake disbelief. 

“How very dare you, Cheryl Blossom.” 

Toni tried to pretend she was mad but when Cheryl leaned in and took her lips in hers, smiling in between, she really couldn’t keep that pose. “I love you and only you, you silly.”

“You better because I’m not a good sharer.” Toni joked but soon her smile broke through and she leaned forward to kiss Cheryl back. “I love you and only you, babe.” 

Some more stolen kisses here and some tickles and neck kisses there, they laid back in silence one more time, just enjoying each other’s embrace until Cheryl spoke. 

“You’re going on that school hunt today?” 

Toni nodded before she answered, “Yeah. I scheduled two meetings. One of them is two blocks from here, the other one is literally across the city. I thought my aunt would have to deal with these, but I guess she only has custody to sign papers.” 

“But you do know your sister better than her. I believe you will be able to make a better choice than she ever could.” 

“I really hope so,” Toni sighed as she answered. “She’s excited, though. She asked me yesterday how many colored pencils and books she needs.”

“Do they need books in kindergarten?” 

“I have no idea. I’m so lost, my mom would’ve laughed straight to my face.” Toni laughed nervously as she let her body fall back onto the bed, Cheryl’s body shaking the slightest as she giggled. “Speaking of her, I should get going and you should start changing.” 

Cheryl whined and laid back down on the bed. “Ugh, I don’t want to.”

“Babe.” 

“Ugh, fine,” she rolled her eyes before, gave Toni a kiss and aggressively pushed the blankets off. 

As Cheryl walked to her closet, Toni reached for her phone on the nightstand and sighed in relief when she didn’t see any notifications from her aunt. She stood up quickly, looking for the pieces of clothing in the room because if she wanted to get home before her aunt left for work she needed to hurry.

Even though waking up with Cheryl was heavenly, she still liked to be at home to have breakfast with her sister and Cheryl knew that, so she didn’t even complain about waking up with the left side of the bed cold again. Toni knew Raven had a routine and her own way of doing things, and breakfast was theirs. Raven would have a sliced apple with cereal with no milk on her Moana plate, and Toni would just watch her eat, showing the little girl that she was there for her.

Toni heard Cheryl murmur something she didn’t quite understand, but then she saw the redhead turn around to face her with a t-shirt in hands, too small to be hers. 

“Hey, take this to Rav.” Cheryl handed the fabric to Toni and for a second the pink-haired girl wondered how that shirt ended up in her girlfriend’s drawer. “I promised her I would give it back once it was properly washed and orange juice stain free.” 

“Oh, I forgot this was here and I’m pretty sure that she did, too.” Toni placed it on the bed before she finished dressing herself. “But I’m not sure about your t-shirt, though.” 

Cheryl frowned in genuine confusion, but she wasn’t mad or bothered. “What do you mean? Toni, it’s fine if it’s stained. I knew it was a possibility when I put her in it.”

“No, that’s not why. She’s been sleeping with it since you gave it to her last week. I tried to convince her to wear another one, but she always says she wants Cheryl Cherry’s pajamas.” 

Toni watched as Cheryl’s eyes turned into heart eyes and a pout appeared on her lips. “Oh, my God, I think my heart just melted.”

“I swear she likes you more than she likes me. But I will bring it back to you when I manage to take it off her.”

“Babe, she can keep it. I would give her the shorts too but I think those will be too large.” 

“If the shirt itself is almost like a sleeping bag on her…” Toni trailed but Cheryl got the message before she could finish the sentence with an agreement nod. “I have to go and feed that tiny creature. Will you let me know when you’re there?”

“Sure,” she smiled weakly before she leaned down a bit to place a kiss on Toni’s lips. “Let me know how it goes at the schools.” 

“Will do,” Toni smiled back before she walked out of the room. “Love you!”

“Love you more!” 

As soon as Cheryl heard the front door lock noise, her stomach did a cartwheel inside her and she reached for her phone to check the time. She still had a couple of hours and her stomach was growling, desperately asking for a cup of coffee and something to eat. 

So, she dodged the dress up task and went to the kitchen to make herself some food. 

Almost everything was done in automatic mode – water into the kettle, pot of coffee grounds on the counter while she waited for that whistle from the kettle on the stove – because her mind was everywhere but in the present, and the fact that it stung a bit whenever it traveled to the past was upsetting in countless forms.

* * *

When Toni got home, fifteen minutes later, she wasn’t expecting to see her aunt still in the kitchen, watching over her sister as she took a slice of apple to her mouth. 

She wasn’t supposed to be there. She was supposed to be at work twenty minutes ago and her aunt was never late. 

Toni’s body froze in place because she also had no idea she had snuck out in the middle of the night and even less so that she had gone to Cheryl’s place. 

Her aunt didn’t even look up from the counter, where she poured herself a cup of hot coffee, before she said, “Waking up early now?” 

“Yeah, so?” Toni tried to disguise the fear in her voice as she walked into the kitchen, eyes never daring to meet her aunt’s. She placed a kiss on Raven’s forehead and watched the girl smile at her. 

“Your bed is perfectly made, Antoinette. The clothes I left on your bed haven’t moved. Unless you’re a perfectionist, I don’t believe you slept in that bed at all.” 

Toni could feel her aunt’s gaze on her and it was burning, but she couldn’t look at her and lie. She would break the second she tried to speak. In a failed attempt to distract herself and think of a quick, reasonable response, she sat down next to her sister, gaze fixed on the girl in front of her. 

“Fine. I was at Jughead’s. He and Betty got into a fight last night and he called me. It was late, so I stayed over.” 

“And you expect me to believe that?” 

“I’m not lying,” Toni murmured to herself, hoping her aunt would hear and just quit with the questionnaire, but it was far from it. 

“So if I call his mother right now, she will pick up and confirm this story?” 

“Give it a shot.” 

Toni heard her aunt’s heels tapping against the floor as she walked out of the room, and the second her silhouette disappeared through the door frame, Toni reached for her phone and texted Jughead words that probably made no sense alone, but she trusted that he would understand them, asking him and his mother to cover for her or she was a dead girl. 

Her heart was beating a thousand miles per second inside her chest and she could feel her shaky fingers getting cold.  _ If my aunt finds out I was at Cheryl’s it’s the end for me.  _ All she could do was cross her fingers and hope for the best.

Except there was no best in that situation. 

Raven stopped chewing for a second and stared directly at Toni’s eyes, her eyebrows knitting together and squinting eyes. She leaned in and sniffed close enough to Toni’s jacket before she asked, “Toni, why do you smell like Cheryl?” 

With her perfect fucking timing, Toni’s aunt walked inside the kitchen seconds after Raven dropped the question, which made Toni’s body freeze. Toni finally looked at her aunt, the phone between her ear and her shoulder. She slowly reached for it, taking it off her ear to stare at the two girls in front of her. The second she arched her eyebrow Toni knew she was in so much trouble. 

“What was that, Raven?” 

“She didn’t say anything, just asked me for cherries.” Toni tried to cover, which she knew was stupid because those sounds only sounded alike enough in Raven’s head. A cold ran up and down her spine when her aunt scoffed before she told whoever was on the phone that she had to go. 

“Please,” she spat. “And you expect me to believe that? I know what I heard. Raven, what’s the name of the girl again?”

“What girl?” The naiveness in the girl’s voice was almost painful and Toni could kill her aunt for putting her sister in the middle of all that. 

“The one your sister has been going out with.” 

Raven looked up at Toni, pleading eyes filled with confusion and fear. Toni watched her swallow the piece of apple she had been chewing previously, but no sound came out from her mouth. 

“Raven!” The way her aunt’s voice came out, harsh and stern, startled Raven and Toni could almost see the tremble starting in her hands. “I asked you a question.”

“Do not talk to her like that.” Toni said between teeth, not bothering if she wasn’t hiding her anger enough because she didn’t care. Her aunt could treat her like garbage if she wanted to, but she would not let her treat her sister like that. “Your problem is with me, she has nothing to do with it.” 

Raven still had her eyes locked on Toni and she also wouldn’t dare look at her aunt now. 

“Look, why don’t you go to the living room and finish it there? You can watch whatever you want on TV, just remember to press the numbers like I taught you, okay?”

The pink-haired girl took Raven’s plate in her hand and held her sister’s hand with the other, helping her hop off the high chair. Once on the floor, Toni handed her the glass of orange juice, watching Raven holding both the plate and the glass tight, pressing it against her body to support. Toni noticed she still had Cheryl’s shirt on and for a second she was worried that she would stain it with orange juice  _ again,  _ but quickly the image of Cheryl’s smiling earlier and her voice saying  _ Toni, it’s fine if it’s stained. I knew it was a possibility when I put her in it  _ echoed in her head and she had to fight a smile that urged to grow. 

Toni watched her sister walking out of the room and walking past her aunt faster as she did, but she would rather her sister not to watch what was probably about to unfold. 

“Leave her out of this.” 

“So you’re really sneaking out to see that girl. I can’t believe you. I told you I wouldn’t accept this behaviour while you’re living under my roof.” 

“I am not doing anything wrong.  _ She  _ isn’t doing anything wrong and Raven isn’t doing anything wrong.”

“What you and that girl are doing is not right, Antoinette. It’s disgusting. And you’re taking Raven with you, aren’t you?” 

“Cheryl loves that girl, and she treats her better than you do!” Toni snapped, holding back the tears forming. “Look, you can do whatever you want to me, but you’re not taking this out on Rav.” 

“I’m not doing anything to her, you’re the one with the hideous behaviour. How could you make your mother ashamed like that?” 

Toni had to take a deep breath in order to control herself because no one dared to speak out on her mother’s name like that. “Do not bring my mother into this. She would be ashamed to know she had such a closed-minded sister like you.” 

A sip on her mug and arched brows was the only reaction she could have from her aunt. She didn’t speak other than just spit how deviant Toni was to her face. Toni knew it was her pride that wouldn’t let her argue back without putting salt on Toni’s wound like that.

“You don’t even like Raven, do you?” Toni asked, afraid of the answer because she couldn’t bear the idea of having her sister upset because of her, because her aunt hated her to a point where she couldn’t care about her sister because of it. “You don’t even care. You should be the one going to school meetings, not me. You are the grown up with her custody, not me. But you prefer to allow your distilled hate towards me to fall on her, too. And yet you have the  _ audacity  _ to say that I’m the one who makes my mother ashamed?” 

“Your sister is out of discussion, you asked for it yourself.” She placed the cup down on the counter in front of her, Toni backing up as a reflex. “And you’re right, I am the grown up with Raven’s custody, and you’re living under my roof, so I tell the rules and I say that you are forbidden from seeing that girl and so is Raven.” 

“No. I am not going to do this to Raven. They love each other and it’s the only person she’s not afraid to talk to apart from us. No.” Toni said it all in one breath. “You can do whatever you want to me, that’s fine, but you’re not taking that away from her.” 

The seconds her aunt spent staring fixedly at Toni were the longest of her life. There wasn’t anything else she could say or do, her aunt simply wouldn’t change her mind. She wouldn’t accept her in any way and it was getting in the way of Raven’s happiness. 

“I want you out of this house in a week.” 

Toni had to blink twice in order to understand that she wasn’t actually hallucinating or that she hadn’t misheard it. 

“What?”

“You heard me. I’m not going to tell you how to live your repellent life, but you’re not going to do it under my roof. You have a week to find a place, not a day more.” 

The loud clank coming from the cup hitting the bottom of the sink startled Toni, even if her gaze was still on her aunt, watching her features changing from anger to disdain. The clench inside her chest was painful and for a second she wanted to scream her mother’s name and just feel her arms embracing her one last time. 

The floor beneath her was disappearing, tile by tile, and she felt she would fall if she tried to move, but her mind was still directed to the little girl sitting on the couch. 

“I’m taking Raven with me.” Toni let out without thinking much, watching her aunt stop abruptly before she reached the door. 

“What makes you think you can take care of a child?”

“What makes you think that I can’t?” 

Toni refused to cry. She wouldn’t show her aunt how hurt and taken off guard she was. Her mother taught her to be strong and even stronger when it came to her sister, to protect her in every way possible, so she was going to make her mother proud. 

Toni arched an eyebrow and stared directly into her aunt’s eyes. “It’s not like you’re doing what you’re supposed to anyway.”

Toni watched her aunt shake her head in disbelief. “Don’t come to me when you can’t take it anymore.” 

“Never needed to.” 

Toni watched as her aunt left the room, the footsteps getting more muffled as she went back inside. The shaky deep breath that came out of her mouth was embarrassing and she had to fight the urge to cry and scream. Her sister needed her right now and everything was a mess, but she had to do it for Raven.

She quickly wiped a single tear that shed and rolled down her cheek when her aunt passed by her again, this time with purse in hands and car keys hanging from her index finger. 

“A week.” 

“I heard you loud and clear.” 

Toni’s body involuntarily trembled when the door slammed shut behind her, leaving her and her sister alone in the house. The second Toni looked over at Raven, she met her dark, scared eyes looking at her, making Toni’s heart clench harder and hurt twice as much. 

She stood up, took her phone from the counter and walked over to the living room, sitting next to her sister. Toni could see in her sister’s eyes that she was scared, even though she had no idea what was going on, but Toni was going to make sure she was okay. 

“Is aunt Amelia mad?” 

“A little bit, yes.” Toni reached for Raven’s hair, a lock that was falling on her eyes, and placed it behind her ear. “But it’s going to be okay, I promise.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, staring at the almost empty plate on her lap. Toni frowned for a second, staring at her and watching her features change from concern to sadness. 

“What for? You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

Raven reached for a loose-fiber on her purple dress, pulling on it as her fidgety fingers desperately looked for something to distract herself. “I said Cheryl out loud, and you asked me not to.” 

“Aunt Amelia is not mad at you because of Cheryl, okay? She’s mad at me, because she thinks I did something bad.”

“What did you do?” Raven asked, still staring at the fabric in her hands. 

_ Too complex, kid, too complex.  _

“I just… love Cheryl, that’s all. She doesn’t understand that, so she’s a little mad at me.”

“But I love Cheryl, too…” She looked up at Toni now and watched her sister smiling down at her. “Is that a bad thing?”

“It isn’t, I promise you.” She reassured and Raven nodded lightly. It broke Toni’s heart to see her sister upset like that. “But I was thinking… What do you say we find a house? For you and me?”

Raven looked up at Toni one more time and frowned in confusion. “A house? But we have a house. This house.”

“I know, but wouldn’t it be fun if we had a house, just for us? Cheryl could even stay with us and we could have a sleepover!” 

“Yes!” Toni watched her sister’s face suddenly glow and all the sadness seemed to be erased as soon as she mentioned Cheryl’s name. “Cheryl Cherry, Toni Macaroni and Raven Haven? Just the three of us?” 

“Exactly like that. And you could have a bedroom just for you! We could paint whatever you want on the wall.” 

“Even Ariel?” 

“And Flounder and the crab… What’s the name of the crab again?”

Toni knew it was Sebastian, but she would do anything to take her sister’s mind out of whatever place of worry it was, even if it meant talking about Disney characters for ten minutes straight. She had no idea if she could do it, take her sister and take care of her the way she needed to, or how she would do it, but she knew she was going to. Nothing would get in the way of her and Raven’s happiness.

Toni felt Raven laying down against her body, her head resting perfectly against her chest as her eyes were fixed on whatever cartoon it was on TV. She placed a kiss on the top of her head and oddly enough, the feeling of having her sister with her seemed to calm the mess that was going inside her head. 

Seconds later, her phone buzzed on her lap. There were texts from Jughead and even two from Cheryl, but that could wait a little bit. 

“Is it Cheryl?” Raven asked, taking a look at the screen. “I see a cherry.” 

“Yeah, it’s her. She said that she’s leaving the house in thirty minutes. When the big hand is on six, remember?” Toni asked and Raven just nodded. 

“I want to talk to her, Toni.” She asked with pleading eyes, and Toni just let her. 

“Okay, do it yourself.”

Toni handed the phone to her sister and watched as she, faster now, swiped through the pages and managed to video call Cheryl. She wasn’t surprised with how fast Cheryl picked up, and even less so when her smile widened when she saw it was Raven there and not Toni.

* * *

_ Thinking about Heather hurt in a way that still made the butterflies inside her dance. _

_ She didn’t want to fall in love with her best friend. There was no way it was a real thing. She was supposed to find a boyfriend before prom and they would go together. Cheryl would tell him how nice he looked and how much she liked his perfume, but she urged to cry whenever her head brought the image of Heather in a green dress, smiling at her as they walked in together with their matching corsages.  _

_ It was just picture perfect. She loved the way Heather hugged her, and it was beautiful the way her wavy dark hazel locks fell on her shoulders, how the green eyes seemed to read her like a perfect open book and the freckles on her nose seemed to connect together like Orion. The way she gestured while she talked so passionately about Chemistry and Physics was mesmerizing, not only because Cheryl had no clue what she was ranting on about, she was way more into Philosophy and English, but because her eyes shined when she did and she always glanced at the redhead and smiled because Heather knew she would be smiling back as she stared at her.  _

_ The weird feeling she would get every time their hands touched for some reason.  _

_ The momentaneous happiness every time Cheryl smelled someone with the same perfume as the one Heather wore.  _

_ The way her heart raced whenever a notification popped up on her phone, and even more so when she spotted the familiar letters of her name written on it. _

_ When she called her nicknames.  _

_ When she called her in the middle of the night because she just missed hearing Cheryl’s voice. _

_ The things she said.  _

_ How Heather seemed not to get enough of Cheryl’s touch. Not that Cheryl wanted her to. _

_ Maybe Cheryl was reading the signs wrong and it was all in her head, but it was all too damn of a coincidence for Heather not to be feeling the same.  _

_ It all started in Fall.  _

_ Not that Cheryl was aware of the exact day she fell in love with Heather or anything, but from that day on she realized that there might be something else added to her feelings.  _

_ But that day in Fall, during their lunch break, she knew that something was off and she felt the urge to cry, even though being in her arms and losing contact with her body was the last thing she wanted.  _

_ “Aren’t you cold?”  _

_ Cheryl swore she came out of nowhere. She had sent her a text telling Heather she would be waiting for her at their usual table, that one on the patio that had their initials written in white-out on it – a written statement that they would be friends forever, even if one of them left town. When Cheryl felt her arms wrapping around her body, every single hair in her body stood up and the goosebumps took over, and even more so that cold feeling at the pit of her stomach when Heather placed a kiss on her temple before she slid her body and sat down on the bench. _

_ “A little bit, yes. Where did you come from?”  _

_ “Gym. Mel and Josie were just behind me, is it okay if they hang out with us a bit?”  _

_ Cheryl wanted to be selfish for a second and say that she’d rather spend that time alone, but instead she just said, “Sure. They’re nice.”  _

_ She really couldn’t tell you the time they arrived, but she did remember when Heather had to scooch closer to Cheryl to fit the other two, so close that their legs were almost on top of each other and there was no room for Heather’s arm anymore, so she just rested her hand on Cheryl’s thigh and gently caressed it, smiling at her as if she was telling her she loved Cheryl. Cheryl didn’t move, and time or another she would shift her attention from Heather’s profile to whatever was going on in the conversation. _

_ After that, Cheryl mastered the art of hiding her feelings, those she absolutely hated having.  _

_ It was all new. She had never felt that way before with anyone else. It hurt but it felt oddly good at the same time. It hurt to the point where she would cry herself to sleep for feeling like that, but just the thought of Heather maybe sharing those feelings was enough to send her a current of joy. _

_ Suddenly, the sleepovers became more frequent and at some point Heather didn’t even bring the mattress from the guest room anymore – they both fell asleep in Heather’s bed, big enough to hold them separately on each side, but they insisted on sleeping holding each other, even when their friends were sleeping in the same room.  _

_ How their friends rooted for them didn’t help at all.  _

_ Having Friday nights and horror movies with the girls was pretty common, but that night Cheryl could cry.  _

_ “Mel, the other girls are kind of right, don’t you think?” Josie elbowed Melody gently on the ribs, catching her attention for a second. Both of them were laying down on the other couch, while Cheryl and Heather shared one. “They sure look like a cute couple.”  _

_ “I told you a billion times.”  _

_ “You’re aware that we can hear you, right?” Cheryl asked, eyebrows arched as her heart raced inside her chest and fear took over. She didn’t want people to find out. They couldn’t. She knew her face was beet red by then, but she couldn’t really hide it.  _

_ “Yeah, but we’re just saying. Archie and Val agree.”  _

_ “Well, add me to the list. We’d be a hell of a couple, Cher.”  _

_ Cheryl crossed her arms over her chest. “Only if I’m the big spoon.”  _

_ “Nah, you could never. You always end up turning around and being the small one.”  _

_ “How dare you!” Cheryl’s mouth hung open in an O, her fake anger doing nothing in her favor. “Well, this relationship is no longer a relationship then. We’re done.” _

_ “Is it too early to say I’m the first one in line?” Josie teased as she leaned towards Cheryl’s, making the redhead blush even more.  _

_ Cheryl was a hundred percent sure at that moment that the way Heather’s face changed from a playful to a complete serious, annoyed one wasn’t just Cheryl’s wishful thinking. Even Melody had noticed it, too.  _

_ “No, Josie, get out.” She said firmly, but Josie didn’t stop. “Josie. Stop it.”  _

_ “Why, are you jealous?” _

_ “What if I am? Seriously, quit it.”  _

_ That night, Heather didn’t leave Cheryl’s side for a second. Not when Cheryl was scrolling through her phone, not when she had her laptop on her lap as she built a house and a family on the Sims – while Heather rested her head on her chest, falling asleep five minutes later.  _

_ Cheryl felt like she was suffocating. She needed to let it out somehow, to tell someone how she was feeling or else she would explode.  _

_ But she had no one. Heather was the person she would go to with a situation like that, but she was the one making all that chaos inside her.  _

_ So she decided to let it out by writing poems.  _

_ They started like notes. Every time she would spend the night or the weekend at Heather’s she would leave a note, with an abbreviation of an ‘I love you’ because she couldn’t dare to spell all the letters and have the meaning of that heaving between them, not when she felt like that. Truly felt like that and Heather was just an unknown.  _

_ For a while she felt like it was working. She felt the weight on her shoulders get lighter as she left those pieces of paper for Heather to find later.  _

_ Until said weight came down, crushing her at the chest.  _

_ “Why do you always leave these for me?”  _

_ Heather asked out of nowhere and Cheryl didn’t have time to think of a proper answer that wouldn’t give away that she was in love with her and she made everything inside her burn. She gulped, trying to get her brain to work and think of something fast, but it all went blank and the several seconds they spent in silence was enough for Heather to get the message. _

_ “Cheryl…”  _

_ All Cheryl could do was stare and try not to cry. Heather slightly shifted backwards on the bed and the redhead felt like it was almost like a physical punch on her stomach.  _

_ “I- I can’t. I don’t know what you think you’re seeing, but... Cheryl, I do love you, but as my best friend. That’s the only way I could ever love you.”  _

_ Another punch, that got stronger as the words came out of her mouth. The worst thing was the sincerity in her eyes.  _

_ She couldn’t have possibly read that all so wrong. Everybody saw it, too. It wasn’t just Cheryl’s wishful thinking, she was sure of that. She knew there was something in there. Cheryl knew it because every time they had a fight people at school would notice how upset Heather would feel, or how jealous and overprotective she would get whenever someone mentioned having Cheryl as their partner instead of Heather. _

_ It was all there and there was no way it was all in her head. _

_ But apparently it was, and Heather made fucking sure to show her how wrong she was. _

_ “I’m not a lesbian, Cheryl. You’re supposed to know that. You know everything about me. If I’m being completely honest, I think it’s disgusting, it’s just not who I am.”  _

_ What else was there for Cheryl to say? _

_ “I’m sorry.” She whispered, looking down as she tried to contain the tears. “I’m going to go.”  _

_ “Are you sure?”  _

_ Cheryl scoffed as she stood up. “What do you want me to do? Stay here and pretend nothing happened?”  _

_ “This is me being sincere with you. I’m not trying to hurt you.” _

_ “Yeah, you’re sitting there calling me disgusting and you don’t want to hurt me? Wow, okay.” She couldn’t believe her ears, and the fact that she wasn’t capable of keeping the tears from shedding anymore was embarrassing. “Look, I need to go.”  _

Passing by that corner, that once was Heather’s house, brought back so many memories that Cheryl didn’t even know she still remembered. She likes to think that her brain had some twisted way to help her forget that pain that she could barely remember the good things as well. She didn’t remember the next week after that, but she remembers the familiar sting that came with her name. 

For so long Cheryl had love attached to pain, to rejection, but as she walked down that street with her phone in hands to check the time and a picture of her, Toni and Raven together as her lockscreen, she understood that love had nothing to do with pain – it was only attached to it if it came from the wrong people. 

Love with Toni was easy, and light. She didn’t know she could get the goosebumps and the cold feeling in her stomach without that peculiar sting attached to it, but Toni made sure to love Cheryl in a way that didn’t hurt, not even when it was too much. It was effortless and Cheryl wouldn’t accept anything less than that, or even allow to love Toni in any other way. 

She arrived at Pop’s three minutes before the clock turned to two. Cheryl looked around and didn’t see anyone but Veronica behind the counter. 

Veronica barely looked up from her phone before she asked, “How are you feeling?” 

“A bit nervous. Not in a good way, though. I just want to put an end to this.” 

“If you need anything,” Veronica started, making clicking sounds with her mouth. Cheryl smiled and nodded gently. She looked around, looking for her ex-boss’ familiar face, but the place was empty as it could be. “He’s not here, so you can sit down and just not worry about him.” 

Cheryl didn’t choose her favorite booth because that was hers, Toni’s and Raven’s booth and she didn’t want to ruin their spot. Instead, she went to the next one, sat on the window end of it and stared at the street outside. She didn’t know what she was looking for, but deep down she so desperately hoped to see Toni just passing by with Raven.

Instead, she spotted Heather walking into the milkshake shop and a weak smile appeared on her lips when she saw Cheryl at the table. 

“Hey.” 

Cheryl forced a smile before she answered, “Hi.”

Heather asked if she could sit down on the chair in front of her and Cheryl nodded.

“It’s been a while.”

“Four years is a long time, indeed.” 

The entire atmosphere felt weird. Cheryl glanced over at Veronica, who was standing in a very safe distance from them, but eyes fixed on them. Cheryl knew she had the best of intentions and was just trying to help, but she felt like it was a bit too much. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but she knew Heather wouldn’t try to do anything. 

“You can tell Veronica to chill, I’m just here to apologize.” Her voice still sounded raspy, like Cheryl remembered, but this time it didn’t affect her. 

“She’s just being Veronica,” Cheryl mumbled. “It’s fine.” 

Silence sat uncomfortably between them for the longest seconds, making Cheryl’s leg start bouncing up and down under the table. 

“So…” Heather started as she stared at Cheryl hoping to get an answer, but all the redhead did was to look up from her fidgety fingers and stare at her. Radio silence. She took a deep breath before she continued, “I just wanted to apologize. I know things were bad when I left and then I heard my father fired you. I know it was my fault.” 

“It was,” Cheryl answered, her head nodding back and forth. “You’re right. Things were pretty bad when you left, and even before that.” 

“I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be. I understand. I just wanted to make things right.” 

“Make things right?” Cheryl asked in disbelief. “That should’ve been your concern, four years ago, when you told me to my face I was gross for loving you, for liking women. I’m not mad because you got me fired, I’m mad because of the things you said. The way you put it.” 

“Cheryl, I had no idea back then.” She tried to speak a bit louder when she noticed the clear frustration in Cheryl’s voice. “If I had known, I wouldn’t have said those things.”

“Heather, get some perspective!” Cheryl’s hands clenched into fists and her eyes closed for a second. “You just don’t say those things to anyone. And even if it was the case, you should’ve tried to apologize three months after that, when you and Val started dating. But I guess the only disgusting thing about dating a girl was if it were to be me, huh?” 

For a second Cheryl was afraid that she had gone too far, reopening a wound that has been trying to heal for years, but she had never felt that light before. She needed to get it out. If Cheryl didn’t say everything she needed to say to Heather, she would keep suffocating on her own words. 

“Look, I understand why you father fired me. He probably thinks I’m the one who turned you into a lesbian or something, so of course when he found out about your girlfriend he somehow took it out on me. Extremely unprofessional, but that’s not the point there.” Cheryl took a deep breath and looked up, trying to contain her words. “You don’t get to come to me after years,  _ years  _ of making me feel like crap and say you’re sorry and that you didn’t mean it. You did. Otherwise you would’ve said something before I left your house that day.” 

“I didn’t know what to say. I was caught off guard, Cheryl. My best friend was in love with me, what was I supposed to do with that information?” 

“Uh,  _ anything  _ but react the way you did.” Cheryl was frustrated. It wasn’t that hard to understand, but Heather seemed to think the world revolved around her. 

“I’m sorry. I truly am.” 

“I appreciate you saying that, I really do.” Cheryl’s voice softened now. Mostly because she felt like she was going to cry because going back to that day wasn’t a nice thing. It didn’t hurt anymore, but she perfectly remembered the feeling of being rejected, of feeling like she wasn’t worth it. “But it’s been years. Four years, Heather. You could’ve said something before your father did what he did, but you chose not to. And even after that, after all those months, you chose to say nothing.” 

“I fucked up, I know.” Her eyes were staring down now, too anxious and ashamed to look up at Cheryl’s. 

“A little bit, yes. We all make mistakes, bad ones, but sometimes we just have to recognize that apologizing won’t always cover it. I don’t hate you, Heather. Sometimes I wish I did, but I don’t. I’m just not sure if I’m able to genuinely forgive you for that.” 

“I understand. I just thought that maybe there was still time for me to try and make things right and explain to you, but I guess you got it covered.” She smiled weakly in defeat and Cheryl just nodded in agreement. “You were always one to read me like an open book, Blossom. I didn’t expect it to be any different.” 

“So did you, and yet you couldn’t grasp that tiny little detail.” Cheryl said, her eyes still stuck on Heather as she tried to look anywhere but at Cheryl. 

The redhead pulled out her phone from her pocket and put it on the table, lighting up the screen to show a picture she had taken with Toni and Raven during one of their movie evenings. Raven was laying down between them, holding her Ariel doll tight against her chest, Toni and Cheryl’s foreheads almost touching each other as their smiles painted the picture in happiness. She slid the phone on the table in a way that it was now facing Heather. Cheryl swore she saw a muscle twitch for an involuntary smile, but she let it go.

“I’m not mad that I lost my job. It’s because of this place that I met the most amazing, gorgeous woman I could ever meet. She and her sister are just the most important people in my life and that is, somehow, thanks to you. Funny how things work out.” 

“You’re welcome, I guess.”

Cheryl just shook her head no. “Don’t push it. But yeah.” 

Silence fell flat once again, but this time Cheryl wasn’t nervous. At all. She felt Heather’s gaze on her for a few seconds, but it quickly moved away when her phone rang in her pocket. Cheryl heard Veronica’s footsteps approaching, her familiar worried face made her calmer somehow. 

“Everything alright in here?” She asked and made sure to stare at Heather as she did. 

“Yeah, it’s all good, Vee.” Cheryl smiled in reassurance and Veronica just nodded in agreement. 

As Veronica walked away, Cheryl watched Heather hanging up the phone, putting it back inside her purse before she looked up at her one last time. 

“Yeah, that was my father so I have to go.” She said and Cheryl nodded in understanding. “Thank you. For being honest with me. Baby steps, right?”

Cheryl smiled weakly as she watched Heather standing up. “Baby steps.” 

She didn’t say goodbye. She tapped two times on the table and waved before she turned her back to Cheryl and walked away, but that was more than enough. That conversation was draining on so many levels and Cheryl just wanted to get it over with. 

This time, watching Heather walk out the door did nothing to her, but that probably had something to do with the fact that Raven passed running by her on the door, bringing back that warmth to Cheryl’s heart. 

“Cheryl! Cheryl! Hi!” Raven had her arms midway in the air as she quickly looked around and ran to Cheryl’s open arms, holding her tight into an embrace. 

“Hello, my pretty!”

“Look what I did at school! The teacher was so nice! She even let me draw with the big crayons!” Raven spoke excitedly as Cheryl put her sitting on her lap, letting her head fall back down so Toni could give her a quick kiss. 

“Hi, babe,” Cheryl said with a smile, watching Toni smile back as she sat right next to her. She now turned to Raven before she answered, “Oh, really? Let me see what it is.” 

“I drew us! So I can hang it on my wall at our new house! Look, this is you, this is me and this is Toni. They didn’t have pink crayons so I used purple instead. Toni said she liked it, but I prefer her pink hair.” 

Cheryl looked at Toni with a frown, because even though Raven’s mind could create all the scenarios possible in seconds, she was still very,  _ very  _ confused. “New house?” 

“Well, turns out I’m going to be homeless in a week, but I will fill you in later.” Toni explained quickly, which made Cheryl even more confused, but all she could do was accept defeat because knowing Toni there was no way she would spill the beans. “We have a winner for school, though.”

“Oh, do we? Where is it?” 

“Near your place, two blocks up. She loved the teacher and they have really good programs and activities to help her with development and stuff. They know what they’re doing.” 

“That’s good, babe. I’m glad it all turned out okay.” 

“And how was the talk? Did she try something reckless?” Toni asked, watching Cheryl rolling her eyes right after. 

“Ask your intel, she will tell you.” Cheryl pointed with her head to Veronica, who just signed an ‘okay’ before someone walked in through the door. 

Cheryl listened to Raven talking about the school, how they had colorful dashboards and how huge the playground was. Then, she listened to Toni talking about the school and how their principles fit perfectly with everything she would like Raven to have in her education and that it was good that it was close to Cheryl’s place, meaning that they would be seeing each other every day. 

“Seems like we all had a busy day, huh?” Cheryl said, mostly to Raven, who was still talking about the school’s playground and how mad she was at Toni for not letting her go down the slide. 

The redhead turned to Toni now, staring at her while she and Veronica talked about something she had no idea what it was and all Cheryl could feel was gratitude. She had no idea what she had done in past lives to deserve having them in her life, but whatever it was she was willing to do it all again if it meant having Antoinette and Raven Topaz by her side.

“You know, there’s something that I haven’t yet said,” Cheryl started when Veronica walked out to take some new client’s orders. Toni looked at her, a quick frown appearing right before her head tilted to the side.

“What?”

“I love you.” Cheryl made sure to stare deeply into her eyes. “And I’m so, so grateful to you.” 

“I love you too, babe.” Toni leaned in and captured Cheryl’s lips in hers for some long seconds, Toni’s palm reaching for Cheryl’s pink, warm cheeks. 

“Ew,” they heard Raven complain as she looked at them. “I can see you drooling, Cheryl.” 

“Drooling, huh?” Cheryl said before she placed kisses all over Raven’s cheeks, making sure to give her a little tickle on the ribs as she did so. Quickly the sound of Raven’s laughter filled the room and Toni’s giggle next to them as well. “See if this is ew, then.” 

“Okay, okay, not ew!” Raven said in between laughs and Cheryl stopped, still laughing. She wiped the pink lipstick from Raven’s cheek as she calmed down.

Which lasted two seconds.

“Again!”

As Cheryl smooched Raven with cheek kisses once more time, all Toni could do was watch and just say to herself how much she loved them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well that was.... a ride kasjka lemme know your thoughts, maybe? if you want to talk i have a curiouscat that you can send stuff over there curiouscat.me/itsmeclarmilla 
> 
> anyways thank you so much for reading and i'll see you soon :)


	14. this is a place where i feel at home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni is trying to adjust her new normal with her sister and Cheryl is there for her every step of the way. With Toni's birthday right around the corner, Cheryl wants to do something nice for the pinkette, but nothing seems to fall right into place. 
> 
> Plus, some adorable Cheryl and Raven moments because I can't get enough of these two together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, guys! i wrote this one entirely in one day and i didn't do a proofread so be aware of that kajsjak 
> 
> i really liked this one because im a sucker for cheryl + raven moments so here ya go! :)

“Do you like this one, too, Rav?” Cheryl looked down at the kid attached to her leg, watching her nod in agreement. 

Raven looked up at the shelf, where Cheryl’s hand reached for a box of cereal. She pointed to the same one with her index finger. “Yellow box.” 

“Alright, Cheerios it is.” 

Cheryl reached for the high shelf and picked up a box of Toni’s favorite cereal and carefully read the labels for the ingredients. Once she checked that they were lactose free, she put it in the cart and risked it off from the list on her hands. 

With Toni’s birthday being the next day, Cheryl planned to bake her a cake and still make it a surprise somehow, but for that she needed pretty much all the ingredients. Of course that Raven answered ‘cake’ when Cheryl asked her what she should make Toni for her birthday, knowing that it was more the little girl talking about herself than her sister. Even though it was her girlfriend’s birthday, Cheryl was going to give the kid what she wanted. She could figure something out for Toni later.

“Okay, we have everything for Toni’s birthday cake. Now I just need to figure out what I’m getting her.” Cheryl said, mostly to herself as she checked one more time the list and the products in the cart. “Is there anything you want, Rav?” 

“Sprinkles!” 

Cheryl chuckled and shook her head. “No, not for the cake. Something you want for yourself. Maybe some cookies, or chocolate?” 

“Chocolate hurts my tummy,” she pouted as her hands reached for her stomach. 

“But I know there’s one that won’t and it’s very good, too. Do you want to go and check it out?”

Raven hesitated for a second, but smiled and nodded as they made their way to the candy isle.

The supermarket was always empty in the morning, which made Cheryl’s life easier, and taking a five-year-old with her wasn’t as hard as she thought it would be and that was mostly because Raven was the sweetest angel and never threw tantrums and was always by her side and not running around like most kids. 

Living with one was much more pleasant than Cheryl could’ve pictured as well. 

**TWELVE DAYS BEFORE**

“So, are you willingly going to explain the homeless bit you mentioned earlier or do I need to start an intervention?” 

Toni chuckled as she laid on the cold concrete in the backyard, the moonlighting adding to the brightness of lamp posts. Cheryl’s tone was pure genuine curiosity and concern.

It had been a couple of days since she left Pop’s with Raven, right after Cheryl sorted things out with Heather, and the only way she could talk to Cheryl inside that house was if she wasn't actually inside it — reading as the backyard or the sidewalk — and after her aunt had gone to dreamland. 

Toni would be lying if she said she wanted to talk about it and that she was completely unaffected by her aunt’s words and actions, but all that was left for her was to girl the hell up and face it. 

“Since you mentioned it ever so sweetly,” Toni started. “Long story short, my aunt kicked me out and I have to find a place to stay in a week.” 

“That part you got covered when you said the exact same words at Pop’s. But my question here is why and how.” 

“Why is because she’s just a homophobic piece of garbage. She found out about us and now her jealous single ass is coming after me.” 

Right after Toni mentioned it, she heard Cheryl’s quiet gasp followed by an ‘oh, my God’ through the phone. Toni shook her head and regretted mentioning it for a second. 

“But, babe, it’s okay. She would find out at some point, I just wasn't expecting her to kick me out. I thought she would just send me to church or something like that.” 

“How?” Cheryl asked on the other side of the line and Toni could easily notice the concern in her tone. 

“What?” 

“How did she find out?” 

“When I came home that day in the morning I was expecting her to be at work, but she wasn't. Raven asked me why I smelled like you and she heard it. Then it all escalated from there.” 

At first, Toni didn't want to tell her that Raven had let it slip when she questioned why Toni’s jacket had Cheryl’s perfume on it because she knew the redhead would somehow feel guilty, and because she didn't want her sister to be blamed for it. Of course, Cheryl would never do that, but Toni didn't want her sister’s name somehow attached to it. She’s a child and children say things without noticing. If anything, Toni was the wrong one. She also didn't want to lie to Cheryl, that simply wasn't how their relationship was. 

“Oh,” Cheryl answered, her voice sounding a bit upset. “I guess I shouldn't have worn that perfume to go to sleep, huh?”

“Babe, that’s not your fault at all. Or Raven’s. My aunt was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. I promise it’s okay.” Toni reassured and wished she was there to look into Cheryl’s eyes as she did.

Then, she proceeded to tell Cheryl the entire story. From the moment she stepped inside the kitchen to the moment they met at Pop’s that day, managing not to shed any tears in the process, even though not knowing what she was going to do was scaring the hell out of her and sleeping nights were no longer a thing.

“And that’s how Rav and I need to find a place in five days.” 

“Babe, first of all, I’m so,  _ so  _ sorry about that.” It came almost like a whisper.

Toni knew Cheryl would take some of the pain — and the blame — for herself, but Toni could talk it out with her later. She wouldn't be able to make her believe that none of that was her fault through the phone. 

“And second,” she continued, but hesitant. “Stay here. You and Raven. There’s only one bedroom but I believe the bed is big enough for the three of us. If it isn't, there’s that extra mattress that Raven loves anyway.” 

“Cher, I couldn't ask you to do this.” Toni started. “Don’t worry, I’m going to figure something out.”

“You’re not asking, I’m offering.” Cheryl stated. “I mean it, babe. I live alone in this house and waking up next to you those two days you managed to stay over were a dream.”

“But it’s not just me. I’m taking Raven with me and she is a sweetheart, but I don’t want to invade your space. It’s your house, your freedom.” 

“Toni, I love you.” Cheryl said, firmly. “And I love Raven. There is no such thing as invading my space or taking away my freedom or whatever. I mean it. The doors are open for you if you need it in thirty minutes or by tomorrow at six in the morning.”

“Are you sure?” 

Toni gave in and she hated that she sighed in relief. The idea of just spending time with Cheryl without having to lie all the time of her whereabouts was amazing, and knowing that she would wake up in Cheryl’s arms every day was divine, but most of all she was relieved to actually have a place to stay and be able to take her sister. 

Deep down the pink-haired girl knew her aunt wouldn't do anything to hurt her sister, she wasn't  _ that _ insane, but due to past events, Raven seemed to be scared of her.

The last couple of days Toni noticed how she wouldn't let her aunt put her hair up in pigtails like she used to, and would try to cover her ears every time her aunt mentioned talking to her. Above all that, Toni was scared that her aunt would try to talk her sister into hating her or put wrong ideas in her head. Her aunt didn't seem to mind that Toni was taking the girl with her anyway, so it was a win-win. 

“A hundred percent. It’s very lonely here, especially at night when I get to see your face with Rav before her bedtime. It’s very disappointing to roll to the other side and see that it’s just me, myself and moi.” 

“You are the absolute best, Cher. Thank you.” Toni knew Cheryl couldn't see her smiling, but she couldn't help the light tug on her lips as she heard the words and pictured Raven’s bedtime with Cheryl in person and not only through a video call. 

“What time are you coming tomorrow? Oh, my God, I need to clean this house. This place is a mess.” 

“Babe, I don't need to go tomorrow. I still have some days, and I need to pack mine and Raven’s stuff.” 

“Okay, so I will be expecting you both by lunch with chicken nuggets for Raven and pasta for you the day after tomorrow.” 

Toni rolled her eyes because she knew there was no fighting with that. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too,  _ mon trésor _ .” Cheryl answered and Toni’s smile grew wider when she heard the French accent. 

Chicken nuggets. 

They needed chicken nuggets. 

Cheryl looked at the cart, trying to figure out what was missing that she forgot to add on the list, but then she looked at Raven and found the girl on top of the frozen freezer, staring at those dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets in it. 

“So that’s what I forgot to put on the list!” Cheryl said as she approached the little girl. She grabbed the handles to open it, but noticed Raven’s arm on the cross line. “Watch your arm.” 

“Are you going to buy it?” Raven asked as she took two steps back, watching Cheryl bend to reach the last package at the bottom. 

“Of course! This one?” Cheryl asked and Raven nodded. 

“Is it for me?”

“Yes, it’s for you. You said you wanted this one, right?” Cheryl reassured and put it in the cart when she saw the little smile appearing on Raven’s face. 

Soon she felt Raven’s arms wrapping around her legs, her head resting on her hip as she squeezed Cheryl into a hug with the biggest smile on her face.

“Thank you!” 

Cheryl’s heart melted seeing Raven so happy only for a bag of frozen food. She wrapped an arm around her body, the best she could, and placed a kiss on top of her head. 

“What do we need now? Do you remember?” 

“Strawberries!” 

“And…?”

Raven looked at her in confusion for a second before Cheryl answered. “And Raven’s milk.” 

“My milk?” 

“Yes, your milk.”

Cheryl watched as Raven went silent and started signaling milk and pointing to herself all the way to the dairy-free isle.

A bottle of Raven’s almond milk and some cherries that Cheryl had grabbed because she wasn’t sure if they had enough for Raven’s favorite drink at three thirty in the afternoon later, they were already packing their bags and heading out of the place. 

Cheryl checked the clock, planning her day ahead considering she had to go to work at four. That would give her enough time to make Raven’s milkshake and change while she had it. She had just one photoshoot that day, but the next three days were full ones, which she wasn't much excited about since she wouldn’t be able to spend Toni’s actual birthday with her - the reason for Cheryl to prepare everything the day before. They could always find something to do later at night, but the redhead knew that both of them would be tired and they would probably end up falling asleep watching a movie anyway.

Her phone rang in her hand and she pressed the green button with her thumb.

“Hi, my love.”

_ “Hey, babe. How’s everything? Has Raven given you a hard time?”  _

“Not at all. You know she’s an angel in disguise. Are you okay?” 

_ “Yeah, it’s all good. I’m going to the other place where I’m supposed to take this lady’s pictures. How are you?”  _

“I’m great. Rav and I just left the supermarket.” Cheryl felt Raven’s grip on her hand tightening for a second, right before they came to a crosswalk. 

“And Cheryl got me chocolate! That won’t hurt my tummy!” Raven said loudly, eyes still not leaving the busy streets as the cars passed by. 

_ “You did?”  _ Toni asked on the other side of the line.

“Yeah. Lactose free. You should’ve seen her eyes when I told her it was okay for her to eat, that it wouldn't hurt.” Cheryl smiled with the memory of minutes ago. 

_ “Thank you for taking her today. You really shouldn't have. I could've taken her with me today.”  _

As soon as the lights went red for cars and green for people, Cheryl crossed the street with the kid and let her hand go as soon as they were safely away from the cars.

“Babe, I’m not doing anything here. I’m not doing it because I feel like I’m obligated to, I promise. Whatever I can do to help, I will.” Cheryl explained. 

She knew Toni felt like she had been a burden to Cheryl the past few days, and the redhead couldn't think of anything else to make her believe that having them with her and helping her out wasn't a burden. 

_ “Just promise me you will let me know if it gets too much?”  _

“There is no such thing as  _ too much  _ of you both. You’ve been away for barely four hours and I already miss you.” Cheryl said as if it were obvious and heard Toni’s chuckle. “But I promise.” 

_ “You have to be at work at two thirty, right?”  _

Cheryl hummed in response. Suddenly her attention shifted from the phone to Raven, who had stopped in front of a one-dollar store, eyes locked on the rack colorful keychains.

_ “Okay, I finish my photoshoot at two and I have another one at four. I’ll just go to the agency and pick Rav up and we’ll meet you later. How does that sound?” _

“Sounds like a plan,” Cheryl answered, observing Raven’s fingertips touching each and every keychain hanging in there. 

_ “I just arrived at the place and the lady is already here. She looks very pregnant.”  _

Cheryl chuckled at the image of Toni grimacing at the image because she knew pregnancy bellies had a weird effect on her. 

“Try not to pass out if you have to touch it. Rav and I need you alive.” 

_ “Hard thing you’re asking me here, but I will try.”  _ Toni chuckled.  _ “Love you, babe.” _

“Love you more.” 

As soon as Cheryl hung up, she approached Raven. She looked startled for a second, her body tensing up a little, but when she saw the familiar face, she smiled.

“Look! A cherry! For Cheryl Cherry!” 

A small plastic cherry was attached to a silver hoop in Raven’s hand. 

“It is, indeed. That’s cute, isn’t it?” Cheryl asked, getting a nod in response. 

An idea hit her and for a second she thought that it was a bad one. A  _ really  _ bad one. But to hell with it. 

“Rav, what do you say we make a surprise for your sister tonight? For her birthday?” 

“Can we make the cake too?” 

Cheryl chuckled. “Of course! It’s not a birthday surprise if we don’t have a cake, right? But now I need you to help me find something here. Alright?”

* * *

Toni desperately needed a cup of coffee if she wanted to stay awake until four in the afternoon, when it was her last photoshoot of the day, and a part of her was stressed out for leaving Raven with Cheryl. Not that she didn't trust her or thought that Raven wouldn’t behave, that wasn't the case at all. Raven was Toni’s sister and even though both of them loved each other and spending time together, Toni felt guilty for having to leave her with the redhead because taking care of Raven was  _ her  _ job, not Cheryl’s. They had been being enough of a burden.

The fact that they were living together was something that was constantly worrying Toni. She knew Cheryl didn't mind, she offered them a place to stay herself, but it’s been a week and she just wanted to give Cheryl her space back. The pressure of trying to find a place was consuming every and each thought and Toni just wanted to get it over it and find a way to not hurt her girlfriend’s feelings in the process.

When Toni’s alarm clock rang that morning, at six fifteen, she quickly searched for it under her pillow to turn it off and not wake up Cheryl and Raven in the process. 

The amount of work she had was making Toni exhausted. She was glad to be able to get it and save more money to be able to get a place for her and her sister, but it still was hard to stand on her feet for hours straight and then sitting down for more countless hours as she edited the pictures later on the day. 

She tried not to move too abruptly when she turned to the side and placed a kiss on Cheryl’s forehead, untangling her body from under Cheryl’s arm. 

“No, stay here,” she heard Cheryl mumbling with her eyes still closed, holding Toni’s waist tighter. 

“I can’t, I have to go to work early today, remember?” Toni whispered, getting an annoyed humpf from the redhead. 

Toni watched, with a mesmerized smile, as Cheryl slowly managed to open her eyes and stare at her.

“Wasn't it at seven? It’s barely six.” 

“I have to change Raven, too. She’s  _ not  _ a morning person.” 

“I can take care of her. I only have to go to work at two thirty today.” 

“Babe, no. You’re already doing so much for—”

“Don’t even come at me with ‘ _ you’re already doing so much for us and I don’t want to bother you’  _ or whatever.” Cheryl said sternly. “I  _ want  _ to take care of her. I  _ want  _ to help you. It’s hard enough that you’re wearing yourself out from that much workload.”

Cheryl’s hand reached for Toni’s cheek, feeling the pink-haired girl’s head slowly falling onto her hand. 

“You’re an angel fallen from the sky, you know that, right?” 

“Yeah.” Cheryl faux brag made Toni roll her eyes. 

“Thank you, Cher. Really.” 

“My pleasure, love.”

The genuine love between Cheryl and Raven was the thing Toni loved the most about their relationship. Cheryl was always so caring and spared no efforts when it came to the hard part of it. 

And still Toni felt guilty for letting her help. 

Earlier that morning, when she left the house to Cheryl making pancakes for Raven to eat when she woke up, Toni felt torn. She loved having this routine, or lack thereof, with them and if she could she would never leave. 

She had twenty minutes to get to Cheryl’s modeling agency to pick Raven up. Toni would probably take the girl to the park until it was time for her to run to work again. 

Before Toni could even start overthinking her current situation again, she received a phone call from Veronica, which she promptly picked up. 

“I’m surprised you’re calling this early. You usually do it after six.” 

_ “I’m on my lunch break and I saw something that couldn’t wait.” _ She explained, and from what Toni gathered, she was still chewing when she did.  _ “I was scrolling on my phone and I saw this ad for an apartment to rent. It’s weirdly cheap, but from the pictures it doesn't look bad.”  _

“As long as it doesn't have rats inside the walls, I will take it.”

Toni had told Veronica about her situation, and Veronica herself had offered her own place for Toni and Raven, knowing the chances for the pink-haired girl to accept were slim since Cheryl had already offered as well, but the brunette still wanted to help however she could.

They spent the majority of Toni’s walk talking about the place Veronica had found, asking her about the pictures and the location of it until Veronica had to hang up, leaving Toni with her thoughts one more time.

Toni quickly texted the number Veronica had sent her about the apartment, asking if she could do a viewing the next day, right before she took the last corner and saw the dark doors of Cheryl’s workplace. 

As she walked inside, she found Betty and Cheryl talking about something and Raven sitting in one of the chairs playing something on Cheryl’s phone. Toni frowned at the scene because Betty seemed concerned and Cheryl had confusion written all over her face. 

Raven looked up for a second when she noticed movement at the door, and she joyfully smiled.

“Toni!” She stood up and ran towards her sister, their bodies colliding in a hug. “Cheryl let me play!”

“That’s so cool, Rav. How was it to spend the morning with Cheryl?”

“It was nice! She bought me chocolate that won’t hurt my tummy.” 

Toni looked up and saw Cheryl smiling at her as she watched the scene, along with Betty, who also had a small smile on her face. 

“Hey, babe,” she approached Cheryl and gave her a quick kiss. “Hi, Betty. What’s going on? You guys seem concerned. And weren’t you supposed to be at a shoot ten minutes ago?” 

“That’s the problem.” Betty answered. “The photographer cancelled at the last minute. Cheryl was just finishing makeup when I received the news and came to tell her, just now.” 

“And I was about to tell her to call you.” Cheryl said. “I know you have a shoot to do at four, but I have four or five outfits for this one, it shouldn't take more than an hour.”

“If you’re up for it, Toni. Of course.” Betty added, hoping Toni would accept because she knew the girl was good, and that she needed the extra money.

Toni looked down at Raven, with Cheryl’s phone in hand for a fraction of a second, worried about her, but Betty soon managed to clear her mind. 

“And Raven won't be a problem. The room is huge and she’s so obedient... I can keep an eye on her as well.” 

Toni sighed deeply. “Alright. Let’s do this.” 

All four of them walked inside towards the last room at the end of the hallway. Betty was already on the phone, contacting her boss to let them know she had found a substitute for the other photographer and that they should start in five minutes or so. Cheryl walked hand in hand with Raven, showing her the rooms inside as they walked by it.

“And here is where I take the pictures.” 

Raven looked around the room, which was quite big, mesmerized. It was filled with clothes hanging from the racks, three vanities with makeup spread all over, shoes and accessories for days. 

“Rav, listen,” Toni said, squatting down in front of her. “Cheryl and I are going to work right now, okay? We’re going to need you to be quiet for a few minutes until we’re done. You can play on my phone, or on Cheryl’s phone or watch some cartoon, if you want. You remember how to do it, don’t you?” 

Raven listened carefully to each word her sister was saying, and nodded in agreement to each sentence. “Yes. Black square with a red thing like this,” she drew an N in the air and Toni nodded with a reassuring smile. 

“Yes, exactly. If you need to go to the bathroom or if you’re thirsty you can ask Betty and she will help you.” Toni looked up at Betty, who was watching Cheryl sort the outfits on the order they had previously agreed on, and then down at the girls. Betty smiled at Raven and the little girl smiled back, shyly. “Deal?”

“Okay.”

“Alright, good.” Toni said as she stood up again. “You can watch Cheryl with me here, if you want. But see that pink tape on the floor?”

Toni pointed to a piece of tape glued on the floor that was holding some wires of the giant flash lights and other screens attached to the laptop. 

“This one?” Raven took two steps forward and touched it gently.

“Yes, this one. You need to stay behind it, okay? You can watch Cheryl while I take the photos, but you have to stay behind the line.”

“Can I stay here? And watch?” She double-asked, staying far back from what they had agreed on, with her hands behind her back. 

“Yes. Over there is perfect. If you want to come closer you can, but always behind the tape.” 

Cheryl had already put the clothes on and walked onto the white background setting, taking a last look at herself in the mirror on one of the vanities. 

Betty quickly explained to Toni what the pictures were for and what exactly they needed from Cheryl with that photoshoot. It came to Toni easily, and she knew exactly what to do. 

“Cher, ready?” 

Soon, the noises from the camera and Toni’s voice guiding Cheryl to different poses, as well as something different she could do to her hair or if she needed to look away from the camera or not. Raven watched in awe, her eyes darting from Cheryl to her image on the camera’s display, and seconds later to the same picture being sent to the laptop next to her sister. 

She stood up next to Toni for what seemed to be ten minutes, then Toni heard her saying she got tired and sat down in a corner to watch something on Toni’s phone. 

Throughout the entire time, Toni noticed Betty checking with Raven if she was okay, if she was thirsty or if she needed anything. The girl shook her head every time and said she was okay, but Toni was afraid that she was shy with Betty. While Cheryl changed to her last outfit, Toni approached Raven and asked if she was okay and needed anything, but she shook her head no and proceeded to finish playing whatever game it was. 

Fifteen minutes later, Cheryl was already on her regular clothes, wiping the rest of the eyeshadow from her eyelids while Toni showed Betty the final project on the laptop. What was supposed to be a 40-photos selection ended up being 65, and Betty still held onto ten more, just in case. 

“Toni, these are awesome.” Betty stared at the screen as Toni swiped the pictures on the keyboard. Cheryl did look incredible in the pictures, but that was barely Toni’s merit. “We’ve had five photographers and none of them has taken such beautiful pictures like these.”

“Well, thank you, Betty, but I have the prettiest model. All I did was to push a button.” 

Betty looked at the pictures once again, but Toni caught with her peripheral vision the moment she frowned and turned her head to face her. 

“Do you have your portfolio on a virtual platform?” 

“I do, why?”

“Send it to me.” She asked, her voice coming out almost like a demand. “I am sure the minute I show it to my boss she’s going to want you on the team.” 

“Really?” Toni said, hopefully. She knew that agency paid well, Cheryl had said so once. It would help her with the upcoming bills and with rent, and she wouldn’t have to work as much as she was. “Do you think she will like these?”

“With all certainty.” 

Toni turned around to face Raven, who was still laying on the floor. “Rav, can you give me my phone for a second?”

“Okay.”

Toni swiped through the pages on her phone and quickly found her portfolio page and sent the link to Betty. She watched as she forwarded the message and typed a quick message while she added Cheryl’s photoshoot to a folder. 

“I will give you an answer later tonight, if not, by tomorrow.” Betty said and Toni nodded. 

“You have no idea how much this is going to help me.”

“Cheryl mentioned that you’re working a lot to make enough money to find a place for you and Raven, I’m glad if I’m able to help in any way. But this is all on you, Toni. You’re an amazing photographer and you deserve the recognition.” 

“Thank you, Betty. For real.” 

Betty smiled at her before her phone rang in her hand. “Any time.” 

Toni saw Betty walking out of the room as she finished the pictures on the laptop, Cheryl approaching her as she did. The redhead looked at the photos opened in a tab, swiping through the selected ones in the folder. 

“Babe, these are really good.” Cheryl said, watching Toni unattaching her camera from the lights. “My hair looks really nice on this one.” 

“It helps that I have the most gorgeous woman posing for me,” Toni winked, which made Cheryl blush and roll her eyes. 

“What did Betty want?” Cheryl asked, her eyes still glued on the screen. 

“She said the photos are really good, and asked me for my portfolio.” 

“Really?” Cheryl didn’t sound surprised, but excited. Her eyebrows arched for a second and Toni almost saw a trace of a smile. 

Toni nodded. “Mhm. I sent her my virtual platform and she sent it to her boss, apparently. Told me she’d give me an answer by tomorrow.” 

“This is an awesome opportunity. People here are really nice and I’m sure they’re going to love your work because you are so, so good, Toni. I know you have a hard time believing me, but I mean it. I’m not just saying it because you’re my girlfriend.” 

Toni tried to erase that stupid smile that grew every time she heard Cheryl calling Toni her girlfriend, but she failed. “I just hope it works. Not for me, but for Rav.”

“It will. Positive thoughts.” Cheryl’s hand reached for Toni’s arm, her thumb gently stroking her skin before she leaned in and gave her a quick kiss. “Speaking of her, I will take her home and give her a shower.”

“And I’m going to hurry because it’s three forty-five already.” Toni put her camera inside her backpack once again, throwing the strap on her shoulder. She turned to her sister this time. “Rav, Cher is going to take you home, okay? I have to go to work again, but I will come back in time to have dinner with you.”

“You promise?” She looked up at Toni, but never looking up directly into her eyes. 

Toni nodded and held out her pinky, which the girl quickly hooked her own on. “Pinky promise.” 

“Are you sure? I can take her with me, no problem.” Toni asked Cheryl one more time, who just nodded in agreement.

“Yes, babe. Go.”

“I’ll text you when I’m done.” Toni kissed her girlfriend goodbye one more time before she watched her walking out through the door.

“Love you!”

“Love you more!” 

When it was just both of them, Cheryl took Raven’s hand. “Ready? We have to finish your sister’s cake.”

“Can I put the sprinkles on it?”

“Of course.” Cheryl smiled as they walked out of the agency, waving goodbye to Betty who was at the front desk talking to someone on the phone. “But we need to hurry a bit, okay?”

Raven nodded and the cold feeling inside Cheryl’s stomach in excitement only grew bigger.

* * *

**_Toni_ ** **_  
_ ** _ Babe, just finished here. I’ll be there in fifteen :) love you! _

It was a few minutes past five thirty and Toni was ready to go home. 

The place she had gone for her last shoot of the day wasn’t far from Cheryl’s place, and it did look beautiful, just like that mother of four had said when she scheduled it. Toni was impressed with how easily the mom managed to put all the kids in order, alone, and how she helped her whenever she asked them to strike a pose in a certain way. 

Watching her, not only through the lenses, made Toni question if there was anything she could be doing better for her sister. If there was a rule or a trick that could turn her into a great mom like her mother was, and a great mom like the one she had just photographed. For a second she wanted to ask. Toni had to bite her tongue to prevent herself from just asking away all these questions and take some weight off her shoulders, but deep down she knew she was doing a good job. 

She was scared. Life alone itself wasn’t easy, especially having to start at such an early age like she did, but it was an extra effort taking care of a child. Raven would start school the next week and she wouldn’t have to be worried if it was taking too much of Cheryl’s free time to keep an eye on her while she worked double hours, but that was just one of her fears.

For a second she thought about calling Cheryl, and then Jughead. 

But destiny made it none of the options above when her phone rang and Betty’s name popped on the screen. 

_ “Toni!” _ She sounded extremely excited on the other side of the line, and Toni felt her heart racing for a second. 

“Betty, hi!”

_ “So, I have some news.” _ She started.  _ “My boss absolutely adored your portfolio, and even more so the pictures you took today.” _

“I’m glad,” Toni said, a sigh in relief escaping her lips. 

_ “And she wants you to start tomorrow.”  _

“What?” Toni asked, just to make sure she didn’t understand wrong. “Tomorrow?” 

_ “Yeah. Tomorrow. And she told me to get contract papers ready. Are you free tomorrow?” _

“Oddly, yes. I guess I shouldn’t open my agenda again, then?” Toni asked, mostly to herself, happiness shooting through her veins. 

_ “Not at all. For the next three days Cheryl has the entire day booked, so you’re in charge of that. I will give you more details tomorrow, but for now I need an answer.” _

“Yes, Betty, I am free and I can start tomorrow.” 

“Oh, my God, perfect! Tomorrow at two, okay? You can come with Cheryl, we will sort things out when you’re done or even before. It shouldn’t take long.” 

They talked for a couple more minutes, to discuss some small details about Toni’s job the next day and soon Betty had to hang up to finish putting some contracts in order, leaving Toni speechless in the middle of the street. Her first instinct was to call Cheryl and tell her the news, but she’d rather wait and do it in person. 

She felt like she could finally breathe, knowing that now she would be able to afford hers and Raven’s place without much struggle and could finally give Cheryl her place back. 

Toni quickened her pace and before she knew it, she was taking that left corner that would lead to Cheryl’s street. From afar she saw Raven on the sidewalk, jumping over drawn squares on the floor as Cheryl watched her. Toni wasn’t sure if Raven had ever played hopscotch before, and it was lovely to see her balancing herself on one foot and she bent down to pick up the rock on the floor. 

As the pink-haired girl approached, Cheryl’s smile widened as her attention shifted from the little girl to her girlfriend walking up to her. 

“Seems like you guys are having fun, huh?” She said to make her presence known to her sister, and almost immediately saw the kid running towards her. 

“Cheryl taught me how to play hopscotch. Have you played hopscotch, Toni?”

“Quite a lot, actually.” She answered, taking the pebble from her sister’s hand and threw it towards the hopscotch on the floor, but it landed on Cheryl’s feet - who had stood up and was now standing on top of a cloud with  _ ‘sky’  _ written on it, waiting for Toni to get to her.

Toni jumped on all numbers until she reached number ten and leaned in to place a proper kiss on Cheryl’s lips, feeling the redhead’s hands reaching for her cheek to pull her in closer.

“Hi,” Toni greeted. 

“Hey, babe.” She answered. “I have a surprise for you.” 

Toni frowned as her sister got in the middle of them. “And I helped!”

“You did? Oh, you’re such a good kid!” Toni reached for her shoulders and pulled her into a clumsy hug. “I also have some news, but now I’m intrigued.”

“It’s for your birthday!” Raven added.

Cheryl’s eyebrows arched up when she saw Toni’s expression change to a complete surprise, almost in shock. “Oh, my God. I forgot about my birthday tomorrow.” 

They walked up the stairs on the front porch and Toni watched Cheryl reaching for her coat pocket, taking a small black and purple box from there and handing it to Toni.

“I didn’t know what to get you and then I had this wicked idea,” Cheryl started, watching Toni playing with the little bow for a second before she looked up into Cheryl’s eyes. “Because I know you’re so stressed out about everything that’s going on and how pressured you feel about your job and finding a place.”

“Babe, you didn’t have to,” Toni said with a light blush. 

Cheryl looked at her with a shy smile before she said, “Open it.” 

When Toni pulled the lid, she found a key attached to a camera keychain. 

“I don’t want you feeling that you and Raven living with me is a burden or that I’m only doing it because I feel obligated to.” Cheryl started, watching Toni’s expression for any hint of discomfort or fear, but she could only grasp confusion. “This is a key to this house, that is my house and your house, for as long as you need.” 

“Cher…”

“And I’m not asking you to move in with me permanently if you don’t want to. This can be your temporary key or your permanent key, that’s totally up to you and I promise I’m okay with whatever you choose.” Cheryl explained herself, afraid that Toni would back out and try to leave the same second. “I just want you to know that my four-poster bed is your four-poster bed. And Raven’s.” 

Toni reached for Cheryl’s hand and pulled her in to lock their lips together once again, her arms wrapping around her waist as their bodies got closer. She could feel Cheryl’s heart racing and she was sure the redhead could feel hers racing as well. 

“Is that okay?” Cheryl asked when their lips parted, her concerned eyes trying to read Toni’s expression once again. 

This time, she saw the pink-haired girl was genuinely happy as the crinkles on her eyes appeared and her smile grew wider. 

“It is, babe. Thank you.” She smiled at Cheryl, and she knew her eyes couldn’t lie or hide how happy she was.

It was true she felt pressured and concerned about staying at Cheryl’s, but that girl seemed to know exactly what to do or what to say to help with her insecurities and fears. It was inexplicable the effect Cheryl had on Toni.

“I love you. So much.” 

“I love you more,” Cheryl answered as Toni unwrapped her arms from her body. Cheryl pointed to the door with her head. “Come on, do it. I didn’t test it before because I wanted you to do it.” 

Toni placed the key inside the lock and heard the successful click as the door unlocked perfectly. The pink-haired girl opened the door to find a big round cake, covered with white frosting on the counter.

“Cheryl made you cake and I put the sprinkles on top of it!”

“She did,” Cheryl confirmed as they walked inside. 

“And Cheryl bought dinosaur chicken nuggets!” Raven said again, excitedly. 

Toni looked at Cheryl and saw apologetic eyes. She shook her head in faux disappointment as she locked the door behind her. 

“Do you want some? Cheryl and I made it before we went out to play hop-hop.” Toni chuckled, but she didn’t want to correct her sister. It was too adorable.

“Oh, I do.” Toni answered as she took her coat and hung it behind the door. “I am starving!” 

“Me, too!” Cheryl and Raven answered in unison.

Toni watched Raven and Cheryl running, literally, towards the counter to see who would get the t-rex chicken nugget first while her heart grew three sizes inside her chest at the sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you sm for reading and lemme know your thoughts!! see you soon<3


	15. you'll never know, dear, how much i love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni is desperate for a place to stay, but some heart wrenching events distract her from it. At least for a little while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi there! :)
> 
> warning that this chapter is filled with cheryl + raven adorable moments because i seriously cannot have enough of them.  
> this one is shorter than usual, but here it is. i didn't quite like it at first, but well lol  
> also there is a song in this chapter and it's probably not original at all but i just love it so much and it fit well i think so yea
> 
> this one wasn't proofread, so any mistakes lemme know! hope you enjoy it! :)

Cheryl’s eyelids were still heavy when she opened her eyes. She looked at the window and saw no signs of sunlight, then glanced at her phone to check the time. It wasn’t much past three and the sniffs coming from somewhere in the room startled her. She looked down at Toni sleeping next to her, but considering her chest slowly rising up and down, she was off to a peaceful and heavy sleep. 

The redhead stood up and walked around the bed until she caught sight of the mattress on the floor and Raven sitting up with her folded legs up to her chest. When Raven wasn’t sleeping on the bed with them, Cheryl would always leave the hallway light on in case she felt scared, but that night it appeared not to be doing its job because, even under dim lights, Cheryl could see the tears falling from her eyes. 

Raven noticed the movement and looked up at Cheryl before the redhead sat down next to her. 

“Hey, what happened?” She asked as her hand reached the little girl’s back, gently rubbing it in order to try to make her feel better. “Did you have a bad dream?” 

Raven nodded in response and the sudden movement of her arms towards Cheryl startled the redhead, but quickly she opened her own and made room for the girl’s body as she held her. 

“It’s okay, it was just a dream. You’re okay,” Cheryl placed a kiss on her forehead as she calmed her down, rocking her body as if she was putting a baby to sleep. 

“Toni didn’t pick me up and you weren’t there,” Raven said as the tears started rolling down again, which made the redhead frown in confusion. 

“From where?” 

“School.”

Cheryl swore she felt her heart breaking into a million little pieces when she realized it would be Raven’s first day at school in three days. The redhead had no idea she was scared to the point of having bad dreams or even  _ crying  _ about it. She sat there, not knowing exactly what to do and wondering if she should wake Toni up. The pink-haired girl would definitely know how to handle this better and her sister would probably feel more comforted if it was Toni in her place. 

Cheryl looked up at the bed and saw how deeply Toni was sleeping and immediately gave up. Toni had been working so hard the past week and adjusting to her new routine that at the end of the week she was exhausted. And, to top it all off, she was a very,  _ very  _ heavy sleeper. Cheryl didn’t mind taking care of Raven at all and secretly it always made her feel happy whenever she heard Raven calling her to help her with her hair in the shower or even to ask her where her sister was. 

Raven had one hand resting against her abdomen, her fingers playing with her shirt while her other arm was crossing over Cheryl’s back and holding her close to her body. By the grip on her waist, Cheryl knew she wouldn’t let go and that she trusted her to help her with whatever it was she was feeling. 

“You’re not going to leave me alone there, right?” 

Cheryl shook her head no, holding her tighter. “Never. Toni and I are going to drop you off and then, when you walk out of the classroom, Toni and I will be there waiting for you. If Toni can’t go, I will. If I can’t go, your big sister will be there waiting for you. It’s a promise.”

“Promise?” 

“Promise.” Cheryl smiled down at her, even though the kid couldn’t see her features. “Toni and I will always be there for you. Always and forever.”

She could still feel Raven’s light cry against her chest as the hiccups hit her. Cheryl started feeling her own body reacting to the movements as she maintained the rocking pace and making her eyelids heavy once again, but Raven was still wide awake.

So, she did the only thing in her head that would work with any child and started singing her to sleep. 

Cheryl shifted on the mattress to make them both more comfortable, her back almost flat on it as her head rested against the wooden part of the bed and the pillow, with Raven’s body snuggled against hers and her head resting on her chest. Raven’s hand never left Cheryl’s shirt. 

_ “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,”  _ she started singing in a whisper, her hand reaching for her hair.  _ “You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away.” _

Cheryl repeated that part around four times before she felt Raven’s grip loosen on her shirt. She still hummed the melody and made sure to keep her hands caressing her hair because at that point she had stopped crying and the hiccups were lighter now. Cheryl moved her head to the side and caught a glimpse of Raven’s face and saw her eyes closed as she started to fall asleep again.

* * *

“What do you think about this one, babe? Too small?” 

Cheryl had her body resting against the doorframe, watching Toni moving through the rooms and observing every part of it. 

They had taken Saturday morning off to take a look at the four remaining apartments that Toni wanted to rent. Too small, too big, no protection on the windows… Toni would always find something she didn't like or that wasn't within her protection standards in the last two they had been to, and judging by the looks on her face as she stared at the kitchen cupboards, Cheryl wasn’t sure if Toni liked that one either. 

“The size is fine, Rav and I don't need much more than this. But look at that spot over there.” Toni pointed to a corner where the tiles had fallen off. “Not cute. I could get it fixed, but if I can find a place where I won’t need to have more expenses it would be better.” 

“At least it’s furnished, just like you wanted.” 

Toni nodded. “Yeah, that’s true.” 

Raven was waiting by the door, staring at the long hallway, before she pointed to a corner where a plant vase sat. “Toni, can I go see the flowers over there?” 

Toni looked behind her and walked towards the door to look at the spot her sister was pointing to. “Sure, but don’t go farther than that, okay?”

With a nod, Raven walked through the hallway, her fingertips touching the white walls lightly as she observed the place around her. Cheryl took one last look at her before she looked at Toni again. 

“I don’t know about this one, babe,” she said as she walked towards Cheryl, her arms crossed over her chest. “I think I’m going to check the other one before I make a decision on this one. It does look good, but that thing in one of the bedrooms could be mold and Raven is allergic. I’m not taking risks here.” 

Cheryl nodded in agreement and smiled gently. She saw the concern on her girlfriend’s face as she checked something on her phone regarding the fourth apartment, swiping through pictures she had looked at a million times and re-reading the owner’s notes. 

“Hey, it’s okay if these are not the ones, you know? You don’t have to rush.”

“I know,” she smiled weakly and Cheryl smiled in response.

“I know you’re desperate to find a place and finally start living your life with your sister, but you don’t have to rush it. I’m a bit sad that you guys are leaving, to be honest.” 

Cheryl watched Toni’s face change with tenderness and felt her cheeks getting warmer. 

“I’m always going to be with you twenty-four seven, even when you don’t want me to.” Toni said as she took a step closer, wrapping her arms around Cheryl’s waist. “Aren’t you tired of my face by now? You see me at work, you see me at home…” 

“And yet it’s not enough.” Cheryl reached for Toni’s hair and put it behind her ear as her arms came to wrap around her neck. “I understand why you want your freedom so bad, but I’m just saying. No need to rush if it’s ever because of me.”

Toni gave her a half-smile before she placed a quick kiss on Cheryl’s lips. “I love you.” 

“I love you more, Cher.”

Cheryl smiled at her and a light chuckle came right after. “And that’s Raven’s cue to come between us and say that she loves us, too.”

“I was thinking the same,” Toni giggled as her arms fell from her girlfriend’s waist. “Alright, let’s go check the other one and then I can make a decision from there.” 

As they both walked to the door and locked the place, Toni’s hand froze in place when she looked at the plant vase and didn’t see Raven. She felt her extremities going numb when she looked around and didn’t see her anywhere. Cheryl swallowed hard and tried to move her legs, but it was like they were glued down and she couldn’t move until she heard Toni’s heavy breath. 

“Raven?” She yelled as she looked around, but no response. 

Desperation. 

Toni was desperate and the image of Toni’s eyes going wider at the second and tears immediately coming down made Cheryl’s stomach churn inside her. 

“Let’s go together, if we don’t find her we go separate ways.” Cheryl said, her voice barely sounding audible. 

All Toni could do was nod before she watched Cheryl rushing through the hallway, her ankle boots tapping against the porcelain tiles and worried eyes searching through each door and corner of that place. Her own breathing was too heavy for her ears and she felt like her heart would jump out of her chest any minute and fear hit her directly in the stomach. 

“Raven!” Cheryl’s voice came louder now, echoing in the long hallway that never seemed to end, and every time they didn’t get a response Toni’s heart would beat faster inside her chest. Painfully, even.

“Rav!” Toni yelled, fighting the urge to cry.

It was another long hallway. There were vases with all different types of flowers spread all over it. Toni condemned herself for the thirtieth time in the last five minutes for even letting her sister out of her eyesight.

It was a building, Raven never disobeyed her. She could barely talk to strangers. 

_ She could barely talk to strangers. _

_ Which meant that she wouldn’t ask for help if she was in danger to a person she doesn’t know. _

A million scenarios ran through Toni’s head and with each one of them she felt worse. It was an indescribable feeling and all she wanted was her sister with her again. She knew she couldn’t go much farther, she didn’t know the place and even Toni was getting a bit lost through the hallways, but what if she had gone to the main door and out to the street? What if someone saw her and took her, inside the building even? What if she,  _ oh my God please no,  _ fell down the elevator somewhere or a window or **—**

Suddenly her thoughts were cut off when she heard Cheryl humming some melody that wasn’t completely unfamiliar to her ears. 

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…” 

Toni watched Cheryl slowing down her pace, her boots making less noise now. Toni wiped her cheek with the back of her hand as she watched Cheryl carefully looking at the corners and every spot possible that Raven could be at. 

“Rav!” Toni yelled one more time right. Before they took a turn on an elevator, Toni checked the open doors hoping she wouldn’t hear anything down there. 

“You make me happy when skies are gray…” Cheryl continued and Toni frowned in confusion. 

Over the sound of her own boots, Toni heard her sister’s voice coming from what seemed to be a near spot. Cheryl was walking the slowest she could, and so was Toni, trying to understand where the voice was coming from. 

_ “You’ll never know, dear, how much I… How much… How…”  _

Toni and Cheryl spotted Raven singing back as she stood next to a vase plant with purple lilies in a corner, her fingers playing with the hem of her t-shirt. She looked scared, but relief appeared on her face the minute she saw them walking towards her. 

“I forgot the rest.” It came out almost like an apology. 

Cheryl’s heart started beating again in its regular pace when she saw Raven was okay and gave her a half-smiled.

“Raven!” Toni gasped the word out, falling onto her knees as she pulled her sister into an embrace. Cheryl watched the girl’s arms wrapping tightly around her sister’s neck and how her hands were shaking a little. 

“How much I love you,” Cheryl completed, kneeling down on the floor next to Toni and looking at Raven’s face with a smile. A single tear slid down her cheek before Raven smiled back at her and the redhead pulled both of them into an embrace. 

“Please don’t take my sunshine away.” Raven completed and Cheryl’s heart grew three sizes, beating almost painfully against her sternum. 

Her own shaky hands came to meet Raven’s head and the other reached for Toni’s. 

“I asked you not to go too far, Rav. I thought something bad had happened to you.” Toni said, her voice almost not coming out the moment her sister let go of her and the pink-haired girl could take a better look at her face.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to see the other flowers but I got lost and I was too scared to move.” 

“It’s okay, we just got worried, that’s all.” Cheryl said now, watching Toni’s shaky hands trying to get a hold of Raven. “But next time when you want to go to another place, you ask your sister first, okay? That way she will know where you are.”

“Or you. You take care of me, too.” 

Cheryl was speechless for a second and she gagged on her own words before they even tried to come out. Luckily, Toni cut in. 

“Yes, or Cheryl. Just let one of us know where you are going or wait for us to go with you. Deal?” Toni asked and Raven nodded. “High five.” 

Cheryl watched Raven bounce to hit Toni’s palm with her own and chuckled when she realized she didn’t even need to jump because Toni wasn’t exactly that much taller than her. 

“Alright, let’s go, then.” Toni said, reaching for Raven’s hand on one side and Cheryl’s on the other. When their skins met, Toni noticed how cold Cheryl’s hands were and looked at her. “Hey, it’s okay. She’s okay.”

“I know,” she reassured. 

“The song, though… What was that about?” 

“She had a bad dream yesterday and woke up crying in the middle of the night. I didn’t want to wake you up so I sang her back to sleep.” 

“That’s why I woke up to an empty bed and Raven curled up on my usual spot?” Toni asked, faking jealousy. Cheryl simply nodded with a smile. “It was the cutest thing I have ever witnessed in my life. Thank you for taking care of her as if she were one of your own, babe.” 

“Well, she’s one of  _ your  _ own and you’re the most important person I have in my life. And you’re my girlfriend, so… Uh…” Cheryl felt her cheeks burning and she wondered if she should actually say that aloud. “I kind of consider her as one of my own, too.”

Toni pressed the elevator button and looked at Cheryl for a few seconds as they waited for the familiar ring. 

“I am really one lucky lady.” She whispered before she smiled at her. Toni could swear she felt her heart melting when Cheryl smiled back at her with pink cheeks. 

The doors opened and all three of them walked into it and pressed the button that would take them to the ground floor.

“Are we going to live here, Toni?” Raven looked up and asked out of nowhere. Cheryl looked at her girlfriend and saw her shaking her head. 

“ _ Absolutely not. _ ” She answered right before the doors opened again and they all stepped out of the elevator cabin. 

Toni hoped she would never have to walk into that place again.

* * *

Cheryl woke up to the smell of something being cooked, or baked, or both, and smiled sleepily when she saw Toni at the stove, flipping pancakes and the waffle machine working on the counter.

“All of that for me? Aw, babe, you didn’t have to.” Cheryl approached her from behind and her arms immediately wrapped around her waist, her head resting against her neck. She looked at Toni and saw her smiling, then placed a kiss on her jawline. 

“For you  _ too,  _ but for Rav,” Toni said. “Is she up?”

Cheryl hummed. “Putting on her t-shirt.” 

“Is it weird that I’m more nervous than she probably is?” 

Cheryl chuckled and shook her head. “Baby, it’s just kindergarten. She’s going to be just fine.” 

“But what if the kids pick on her?” She asked, flipping the last pancake on the pan. “Or what if she doesn’t like the school with all the kids? What if she doesn’t like the kids?”

“The teacher will handle it just well.” Cheryl answered, grabbing both her arms gently and turning her around to face her. “She’s going to be just fine. Trust me.”

“What if **—** ”

Cheryl’s lips on hers cut her off mid-sentence and all she could do was smile. 

“Uh, I didn’t exactly hate it but  _ rude, _ ” Toni protested. “But what if— **”**

Another kiss.

“Baby!” 

“Stop overwhelming yourself! If you keep creating scenarios in your head you are going to go nuts. She will be fine and if anything happens the school will call.” 

“But what if I don’t hear the ph—”

“Oh, my God!” Cheryl said sternly. “If I hear one more ‘what if’ coming out of your mouth I will kiss you.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Toni raised an eyebrow, leading Cheryl to the counter behind her until her back hit the edge. “What if, what if, what if.” 

Toni saw Cheryl’s eyes roll back right before her hands reached for the back of her neck, pulling her in for a kiss. It wasn’t rushed, it wasn’t deep or desperate. They had to stop at least five times because their lips would disconnect any time one of them smiled. 

“You are unbelievable,” Cheryl whispered. 

“And you are sensational.” Toni said in response. “And I love you. So much.” 

Raven appeared out of nowhere and pushed herself between their bodies, her arms reaching for both of their waists to hold them at the same time. “And I love you both more!” 

“Good morning, Raven Haven,” Cheryl said, the tip of her index finger meeting the tip of her nose.

“Good morning, Cheryl Cherry!” She said excitedly as she looked up at Cheryl, hugging her exclusively this time. “And good morning, Toni Macaroni!”

Toni picked her sister up and gave her kisses all over her cheek before she put her back on the floor. Toni didn’t know when exactly she had started growing fonder of those nicknames, but they definitely made her good mornings better every day.

“Are you excited for school?”

“Yes!” She bounced up and down on her feet. Raven pointed to her torso before she said, “and I even dressed myself. Look at my t-shirt!”

“Oh, I can see.” Toni answered, holding back a laugh. 

“I can also see that it’s backwards.” Cheryl added. “Come on, let’s go put that on the right side. Away from the stove.” 

“And I’m going to finish these,” Toni pointed to the waffle machine as she watched Cheryl and Raven walking away to the other side of the counter.

“Can you braid my hair like you did with Toni’s hair?” Raven asked as Cheryl pulled the t-shirt off and switched the sides. 

“Of course! Arms up,” she asked before she slid the t-shirt back on Raven. “Where are the hair ties?”

“In the drawer.”

“Which drawer?”

“The bathroom drawer?”

Cheryl nodded. “First, second or third?”

Raven put up two fingers and Cheryl smiled and nodded again. “Exactly. Go get them. And the hairbrush on the sink, okay?”

“But babe, the hair ties aren’t on the second drawer. Did you move them?” Toni asked as she took a waffle from the machine and put it on a plate. 

“Got her a surprise. It’s in there.” 

“You spoil that kid too much,” Toni answered as she finished cutting up the waffle in pieces, right before she grabbed a handful of strawberries to chop.

It didn’t take long until Raven came running back to where they were, holding her purple hairbrush in one hand and a handful of colorful hair ties. 

“Cheryl! Look what I found!” She asked, handing the redhead what she had asked Raven to get. She held a set of 5 hair ties with different drawings on it, clearly a kid set. “Look, Toni! It’s a Little Mermaid hair tie! It’s Ariel! Look!” 

“That’s so cute, Rav!” Toni answered back with the same excitement. “Who got that for you?”

Raven shyly smiled and pointed to Cheryl, who smiled back and opened her mouth in excitement. “Did you like it?”

“Yes! Can I use them with the braids?” 

“Of course! Which one do you want?” Raven pointed to the pieces that she wanted before Cheryl took them off of the cardboard piece. “Ariel and Flounder, of course.” 

“Now you sit here on this stool and I will braid your hair while you eat, okay?” Cheryl asked, grabbing a stool and tapping on the surface for Raven to sit on. 

The little girl nodded, tried to climb it but failed. Too high. “Help?” 

Cheryl pushed her up and when she was safely seated, Cheryl took a stool for herself and sat behind Raven. Toni handed Raven the plate with the waffles and the strawberries and watched her sister pick up a piece of waffle and take it to her mouth with her fingers. 

“Rav, the fork is right there.” She said, getting a muffled ‘I’m sorry’ in response as she poured her a glass of orange juice. “No talking with your mouth full either, young lady.” 

This time, she swallowed before she answered. “Sorry.” 

“Where did you get these, by the way?” Toni asked as she made a plate for herself and Cheryl, sitting next to them right after. 

“Amazon.” She answered with a shrug as she braided Raven’s long, dark locks.

Toni watched Cheryl’s face in disbelief. Amazement, almost. “Cheryl Blossom, tell me you did not go to Amazon just to look for Little Mermaid hair ties.” 

“No, I did not,  _ Antoinette Topaz _ ,” Cheryl answered back. “I went on Amazon to look for Moana ones, but they were sold out.” 

For a second, Toni forgot she had to go to work and wished she could freeze that moment and live in it forever. The image of Cheryl braiding her sister’s hair before her first day of school was somehow the peace of mind she needed. Deep down she was sad about not having those moments anymore. She knew as soon as she moved out they wouldn’t end, but they would cess drastically and for a moment she wanted to ask Cheryl if she could stay a little longer, but she had to go. 

Toni felt her stomach growling and took a bite of the waffle in front of her, offering it to Cheryl right after. The redhead took a bite and hummed in pleasure. 

“Ugh, this is so good.” 

“And it’s made with almond milk.” Toni provoked, knowing fully well that Cheryl hated it. 

“Ew, I take it back.” 

“Shut up,” Toni playfully hit her arm. “You love it.”

“You? Yeah, I really do.” 

Toni hated how Cheryl was able to make her blush every single time, but she loved seeing the smile on her face right after.

* * *

They arrived at school five minutes before the bell was supposed to ring. Toni looked at that crowd of kids running around as she held her sister’s hand. Cheryl had talked to Raven the whole way about how fun it would be and how much she would learn with her new teacher. Of course, Raven asked if she was going to learn about dinosaurs and about mermaids and Cheryl said she would. Toni could only hope she didn’t get frustrated if her first class wasn’t about dinosaurs. Or mermaids. 

Then there they were, staring at the gates, watching all the other kids walking into the place. 

“Remember what Cheryl told you, okay? It’s going to be super fun and your teacher is going to love you!” Toni kneeled down next to her sister, adjusting the straps of her backpack for it to stay firm on her body. 

“And you’re going to pick me up, right?” 

“Of course! Cheryl and I are going to be here waiting for you as soon as the bell rings.” 

Raven looked inside one more time before she looked at them again. “But what do I do if I miss you?”

_ Not helping, Rav,  _ Toni thought as soon as she heard the words.

“Then…” Toni said, not sure of what she was going to answer.  _ Think fast, think fast.  _

She reached for her sister’s backpack and took out one of her sharpies. 

“Give me your arm.” Toni asked and Raven promptly held it out. The pink-haired girl started drawing a heart on one side of her wrist and one on her own wrist right after. “This heart is my heart and your heart. If you miss me, you can give it a kiss and you will feel better.”

Raven stared at the drawing on her arm while Toni tried to compose herself, standing back up. 

“And what if I miss Cheryl?”

Toni looked at Cheryl and saw her looking at her sister with fondness, almost reactionless. Cheryl looked at Toni and saw a half smile. Cheryl took the sharpie from Toni’s hand and kneeled down next to Rav. 

“Then,” she started, taking Raven’s arm once again to draw two cherries next to the heart. Then, she drew the same on her own wrist. “You give these cherries a kiss and you will feel better. We have the same, see?” 

“Okay,” she said and Toni could see how nervous she was. “Are you going in with me?” 

“If you want to,” Toni said with a nod. Raven’s answer was also a nod, so Toni took her hand. 

Cheryl stood there, watching them getting ready to walk through the gates, when Raven stopped and looked behind, her hand reaching for Cheryl. 

“Cheryl!” She said as she tried to stretch her arm out further. “I want Cheryl, too.” 

The redhead took her hand and saw the smile on Raven’s face grow bigger, the grip on her hand tightening as they walked into the school and kids passed running by them. 

Cheryl never thought she would feel something like that in her entire life. Pure love, that was. 

For a second she wanted to be selfish and ask Toni to turn around to just go home and be with them all day long, but she knew she couldn’t. 

(Raven made it incredibly hard to leave when she waved them goodbye, already inside the classroom, and placed a kiss on both drawings on her wrist.)

(Cheryl totally lied when Toni asked her if that in her eyes were tears.)

(And so did Toni when Cheryl asked her the same.)


	16. you always got my love, i'm always right here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day has come for Toni to move out of Cheryl's place to her own and close another chapter of her life to start a new one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! :) how are you guys?
> 
> so..... yea. last one. oof.   
> this one was hard for me to start writing, emotionally speaking lmao, but i really liked the way it turned out.   
> well, the notes at the end of this one are really important to me so feel free to check that one out when you're done.
> 
> alright, *sighs deeply*, lets go.

Toni was making sure to do everything in her power not to pack. She had baked an alarming amount of cookies, watched Matilda with Raven and Cheryl and even danced it out after, trying to move the curtains and make the lamp turn on by itself with the tip of their fingers. At some point, Raven had climbed on top of Cheryl’s center table and almost fell when she twirled and tried to open the window with her arm, which caused Toni to almost have a heart attack in her early twenties and call it off right after.

Of course she would snuggle up against Cheryl’s body in an attempt to keep her from moving because she knew the redhead wouldn’t move if she knew Toni was comfortable. Low blow, Toni knew that, but she didn’t want reality to hit her just yet. It was only 7 at night, it wouldn’t hurt to stay in her girlfriend’s arms just for a bit longer.

They laid there on the couch in silence for a while, only the cartoon’s sound coming from the TV.

“What are you thinking about, babe?” Cheryl’s hands stopped running through her hair for a second, her head tilted forward to try to take a better look at Toni’s face, her head resting against the redhead’s chest. 

“Moving,” she answered, and immediately felt Cheryl’s grip on her arm tightening. Toni rolled her eyes and let that idiotic smile appear on her face. “Moving out, I mean. I know I was desperately looking for a place to stay and live my own life, but it started to scare me a little bit. It’s getting real, you know.”

“Didn’t it already when you signed the contract?” 

Toni chuckled. “Not really. I’ve signed plenty of papers. Those cardboard boxes over there, though…” 

With her head, Toni pointed to a pile of brown cardboard boxes on the corner of the living room. She didn’t have much, but throughout the past week they had started buying all types of utensils that Toni might need, as well as bed sheets, decoration objects and everything else that made a house feel like home. 

“It’s weird thinking they will be filled with your stuff and ready to be taken tomorrow, huh?” Cheryl completed the thought and Toni nodded. “Did you talk to Jughead?”

“Yeah, I did. He’s taking his mother’s car and helping me take everything up there after we drop Rav off at school.” 

We. 

Taking Raven to school had become their thing. Cheryl didn’t have to, but the little girl wouldn’t leave the house if Cheryl wasn’t holding her other hand and Cheryl insisted. 

They always started talking about the weather. Every morning, the second their feet touched the curbs, Cheryl would ask Raven about the weather and they had a five minute conversation about the sun or the wind, or however the day was like Then, Toni would ask Raven about her homework and the plans for the day, the time she would pick her up and what time and what they would have dinner later. They didn’t need to draw on her wrist anymore, but every time she walked through that gate, Raven would kiss the spot where they had previously drawn a heart and a cherry and wave them goodbye.

Toni felt the hum in response in Cheryl’s chest and a comfortable silence settled between them for a few seconds. 

“This house is going to be unbearably empty,” she said with a sigh, pulling Toni closer to her body with the arm that was serving as support for Toni’s neck. “I’m going to miss waking up and having to watch my steps so I don’t crush an infant.” 

Toni’s laugh came out loud and genuine. “Or rolling over to the side to find a tiny, little body that isn’t yours. Or yours, at all.” 

“I’ve gotten so used to sleep with you that I don’t think I will ever have a good night of sleep alone in that bed ever again.”

“Don’t even get me started on that one,” Toni said in agreement. “The one night you left to put Raven back to sleep was weird enough.”

“Oh, come on!” Cheryl said in faux resentment. “You’re such a heavy sleeper you didn’t even feel that I wasn’t there.”

“I did! I just was too tired to open my eyes. For all I know you could have gone to the bathroom or something.” 

“I’m only letting this one slide because you’re too cute,” Cheryl answered and immediately placed a quick kiss on Toni’s lips the second the pink-haired girl looked up at her and smiled. “Come on, time to pack.”

“No!” Toni whined. “I don’t want to.” 

“The faster we do it, sooner we can cuddle in bed.” 

“Cuddle? Damn, I was really thinking of something else we could do.” Toni said as she stood up and looked at Cheryl, one eyebrow raised. She watched the pink tone appearing on Cheryl’s cheek as her mouth hung open. 

“Babe! Not in front of your sister!” Cheryl almost whispered in an attempt to keep her voice down low, which only made Toni chuckle. 

“She’s not paying attention.” Toni shrugged before she looked down at her sister sitting on the rug, legs crossed and her attention fully on the TV. “Right, boo boo?”

“What?” Raven looked up after a few seconds, Toni looking at Cheryl with a  _ point-proven  _ face that definitely made some not-so-PG13 thoughts pop in her head. 

“We have to start packing our clothes now, okay?” Toni said as she kneeled on the floor next to her sister.

“Pack? Why?”

“We’re going to go to our new house tomorrow. Remember that I told you about it yesterday?”

“Oh!” She answered, eyes widened and mouth open in an O shape. “Yes, I remember. I’m going to have my own room!”

“You are!”

“What about Cheryl?” 

Toni frowned for a second. “What about her?”

“Is she coming with us?”

Toni looked up at Cheryl, who was just as startled as Toni with the question. “Well, why don’t you ask her?”

“Are you, Cheryl? Coming with us?” She asked as she turned around to face the redhead sitting on the couch. “Please?”

“I’m going to go with you tomorrow to help you with your new bedroom and Toni with the house stuff, but I’m still going to live here.” Cheryl answered sincerely, and watched Raven’s eyes shine as she spoke. 

“Okay! Can you help me put my drawing on the wall?” 

“Of course!” Cheryl answered before she stood up and held her hand out to the kid. “But for that we need to find the drawing. Come on, I will help you look for it.” 

“I know where it is,” she answered braggily. “It’s in my backpack!”

“Oh, then we can pack your things together and organize your backpack for school tomorrow. How does that sound?”

“And Toni will pack her things?” 

“I will make us some dinner, what about that?” Toni answered as she stood up, watching Raven taking Cheryl’s hand before they started walking.

“Dino nuggets?” Raven smiled widely, those pleading eyes staring into Toni’s. “Please?”

“Aren’t you tired of eating chicken nuggets, kid?” Toni asked and watched Raven shake her head negatively. 

“ _ Dino  _ nuggets, Toni.”

“Yes, Toni,” Cheryl said right after, mockingly. “Dino nuggets.”

Toni rolled her eyes before she answered, “Will you shut up?” 

“Make me, then.” 

Cheryl immediately regretted saying it the moment she watched the smug on Toni’s face right before she whispered in her ear, “Later.”

Toni chuckled at the effect that her words clearly had on the redhead when she saw her biting her bottom lip and sigh in response.

“You don’t need to pack her things, though.” Toni said back to her normal self. “I can do it when I finish her  _ dino  _ nuggets.” 

“Let me have a moment with her, woman!” Cheryl said. “I want to.”

“You guys have more moments than we do!”

“It’s because she’s my favorite.” Cheryl’s arm was around Raven’s neck and Cheryl pulled her closer in a clumsy hug. 

Toni’s clearly audible gasp was, to say the least, endearing to Cheryl. She chuckled as she leaned forward and pecked her lips. “I’m kidding, babe. You’re both my favorite.” 

“Doesn’t make it any better, but I’ll take it.” Toni answered as she leaned in and kissed Cheryl one more time. “Alright, now let me go make some food. Let me know if you need help.”

Cheryl nodded in response and got three boxes from the corner, holding them by the lid, and walked towards her bedroom with Raven. 

Once inside, Cheryl put the boxes on the bed and opened her wardrobe on the spot where Toni had put hers and Raven’s clothes. Now that Cheryl was looking at it, it would also look too empty once they moved out. Not a nice feeling, the one Cheryl was having. 

“Alright, kid, clothes first.” Cheryl said as she opened a drawer with some of Raven’s clothes.

“But my drawing!” Raven said, looking for her backpack around the room.

Of course. Priorities, right?

“Okay, where is it again?”

“In my backpack!”

When Raven spotted it on a corner, she reached for the backpack and threw the book, the paper toys they had made in class and her pencil case on the floor. Some white papers with drawings on it fell from it and Cheryl watched her sitting down to pick them all up. 

“Oh, there’s a lot of them, huh?” Cheryl asked, sitting down next to Raven, as she watched the little girl nod in response. “What is your favorite?”

“Hmmm,” Raven took her index finger to her chin as she looked at the papers, and reached for one. “This one.”

It was the second drawing that had Cheryl in it, and it still left the redhead speechless every time she recognized herself in the drawings. From what she could get, they were in a park, Cheryl, Toni and Raven.

“Why did you draw this one?” Cheryl asked.

“My teacher asked us to draw a happy moment.” She said, looking at Cheryl now. “I drew you, Toni and I at the park when you came back.”

Cheryl almost didn’t know what to say. She could only stare at the kid and at the drawing in order to put her head in place or gather the words to make a coherent sentence. 

“When I came back?”

Raven nodded. “You disappeared from the milkshake place and I got sad, but when you came back, that day at the park, I was very happy.”

“You remember that?” 

Raven nodded once again, and the little smile that was on her face started fading. “You’re not going to leave again, right?”

Cheryl felt her heart dropping to her stomach. “Rav, of course not. You and Toni are just moving to another house, but I’m still going to see you every single day! I am going to pick you up from school and take you to the park on Sundays, just like we always do.”

“Okay,” she said quietly. “Because I will miss you very much and I don’t like it when I miss you. I like it when you’re here.” 

Cheryl pulled Raven in for a hug and almost immediately felt Raven’s arms wrapping around her waist as well. 

_ Do not make me cry, kid,  _ Cheryl though as she held her for a few seconds before she felt Raven’s grip on her waist loosening. 

“I promise I’m not going anywhere, okay?” Cheryl said as she held Raven’s face on her hands before she put on her playful tone. “I mean, I am going to work, to the grocery store, to pick you up from school…”

Raven giggled as she watched Cheryl saying the words and the expression on her face, but it quickly stopped when Cheryl smiled at her and started speaking again. “But I’m not leaving your side, I promise.” 

“Pinky promise?” Raven asked.

Raven raised her pinkie to Cheryl, who, without breaking eye contact with the little girl, took her pinkie with hers.

“Pinky promise.” Cheryl answered and held their fingers together, placing a kiss on top of them right after. “Now let’s separate your favorite t-shirt for you to wear at school tomorrow and pack the rest before the chicken nuggets are ready.” 

“Dino nuggets, Cheryl.” Raven corrected.

“Right,” Cheryl answered as she stood up and walked to her wardrobe again. “How could I ever get that mistaken?”

* * *

“Jug, careful with that!”

Toni sighed for the second time when she heard Jughead bumping another box on the door frame as he walked into the living room. 

“It says  _ ‘Raven’s pajamas’ _ ! There’s nothing I can break in here.” He walked towards the room that soon would be Raven’s bedroom and put the box down on the floor. Toni walked in right after him, carrying two boxes of Raven’s clothes. 

“If it were the box with my camera I would make you swallow every little piece of it.”

Jughead’s eyes widened as he watched Toni getting mad, his eyebrows raising to his hairline almost immediately. “Someone’s moody.”

Toni sighed as she took a look around. “I’m sorry. It’s just a lot of things to put in place, to clean… I was able to get the day off, but you never know when they will need you.” 

“How is it, by the way? The new job?”

“Tiresome,” she said. “But at the end of the day I get to see Cher every day and the money is good, so it’s a win.”

“Is Red dealing well with you and Raven moving out?”

“I mean, it’s not like we were there for a year,” she said. “She’s happy that I have my own place now, but said she will miss having a full house. And I’m happy to give her her privacy back.”

“I’m happy for you, Tiny.” He looked at her and smiled genuinely. “You deserve every good thing that’s happening to you. You know I’m here for you, right? I know you have Red now and she’s beyond amazing, but whatever you need I’m one phone call away.”

“I know it, Jug. Thank you.” Toni smiled back at him. “I really couldn’t have done it without you.”

“I still love you, Tiny, even though we haven’t really talked in three months.”

Toni’s mouth hung ajar in surprise. “I called you last week!”

“When Raven was already  _ inside  _ the school! I wanted to be there too, you know?”

“I texted you a picture!”

Both of them walked out of the room and met Cheryl walking into the door, three boxes in hands and almost no view of where she was stepping.

“It’s not the same!”

“What is Hobo mad about?” Cheryl asked as soon as the boxes were out of her eyes’ way. 

“Quit calling me that, Red.”

“What am I supposed to call you, then? Jug?” She asked, turning her nose in a faux disgusting expression that made Toni roll her eyes.

“It’s like dealing with toddlers,” Toni murmured to herself. “Hey, you two, quit it. Jughead was complaining that I haven’t spoken to him lately.”

“You were on the phone for three hours, like, four days ago.” Cheryl said, nonchalantly. “What more do you want, Hobo?”

“Can she leave?” Jughead asked looking at Toni, completely ignoring Cheryl’s question. 

Even though all the bickery was fun, Cheryl did like Jughead. She was aware that she had Toni’s back during one of her hardest times and that no matter what happened he was there for her, no judgement, no hesitation. Cheryl could trust entirely on him to take care of Toni and Raven as if they were family. Maybe they were after all, and Cheryl was thankful for that. 

“I’m going to ignore you, Jug,” Toni answered looking at him, but turned to face Cheryl. “Are there any more boxes?”

“Nope, that’s all. Got the last three.”

“Then my job here is done.” Jughead said, playfully dusting his hands off. “Or do you need me to help you with something else?”

“I got it from here, Jug. Thank you. If I need anything else I will write down a note and text you later.”

“Alright,” he said as he watched Cheryl’s arm going over Toni’s shoulder to pull her closer in an embrace. “Take care of her, Red.”

“I always do.” 

“I know,” he smiled and Cheryl smiled back. An odd scene for Toni, if someone asked her, but it was oddly nice to witness. “See you later.” 

The moment the door closed, Toni untangled herself from Cheryl’s arms and sighed heavily. She took a look around and saw the amount of boxes spread all over the place and it was overwhelming because she didn’t even know where to start. 

“Help me bring these boxes into my bedroom?” She asked Cheryl as she pointed to some boxes that were on the floor, full with her clothes and personal belongings. 

“Sure,” Cheryl nodded in agreement and bent down to pick up one of the boxes.

They had to go back and forth four times just to take the boxes with Toni’s belongings to her bedroom, and all those stairs they had to go up from Jughead’s car to Toni’s apartment were almost like a full workout, except all the cleaning they had to do before they took Toni’s things there.

Right after they dropped Raven off at school, Toni and Cheryl went straight to Toni’s place to clean it, and by the time they were finished it was almost eleven. When Cheryl’s stomach was growling, all she had to do was pepper her with kisses to convince Toni to go with her and get pizza for lunch. 

“Anything but chicken nuggets,” Toni answered in defeat.

“Dino nuggets, you mean.” Cheryl corrected and for a second she was scared Toni would walk away and leave her there alone.

Then, an hour and a half later, they were parking in front of Toni’s building and off they were again. 

But when Cheryl brought the last box, she put it on the floor and saw Toni ripping the tape off of one, which had her clothes in it, taking it all out and placing it on the bed, she wondered how she did it. Cheryl was tired, and she knew they had a long day that day, but a five-minute rest wouldn’t kill, right?

The redhead approached Toni and hugged her from behind, distracting her for a second from the clothes in front of her. 

“Babe, come on, let me finish this.” Toni said when she felt Cheryl’s arms wrapping around her waist, more affected by her girlfriend’s touch than she led on. 

“Five minutes,” Cheryl said. “Take five minutes from all of this and let’s just sit down for a second.” 

Toni sighed in defeat and let the shirt she had in hands fall onto the bed. “Okay, but five minutes. Nothing more than that. I have a lot of things to organize.”

“We have a lot of things to organize,” Cheryl corrected before she placed a kiss on Toni’s jaw. “I’m going to help you, Toni.”

“Right now you’re not,” Toni said in response, turning around to face Cheryl. Her arms clumsily moved to wrap around Cheryl’s waist and pull her closer. “But I’m not complaining.”

“Good,” Cheryl said, her eyes looking down at Toni’s lips as she spoke, a sketch of a smile appearing. She leaned in and kissed her gently, feeling her own muscles contracting into a smile. Then she kissed her again. And again. “Because if you do complain, I’m going to stop with these.”

“I didn’t say a word. Did you hear anything? I haven’t heard a single sound.” Toni joked and Cheryl just shook her head, watching the corner of Toni’s mouth tugging up playfully.

Before the pink-haired girl knew, Cheryl pushed her against the bed and both of them fell onto it, on top of the mess of clothes that Toni had started piling up minutes before. Laughter filled the room as Cheryl tried to escape from Toni’s arms to lay down next to her. 

When all the giggling cessed, Cheryl felt Toni’s eyes staring deeply into hers as silence settled between them.

“I think I will never be able to thank you enough.”

Cheryl’s heart tugged at the words, but she still frowned in confusion. “What for, babe?”

“Everything. Since day one.” Toni answered without moving a muscle, eyes still staring into Cheryl’s. “For the patience you had with Raven when we first met and for caring so much about her after that.”

“It’s not that hard, she’s a sweetheart.” Cheryl shrugged and smiled. “You don’t have to thank me for that, though.”

“But I do. You always treated her nicely and even after we started dating and you started to spend more time with her other than just a ten-minute milkshake stop, you never lost patience. Not with her, not with me.”

“I really like Rav, Toni, and I love you.” Cheryl’s hand reached for Toni’s cheek, her thumb gently caressing the warm skin. “You don’t have to thank me for taking care of her and being patient.”

“And the thing with Heather… I know it was hard dealing with me and all the insecurity I was feeling. You never lost your temper with me, even though you had reason to.”

“Toni, life isn’t a bed full of roses. It has its ups and downs and a relationship isn’t any different. It was a whole new situation and it’s normal, things happen. I wouldn’t do anything to lose you just because there was a tiny bump along the road.” 

“I know, baby,” Toni said with a weak smile. “What I mean is that you never left when things got hard or weird. Not when my aunt was all up our asses, not when I acted like an asshole with the Heather thing.”

“I did leave, though,” Cheryl’s voice came out almost like a whisper. “And I didn’t even give you a warning, or talked to you. I just left.”

“You had your reasons, you couldn’t exactly control it and we didn’t even have anything back then. It’s not like you owed me an explanation.” Toni said with all sincerity she could. “You came back, and I’m so,  _ so  _ glad that you did.”

Toni’s fingers were brushing lightly against Cheryl’s cheek this time and she smiled at the warmth she found there, the blood rushing to her cheeks as Toni’s words sank in. 

“Because I wouldn’t trade this,” Toni gestured with her finger, pointing to them. “For anything in the world.” 

“I love you.” Cheryl let out without even realizing it, but she didn’t care when she saw the smile on Toni’s face as she heard the words. 

“And I couldn’t love you more, Cheryl Blossom.” 

Toni leaned in to kiss Cheryl and if it depended on her, she would spend the rest of her life doing so. There was no place she’d rather be than there, in Cheryl’s arms, in the comfort that only she could give her. 

With a sudden movement, Cheryl was on top of Toni’s body, each leg on each side of her body as she lowered her torso to kiss Toni one more time. The redhead felt Toni’s hand starting to go up under her blouse, her nails scratching her skin and making her shiver. 

Before Cheryl knew it, her blouse was gone and Toni blushed at the sight of Cheryl’s plump breast so close to her face, her sports bra holding everything in place. 

“This is going to take more than five minutes, baby,” Cheryl whispered when their lips parted, right before she placed a wet kiss on Toni’s pulse point, which made the pink-haired girl swallow a moan.

“I don’t care.” 

Cheryl tried to disguise the smirk as she started kissing Toni’s neck down to her collarbone and to ignore Toni’s hands on her ass, but she was failing miserably at both. It also didn’t help when Toni’s hand left to reach for her hair.

Both of them groaned in frustration when Toni’s phone rang in somewhere in the room, Cheryl propped up on her hands as Toni moved under her as she looked for the phone. 

“When it’s not Raven…” Cheryl murmured once her body fell back on the bed, and Toni chuckled. 

“It’s work,” she answered with the phone in hands, right before she took the call. 

“I’m going to kill a person,” Cheryl complained.

“Sh!” Toni shushed before she started talking to whoever was on the other side of the line. “Oh, hi, Betty! Yes…”

“Fucking Betty.” 

Toni left the room and left a very sexually frustrated Cheryl inside the bedroom. She bent down to pick her blouse from the floor and put it back on, two hundred ways of how to kill someone going through her head as she heard Toni’s hanging up the phone.

“They need me there in fifteen.” Toni said as she walked back into the room, looking for a better pair of jeans and a new t-shirt to change into.

“Why? You took the day off!”

“Apparently there’s a brand that needs to reschedule, I think? Betty speaks very fast when she wants to. All I know is I have to go there.” 

“Listen, don’t worry about the apartment, okay? I’ll stay here and organize everything. What time is it?”

Toni checked her phone the second her new shirt was on her body. “Two forty-three. Damn, I have to pick up Raven at three fifteen.” 

“I can pick her up, no problem. You go to work and I’ll take care of everything, okay?”

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” 

Cheryl never saw Toni change clothes so fast in her life. She was running around looking for the box that had her camera, her phone and everything else she needed to take before she had to leave. 

“I’m going to go with you and you leave the key with me so I can come back and finish organizing the things for you. Is that okay?” Cheryl asked as she watched Toni opening one of the boxes to get her toothbrush and leave for the bathroom.

“Yeah, it’s okay.” Toni yelled from the bathroom, reappearing on the door two minutes later. 

Cheryl watched her take her keychain from the nightstand, the keys moving around as she looked for a specific one. It wasn’t until now that Cheryl noticed there was another ring attached to the ring that held Toni’s keys and frowned.

“But you don’t need my key.” Toni said after a few seconds of silence, the extra ring held red between her thumb and index finger. Two keys painted in bright red hanging from it.

“Toni…”

“This is your key. Or keys.” Toni smiled as she handed it to Cheryl. “I want you to feel like this is your place, too, because it is. You made your place feel like home to me, and  _ you  _ feel like home to me. I want this to feel like yours, too.” 

“You, Antoinette Topaz, are so incredibly amazing.” Cheryl said with a smile, her heart beating against her sternum hard. She felt like it was three times bigger and still there wasn’t enough space to hold all that love she felt for the pink-haired girl. “And I’m so lucky to call you mine.” 

“I love you.” Toni said before pecking Cheryl’s lips. “But now I really have to go. Are you sure you’re okay picking up Raven from school?” 

“Babe, perfectly fine. Go or you will be late. I’m just going to put this clothes in the box again before I leave, too.” 

“All right, then. If you need anything please call me.”

“Will do. And you tell Betty I hate her right now.”

“That I will not do.” Toni chuckled before Cheryl leaned in and kissed her one more time. “See you later, babe.”

The door locked and Cheryl was alone in Toni’s apartment. It was weird but everything around screamed Toni Topaz, even though she hadn’t decorated the space with the things she had bought yet. Her perfume was already lingering around and Cheryl couldn’t feel more at home. Whenever Toni was, it was home.

* * *

Cheryl was already waiting at the entrance gate when the bell rang. There were other parents waiting there as well, most of them inside their cars, just waiting for the bell. The kids started coming out of their classrooms and the bigger ones were already running towards their parents or to the playground to wait for them. From what Cheryl knew, Raven’s class was the last class to leave so she would have to wait a couple more minutes. 

As she did, soon she saw those pigtails she immediately recognized since she had put them on that morning. 

To say that seeing Raven smiling when she spotted her and ran towards her didn’t pull at Cheryl’s heartstrings was an utter lie. 

Raven’s body collided against Cheryl’s legs as the girl hugged the redhead tightly. 

“Hi! Where’s Toni?” Raven asked, looking around for her sister. 

“She had to go to work, that’s why I’m here to pick you up alone. Is that okay?” Cheryl asked and watched Raven nodding frantically, her hand immediately meeting Cheryl’s. 

“Yes, it is.”

They started walking back home, Raven kicking some rocks that she found on the way and Cheryl holding the girl’s hand tighter as they got near the street.

“How was school today?” Cheryl asked when they got to the main street, walking on the empty sidewalk.

“It was okay. We played a lot and we painted the letter C with red paint! It reminded me of you because I know you like red a lot and C is for Cheryl and cherry.”

“That’s right! You’re the smartest kid I’ve ever known, did you know that?.” Cheryl agreed and Raven smiled right before she went silent for a second, still looking for rocks to kick on the ground. 

They walked for some minutes, talking about what words she had learned with the letter C and what letters she already knew until Raven noticed the watch on Cheryl’s wrist and grabbed the redhead’s hand to take a look.

“Cheryl! Look!” Raven said excitedly, her fingertip tapping against the glass. “Small to three, big to six!”

“Huh? What do you mean?” Cheryl asked, frowning for a second. 

“Small to three and big to six! It’s milkshake time! Just like Toni taught me!” 

Cheryl was still very confused for a second, until she took a look at the time. Three thirty. The usual time Toni would take Raven to Pop’s to get her milkshake. 

“Ohh! How silly am I!” Cheryl gently facepalmed herself. “I almost forgot. What do you say we go to see Veronica and have a milkshake?”

“With whipped cream?” 

“And two cherries on top.” Cheryl smiled when she noticed Raven’s eyes widening and the smile appearing on her lips. 

Before they took a turn that would lead them to Pop’s, Cheryl quickly texted Veronica and asked her to get the almond milk ready because she was about to pay her a visit.

* * *

Toni had just finished brushing Raven’s hair and food was on its way for dinner. Since Toni barely had time to finish organizing her own apartment, her fridge was running empty until the grocery store opened again next morning. 

When Toni arrived home at five, she found Raven and Cheryl in the little girl’s bedroom, putting up a drawing on the wall. With pink tape.

“What is happening here?” Toni asked as she rested her body against the doorframe, watching the two of them ripping another piece of tape and taping the paper on the wall. 

“Toni!” Raven quickly got off the bed and ran towards her sister, giving her a quick hug before she pointed excitedly to the wall again. “Look! Cheryl helped me to put the drawing on the wall!”

“I can see that! Let me see that drawing,” Toni answered as she walked into the room, the drawing on the wall making Toni smile involuntarily. 

Toni hadn’t seen that one before and it hit her like a truck when she saw that all three of them were in it. All of them, in a park. Probably the one where they used to go every Sunday.

“Rav, that’s so beautiful.”

“Why don’t you tell her what that one is about?” Cheryl said to Raven as she placed the last piece of tape on the edge of the paper.

“It’s when Cheryl came back after she was gone for a long, long, long, long time. We were at the park and I saw her and got happy! You too, Toni. Remember?”

“You remember that?” Toni asked her the same question Cheryl had the day before, and Raven just nodded. 

“I was sad because it was milkshake time and Cheryl wasn’t there. No Cheryl, no milkshake.”

“And you wanted to put that one on your wall?” Toni asked, looking at Raven, before she looked at Cheryl and caught the redhead smiling. 

“Yes, because it’s a happy memory.”

“I think that’s lovely, Rav.” Toni kneeled down closer to Raven and held her hands, smiling at her in reassurance. 

“Me too, boo.” Cheryl said, reaching for her shoulder to rub it gently.

Of course, after that Raven wanted to show Toni all the drawings she had inside her backpack and all the new ones she had made at school that day, and Toni didn’t mind to sit on the floor for ten minutes while Raven explained each drawing and Cheryl looked at her with the most fondness she had ever seen. 

And then, three hours later, there they were: Toni and Raven sitting on the couch watching something on TV as they waited for their food. Raven had finally agreed on ditching the dino nuggets for the night and trying on a new pizza flavor from a new place. 

The intercom buzzed and Toni quickly stood on her feet, knowing well that if she was starving her sister would be too and that  _ must  _ be their food. It didn’t take more than five minutes for her to get the package from the delivery man and bring it inside. 

“Rav, food! Can you come here and help me open it, please?”

“Yeah!” She yelled from the living room couch before she ran to the kitchen, where Toni had a big box of pizza and some orange juice on the table. 

“Can you open the box for me? I’m starving!” Toni said as she turned around and took two glasses from the cupboard, placing them on the counter.

“Me too, but we have to wait for Cheryl.”

Toni’s heart dropped and she didn’t know what to answer. It was true that they were used to having dinner together every day, but Toni didn’t expect her to actually say it or think that things would stay the same. 

“I know we used to have dinner with her every day, but now she’s at home and we’re here, at home, too.” Toni tried to explain as fast as she could think of an answer, but Raven wasn’t having it.

Raven stared at Toni, her head resting against her hand. “Okay, but she’s coming here, right? Because we always eat dinner together. On the counter, not on the couch.” 

“Not tonight, boo, okay? We can invite her to come tomorrow, is that okay?”

“But I want Cheryl here to have dinner with us.” Toni noticed how Raven’s voice started to quiver and the barrier of tears in her eyes. “She promised she wouldn’t leave.”

“Cheryl didn’t leave, I promise. It’s just that now we live in this house and she lives in her house. There are two houses now.”

“But I don’t want it,” she murmured, letting the tears fall down and Toni sighed. It was going to be tougher than Toni thought, but she would have to find a way. 

“I promise she will come tomorrow, okay? We can have dinner tonight, just the two of us, what do you say?”

“No, I want Cheryl too.”

The doorbell rang and it startled Toni because she didn’t know it was that loud or that it even worked, but also because it was almost nine at night. 

When Cheryl appeared through the gap on the door, Raven ran towards the door faster than lightning. 

“Cheryl! You’re back!” She said as she hugged Cheryl, this time being picked up from the floor by the redhead. 

Toni noticed she was holding her key in hands, but she didn’t remember hearing it in the lock.

“I am!” Cheryl answered to Raven before she placed a kiss on her cheek. “Why are you crying?”

“You weren’t here to have dinner. We always have dinner together on the counter, not on the couch, remember?”

“That’s true, always on the counter.” Cheryl affirmed as she walked into the room, placing a kiss on Toni’s forehead as she did.

“You have the keys, babe, you don’t have to ring the doorbell. It almost gave me a heart attack.”

“I know, but I was afraid it was going to look like someone was breaking in.” 

“With a key?” Toni frowned as she watched Cheryl roll her eyes. 

“I don’t know, okay?! And it’s late. I thought I would at least announce that I’m here.” Cheryl explained as she put Raven on the stool. “I hope you don’t mind, though. That house was too empty without you both.”

“Not at all. I was literally about to text you and ask if you could come over for dinner.” 

“We got pizza from a new place. It’s not pepperoni pizza, but Toni said I will like it.” Raven said, touching the lid of the box as she spoke to Cheryl, being extra careful with the glass of orange juice in front of her. 

“Again?” Cheryl asked, referring to the pizza they had for lunch. 

“Do you prefer dino nuggets?” Toni asked with a raised eyebrow, and Cheryl raised her hands in defeat. 

They all sat down to eat, Toni cutting Raven’s slice in smaller pieces on her favorite Moana plate. She watched hopeful that she would like it and not spit it out if it’s not pepperoni, but this time she swallowed the whole piece and went for another. A good sign. 

It wasn’t Cheryl’s house, but it had the same coziness to it now that she was around. Now it truly felt like home. 

“You’re not going to leave again, right, Cheryl?” Raven asked as she took another bite, eyes staring at Cheryl’s.

“Never again, Rav,” Cheryl reassured, and hearing the words also calmed Toni’s heart in an indescribable way. “Never again.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is weirdly the one i hate and love the most. it holds a special place in my heart, even though at times i want to erase its existence lmao  
> but i want to thank my best friend, (@chonisational here and on twitter) for all the support and for being my #1 fan. i started writing this thing because she asked me to and she has always been supporting me and cheering me up when it comes to writing, not only this fic, but all the others, and i'm so grateful to her and for having her in my life. nonetheless to say, but, andy, you know this fic is entirely for you. thank you so much for everything. love you to the moon and back! <3
> 
> thank you all for reading, it truly means a lot. i hope to see you around for the next one <3


	17. (not an update!) announcement :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> surprise surprise! i bet you thought you'd seen the last of me :)

Well, hi!   
  


As most of you are aware, this fanfic is indeed over. I had the time of my life (and not so much if i'm being honest) writing it and I can definitely say that this one has definitely made an impact in my life—I can't even look at a cherry anymore— more than the others I've written. Even though the plot was over, because I didn't want to extend it and make it poorly written, I managed to get a small sequel out of a midnight conversation and decided to write it!

I have been planning this since October 26th (exactly 2 months!) and I'm so excited about that, even though some parts of it did make me feel anxious. I have the most amazing person by my side who made sure to let me know that everything looks good and that I should definitely post it, and who am I to say no? And there milkshake part 02 was born! :)

If you're okay with the story ending the way it did and has no interest in reading the next part, that's totally up to you! It can only affect you if you let it. It's going to be short, 2 chapters only, but with longer chapters!

You can click [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28306404) and be redirected to the page if you'd like to give it a read.

Thank you all for being the best and hopefully I will see you on that other one as well! See ya!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think on the comments or, if you prefer, you can hit me up on curiouscat (curiouscat.me/clarmilla). 
> 
> I'll probably update it every Friday or Sunday, so stay tuned and I'll see you later<3


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